Chaoji makes friends – Failure

"My Kanda-Nissan was very nice," Chaoji was saying to the man sitting next to him, who was also waiting to board the plane. "He said I deserved a vacation and needed some time away from everyone at the Order, and sent me here! Isn't that the sweetest thing an older brother can do?"

The man looked at him quizzically. "Didn't you only met this Kanda a few months ago? He isn't really your brother…"

Chaoji's eyes grew wide and he stared at the man as if he were the one who looked like a half dead ogre from Neptune. "What do you mean? Kanda is my brother and Tiedoll is my father!"

"But you said-"

"You don't know me! You don't know who I am! You don't know my family!"

The man cringed a bit away from Chaoji. "I never said I-"

"I'm sick of you!" Chaoji screamed at the top of his lungs, standing up. "You always talk like the world revolves around you! You're so self-centered, like Allen!"

"I thought you said Allen was the nickname you used for the devil?"

"He is the devil!" Chaoji screamed, backing up and knocking over a plant. "We're over! I'm finding a new friend!"

The man let out a sigh of relief as Chaoji turned to face everyone else who was waiting. They all stared at him, bugged eyed and terrified to be his next victim.

He plopped down next to an elderly woman.

"I had to buy three tickets," he said randomly. "They said I was a new case. That they couldn't even just let me buy two seats. I had to pay for three. They say it's because of my weight. I hardly have weight. Right?"

Before the woman could answer, a young boy ran up, holding a camera phone. "Excuse me, sir, but can I take your picture?"

Chaoji laughed, shaking everything so that the woman nearly fell out of her seat. "Of course! I suppose as an exorcist I'm a celebrity!"

The boy smiled and nodded, though that was definitely not why he wanted a picture of Chaoji. "My friends won't believe I met someone like you if I don't take a picture," he explained, backing up halfway across the room so he could fit all of Chaoji into the picture. He snapped the shot, smirking as he ran off.

Chaoji turned back around to continue talking to the old woman, but she was gone. Despite her age, she moved faster than a bullet, determined to escape.

Feeling his stomach grumble, he made his sixth trip to the small sandwich shop over in the plaza area.

"You again?" the woman at the counter asked dryly, eyeing him with disgust. "Sir, you only have to wait ten more minutes for your plane. If you get sick from eating so much, you may not be able to sit through your whole trip."

"I've got a stomach of steel," Chaoji assured her.

"And a hell lot of other things," she muttered. "What's your order?"

"Three turkey, two roast beef, six bags of chips, ten chocolate chip cookies-"

"We're out of everything but the cookies," she informed him.

He gasped. "Blasphemy! What kind of place is this?"

"You ate them all."

Chaoji accepted the cookies, muttering under his breath. As he made his way back to the seats, he smiled at the cookies. "Humans are so pissy," he told them. "You actually understand me. Oh, I love you, my dear cookies."

Then he shoved them all into his mouth at once.

Failure.