Well, another one shot is completed. Hooray for me! This one is very very light ZoLu. Very light. In fact, it could just be considered what Luffy would do normally.

Swearing

"You are a bad influence on Luffy!" Sanji yelled in Zoro's face. The green haired swordsman rose an eyebrow.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he replied. Sanji pointed over to Luffy, who was currently asleep against the mast, hat tilted over his eyes.

"He always does that." Zoro said as he took another drink of his rum.

"Yeah? Well you know what he came and asked me the other day?"

"Nope. Not sure I care either."

"He asked if he could have a bottle of rum." Sanji said and Zoro laughed.

"Who cares? He's just being Luffy. You know what he's like." the swordsman responded.

"He asked Nami if she would pierce his ear." and this managed to at least make Zoro a little uncomfortable.

"So?" he asked, trying and failing to sound offhand.

"He swore. Luffy never swears."

"So what? He's the captain. He's entitled to do whatever he wants." Zoro said in his defence.

"He's 17, he shouldn't be swearing. You're the cause of that." Sanji hissed, getting thoroughly annoyed. Zoro sighed.

"Get over it." he responded.

"I bet you can't go one day without swearing!" Sanji said. Zoro paused.

"I can so."

"Prove it."

"Fine. I will. Ass-"

"Uh uh uh."

"Bas-"

"Nope."

"Go to hell!" Zoro yelled and walked away. Sanji let himself have a self satisfied smile. The Marimo was going to go insane today, and Sanji would be there the whole time, laughing at him.

----

Zoro thumped down beside Luffy, causing the younger boy to wake up and look around wildly before his eyes came to rest on Zoro.

"Hey Zoro!" Luffy cried.

"Hey. Listen, Luffy, what have you been saying lately?" the swordsman asked, going straight to the point of the matter.

"Uh… well, I told Usopp that his drawing looked like a duck and it was meant to be a bird, but a duck's a bird, so I was right, but, Usopp wouldn't admit that so I told him to get fucked." Luffy replied, "Is that bad?"

"Yes. Very bad. Luffy, you can't swear."

"Why not?"

"Because, then I get in trouble for swearing as well."

"Why?"

"Because Sanji and Nami don't like you swearing."

"Why?"

"Would you stop saying why?"

"…well, what should I say?"

"…I don't know. But you can't swear, and if I hear you swearing, no dinner." the swordsman threatened. Luffy's jaw dropped and then he nodded solemnly.

"Alright. I won't swear for the rest of the day." the boy replied. Zoro gave a nod.

"Good." and he brushed a hand affectionately through Luffy's hair.

"But, Zoro, you and Sanji swear all the time, why can't I?"

"Because, swearing is bad. Sanji and myself shouldn't swear either. It's not very nice." Zoro replied.

"Oh… so, if I stop swearing, does that mean you guys have to stop as well?" Luffy asked. Zoro blinked and then nodded.

"Sure. We'll stop as well." the swordsman replied. This day was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Luffy jumped up and then bounded off to find Usopp. Zoro watched him and then skulked back to the kitchen.

"Sanji." he said as he walked in. The chef turned to look at him.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"We have to stop swearing. Luffy also said that you swear, so, if you and I stop swearing, he will."

"Oh man. That's fu-"

"Nope. Can't say that."

"Sh-"

"No."

"Oh, you're just loving this, aren't you?"

"Just a little bit, yeah." Zoro replied with a laugh before walking out again. Sanji frowned and was tempted to make a rude gesture, but, Luffy was hanging around and the chef was partially responsible for influencing Luffy in swearing.

----

Lunchtime was the same as usual, and Luffy was guzzling his food like an elephant eating peanuts. Sanji and Zoro were sitting at opposite ends of the table, both as silent as the grave.

"Anyone hear about the island that had grass made of gold?" Usopp suddenly asked. No one answered, except a certain excitable reindeer.

"No! Tell me the story Usopp!" he cried. Usopp smiled proudly and moseyed on out of the room, Chopper on his heels as he told the story of the 'Island with the golden grass'. What an original name.

"Zoroooo!" Luffy cried. The swordsman looked up, a little annoyed.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm still hungry."

"Well, what the he- heck do you want me to do about it?" he asked, changing in mid-sentence from hell, to a less nasty word. Sanji raised an eyebrow at the swordsman.

"What are you looking at?" Zoro growled. Sanji shrugged.

"An ugly fu- person." he replied, eyes flicking subtly at Luffy. The boy was eyeing Zoro's plate though, and therefore did not notice the chef's nearly spoken word.

"Get fuc- lost."

"Loser."

"Stupid blonde."

"Weirdo." and then the two stopped, their usual aggression falling short of it's expected level.

"Just not the same, is it?" Sanji asked, crossing his arms and leaning back. Zoro shoved his plate at Luffy, who gave a cry of joy and dug in.

"Nope." the swordsman replied, also leaning back in his chair. They sat in silence as Luffy guzzled his food, and then leaned back as well, slapping his stomach.

"Thanks." and then he walked out of the kitchen, humming a tuneless song. Zoro glared at Sanji, and then also moved out. The chef was left alone.

"Fucked up bastard." he muttered.

----

Zoro looked around as he got out of the kitchen and then heard voices talking above him. He turned and looked up at the orange trees.

"So, did it work?" Usopp's voice asked. There was a giggle.

"Yep. They fell for it all right." Luffy's voice returned.

"Okay. Good on you Luffy." Usopp's voice returned, "Zoro and Sanji won't be able to swear at all soon." Zoro's eyes narrowed and he stomped back to the kitchen. He burst in and Sanji spun around from his sink.

"What the heck are you doing?" Sanji growled, avoiding his usual 'fuck' or 'hell'.

"We've been tricked." the swordsman said and then closed the door behind him, "That bastard Usopp and Luffy both joined up and planned to make us not swear."

"Why?"

"How the fuck do I know? Hey, feels good to swear again. Anyway, we have to get them back." and Sanji nodded.

"What do we do?"

"Hmmm. Well, we could play along with them for a while. Hey, hey hey hey. I have a perfect idea."

"Well hurry the fuck up and spit it out. I don't have all day."

----

Luffy waltzed into the kitchen.

"Sanjiiiii! Food!" he cried, hurrying over to the chef. Sanji raised an eyebrow.

"You little bugger. Get back outside, go on. Wait like everyone else." the chef replied. Luffy tilted his head.

"You aren't gonna yell swearing at me?"

"Nope. Now, get the frick out of here!" and then Luffy was kicked from the room. Usopp, who had been sitting at the table in the kitchen, sighed.

"Silly Luffy. So, you're going to keep that swearing promise?" he asked. Sanji shrugged.

"I guess. Ever since I heard Luffy swear about someone." and he began wiping some dishes. Usopp's interest was peaked.

"Oh… who was he talking about?"

"Well, I don't want to sound mean, but, he was talking about you."

"…what did he say?"

"He called you a loser, and a fucking retard. I don't want to swear after hearing that." and Sanji went back to his dishes. There was the scraping of a chair, and then the kitchen door banged open. Sanji smiled. Plan into action, now, he cold only hope the marimo had done his part.

----

Luffy was sitting upon the figurehead, his head tilted slightly as he stared out to sea.

"Hey Luffy, can you come down here?" Zoro's voice asked. Luffy spun around and then jumped down, putting his hands on his hips as he reached his friend.

"What's up?"

"Well, I heard Usopp saying that he should be the captain… again."

"Did he?" and Luffy walked away. Zoro raised an eyebrow and smiled. At exactly the same moment as Luffy walked away, Usopp walked out of the kitchen. The two spotted each other and met in the middle of the ship, beside the mast.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" they said at the same time.

"I'm the captain of this ship." Luffy replied.

"And I am the gunner." Usopp replied.

"Exactly. You can't go around lying all the time Usopp."

"Neither can you, captain."

"Me? What did I lie about?"

"You called me a fucking retard."

"And you said you were captain…" and the two paused. Sanji waltzed out of the kitchen.

"Oh, you believed us?" Zoro asked as he walked up behind them. Sanji snorted and looked at Zoro.

"Shit eh?" and he walked back into the kitchen. Luffy frowned and turned on his first mate. Usopp sighed.

"I guess they figured us out." he muttered. Luffy sighed as well.

"Yeah, it was fun while it lasted." the boy replied and then his eyes travelled to where Zoro was now sitting against the mast, his arms locked behind his head.

"Now what do we do?" Usopp asked, scratching his chest. Luffy blinked and then a sly smile spread across his face.

"I'm gonna annoy Zoro, you go annoy Sanji, it's payback time." and then Luffy ran full tilt at Zoro and smashed into the swordsman's chest.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Zoro yelled. Usopp paled and then ran away.

"I'll leave the annoying to Luffy." and he was gone.

End

----

So there you have it. Luffy and Usopp working together on a scheme to stop Zoro and Sanji from swearing. Why the hell did they have to do that? I don't know, so don't bother asking. I think they were just really really bored. Either that or Nami put them up to it. -shrugs- anyway. What did you all think?

By the way, the word 'frick' is what I use instead of fuck. Although, my teachers insist it's just as bad. -shrugs again- silly teachers. And, 'Shit eh?' is one of my favourite responses to something someone says is fantastic, but actually isn't. I'm so mean.