First of all I'm so sorry for taking chapter 36 down and because of the summary is so short and limited, I cannot explain everything there. As some of you already know, I'm a night owl person and because of lack of sleep, I somehow thought that I only needed 4 more reviews to reach 1111 reviews last night when I updated when I actually needed 14 reviews. Since I thought I only needed 4 reviews and I really really loved number 1111 I don't want to miss seeing it giving it that this might be my only story that will ever get that many reviews, that's why I took it down because people won't review until the next chapter is up. That way, I will get to see it. Or so I thought.
Until this morning did I realized I needed 14 reviews, not four, but I have been busy all day since I got up this morning. Actually, I only got close to 5 hours of sleep because i have to get up earlier than normal. I just got home right now and type this up.
Crying, I think karma got to me. Because I really, really want to see number 1111 before it turned 1112 or any other numbers, when I got home, it's already is 1112 reviews, and 1113 on my personal stories stats (crying even more). I missed seeing the number! I can't believe I missed it. I'm sad. (I know I'm weird for obsessing with the number, but it already passed and I missed seeing it. (T.T)) I know I will be whining for a while about this behind the computer screen. Sigh… I shouldn't post the chapter at all last night and post it tonight instead.
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Other than that, I'm so sorry for the misunderstand that make you think it has to have 1111 reviews before I update. I honestly did not think that it could come out that way when I posted it. I thought I just explained why I took in down because some might want to know why I took it down. (I'm not proud for what happened). Even so, thank you so much for complying to that childish statement despite the miss understanding. I honestly DID NOT intent to made you guys review just to satisfy my selfish ego. As I have always said YOU DON'T HAVE TO REVIEW IF YOU DON'T THINK I DESERVE IT. I never want to force anyone to review because I can't be proud even if I got a lot of reviews because of that. (and as we all see, I have been punished. I can't believed I missed it. I'm really sad right now that I can't see the number 1111.)
After this chapter we will have to wait. I said 'we' because I myself don't know when I can write the next chap. As I have said before, I will have to write that chapter from scratch and I have about 300 words so far right now. Let's hope we don't have to wait too long. I feel kind of ashamed to ask you to review again after this. sigh… lol, I'm depressed now.
Anyway, special thanks to Shannaro-ttebayo for the editing as always :D
Just some fact I have noticed. for some reason when I answer a guest's review or anyone's review here, I don't see that reviewer again. I do not know why but I find it kind of strange. Hm…
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"Come with me to the north. To my home in the mountainside," said Daisuke.
Rin stared at him in confusion. The sunlight was dancing on the ground as the wind blew and the leaves waved, allowing spaces for the sun rays to shine through.
After Sesshomaru left, declaring that Rin would not stay behind in the village, Daisuke came. She was hoping to have some alone time, but the tiger demon lord, following her scent, came to talk to her, asking her if it were true she would be staying behind.
Once she answered yes, he told her to come to his homeland with him. But why- she wondered.
"If it's too painful to see Lord Sesshomaru, then come with me." He told her calmly, but seriously.
Rin stared at him in utter shock.
Was the cat out of the bag?
Was it so obvious that she was hurt?
That she was in love with Sesshomaru?
Did Sesshomaru know about her feelings, too?
It was so pitiful that everyone knew about her undignified state, Rin mused shamefully.
"And I will heal your pain." Daisuke said softly but with confidence. So much that she wanted to believe it could come true. It almost made Rin feel like he could do magic and mend her painful shattered heart.
Daisuke on the other hand felt a little sad. He was hoping Rin would violently deny the accusation of Rin having feelings for Sesshomaru, like the first time he confronted her. That she did not see him more as than her protector. But her silence proved that she was indeed staying behind because of Sesshomaru.
Rin was in love with Sesshomaru.
Even so, Daisuke would not let Rin go.
No, he would never let her go for such a petty reason. He loved her and he would make her love him too. He knew he could make her happy. He knew he could.
"How?" she found herself asking. How would the tiger demon lord heal her broken heart? How would he make all these excruciating pain that was slowly eating her inside out, killing her very soul, go away?
Daisuke walked closer to her until he was in front of her. His clawed hands came to gently grasp hers into his. His eyes focused on hers.
She stared at him expectantly, waiting for the answer.
"Let me love you." He told her softly. His tall frame towering over her, his blue eyes searching into hers, conveying the gentle feelings she never noticed from him before.
Rin gasped. Surprise was written all over her face. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the words, but she could not.
She never knew that the tiger lord had feelings for her.
Since when did he look at her that way?
"I know you are in love with Lord Sesshomaru." Daisuke continued. He always knew, but did not want to believe it. What he did not know and hoped it would not to be true was if Sesshomaru had feelings for her or not.
"I know that it's impossible for you to forget him. That you are hurt terribly right now and you don't want to see him with another woman."
All she could do was staring at him; still too shocked to say anything. Rin swallowed the lump in her throat hearing the demon describe her own feelings to her. Her heart thumbed painfully and she looked away.
"That's why you should come with me," The tiger demon lord continued. "I am good for you. I can be a good distraction. I can make your pain decrease."
Daisuke studied the woman before him who slowly digested the information he just gave her.
"My home is far enough from the Western Land that you won't hear about him or run into him unintentionally. You don't have to hear or see anything you don't want to. I will be there for you. I will be anything that you need."
Rin's mind was racing hundreds miles per second. This demon loved her? How? Why? But the offer was tempting, she admitted.
Far away from Sesshomaru.
In this village, it was too close to the Western Palace. There was a high chance that Sesshomaru would drop by. He might even bring Katsumi along. And if that were to happen, Rin would have no choice but to welcome them. Pretending and wearing a smile on her face even though in reality all she wanted to do was cry and curse. She would smile no matter how much she hated it.
Kagome, as much as Rin loved the woman, would always give her that pitying look, making Rin feel more misery.
Inuyasha…
Inuyasha looked so much like Sesshomaru and would constantly remind her of her lord. Those golden eyes and silver hair. Every time she looked at the half demon, she would see the shadow of the man she loved but could never have. How painful it would be looking at Inuyasha every day while missing the man she had no right to? How would she move on with the reminder of Sesshomaru so close by?
The villagers would talk. People loved gossip.
What kind of gossip would they speculate up this time?
The poor demon's whore, Rin, chased after a demon lord thinking she would be drowning in luxury, only to be used and thrown away like a piece of trash.
Of course that would sure be one of the many talks they would come up with. Many had badmouthed her about where she had got her fancy kimonos from and what she did in order to contain them. It would be the same now that she returned.
Rin was happy when she could finally leave the village behind and be free from the gossips. But now she was back and would permanently live here.
Not that she cared about the villagers' opinions, but with her emotional state, she did not want to deal with them.
Even so, she did not love Daisuke. To go with him only to escape the gossips was unreasonable. It was a decision of a life time and she could not take it lightly.
"I," Rin was about to refuse his offered, but he cut her off.
"I know you don't have feelings for me right now. But please don't outright refuse me. You have yet to know me well enough. Give me and yourself a chance. I am confident I can make you fall in love with me."
Fall in love with Daisuke? Another man? Was that even possible? Rin mused sadly.
Her entire heart only beat for one man. The man who would never be hers.
The thought of replacing her love for Sesshomaru to another…
It was hard for her to breath. She looked down to her feet.
"Rin," Daisuke gently lifted her chin with one of his hands to face him. "I know how much you love Lord Sesshomaru. I know how important he is to you. I will never ask you to forget about him or stop loving him."
Daisuke had found out about Rin's history with Sesshomaru from Kohaku while the demon slayer gave Katsumi and Daisuke the tour of the village. Hohaku had traveled with Sesshomaru for a time when he was still young.
Rin had met Sesshomaru on one faithful day many years ago when the dog demon lord was at his weakest state. She, a little orphan girl, instead of being afraid, attempted to assist him in any way she could, checkup on him and offering him food. Not that he accepted any.
Right after Sesshomaru was healed and was about to leave, he found that the girl was dead, killed by wolves.
Sesshomaru revived her, stealing her from the very hands of death himself and breathed life into her; Daisuke did not know Sesshomaru possessed such power; the sword of life.
Since then she had been following after him, always by his side. She trusted him with her life and was loyal to him with her entire being. In return, he became her protector.
What was even more astonishing was when Rin had died the second time. She was kidnapped to hell by a hell hound while Sesshomaru was trying to strengthen his sword's skill. Without hesitation, even knowingly that he might never return to the world of the living, Sesshomaru followed after her. For her, he risked his own life.
She was successfully brought back to the mortal world, but her life had been long gone. A mortal could not live inside the world of the dead. She died the instance she was inside hell. There was nothing they could do. Not even Sesshomaru's sword could give her the life she had lost. It was such a heart-wrenching scene, Kohaku had said.
Even though Sesshomaru's face was unreadable at the time, Kohaku could see how sad he was, losing her.
Lucky that Sesshomaru's mother could bring her life back by using the Meido stone. The meido stone had the power to open the door to hell and was able to bring Rin's life that had been left behind in hell back to the girl.
So Daisuke understood that there was an unbreakable bond between the two. Rin was both loved and respect her lord. He was not only giving her her life back but risked his own to protect her. To ask for her to not love him would be like asking her to stop breathing. Any man who truly cherished her would never force the girl to stop caring for the lord.
"All I ask is for you to give me a chance. To love me… you might think it's impossible right now. But I know, one day, for sure you will make room for me. In your heart, just a part of it is enough. I won't ask you to replace me with him. I won't force you to love me. All I ask is for you to give me the opportunity. I am confident that I can make you love me. That I will make you happy. I am good for you, Rin. For you I will do everything in my power to make sure you are happy."
Rin was lost for words. She never thought that this creature, a demon lord, could be so thoughtful. He had always been nice and playful. He had tried in his own way to cheer her up, and some time it worked. He could be a good friend, she always thought.
It might not be so bad spending time with him. If she got to know him better, she might even come to like him.
Yet, her heart clenched painfully at the thought. To love anyone but Sesshomaru.
Because she only loved Sesshomaru.
"You don't have to decide today Rin. But please think it over. If you don't want to come with me as my betrothed, you can come as a friend. It is good for you there. It is beautiful and peaceful. The air is fresh. And let's be assure, I will not push you to love me. Just think about it carefully. Take your time. There's no rush."
Rin lowered her eyes, thinking hard.
"Just promise me you will think about it. Think about coming to the north with me." He told her softly, almost pleading. "Please tell me you will think about it." He pleaded again.
Rin contemplated over his proposal. It should not hurt to think it over. Daisuke was right that she needed to get away from here. That she needed a breather, and time to heal. He was right that she had yet to know him well enough to know that she would never come to like him.
"Just think about it. Please." Daisuke said again, the hand under her chin cupped Rin's face lightly. She did not feel uncomfortable at the touch. It felt more like a friend's touch.
"I will think about it." Rin answered, still deep in thought.
And just with that, Daisuke's face broke into the biggest grin, his dimples deepened on each cheek. His face radiated with happiness as if he owned the world. As if it was the best day of his life.
For a moment, Rin felt jealous. She wanted her world to be happy again. But for her, the word "happy" always went hand in hand with the word "Lord Sesshomaru".
But she had to learn to be happy without him now.
She had decided to let him go.
He had Katsumi - to stay by his side would only hurt herself and Sesshomaru.
She did not want to end up resenting him.
So she would learn to live without him.
Yet, she felt so sad.
It hurt so much.
"Thanks." Daisuke smiled, rubbing the back of his neck shyly.
Rin was surprised that he could be shy. Such a blunt person did not suit the word shy, yet he was embarrassed. His cheeks turned slightly pink.
She wanted to ask him why he was so happy. She only agreed to think about it, not accepting it. And even if she were to go with him, it did not mean she would go as his lover.
"Why are you so happy?" she could not resist asking. Her eyebrows knitted slightly.
"Of course, I'm happy Rin. A thousand miles of journey starts with a single step. As long as I can take that first step, it means I can go a long way. That already is a good start."
"I did not know you are such an optimistic person, Lord Daisuke" Rin murmured. She never thought that someone could like her so much and would be so happy because of her.
Then she remembered how she was with Sesshomaru. With just one word from him she felt like she was on top of the world.
But now, anytime he showed her affection, she felt like she was being pushed under water, suffocated. Because she wanted him to care for her the way a man would for a woman. Not a guardian for his word.
"It depends," Daisuke brought both hands to hold the back of his neck, tilting his head up in a relaxed gesture, a smile still on his handsome face. "I can be optimistic or pessimistic. But I think I am a realistic person." He said, his mood was light, it almost made him look radiant.
Looking at his happy face, she wished she could be as happy as he was. How was she so happy all the time before- she wondered. She could not remember. Now all she knew was pain.
After they both returned from the forest, she found that Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were at it again, fighting. Kagome soon ended the fight by sitting Inuyasha, the same old routine.
Daisuke then walked towards Sesshomaru. Rin felt unnerved at his action.
What was Daisuke planning to do?
She wanted to stop him, but a part of her told her it would be alright.
He watched Sesshomaru lead Daisuke to where it was out of earshot. They both seemed to be talking. She could not hear it, but it did not seem to go well.
Sesshomaru turned to look at her. Something about his gaze that laid on her, she could not put her fingers on it, made her turn away. She felt as if she had done something wrong.
Then the fight broke out. Sesshomaru was trying to kill Daisuke.
Why?
She knew not, but she felt it was her fault. She had to stop it.
Sesshomaru pieced Daisuke's shoulder with the green poison whip after a while. It could end badly. She had to stop the fight before her lord killed the tiger demon lord.
Once she got there, Sesshomaru asked her the question she did not expect.
"Is it true? That you are considering his proposal?"
Rin felt his intense gaze on her. A silent demand, he expected her to tell him that it was not true. She wished she could tell him so, but she could not. She avoided his eyes.
She knew she had done nothing wrong. She was only considering Daisuke's proposal, which she had every right to do so, and yet she felt as if she had committed a crime. His gaze made her feel so.
"Yes," Rin answered softly, knowing Sesshomaru did not like to wait. She felt as if her heart had just been stabbed. As if she had finally cut the last tie she had with him. As if it finally became reality that she would never be with him again.
Though it was not like she accepted to marry Daisuke and only considered going to the north with him, but it was not a lie that she did accept to think about it. She was thinking about explaining it to Sesshomaru, but the cold look her lord directed at her stopped her from doing anything.
From even thinking.
Her entire body felt numb and cold.
She watched Sesshomaru ride off with Ah-Un.
Sesshomaru hated her now!
Everyone stared at her in shock, expecting her to give them answers.
She did not feel like giving anyone answers.
Sesshomaru had never looked at her with such cold, accusing eyes.
She had hurt him, she realized.
He thought she had betrayed him.
He hated her!
She had just been abandoned by the person she loved the most and answering questions was the last thing she wanted to do.
"What's that all about?" Inuyasha asked her rudely.
"Sit" was heard right after it. Inuyasha muttered grudgingly asking why Kagome sat him, but Rin did not pay them any mind.
Jaken was still brewing his nose and fat tears were streaming down his eyes, whining about Sesshomaru always abandoning him.
Katsumi was checking and tending to Daisuke's wound.
"Rin," Daisuke called to her, but she did not feel like answering.
Kohaku too was expecting some kind of answer from her from the way he looked at her.
"I want to be alone," she murmured numbly before she walked towards the hut. She needed to think. Really think.
Sesshomaru hated her now.
She took her bow with her and headed toward the forest.
Sesshomaru hated her, that phase kept echoing inside her head over and over. Her body felt as heavy as a mountain.
How would she make him forgive her?
What would she do if he never forgave her?
Even though she wanted to part with him, she did not want to be hated by him.
If he hated her…
Her chest tightened so hard at the thought that it almost knocked the winds out of her.
She would not be in this village and risk seeing him again. She could not bear it.
Maybe Daisuke's offer was not so bad after all.
Those cold, hating eyes that were directed at her were unbearable. She would not be able to tolerate it if Sesshomaru looked at her that way again. The man she loved so much looked at her with hate- it would kill her.
If she went to the north with Daisuke, she would be far away from Sesshomaru and he would never have to see her again.
She would not have to see those cold golden orbs that felt like knives piercing through her.
She promised Daisuke she would think over his offer, and she would do just that.
What her life would become, she would think about it carefully today and made a decision to it.
She only hoped Sesshomaru would not hate her… too much.
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Updated: Sunday, November 10, 2013
Reviewed: Monday, August 11, 2014