Chapter 36: Arguments

I want love to walk right up and bite me grab a hold of me and fight me leave me dying on the ground.
And I want love to split my mouth wide open and cover up my ears, and never let me hear a sound.
I want love to, forget that you offended me or how you have defended me, when everybody tore me down.

The next morning Sylvie awoke to a deserted bed. She found Severus working on his marks for the final exams. After kissing him good morning, she observed, "It looks like you're going to be busy with that all morning."

"Why," he looked at her suspiciously, "did you need something this morning." He was thinking about 'the talk' they were going to have.

"No, it's a beautiful day so I think I'll take the twins out later. Have you had breakfast?"

He gave her a curt nod.

"I won't disturb you then." She rushed out of their quarters. She had plans for this morning and they didn't include him. First, she went to the hospital wing. Harry, Ron and Hermione were about to be released but she made them sit down and recount exactly what happened last night. She was given most of the story but not the whole story. When she asked about Buckbeak, their eyes shifted elsewhere and they claimed they knew nothing of how Buckbeak or Sirius Black escaped. It was obvious to her that they were lying. Someone had guided Buckbeak up to that window but she couldn't see how it could be them when they were locked in the hospital wing, as was verified by Madame Pomfrey. If it wasn't them, they certainly knew something about it.

Next, she cornered Professor Dumbledore in his office. She used the pretext of telling him that she had discovered how Black had escaped, explaining about the feather in the window. In actuality, she wanted to discuss her husband.

"You are a very observant young lady," he said mildly about the feather.

"You don't seem surprised at this. One might think that you already knew how Black escaped, that maybe you were behind his escape."

"That is an interesting theory," he said noncommittally. "Or perhaps I am simply relieved that an innocent man wasn't wrongfully executed."

"Innocent," she said flatly.

"Peter Pettigrew is alive."

"I know. I spoke with the children earlier. It is good that he escaped a fate worse than death for a crime he did not commit." She turned away, uncertain of how to broach the subject on her mind.

"But?"

"But I am concerned about Severus. You dismissed him as if he were no more than an annoying fly." She turned back, anger clear on her face.

"Severus was wrong. If I had listened to him, Sirius Black would have undergone the Kiss." His voice was steel.

"I understand that. But Severus wasn't wrong, at least according to knowledge that he had. He had no reason to believe Pettigrew was alive. All he saw was a convicted criminal with the boy he was supposedly trying to kill."

"Then I ask you this. If Severus had known the truth, would he have revealed it, or would he have conveniently 'forgotten' about it to secure his revenge on Black."

Sylvie didn't want to answer that question. Instead, she focused on another matter. "Speaking of revenge, Severus told me all about the time when they were at school when Black revealed to him the passageway when Lupin was a werewolf. If James Potter hadn't pulled him back, Severus could have been killed or made werewolf himself. And what happened to Black then? As far as Severus knows, nothing. And last night you were harsh in discarding his advice. So it appears to him that you are playing favourites, that you would take the word of Black, no matter how fantastical, over the word of someone who has been loyal to you for years."

"It was a childhood prank that went too far. I don't recall yourself defending your husband's point of view last night."

Sylvie hung her head. It was true. She hadn't stuck up for him. But there was doubt, circumstances weren't adding up and the consequences were so severe and his obsession with Black frightened her.

"Why do you even have Severus here? You don't seem to like him, or maybe it's me that you don't like."

"Fondness has nothing to do with hiring staff. His knowledge of potions is unequal. Hogwarts is lucky to have such a skilled master." He sighed. "You are mistaken. I am fond of you both. I think that you and Severus are well suited. You've brought him more happiness than he has had in his entire life. He deserves some happiness."

"Then why won't you give him the Dark Arts position? Before you had hinted that he might be drawn back to his old ways. Do you still believe that?"

Dumbledore avoided her question. "Give Severus the Dark Arts position? And where would I find such a knowledgeable potions master?"

"Bollocks. Severus would make an excellent Defense Against the Dark Arts master and at a time like this, I'd think you'd want someone with knowledge of the Dark Arts to teach it. Perhaps Lupin could split the duties with him so that he teaches both subjects."

"Potions was not Remus' best subject. No, Potions is where Severus will stay."

"So nothing changes."

"I disagree. A great deal has changed. Severus has a life beyond teaching. I do not think the Dark Arts position is as important to him as it once was." He leaned in close to her and spoke softly. "You know your husband well, the good and the bad. He was a very bitter man. Some of that bitterness remains, as was proven by his reaction to Remus Lupin. He has taken every opportunity to speak against Lupin, not because he is concerned about a werewolf at school, and not principally because he wants the position but because he can't let go of past grievances."

"You are right. There are too many bad memories here. I think it would be better if we were to leave Hogwarts, to find another position or to do something else. If he did not have a constant reminder of his past, it would be easier to let it go and move on."

"Severus will never leave Hogwarts, not even for you, my dear."

"Why would you say that? What is holding him here?"

"That is a question you will have to ask your husband. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some duties I must tend to."

Sylvie wanted to run to Severus immediately but she held herself back. She did not trust Dumbledore or his motives. He was keeping things from her. No, she would not ask him why he wouldn't leave Hogwarts. At least not yet.

She had one more stop to make this morning before her investigations were complete. Might as well get another account of last night's events. When Remus opened the door, she was surprised to find him packing.

"I know exams are over but I didn't think you'd leave this early."

He sighed. "I'm afraid I have no choice. The whole school now knows that I am a werewolf. Parents will not want me teaching their children. I will bow to the inevitable. Dumbledore was kind enough to give me this position. I won't abuse his kindness by forcing him to defend me as a teacher."

'Remus assumes Dumbledore's kindness. I wish that was an assumption that Severus could make,' she thought. "I'm so sorry that you have to leave. Hogwarts will be losing an effective teacher."

"Thank you, Sylvie. If you'll excuse me, I have a lot to do." Curious. He wouldn't meet her eyes and was definitely trying to avoid her company. Perhaps he felt ashamed now that his secret was common knowledge. It couldn't have been easy knowing that everyone saw you as a monster.

Back in their rooms, Severus was still working at his desk. She collapsed onto the couch. "Remus is packing to leave. Apparently, the whole school now knows he's a werewolf."

"Is that so," he said in a blasé tone.

"You don't seem too surprised by that," she observed, frowning.

"Well, I did mention it to a few of the Slytherin students this morning," he said smugly.

She bolted from the couch. "You what! Why the hell did you do that?"

He sprang from his desk and faced her, almost nose to nose. "Because I think that students and their families should know that there is a possible risk." His voice hardened with each word until he was spitting out the last words.

"Oh, and I suppose you had only noble intentions. Opening up the Dark Arts position had nothing to do with it? And seeing Lupin suffer did not please you?"

"Would you want a potentially dangerous creature to be teaching our children? Would you want that knowledge to be kept from you? Would you not want all the facts so that you could make an informed decision?"

"But safeguards were taken. Your potion kept his condition under control."

"Only if he regularly took the potion, which he neglected to do last night. Last night could have been a disaster. You had a convicted killer and a werewolf running loose on the grounds. What if one of them had gotten into the castle, into the twin's room?"

She turned white. "You're right, Severus. Without your potion, Remus doesn't have control over his actions. I don't understand why he neglected to take it since the consequences could have been so severe."

"A werewolf and old friend of Black's should never have been here in the first place. I almost had them last night. I was about to be awarded the Order of Merlin. And it was all snatched away from me by Potter."

She was silent.

"Aren't you going to jump to his defense? Aren't you going to cite the reasons why he was innocent, just like last night!"

"I believe that you are right. I believe that Harry Potter did have something to do with Black's escape, if not directly, then he certainly had knowledge of it before the rest of us."

He gaped at her. "Will wonders never cease? My wife is actually agreeing with me. Since this is a day of miracles, maybe I'll be given what I deserve, the Dark Arts position after all."

"You can drop the sarcasm. As much as you deserve it, Dumbledore will never give you the position."

"And why do you say that with absolute certainty? What have you done, Sylvie?"

Too late, she realized she had said too much. Squirming from his black gaze, she mumbled, "I was speaking with him this morning and it happened to come up in conversation."

"It happened to come up in conversation," he repeated in a dead tone. "How did it happen to come up in conversation? Why were you speaking with the Headmaster this morning?"

He may not appreciate her efforts on his behalf. She was tempted to lie but he was too smart and knew her too well to do that effectively. "I, ah, went to speak with him about last night, to inform him of how Sirius Black escaped the castle."

"How was the leap from last night's events to my never teaching the Dark Arts accomplished? I fail to see the link between the two topics. Enlighten me, please." His voice was deceptively calm but his eyes burned.

"I guess I looked upset because he asked me if anything was wrong. I mentioned that I thought his treatment of you last night was unfair, that he didn't give any credence to your observations. I suggested that, if he valued you, he would split the Dark Arts position between you and Lupin."

"Split the position," he roared. "I deserve the whole position or maybe you think otherwise. Maybe you wanted me to be wrong last night because you don't want me to have the Order of Merlin. Maybe you're jealous of my almost success."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I couldn't care less about the Order of Merlin. I would be happy for you if you were awarded that honour because I know it's important to you. I told Dumbledore you should have the position. By suggesting the split, I was trying to reach a compromise on your behalf."

He was practically spitting with fury. "And who asked you to interfere on my behalf? You had no right to speak to Dumbledore about me. If you were so concerned about his treatment of me, why didn't you say something last night. Instead of believing your husband, you believed a man you don't even know. Instead of supporting me, you believed that Black was innocent."

"I never said he was innocent. I said what if he was innocent."

"That you would even entertain the possibility is a betrayal to me."

"What," she screeched. "So I'm not allowed to think for myself. I'm not some bloody Stepford wife, agreeing with everything you say. I am perfectly capable of considering other points of view."

"And I am perfectly capable of handling my own affairs. But no. You had to stick your nose into my business. Poor Severus can't get what he wants from Dumbledore so I'll get it for him. Is your opinion of me so low?"

"I wasn't trying to speak for you. I was speaking for myself. I love you and it hurts me when you are hurt."

"So now you'll play the 'I love you' card. You just can't admit that you are wrong. And you don't believe that I can attain the position on my own. I will be given the position on my own merits, not because my wife asked for it."

"You're right, Severus. You should be given the position on your own merits. With your experience, you are the obvious choice but Dumbledore said he will not give you the position so why are we still at Hogwarts? Why don't you apply at another school?"

Here was a topic he wanted desperately to avoid. "I deserve the position here."

"I agree but it doesn't seem likely that you will be given the position here."

"Dumbledore will change his mind, and if he doesn't I still have the position of Potions Master."

"Severus, is there any particular reason why you can't leave Hogwarts?"

"No reason. Why leave when I have a perfectly acceptable job here? Besides, another school would not give us such large quarters and would probably not even allow you and the twins to stay at the school."

"Bullshit. All of the schools that I know of allow the professors to have their families with them. Most schools have the professors live outside of the school in their own homes. What is the real reason you can't leave. Dumbledore said you would never leave Hogwarts. Why?"

"Why don't you ask Dumbledore?"

"I did. He told me to ask you."

"We are leaving Hogwarts. We are going to livei n London for the summer."

Her gaze told him what a pathetic evasion that was. He hung his head. "I can't leave because of a promise I made many years ago."

"Continue."

"After Lily was murdered," his voice falling to almost a whisper, "I promised Dumbledore I would protect Harry Potter. That is why I have to stay at Hogwarts."

Sylvie's jealousy engulfed her like a tsunami. She shook herself to try to respond in a reasonable fashion. "That was a long time ago. Things have changed. There is a whole castle full of people to protect Harry Potter." He was silent to her reasoning. "Did you make an unbreakable vow? Is that why we can't leave?"

"No. But there may be certain things that only I can do. Once the final confrontation between Potter and the Dark Lord occurs, then we can leave."

"But that could be years," she exploded. "Are you to suffer years of unhappiness? And what do you mean by there are things only you can do?"

"I'm not unhappy. I've never been happier," he countered.

"You don't like your job. I think you'd be happier doing something else."

"It doesn't matter. I can't leave right now," he said in a tone that brooked no argument.

She got that stubborn look. "Can't or won't?"

He glared back but didn't answer.

"What is it that only you can do? What does Dumbledore want?"

He answered with a seemingly unrelated comment. "At the end of the last wizarding war, my loyalties were not what they seemed."

Her eyes and her mouth formed perfect O's. "You can't be serious. Playing the double agent? You'll be killed!"

"You have so little faith in my abilities."

"And how are you supposed to explain why you are not in Azkaban with the rest of his followers. Why you are firmly entrenched in the enemy camp. Why Harry Potter is still alive."

"It was believed that he was dead. Why go to Azkaban when I didn't have to. And, if he were to return, I would be in a better position to be of service."

"And if he were to look into your mind, could you hide your true thoughts?"

"I have done so in the past and I will be able to do so again. And could you do the same?"

"No," she admitted. "I am not very skilled in Occlumency."

"You and the twins may have to go somewhere safe for awhile."

"Absolutely not! I will never leave you!"

"You must," his voice desperate. "I can't do what I might have to if I'm worried about you and the twins. Do you have any idea of what the Dark Lord could do to you if I displease him? He would not hesitate to strike out against me through you. I cannot put you in that type of danger."

"Then don't. Protect Harry Potter here at Hogwarts and don't turn traitor."

"That may not be possible."

"Then I forbid it."

"You forbid it? You forbid it! You may be my wife but I'm not some mewling child in need of someone else to dictate my actions. I will decide what I will do. I made a promise and I will follow through on it, no matter how distasteful. It is a question of honour."

"Even if it makes me a widow," she screamed in frustration.

"Miss Sylvie," Teeny ran into the room, "the twins. They need you."

They both stopped. Their shouting had awakened the twins who were wailing in distress.

Both parents entered the nursery. Severus prepared the bottles while Sylvie changed the diapers. In silence, they fed and burped their progeny. After he had put Nicholas in his swing, she attempted conversation.

"Severus, I..."

"I have nothing more to say on the subject." He closed the nursery door with determination.

Sylvie sighed. When would she learn? Instead of keeping quiet about her visit with Dumbledore, she had blurted it out. She had decided not to mention about leaving Hogwarts, to save that conversation for the summer when they were away from the castle. As soon as she got her Irish up, out it came.

"I'm sorry you and the master were having a disagreement." Teeny patted her arm in sympathy.

"A disagreement. There's an understatement. He's so proud and so stubborn."

"My. I can't think of anyone else like that," she said, eyebrows raised. "Don't put too much stock in what he says in anger. He's probably still upset about not being awarded the Order of Merlin."

"You know about that?"

"House elves are dreadful gossips. Except for me, of course."

Sylvie smiled back. "Of course."

"I imagine it was a great disappointment to him."

"I know. It's not like I can buy him a 'World's Greatest Wizard' mug to show him how I feel. I know. I will buy him a ring of power. I'm sure they have some nice ones in Diagon Alley. A ring will make up for his disappointment. I will buy him the best one I can find. Everything will go back to normal after that."

Teeny shook her head. It wasn't entirely Sylvie's fault that she would think buying something would solve their problems. Her family had always thrown money at problems. When Sylvie was five, she became angry when a little boy at the playground wouldn't share his sand toys. She had turned his hands into paws so he couldn't play with them, reasoning that since he could no longer play with them, then she could. A quick spell reversal and a large cheque had ensured that the incident was forgotten and the authorities not called, not that the police would have believed them anyway but it wouldn't help Sylvie's playground popularity to be labeled a witch. After that, everyone had been more watchful of her use of magic.

Teeny's family had worked for the Kilpatrick family for centuries. She and her parents worked in the Turner household and she had watched Sylvie grow up. When her marriage was announced, her parents had approached Teeny about working for Sylvie. She had jumped at the chance since Sylvie was her very favourite of the three siblings. She had been rambunctious as a child, but she had a good heart.

"I don't think buying him a ring will make everything go back to normal. Time and your words and actions will help heal his wounds."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just be supportive."

"I'm always supportive, but I'm still buying him a ring."

'Stubborn and proud,' thought Teeny. 'Sometimes I think they have the wrong qualities in common. I guess that's what makes a marriage interesting.'

They took the twins outside and laid them on a blanket in the shade. Sylvie lamented to Teeny about everything that had happened last night and this morning, telling her that Severus was wrong to so let the past affect their present and future. Finally Teeny told her that being right was not the most important thing in a marriage. Before she could open her mouth to protest this, Nicholas, who was not happy to be on his stomach, rolled over onto his back.

"Teeny, did you see it! Nicholas rolled over on his own! And Severus wasn't here to see it." Her excitement plummeted.

"I saw it," answered a deep voice.

She threw herself at him. "Severus. I'm so happy you're here."

He reluctantly put his arms around her and then fussed over their son, telling him what a clever boy he was. Sophia, jealous of the attention, began flailing around until he gently roller her over.

Teeny was right. Things did not go back to normal as Sylvie hoped. The year finished out with a hesitancy between them. She hoped that things would improve when it was just the four of them in their own home, and once she bought him the ring. Little did she know that the summer would not be a peaceful reprieve but would bring its own challenges.

(To my loyal readers – I know I'm a few weeks late with this. We've come to the point where my writing and my publishing have caught up with each other. It will probably be a few more weeks before I start to post the last part of the story. My daughter has had our first grandson, and since they live with us and I started a full-time job in January, I won't have a lot of opportunity to write. Thanks for your patience.)