Chapter 35: Isn't that a prerequisite for Ascension?
Steeling myself determinedly I walked into the lab, stopping abruptly in the doorway as I took in the current state of the room. Rodney seemed to be simultaneously operating a number of laptops, rapidly typing into each before waiting impatiently for the words to appear on screen. He was also working on complex mathematical equations stretched over more than one white board.
"Rodney?" I called out softly, not wanting to interrupt him in the middle of something crucial.
"Sabina, come in," Rodney invited in the kind of reasonable and warmly welcoming tone I don't think I'd ever heard from him before.
"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.
"Inventing a new maths, working out a method to increase shield power here and on the Daedalus, writing a new book on quantum dynamics," Rodney listed his projects in rapid succession.
"Got time for one more project?" I looked at him hopefully, deciding right there and then was as good a time as any other to broach my ideas.
"What did you have in mind?" Rodney looked at me expectantly.
"It's just an idea and I'm not sure it's even possible," I began, "but I was thinking about my anti-nanite blood proteins and I wondered if there was a way to change them so that everyone could be protected."
"I'm not a biologist or a geneticist," Rodney pointed out, "but I can revisit the research we took from that lab where we first found the nanite virus, see what I can come up with."
"Thanks," I smiled gratefully. "The other idea I had might be more in your line of expertise. The anti-nanite protein is like a biological weapon against nanite viruses ... what if we could create a machine version of the same thing? We use nanite technology back on Earth right?" I waited until Rodney nodded before continuing. "Could you create your own nanites – not linked to our Pegasus nanites in any way - designed to seek out the Replicator nanites at the microscopic level, surround them individually and render them inert? I know we'd still have to come up with a way to deliver our nanites to the Replicators and that eventually they'd work out how to defend against them but it could be a way to counter the next attack."
"Interesting idea," Rodney looked at me thoughtfully. "Leave it with me and I'll see what I can do."
"You really are a genius," I paid him what was the highest compliment in his eyes. "Don't let my requests get in the way of figuring out how to undo this," I gestured vaguely around the room at the evidence of his transformation.
"I already tried," Rodney admitted. "Once the process has started it can't be stopped. It's either ascend or die ... I'm afraid in my case it's more likely to be die."
"Don't talk like that!" I said angrily. "You are not gonna die – if you're evolved enough to ascend then you're evolved enough to work out how not to ascend and still survive."
"Sabina," Rodney tried to get me to consider the possibility that this wasn't going to have a happy ending.
"No," I said firmly. "You work it out!" Not wanting to hear any more protests or logical arguments I turned and almost ran from the room.
John and I spoke little that night, choosing instead to take comfort in a companionable silence that was never awkward. I didn't want to hear that Radek was no closer to finding a solution for Rodney and I didn't want to have to tell John that Rodney appeared to have already given up on fixing the problem himself.
x
"Rodney's on board with the Ascension thing," John announced when he turned up at breakfast the next morning after an early meeting with Doctor Weir. "Elizabeth pointed out that he could always retake human form once he's Ascended and then he was all for it."
"That's great," I said unenthusiastically, "but he still has to work out how to Ascend – Rodney's not exactly renowned for his faith in anything other than science."
"He contacted the SGC last night," John admitted, "had them send over a machine that's supposed to measure how close he is to being able to Ascend."
"You spent all that time in the Sanctuary," I said with a frown. "Does that sound like the kind of approach that's gonna work?"
"Not really," John admitted. "But this is Rodney – and a super enhanced version at that. He'll work it out."
"I hope so," I murmured, looking up to greet the arrival of Teyla and Ronon.
"How's McKay?" Ronon asked, getting down to the business of eating as quickly as possible.
"He's attempting to follow the path to Ascension," John offered that explanation.
"Perhaps I could help him mediate to prepare himself," Teyla arched an eyebrow at John in query.
"McKay's not the mediating type," Ronon shrugged a shoulder when Teyla glared at his lack of support. "What?" he protested. "I'm just saying he never switches that brain of his off – how's he gonna meditate?"
"Ronon has a point," I said seriously. "Rodney never stops thinking – isn't that a prerequisite for Ascension?" I looked at John as being the most qualified of all of us to know the answer to that.
"It's not about stopping your thoughts," John said uncomfortably. "It's about having the right thoughts ... releasing your burden ... contemplating your existence ... all that mumbo jumbo."
"John," I glared at him sternly. "I know we agreed that Ascension isn't something either of us aspires to but can't you think of anything you learned during that six months you spent meditating that would help Rodney?"
"I didn't meditate for six months," John corrected me, "I spent six months sitting on my arse getting bored out of my brain. If that's what it takes then I can understand why McKay doesn't want to do it!"
"Didn't Teer at least explain to you what was required?" I looked at him pleadingly.
"She tried - I spent six months wallowing in 'the path to Ascension' – if I didn't understand it after that, I'm not gonna suddenly start understanding it now, and certainly not enough to instruct someone else in how to get there," John looked at me apologetically.
"I know," I smiled at him sadly, "I'm sorry – it's just hard to sit around and do nothing."
"Elizabeth is well versed in the Ancient literature on Ascension," Teyla said calmly. 'Can she not instruct Rodney on what he must do to achieve the right state of mind?"
"She's already spoken with him once," John replied, "that's how she got him to even consider the idea that he could do it."
"Then we must trust that Rodney will be able to do what is required," Teyla reminded us that in most matters we would have the utmost confidence in Rodney to work it out, especially under the pressure of impending death.
"I guess," I agreed reluctantly.
x
It was no small irony when John told me later that Elizabeth was making him teach Rodney how to mediate in the same way the people at the Sanctuary had taught him.
"Do you even remember what they taught you?" I asked John, helping him prepare our quarters for Rodney's first session. That included lighting a ridiculous number of candles that John seemed to think helped create the right 'mood'.
"The general gist of it," John prevaricated. "I can fill in the details from that."
"Well, good luck," I replied, going to the door when the chime sounded. "He's all set," I told Rodney, stepping aside to let him and his EEG monitor in. "I'll see you both later."
Not really having anything pressing to do I decided to head down to the Ancient lab where it had all begun and see whether Radek had made any progress.
"Doctor Zelenka?" I spoke quietly from the doorway, not wanting to startle him in the middle of a delicate operation.
"Sabina,' Radek poked his head out from under the main console to greet me.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I told him, walking over and leaning down to look at what he'd been working on, "plus ask if there's anything I can do to help."
"I've been trying various permutations for the control crystals," Radek explained. "If I can produce a complementary pattern to the one that transformed Rodney then perhaps I can reverse the effects."
"I can help you rearrange crystals," I offered hopefully, smiling when Radek nodded, gesturing for me to join him. I helped for a couple of hours until Rodney turned up at the lab. Seeing straight away that he wanted to talk to Radek I made my excuses and a hasty exit from the room.
"How'd it go?" I asked John when I got back to our quarters.
"Badly," John admitted. "Rodney kept coming up with scientific break throughs instead of calming his thoughts – plus he didn't seem to appreciate the John Sheppard visualisation scene."
"Ferris Wheel?" I looked at him with a faint smile.
"So I like Ferris Wheels," John complained.
"I know ... I do too," I said soothingly. "Is Rodney coming back for another attempt?"
"I'm sure Elizabeth won't let this rest just yet," John replied, lying back on the bed and closing his eyes tiredly. I walked over and lay down beside him, curling up into his side.
"Do you think Rodney can do this?" I asked quietly. "Can he work out how to Ascend in time?"
"I'd like to say yes," John admitted, "but it's not looking good – it's a tough ask. I'm not sure any of us could achieve what's required under that kind of pressure."
"I'm scared for him," I admitted sadly, "and for us if he doesn't make it."
"Me too," John replied, hugging me closer.
x
"Sabina?" Rodney stood in my doorway early the next morning.
"Rodney – how are you feeling?" I asked in concern. His face was drawn and his eyes bloodshot, clear testament to the sleepless night he'd probably just endured.
"Synaptic activity is at 80 percent," Rodney reported. "I still haven't managed to get the EEG frequency anywhere near zero point nine – so you know – pretty good."
"You should do another meditation session with John," I advised. "We've still got the candles out and everything."
"Yes well before I get back to that there're a couple of other things I need to take care of first," Rodney announced. "First – your nanite project," he smiled weakly.
"You've done something already?" I asked in surprise.
"Super genius remember?" Rodney pointed to his own head mockingly. "Plus I couldn't sleep last night and I don't know how much time I have left."
"Oh," I didn't know what to say to that one. "Did you come up with anything useful?"
"Making your blood protein work for anyone else is out of the question," Rodney told me simply. "It's completely dependent on the presence of both Wraith and ATA genes and I can't see a way to uncouple that – without those the protein looks like any other foreign body, creating an immune response that destroys it before it can affect any nanites." Rodney watched my visible disappointment regretfully. "Carson's been researching your protein since the nanites attacked Elizabeth. He came to the same conclusion - I've gone over his work and it's solid. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better outcome."
"What about an Earth-nanite version?" I asked hopefully.
"Ah there I did have better luck," Rodney reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a flash drive. "This contains an anti-nanite program based on the same principle as your proteins – you can use the same lab the Ancients used to research that nanite virus to test it and then mass produce it. It should be safe for you in there. Have Radek take a look at this too - hopefully he'll be able come up with an effective means of delivering it, should the need arise."
"How does it work?" I asked curiously.
"It's too complex to go into now," Rodney said almost modestly, "but essentially each anti-nanite is like a link in a chain. The Replicators are just a bunch of individual nanites in complex communication – every defence we've come up with is about disrupting that communication. The anti-nanites are self replicating so given enough time they'll multiply and surround each individual nanite, cutting off communication and rendering the Replicator itself inert."
"Will the Replicators be able to crack the anti-nanites?" I looked at Rodney, hopeful he'd say no.
"Ah, that's the beauty of these guys," Rodney said proudly. "They're a physical entity as well as a program so it's not as simple as finding the right frequency ... we can use it as a defence against an individual Replicator or plug them into the Replicator systems and hit them in a mass attack. Of course, given enough time the Replicators will find a defence against them so we have to think strategically before we deploy them."
"And they'll be completely harmless to humans?" I looked at him apprehensively. "Doctor Weir is never gonna go for any plan to use these if there's even a hint that it could come back and bite us."
"I borrowed a trick from the Ancients," Rodney said smugly, "and hard wired within the anti-nanites human recognition protocols - they'll remain dormant in the presence of human DNA and because it's hard wired it can't be reprogrammed."
"That's great Rodney," I tried to smile but the thought that Rodney wouldn't be around to implement the plan himself overwhelmed me with a great sadness. "I hate this," I said heatedly. "You just had to go and show off for Doctor Esposito didn't you – see what happens when you don't keep your mind on the job!"
"I wasn't showing off," Rodney's voice took on that disgruntled edge I hadn't heard since this whole thing began. Realising that he'd regressed into old behaviours he'd been trying to curb he took a moment to calm himself before changing the subject. "Look – as part of my 'path to Ascension' I've been making amends for past wrongs, and trying to give something back to ... you know, the people close to me."
"There aren't any wrongs between us ... and I don't want anything," I said quickly, taking a step back to increase the distance between us. "The nanite thing is more than enough."
"That's not for you," Rodney pointed out. "I thought of something that's only possible right now because I've got all these highly evolved ... powers." Before I could back away further Rodney took both my shoulders in his hands and slammed a piercing blue glance straight into my eyes. My flimsy 'blanket' barrier was no match for his current mental prowess – I was held immobile as images flashed through my head too rapidly for me to register what they even were. It only took seconds – almost as soon as it began it was over and Rodney was stepping away, rummaging around on my desk for a pen and paper. Scrawling hastily for a few seconds he folded the paper and held it out to me.
"What is that?" I looked at the paper like it might attack me if I touched it.
"The names of your biological parents," Rodney said simply, "and the address where they lived when you were born".
"What? No! How is that even possible?" I protested, making no move to take the paper.
"Even though you can't access it, your brain retains every memory from everything that ever happened to you," Rodney replied. "I just sifted back through yours until I found the ones with information about your birth."
"They abandoned me Rodney," I told him painfully, "I've done okay without them and I just ... I really don't want to know."
"Oh," Rodney looked down at the paper in confusion. "I'll just give this to Sheppard then," he decided. "That way if you ever do want to know – the option will be there for you."
"Ah – thanks I guess," I said reluctantly.
"Sheppard really loves you," Rodney said suddenly.
"Um ... I know?" I looked at Rodney, even more confused by his sudden change of subject.
"The forever, get married and have kids kind of love," Rodney persisted. "He was thinking about you ... before I worked out how to shield everything ... that's why he wasn't bothered when you told him what Caritas said about that necklace he gave you."
"You know about that?" I asked in a horrified tone.
"It's not like you snuck off and had a secret wedding back on Earth," Rodney reminded me that we were talking about the customs of a race that for all intents and purposes had died out 10,000 years ago. "Look – you won't let me give you anything else so I just thought you should know that. Sheppard's never gonna abandon you – in fact he's fully determined to hold on to you forever."
"Thanks Rodney," I smiled, standing up and pressing a small kiss to his cheek.
"What was that for?" Rodney looked at me in puzzled surprise.
"Because it's really sweet – what you're trying to do," I replied. "I just wish there was a way I could help you."
"I've still got time," Rodney looked at his watch, frowning when he saw how late it was. "Sorry – I've gotta catch up with Elizabeth before she heads out for her first meeting." Smiling at me awkwardly Rodney gave a half hearted wave before rushing out the door.