The showdown Chapter 36
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"Santana please call me or text and let me know you are okay. I love you and I miss not talking to you. Please San, it's been 3 days. I am sorry," Brittany says sadly hitting the end button on her phone as she tosses it beside her on the bed. Santana has successfully avoided the blonde since the day in the court house. Every time Brittany has approached her in school Santana would walk away without saying a word. She has avoided her calls and ignored her texts. Brittany even stopped by her house the other day and her mother said she wasn't home. She didn't think Mrs. Lopez would lie to her so she went back home.
When Monday came Brittany was happy to at least be able to see her girlfriend even though she knows she wouldn't talk to her. She walked towards the brunette's locker hoping to at least catch a glimpse of her. Before she reached her locker someone grabbed a hold of her arm yanking her towards him.
"I hope you and your slut girlfriend are happy now. We lost one of our best players right before playoffs," he speaks loud enough to cause heads to turn.
Brittany tries to pull her arm away but he grips her tighter, "please let go of me."
"You heard her, let go!" Santana shouts slamming her locker closed. "He did this to himself, it wasn't her fault."
"Lopez to the rescue again huh?" the boy laughs letting go of the blonde's arm. "So you gonna have sex with me now too, you know to save your girlfriend?"
Santana eyes drop to the floor, "just leave her alone," she speaks quietly walking by both of them.
"San, wait please!" Brittany shouts as she starts to follow her.
"Britt, let her go," Quinn calls to her from behind.
Brittany turns to face her friend, "why? I need to talk to her."
"She doesn't want to talk, just let her go," Quinn responds.
"How do you know?" Brittany asks starting to get upset. "Have you been talking to her? I asked you if you saw her and you said…"
"I said what Santana wanted me to say. I'm sorry Brittany, she just needs someone she can trust right now and I couldn't betray that," Quinn replies.
"She can trust me. So you knew where she was? I was so worried about her and I cried to you about it and you knew the whole time!" Brittany yells. "She's my girlfriend and you were hiding her from me. I was so scared Quinn!"
"Brittany I am sorry, really. She was upset and she came to me. She finally confided in me again. I couldn't go behind her back," Quinn states apologetically.
"I called you. Was she there every time I called crying?" Brittany asks bitterly already knowing the answer. Quinn nods her head. "So she knew how upset I was and she didn't care."
Quinn reaches out touching the blonde's arm as she starts to walk away, "she loves you. She is hurt and confused right now. She doesn't think you trust her."
Brittany retracts her arm from her friends touch, "of course I trust her. I didn't want to see her get hurt again," she states turning and walking away.
Quinn turns in the opposite direction and as she rounds the corner runs directly into Santana. "What? Were you eavesdropping?" The brunette shrugs her shoulders. "Well she's mad at me now too as I'm sure you heard. You better talk to her soon, you're breaking her heart." They walk towards their class together.
Mrs. Pierce is in the kitchen deciding what to have for dinner when she hears a soft tap on the back door. She smiles as she walks over opening it. "Santana, it's nice to see you. I'll let Brittany know you are here, she will be so happy to see you."
"Wait!" Santana practically yells and then quickly lowers her voice. "I….um…actually I'm here to see you, if that's okay?"
Mrs. Pierce steps aside allowing her to enter. "Haven't seen you in a few days, everything okay?"
"I'm sure Brittany has told you, I haven't really been talking to her. I don't mean to hurt her but I am afraid if I do I will say something I regret," Santana responds honestly.
"Sit," Mrs. Pierce motions as she pulls out a kitchen chair. "What's going on? Why are you so upset with Brittany?"
"Mrs. Pierce, I love Brittany and I love you and your family. I actually feel more a part of your family than I do my own…..until the day Brittany told me she didn't want me with her in the court room. She told me I didn't have to go because her family would be there to support her. I thought I was part of her family," Santana responds wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "She made it clear I am not her family."
"Oh sweetie, that is not what she meant at all. She really was just trying to protect you. You will always be a part of this family, no matter what happens between you and Brittany," Mrs. Pierce responds.
Santana quickly wipes her eyes trying not to cry. "I feel like she doesn't trust me and it hurts so much I don't know what to do. My first instinct is to say or do something to hurt her like she hurt me, but I can't hurt her, I never want to hurt her. That's why I have been ignoring her."
Mrs. Pierce reaches across the table taking the brunette's hand, "Santana, you are hurting her by shutting her out. She has been so worried about you, we all have. She didn't mean to hurt you."
Santana nods her head, "I guess I know that. But I feel like I am not good enough to be a part of this family either."
Mrs. Pierce quickly rises walking over to her, "look at me," he says placing her hands on Santana's cheeks making her look up, "any family would be lucky to have you. We love you Santana, very much." Santana wraps her arms around the woman's waist as the tears flow from her eyes. Mrs. Pierce holds her tighter, "I love you," she repeats.
Santana's sobs have quieted to sniffles when Mrs. Pierce releases her, "will you please stay for dinner? I know you are not ready to talk to Brittany, but please for me."
The brunette nods her head as a smile crosses her face, "only if I can cook. I owe you so much."
"I would love that," Mrs. Pierce responds.
"Santana everything smells and looks delicious," Mr. Pierce says sitting down at the table.
"I'll let Brittany know it's time for dinner," Mrs. Pierce announces.
A few minutes later Santana and Mr. Pierce can hear Brittany whining as she comes down the stairs, "Mom, I told you I am not hungry. I just wanna be alone."
"You need to eat and this is a special meal," her mother responds.
"Why is it so sp…." Brittany stops when she sees Santana sitting there.
Santana smiles slightly, "I made your favorites."
Brittany looks back to her mother, "I am not hungry." She turns walking back towards the stairs.
"Britt, please. You need to eat. If you don't want me here I will go," Santana pleads quickly standing from her chair. "I am sorry."
"Santana please stay," Mrs. Pierce speaks. "And Brittany, Santana went to all this trouble to make your favorite foods, you will sit here and eat." Brittany lowers her head and walks back to the table.
Dinner is very quiet with the blonde's parents talking some, letting Santana know how good everything was. Mr. Pierce starts to clear the table as Brittany stands taking her dishes to the sink and then starts to walk out.
"Britt? Can we talk for minute?" Santana asks quickly trying to catch her before she was gone.
"I have a lot of homework," Brittany responds.
"Please Britt Britt, I need to explain," Santana says softly.
Brittany turns, "come on," she says walking up the stairs with Santana following. "Look San," the blonde says closing her bedroom door, "I am really angry with you and…." Brittany is cut off as Santana lunges at her kissing her. She wraps her arms around the brunette's waist pulling her closer deepening the kiss. Brittany finally breaks the kiss when she feels water on her cheek. "Santana why are you crying?" she questions using her thumb to wipe away some of the tears.
"Britt, I love you so much and I can't lose you," Santana cries.
"Please tell me what is going on. I am worried about you and no one will tell me anything," Brittany replies taking the brunette's hand and leading her to the bed.
"When you told me you didn't want me to go with you to court, it felt like you were saying I wasn't a part of your life, like you didn't need me. I felt like the only person in the world who loved me didn't want me anymore," Santana says between sobs. "I was so hurt and I was afraid to talk to you because I would say something that I didn't mean."
"San, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't want you there because I didn't want Josh to hurt you anymore. I am so sorry, I love you and I do want you, so much," Brittany says with a small smile.
"I stayed at Quinn's and we talked. You were right, she is a good friend and I am sorry I made her lie to you," Santana responds wiping her face again. "She is mad at me now too cause you got upset with her. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"I know and I didn't mean to hurt you. Just the opposite I was trying to protect you," Brittany speaks softly.
Santana sighs, "I am tired of people always trying to protect me. I can take care of myself."
"That's not true, everyone needs someone. You are not as tough as you pretend and I know that. I know you. I love you," Brittany states taking the brunette's hand in hers.
"I know you love me, but sometimes I need you to trust that I can handle things. You don't need to keep things from me or try and protect me from everything," Santana replies. "It makes me want to pull away."
"I don't want you to pull away," Brittany answers sadly.
Santana wraps her arms around the blonde pulling her into a hug, "I don't want to either. Are we okay?"
Brittany nods her head, "yeah, we are good." Santana pulls away as she stands walking towards the door. "San, where are you going?"
"I was going to get my things from Quinn's. I thought maybe I could stay with you tonight?" Santana says smiling.
"Yeah, I would like that," Brittany responds.
Santana stays with the Pierce's the rest of the week. Brittany and her have worked through their misunderstanding and the brunette feels like she is part of the family again. Saturday morning when Santana wakes she notices the blonde is already gone, there is a note lying on her pillow. Went out for a run, I'll see you after your appt. Santana showers and as she goes downstairs realizes no one else is home either. She grabs her keys and heads to her therapist's office.
As Santana enters the office she looks directly at her mother sitting in a chair in front of the therapist. She then turns her head seeing Mrs. Pierce and Brittany sitting on the other side of her mother. The brunette swallows hard, "um, what's going on?"
"Santana I know we haven't discusses this yet, but I think it's time we get your family involved in your therapy," Dr. Schmidt announces.
Santana takes a breath, "I….um, I don't…"
"Santana you are making great progress but we are never going to get to where you need to be if we don't include them," her therapist states. "Why are you afraid?"
"I'm not….I just…. I don't know," Santana says defeated.
Dr. Schmidt stands motioning for Santana to sit in the chair next to her mother, "please everyone is here for you and I will not push you."
"Why is everyone here?" Santana asks sitting in the chair.
"Well I talked to your mother and she said you had a hard time last week with some things and I thought maybe we could all discuss that," Dr. Schmidt responds.
Santana glances over at Brittany, "everything is fine, I apologized."
"Apologies are great but we need to figure out why you feel like that. Mrs. Pierce mentioned you don't feel like you are a part of your own family, or hers," the therapist starts. Santana shakes her head. "Why?"
Santana starts fidgeting with her hands as she looks down, "I don't feel like I am good enough or that anyone loves me."
"Santana you know these women in this room right now love you. You know people care about you. We talked about that after the suicide attempt. So what happened that made you think otherwise?" Dr. Schmidt asks.
"I can't do this," Santana states as she stands running out of the room.
"San!" Brittany shouts getting up to chase after her.
"Let her go," Dr. Schmidt calls. "She will be fine."
"Dr. Schmidt we can't help her if she won't talk to us. I know this is because of the way her father and I reacted when she told us she was gay. What we did was wrong, but I have tried and tried to fix it and she just doesn't seem to respond to anything I say or do," Mrs. Lopez says quietly.
"She has not admitted it but she feels abandoned. She feels like when she needed you most you left her, which is why she had the same reaction when Brittany told her she didn't want her at the court house. She is having a hard time trusting people. She is afraid they will leave her when she does something they don't like. I think she is afraid to be herself because she is afraid no one will love her," Dr. Schmidt responds. "It is going to take time to rebuild the trust."
The whole car ride home Brittany was trying to call and text Santana. She didn't answer either. They just seemed to be getting back to normal and now, who knows. She knew this was not a good idea but her mom and Mrs. Lopez insisted on it. When they pull in the driveway the blonde is excited to see that Santana's car is there. She runs in the house looking for her hoping to catch her before she tries to leave. Brittany runs up the stairs flinging her bedroom door open finding Santana lying on the bed. "San, I have been trying to call you."
"Sorry, didn't feel like talking," Santana mumbles.
"I'm sorry about that, we thought it would help," Brittany says softly moving over to sit next to the brunette.
"No Britt, it didn't help," Santana speaks straight faced.
"I'm sorry San," the blonde repeats placing her hand on her girlfriend's thigh.
"You lied to me," Santana states staring up at the ceiling. Brittany gently rubs her thigh, "in the note you said you were going for a run, you lied. We don't lie to one another Britt."
"You're right, I am sorry about that. I didn't know another excuse to tell you as to why I wasn't here when you got up and I was gone," Brittany answers apologetically.
"Everyone says I have trust issues but do you blame me when people lie to me and trick me or tell me the way I feel is wrong?" Santana replies with very little emotion.
"I know, what we did was wrong. We thought it would help you. That's all we want to do is help, please tell me what I can do to help you San. It kills me to keep seeing you like this. You used to be so full of life and now….well you seem like all the air has been knocked out of you," Brittany responds. "It hurts to see you like this and everything we do to help makes it worse."
"I am not doing this on purpose. My head and my heart are so messed up right now Britt. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you when things bother me. But some of it seems so stupid," Santana speaks honestly.
"It's not stupid San, ever, you are depressed. Do you think maybe you should try taking those pills again?" Brittany asks carefully hoping not to upset her.
Santana shrugs her shoulders, "maybe, I don't know."
Brittany lays down next to her girlfriend placing her head on the brunette's shoulder as she wraps her arm around her waist, "I am going to tell you I love you at least ten times a day, every day until you feel better."
"A kiss would make me feel better," Santana whispers.
Brittany smiles as she tilts her head up kissing her on the lips, "I could think of other things that might make you feel better."
"What about your mom?" Santana says kissing her again.
"I locked the door and besides she knows I am up here trying to cheer you up," the blonde answers with a smirk.
Santana smiles as she pulls her girlfriend on top of her, "well then cheer me up."