The Art of War

Chapter Thirty-Six: Empty

"All my life I was in the cold, now I find I feel nothing more. Leave me to learn. Leave me to hurt. Now I'm not so invincible!"

-Invincible Lyrics, Static-X

"You have to actually talk for me to know what happened." Jane remarked, Loki had continued to stare at her instead of speak and his lack of confidence was making her all the more nervous. What had he done now?

"As I stated Jane, it is a long tale, I would request you hear it through to the end before making judgments." Loki spoke softly, rolling to the side and lounging on an elbow next to her on the rich carpet of the floor. "Did you have to remove all the pillows?"

"Get to the point Loki." Jane pressed, frowning at his attempts to dodge the topic at hand.

"I have not been completely honest with you, in fact, doing so now is something that I face with trepidation." Loki commented, looking her in the eyes. It was the most serious she'd possibly ever seen him in a conversation – which didn't make her feel any better about what was to come. "I hope that your faith in me holds true after I tell you this, though I wouldn't expect it to."

Jane's eyes softened a little, did he really care about her that much? Or was it some other trick? She wanted to believe in him...so she just nodded and waited for him to continue. If he was going to speak with her so openly the least she could do was try and hear him out completely.

"I am being blackmailed by a long ago friend, a woman who has discovered what I managed to keep hidden from everyone else. The truth behind my father's death." Loki started. Pausing when he noticed the sudden judgment that had entered her eyes. Without her saying anything he knew that look meant that he'd already started down the path to destroy any feelings she might have for him. But it was too late to back down now.

"When I worked with you and Thor against the dark elves, I did not die, I was not actually injured in any way. The entire scene was an illusion – save for the death of the monster with his own grenade. As I stated before I did not wish to return to prison. So I took the guise of one of the guards that went to search for our escaped party. By that form I was able to come back to Asgard. To report my own death to Odin, after that I'd planned to leave, to find a place away from the world where I grew up..." Loki commented, frowning and glancing away from her, laying on her his back and setting his arms behind his head as he instead watched the ceiling. "But...when I told him I was gone...he said 'at least it wasn't Thor'. I couldn't stop it, I was bitter, angry, distraught after my mother's death...I struck him with enough force that he entered the Odinsleep. He was clearly unwell – and since I'd already acted the throne was there for the taking."

"But I spoke to Odin, I saw him at your funeral – wait, that was you?" Jane's scowl was clear but she managed not to immediately launch into a tirade, she wanted to hear everything before she chewed him out.

"You figured out what came next, I put Odin in a cell in the prison masked to look like he belonged there. I took on his mantle and I ruled in his stead, I wasn't content however with only Odin's punishment. My mother's death had also been the result of my brother's failure to protect her, I wanted to punish him. I wanted him to know the loss I felt all too well. When I first decided to approach you I never realized what I would end up feeling for you Jane. I thought you nothing more than a mortal girl that had turned Thor's head, a means to an end. I couldn't have predicted that you would come to beguile me more than any spell ever could." Loki continued, still looking at the architecture as opposed to the company. "I was the one who arranged Thor get the potion, albeit it wouldn't have worked had Sif not agreed to do so. I made it so it wouldn't be as strong – so when he returned he would remember you. When you arrived and spoke so highly of me in front of Odin with witnesses I was able to put myself on the throne – to put my father out of his misery for he certainly wasn't going to recover from his sleep this time. I was able to wrap it all in a pretty bow and even get Thor's backing. It was all perfectly aligned, I had everything I could have wanted from the arrangement...but I never expected to fall in love with you."

"It was the variable I couldn't have predicted, and yet my regret is my approach...that in coming to find that I could care about you as I never expected to care for anyone; more than myself...is that I ended up harming you more than would be forgivable." Loki didn't want to look at her, he could already assume for himself what it was she would do.

"So why tell me now?" Jane asked, she was angry, livid even at what he was saying – but at the same time he was telling her he loved her. That he regretted harming her – of course he didn't say he regretted anything else but she'd come to expect that. Still, now that he'd told her that he'd lied to her again – that he'd used her...how could she know this wasn't some other plan to use her in a new way.

"As I said, I'm being blackmailed. Hel has discovered the truth of my father's demise – or at least enough of it to get an investigation started if she tells the right people. If I am discovered it is likely I will be executed, and given your participation in my return to the crown followed by your attaining Asgardian status you will be considered an accomplice to these actions. I know that you were not involved, but you can see why the general populace would not take my word. Hel has demanded that I wed her for her silence, and I do not wish to see you harmed. I would rather give into her requests than see you put to death for what I have done." Loki explained. "If I told you everything it was simple enough to see that you would be more than willing to walk away from me. Perhaps you now hate me, but it keeps you safe."

Jane stared at him while he still wouldn't look at her, he was like a boy who'd been caught doing something wrong and forced to admit to it. While his crime was far worse than a hand in a cookie jar she couldn't help but feel guilt at the expression on his face – it was so defeated – as if he'd just resigned himself to this fate. How was she supposed to react? Wasn't Hel the Asgardian god of death? Then again they weren't always like the storybooks so she couldn't know for certain. He'd been lying to her from the beginning...he'd sabotaged her life, her love, everything she thought was fact was suddenly being turned upside down.

Yet, he was trying to safeguard her...even though he'd done so much just to ruin everything she held dear. It was all so backwards, and insane, how could he try to destroy her one minute and claim to love her the next? But then, why tell her at all if he didn't have feelings? She could go and tell Thor right now and destroy him – of course that could lead to her own death but she hoped Thor wouldn' let that happen.

"You can leave, we can pretend to fight first or you can just return to earth. As long as Hel believes you are out of my life you should be safe from her wrath. Or you can tell Thor and take your chances that he'll save you. My life is in your hands as much as your own Jane. I presume I owe you at least that little after all I've done to you." Loki remarked, still unable to look at her.

She wanted to cry, she didn't know how to feel and she couldn't exactly just run to earth and think about it for a while. From what Loki was saying even if she didn't turn him in for his treachery with his father he wouldn't be in for an all right time. If this woman was trying to become queen in this way she couldn't be good for the realm...at least Loki really seemed to want the best for his people even if he had gotten the position in a horrible way. Was it even her right to judge the woman when Loki probably brought this on himself? It felt a little like karmic justice...but then she saw how unlike himself he seemed.

How could she leave him broken when he seemed to really care about her? Then, she didn't know what she could trust...this could be some other complex lie – she'd asked him once before for the truth and had been fooled. Now his actions could get her killed as well...unless she just walked away. That seemed to be what he expected, from the beginning it appeared as if his whole approach had been to drive her off...it wasn't like him. She rarely saw him back down from a fight unless he'd been wholly defeated – and she doubted this Hel woman had managed to do that. So he really loved her? Loki, god of lies and deceit and mischief...for all his numerous bad traits was putting her before himself. What sort of person would it make her for walking away. As angry as she felt she knew that wasn't a good option...instead she sat up and pulled his face to make him look at her.

The void of anything in his gaze made her heart tighten, her whole chest ached at the absence of cocky self-reliance and clipped amusement told her just how much he didn't expect any sort of forgiveness. He was such a shell compared to anything she'd seen from him before this, even in defeat he'd never seemed so empty. As if his tale had evaporated the bold mischievous demeanor she was accustomed to. His lack of self was almost physically painful to watch, was he really that invested in her? The idea was terrible and charming all at once, and despite still fearing that this was one more trick Jane found herself unable to leave him in this state. For all the ugliness he'd brought on the world he was capable of so much more and she knew it.

Perhaps she'd come to regret standing behind him, but she'd have to cross that bridge when it came. The idea of a god of mischief without a smirk was a little too much to bare. Jane didn't say anything, she leaned down and kissed him, hoping that her actions would speak far more than anything in her vocabulary ever would.

End Chapter

So, that's on a pretty sweet note I think. Don't get me wrong, Jane is still angry, but there's a time and place for it in relationships. This was difficult to write so I hope people still enjoy it. The discussion needed to take place sometime for this fiction to move on.

-Aura

P.S. I recently made a meme styled photo of Loki getting himself stabbed to the phrase: I ain't goin' back to prison. For some reason this greatly amuses me.

To my reviewers:

Whoops, I accidentally copy/pasted the last chapters remarks – I was in such a hurry to get up another chapter for you I guess? Though I really do love all the words I get – be they many or few reviews definitely make me smile.

Depths – I would think being an Asgardian would heighten your pain threshold considerably yes. As to being so grateful she'd start crying – I don't see Jane that way myself.