I woke the next morning to the sound of water running in the bathroom. Lazily, I turned my head to look at the pillow next to me and run my fingers over it. The pillow still held the indentation of Gail's head and memories of the exquisite lovemaking shared with her the night before tumbled through my mind causing a soft smile to form on my lips. It had all been …. Wonderfully erotic. You know like the first time you discovered the joys of role playing…
I closed my eyes wanting to keep the memories at bay, but then again not really wanting to. Who wouldn't want to recall one of the best sexual experiences of their life? The way beads of sweat from Gail's forehead had run down my breasts had been titillating. The way the muscles in her arms and biceps had flexed with each thrust had been breathtaking. The way she'd looked at me when my release broke free like a kite in the wind had been … heart stopping and breath catching. She loved me and had wanted the experience to be all it could have been and it had.
It had been more to be honest. Regrettably … it had been more.
I had no regrets about making love using the strap on with Gail. None. I didn't. It had been a stolen night, a gift to ourselves that I would always cherish. What I regretted was my response to it. Boy had I responded to it and now in its aftermath I was left feeling confused and like I'd betrayed a fundamental part of me. How could something I'd feared for the better part of eighteen years been so enjoyable? So I had decided that I was not going to make a habit of using the device. We would take it out for special occasions. Very special occasions…. Even if it had been wonderful.
"Ugh .." I sighed. Thinking about last night lovemaking had taken me down a rabbit hole and had effectively stirred my loins and set my body in flames once more. I glanced over at the strap on, which sat on the night table. Even as my body tried to betray my mind. I battled to find reason to deny myself just one more experience with it. "No …" I told it. "Not anytime soon. I prefer fingers. Gail's fingers." I scowled but it mocked me with silence. Deafening silence. It knew I had liked it.
Falling back against my pillow, in a mood that could only be aptly described as sheer sexual frustration. Which didn't make sense because I had found sexual release four hours prior. I reached beneath the sheet and touched myself. Just to take the edge off …I told myself and that edge turned into a precipice, which I had no choice but to go over and satisfy… and satisfy.
"Good morning." Gail said quietly at the bathroom door, she was completely dressed and leaning against the door frame. I stilled. Panic raked my features before I removed my hand and shot upright in bed.
"Huh? Uh …Good morning." I sounded breathless.
Gail edged closer, her steps deliberate. "Were you just masturbating Holly?" blue eyes and dark brows inquired.
"What?!" I shook my head fiercely, my loose ponytail becoming undone even as I clung the sheets to my naked body. "Why would I be doing that?! We like just had sex …"my voice trailed off.
Gail reached for my right hand and took two of my fingers to her mouth and to my shock and surprise. She sucked them and I swallowed hard at the knot in my throat and I stared at her. "Yeah … you were defiantly masturbating." she decided rising and I just looked at her aghast completely void of thoughts and words.
She just sucked on my fingers!?
"No…" I said mortified as she dug in her duffle for something. I was still lying for some reason, even in the face of such damning evidence.
"Holly..." she said rising having produced socks from her bag. "I'm fine with it, really. Enjoy yourself."
"Well …" I felt uneasy for some reason. "Do you want to join me?" I asked trying to be inclusive all of a sudden.
"No." Gail decided quickly. "Heading out to get us breakfast. I'm starved. You wore me out last night but next time ... I get to watch the entire show." She winked before leaving the bedroom and I collapsed against the pillows once more.
"Ugh!" I groaned for the second time that morning. Feeling totally frustrated both for not being able to finish and her refusal to join me, I swung my legs off the bed and headed off to have a shower.
"Are you wearing that today?" Gail asked her eyes roaming over me as I entered the kitchen. It was about twenty minutes later and she was at the dining table with a box of muffins, drinking coffee and reading the morning paper.
"Yeah, why?" I took a breath as Gail's gaze roamed over my admittedly disheveled appearance, but it was a Sunday and I'd dressed in a hurry. Grabbing the first items of clothing from the closet. A faded and paint spattered jeans short and a t-shirt that had shrunk in the wash so that it clung to my body, drawing attention to the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra. The atmosphere in the kitchen was suddenly sizzling with electricity as Gail focused on my breasts and on queue I felt them swell and tighten.
"Are you cold sweetheart?" she queried mockingly.
"No." I snapped and I folded my arms across my chest in an effort to hide the prominent peeks of my nipples.
Gail laughed lightly, amusement dancing in her eyes before she took a sip of her coffee. "Come here …" she said her tone demanding and when I moved to her, she pulled me down on her lap, straddling her. "Why are you being so prudish all of a sudden? First with the … masturbation and now this? Its me …"
"I just want there to be some mystery between us." I shrugged looking everywhere expect at her.
"Mystery?! "Gail couldn't help but mockingly laugh at the word. "You are like an open book … and after last night, more like a tell all novel." I gave her a loaded look and tried to ease off her lap. "Okay okay, sorry." She apologized, her hands keeping me in place. "Mystery we shall have."
"I don't think we should use the strap on too often." I finally admitted with a pout.
"Hmm? Why not?" Gail looked visibly taken by my suggestion. "Last night you said you enjoyed it. Didn't you like it?" she asked confused. I could see the wheels in her head turning as she recalled the events of last night. "It felt like you enjoyed it. Certainly looked that way."
"I did, but maybe a little too much." I shrugged, my hands coming to rest on her shoulders.
"So? You're suppose to like it, it meant I did it right and you got over the fear." Gail said. "I don't see the problem."
"No .. not just liked it but liked it, like it was the best sex of my life too much." I sighed.
"Oooooh …" she said dragging the word along with my torture.
"Yeah …" I confirmed. "Do you think that it makes me less of a lesbian because I liked the depth of the penetration?"
"Uh …" It was her turn to look uncomfortable. "And you're asking me because I'm the expert on this?" she gave me that iconic dead stare.
"Well no .." I shrugged. "I'm asking you because you're the one that did the penetrating. This affects you too." Gail laughed at that.
"True … but I can't see how liking deep penetration makes you less of a lesbian. Unless I'm missing something cause I haven't finished reading my lesbian manual yet." Gail reasoned with her limited knowledge on the subject matter. "It just means your pussy like its deep, hard and fast, as I learnt last night." she laughed.
"Gail!" I slapped her shoulder playfully. "Why do you have to be so crass? Can't you call our sex parts something more appropriate?"
"Like what?" she bit into her muffin then. "Muffins and pie?"
I laughed "Yes please! That would actually work." I said also taking a bite of her muffin.
"Fine, but I only do it because I know it makes you squeamish and it's adorable…." She puckered up and not being able to deny her, I kissed her lightly. "Especially when you normally appear so cool and level headed but apparently .. puss…pie gets you flustered."
"Grrr" I groaned. "How did you get to know me so well?"
"I've been paying attention…." she smiled. "But to get back on point. I don't think that makes you less of anything. It's like me saying I like anal sex so I must be a gay man."
"Wait …You like anal sex?" I asked curiously.
"No!" She flung the word venomously. "You stay away from my ass Holly!" Gail warned and I chuckled because she looked so alarmed. "It was just an example…"
"Ok, okay". I touched her chin to calm her and kissed it.
"But the penetration is just the simulation you like and something we didn't know before, but now we know together. So we are better able to work it into our sex life." She explained. "Don't worry about it too much. Though I should be concerned. How the hell am I going to get my fingers that far into the pie?" she joked before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Holly, I think I'm too squeamish to be into fisting …" she admitted and we both erupted into laugher.
"Gail?" I said a few minutes later.
"Hmmm?"
"When did you get so wise and understanding?"
"Somewhere around the time I figured out you were a little bit crazy." Gail laughed lightly. "And for this to work we both couldn't be unhinged."
"You think I'm crazy?" I laughed.
"Absolutely! Crazy in love with me" she grinned and I kissed her again, because well. She was right I was crazy in love with her.
"Baby I'm home …" I said entering my apartment later that evening. I had been called into work earlier to look at some bones that had been unearthed in the community park, even though it was my day off. Mackenzie's unexpected departure had us were sorely understaffed. "I picked up takeout for dinner." I announced but Gail was no where to be found. The lights were off, the TV wasn't on. In fact there was no sign of life anywhere in the apartment, but I knew she was here, she said she would be.
I ventured to the bedroom, where I found her sitting on the railing of the fire escape. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest as she looked into the evening, night was drawing near. She was unaware of my presence though and I was able to study her closer, drinking her in.
Gail looked older, I realized with a pang. Like she'd aged in the past four hours since I'd seen her. She looked sullen, like something had upset her or just saddened her mood.
Suddenly Gail looked up and trapped my gaze, but instead of feeling embarrassed that I'd been caught staring. I was shocked by the bleakness in her sapphire eyes before her lashes fell, concealing her expression.
"Sergeant Best called…" she sighed.
I dropped my bag on the bed and went out to the fire escape to her. To my dismay it was chilly and I hugged myself to fend off the cold. "What did he say?"
"He said …" I watched her sigh and look into the night once more. "The meeting has been rescheduled."
"To when?" I asked touching her folded arm.
"Tomorrow … 8am." Gail sighed pulling me into her arms and I burrowed deeper into her to safeguard against the cold as well hoping that my presence provided some measure of reassurance in the face of the darkness that surrounded us.