And there is an emptiness when it dawns on us. How our hand has been forced, and how in turn we must force the hand of so many others. We can foresee how many lives will be lost, and the chasm in my heart knowing that we must be one of them. I wonder if he will rise from my corpse, free of my mortal bindings and hatreds. And Issac...will such a thing destroy him as well? I told him, I told him! It isn't enough to quell any guilt. He loves me, he loves us for what we are, for what we are capable of. And in the end he will... but there still is a ways to go...materials to gather...

It will go faster with his help.

And I shall lie to him?

He should fight as well.

No! No! I'm going to be involving him enough as it is...I can't ask him to walk our path...he is too good of a man.

Then do what is necessary.

I slam my head against the desk and parchment flies. I have had fewer patients and have used my time in the clinic scrawling calculations and formulas to create a plan for just enough of what I need to...I'll need his help. I'll need it without knowledge of my true intentions. He'll believe me, whatever I tell him, he'll believe me. I love, and hate him for it, the guilt welling up from within making me physically ill. We are a monster, we...wait...Issac, he knows my guilt of corrupting Justice, of becoming...this. It would not be so far fetched to tell him I am spending my time researching, trying to find a way to separate...and that I'd need his help...a potion yes...with bizarre ingredients he'll not question...I'm the mage, he'd blindly trust me on anything to do with magic. I slam my head again hating everything about this, knowing that it all must come to pass.

…

"But...but I thought you were getting him under control... You've seemed fine to me Anders." He looks worried, concern for me that I do not deserve. I want more than anything to just be able to break down. To tell him my true plans...to make him stop me... "Is it dangerous love?" He reaches out to me, his large hands encompassing my own, his thumbs stroke nervously at my palms...I steel myself to remain composed.

"All magic has its risks love, but this has to be done." Part of me wants him to question more, to pry...but he doesn't Issac agrees. He tells I if this is what I really want then he will vow to do whatever it takes to make sure I succeed. And so with just a few words and brief description of materials needed, the first stage of my manipulation of Issac is complete.

"I'll come back in a few hours, maybe see if I can get anyone else to help, I'm sure the less time we all spend in the sewers the better." He kisses me before walking out of the clinic, an unsure expression on his face. If I could tell you my love, if I could...but you'd stop us...I know you would...and somethings are greater than our love...the world has to change.

….

The dark humor is not lost on me when Issac brings Sebastian along. As much as I complained about his company Issac was close to Sebastian, Merrill, and Fenris. I didn't mind the Guard-Captain so much and Varric was a friend to both of us. Even his friendship with Isabela didn't bother me.

"I'm a little surprised that you agreed to come along. It seems like helping me would be something a Chantry puppet like yourself would avoid doing." I say offhandedly as Issac and Merrill descend into the sewers leaving Sebastian and I briefly alone.

"I didn't come here for you Anders. I question what Hawke sees in you, but he is a good friend and he asked me for help." He calmly replies holding my gaze until he climbs down the stairs to the sewer below. Oh how you will help destroy what you love the most, how the blood will stain your hands as well. You don't even know what you do. It is a sick pleasure I take in this knowledge.

"Anders this is your plan, are you coming down here or what?" Issac yells from below.

"I'm coming down as we speak."

….

"I am going to spend at least an entire day soaking in a tub. And then I'm going to roll around in a room full of flowers, anything to get this stench off of me." Issac laughs as we walk back to the clinic. Issac has offered the Manor's bathing facilities to our companions first to thank them for their help. The Chantry boy declined sighting the Chantry had its own facilities. Merrill however raced ahead to take advantage of Issac's offer. "Do you want to join me?" I do, I want to lay against him, wet skin sliding against each other, him holding me in those big arms...I want...

"No, I think I had better get started on this love." We arrive at the clinic and I drop the collected sela petrae on my desk. He looks away disappointed, and my heart aches with guilt. "I'll be home later, I promise Issac."

"You can't do whatever you need to do at home?" A flicker of hope crosses his face, it feels like a punch to the gut to crush it.

"No, there are to many distractions, Chester running amok and Sandal chasing him, not to mention the biggest distraction of all." I place a hand on his bare chest and he blushes. "So you'll see how I have to retreat here to get anything done love." I offer him the excuse with a weak smile. Issac nods clearly disappointed. "I'll need your help tomorrow love, at the Bonepit. Remember I still need the drakestone."

"Oh well at least we can kill two birds with one stone there. I've been asked to investigate the destruction of some mining equipment and the death of some workers. Should be the same old same old Champion kill this monster, or kill these bandits. We can get it out of the way before we start collecting whatever it is you need." He says as if it bores him. "I guess I'll leave you to it then...don't stay here too late ok?" Issac kisses my forehead before he leaves. I say nothing, I don't have the heart to lie to him again today.

…...

He is alive. More alive than I have seen him in months. Rolling to evade snarling jaws, holding his shield tightly to deflect a savage blow from the beasts claws. This is Issac Hawke the warrior. His temper, the anger he holds back everyday manifests in his axe strikes. The dragon is huge, and Issac fights it like it is any enemy. Sebastian stands back in some cover landing arrow after arrow into the beast without much effect. Merrill keeps the dragonlings busy as they futility attempt to bite through her rock armor. I stand near Issac fighting the Dragon when I can but mostly saving my mana for healing. He takes so many hits, and it knocks him about like he is a rag doll, but he always gets up. With each fresh cut, each new bruise, he is invigorated. I cannot help but watch the flexing of his muscles with every blow, the determined grin that never quite leaves his face.

An arrow makes contact with the dragon's eye. It shrieks reverberate throughout the valley causing rocks to fall from the cliff sides. He leaps, scales are footholds as he climbs up higher and higher ascending the dragon's neck as it thrashes wildly. I want to scream at him to be careful, but I am too awestruck by his athletic display. He buries his axe into the skull of the beast. After a few muscle spasms it moves no more as Issac leaps from its head.

"Issac..." I run to him

"I just killed a dragon." His eyes wide blood poring from his nose. "I just killed a dragon...I just killed a bloody dragon!" Issac starts to laugh. "I...I did you see...I killed a dragon! Maker!"

"That was either the bravest thing I have ever seen, or the most idiotic." I heal his wounds lingering a little too long on his hard muscles. He notices his heartbeat never calming.

"Sebastian, you and Merrill go on ahead in the mines...I think I'm hurt pretty bad, Anders is going to need some time to heal me." They nod, and I swear Merrill giggles... As soon as they are out of view his mouth is on mine delivering hard crushing kisses. This is wasting time...I should stop this...the drakestone is what is important now not... My own doubt and the rumblings of Justice cannot overtake the passion of the moment. His rough hands impatient touching me underneath my clothes.

Issac says no words, he only growls against my neck.

It is quick and rough, but I want it I want it all. I fight to keep my head from slamming into the earth with each of his powerful thrusts. I cry out his name over and over, I tell him to take me, he answers gripping my shoulders tightly.

When he spends within me I work myself to completion. It has been so long since we've done this. He rolls off of me arms and legs spread wide face up in the dirt. His chest rises and falls as he catches his breath. I pull up my breeches, and attempt to calm my own rapid breaths.

"Feel better?" I offer him my hand. Issac slowly opens his eyes and tucks himself back into his breeches before taking my extended hand.

"Yes...I...thanks..." He holds his hands behind his head a blush crossing his face. "We, better...get whatever you wanted...can't leave Sebastian and Merrill there alone for too long." He brushes the dirt off my coat.

There won't be many more moments like this.

I kiss his cheek and the blush deepens.

I have to treasure each one I get before the end comes, and that end comes too soon.