Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Stephenie Meyer owns everything!

** The content in this chapter is rated M, reader's discretion advised! No really, I mean it**


"You've got your ball
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Whose got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart Ill beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Lost for you I'm so lost for you


You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream


Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare boned and crazy for you


When you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream


If I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you."

--Crash Into me by Dave Matthews Band


Chapter 36: Crash Into Me

I returned to school on Thursday, reaching the conclusion that if I were to stay at home another day I might go out of my mind. Besides, even though my doctor wrote me an excuse to miss the entire week, there were only a few weeks of school left and the last thing I needed was to get behind. Finals were rapidly approaching and I really wasn't up for a repeat of the twelfth grade. I literally cringed at the thought.

I can't remember much from that particular day because I was mostly in a daze, still grieving over Cole's death. In fact, the moment I entered into the building, memories of his presence flooded into my mind all at once and I instantly regretted my ill-advised decision to return so soon. Everywhere I looked, he was there. All around me, his twisted grin, his piercing eyes, his dark chuckle. Everywhere. It was definitely true that you never appreciate the full magnitude of someone in your life until they're gone. My heart was yearning to see him nonchalantly leaning against my locker, arms crossed, arrogantly smiling, waiting for me to grab my books for my first few periods of torture. Of course, I felt a lump form in the base of my throat when I turned the corner and reached my desolate locker—the emptiness and loneliness of it mocking me for even hoping to see him there.

The entire day passed in a blur with me catching up on missed assignments and the gossip that I had avoided in my absence. Everyone was being extra nice to me, asking what had happened and listening with great interest when I lied to them. I was claiming that I tripped and rolled down a hill in the woods. It was the same story that I told the doctors, the same story that Charlie believed to be true. In those moments, I wanted nothing more than for it to be the truth, because that would mean that Cole would still be alive and here with me today.

When I returned home from school, I could barely stand not hearing Jacob's voice another instant. I needed to know what he was doing. Was he alright? Did he miss me, too? Although it had only been a few days since I last spoke to him, I was beginning to go crazy. I was so used to talking to him every single day, and now that my life lacked his warmth, I was beginning to feel the consequences. I knew that I shouldn't call him, that it would only make everything worse if I spoke to him before I had everything sorted out, but my hands unconsciously pulled my body toward the phone. They actually picked it up and almost completed the dialing of his number, before my brain finally won the battle against my heart, and I quickly slammed it down almost in tears with my frustration. I couldn't allow myself the pleasure of hearing his voice until I knew what I wanted—complete and final with no more "what ifs."

That evening, Edward knocked on our door after Charlie and I had finished with supper. Charlie gave him threatening looks as he walked inside, but Edward was nothing but polite in return. I knew that my dad was never going to forgive him for leaving me in the woods so I didn't even bother arguing with him anymore.

Charlie had many questions surrounding Edward's return. Why was he here? Where was he staying? Of course, I made up the excuse of him and Carlisle coming back into town to maintain the house until they planned on selling it. I really didn't know what else to say, and I knew that if I told Charlie Edward had come on his own, he'd be concerned as to why an eighteen-year-old boy was allowed to stay so far from his family by himself. I wasn't really sure if Edward planned on staying in Forks now or if his family would ever come back, but my story would have to suffice for the time being. At least, Charlie seemed to buy into it.

Even with Edward by my side the entire night Thursday, I laid awake, barely able to get any sleep at all. I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob and everything that has happened between us over the past few months. As much as I loved having Edward there with me, I was beginning to feel like it was all wrong—like I didn't belong in his arms--like my heart was trying to force me into a place that it so badly wanted me to fit, but each and every time it was coming up short.

That night my dreams were filled with a very alive Cole and the sights and sounds of Jacob's infectious laughter and beautiful smile.

Friday I was even more miserable—pathetic even. I barely spoke two words to Edward in the morning when I woke up with him still in my bed. I could tell that he sensed my distance and that he was trying to give me the space that I needed, but ultimately it was killing him. I sensed that I needed to make my decision soon, because I couldn't stand myself for hurting either one of them any longer. I said goodbye to Edward sooner than usual, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and continued on with my morning routine almost in a trance.

Charlie and I ate breakfast in complete silence, but I could feel his eyes on me scrutinizing my every move. He didn't want me hanging out with Edward and I could tell that he was dying to speak up and say something of protest. However, that protest never came. Instead, the only sounds to be heard were the clanking of our spoons inside our cereal bowls and Charlie's occasional sipping of coffee out of his mug. When we both finished at the same time, I cleaned up our mess and wasted no time heading out the front door with my Seattle University acceptance letter in the back of my book bag, practically weighing it down with the magnitude of everything it stood for. I wasn't entirely sure what I was planning on doing with it just yet, but I had placed a checkmark inside the box that verified I accepted my acceptance into their school and had filled out further details about myself that it had asked. Whatever the reasoning behind it, I felt the need to carry it around with me unable to part with it, as if it was the symbol of the choice that I was going to make. Send in the acceptance and choose a life with Jacob or throw away the acceptance and go away for an eternity with Edward.


The school day dragged on in endless hours of torture. I was still a complete wreck, my mind still reminiscing on Cole and the short time that I had spent with him. When I turned the corners of the hall, I would momentarily imagine him extending his arm out to me, directing me to my next class. At lunch, I basically ate in silence, unable to stop my mind from picturing Cole on that first day that I had met him--his pristine clothes and the instant chill of his grip as I placed my hand into his and the way he spoke my name in his Italian accent.

"Isabella," he said, his eyes boring into mine and dancing with the thrill of the secret we shared. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

I felt my heart break and I closed my eyes tight, inhaling a deep breath of air while trying to push him out of my thoughts.

"Bella," Angela's soft voice spoke, bringing me out of my contemplations. "Are you alright?" Her concern was evident in the genuine nature of her tone and the automatic softening around her eyes as she spoke.

"I'll be fine," I nearly whispered, trying to find my voice. In that moment I wanted nothing more than for it to be just her and I sitting at that table so that I could pour my heart out and explain everything that happened. My mind was heading for another breakdown as I held in the events of the past three days--Cole's death, Edward's return, Jacob's heartbreak. I couldn't bear the weight of it all any longer. I felt like I was going to explode into a million different pieces—the left and right sides of my body pulling themselves in opposite directions.

"You just…haven't really been yourself," she confessed, and I could tell she instantly felt guilty for prying into my business. "I'm sorry," she added a second later. "Of course, you're not yourself. You have to be exhausted from the hospital stay and all the homework you have to catch up on."

"Yes," I replied, desperately wishing that was the worst of my worries. "I just have a lot on my mind, but thanks for your concern."

I forced a smile, eliciting one from her in return, and then excused myself, feeling all eyes on me as I grabbed my tray and briskly exited the cafeteria. I walked down the empty hall in a numb trance until I reached the familiarity of my locker and opened it up, trying to busy myself with the changing of my books. When I pulled out my textbook for Italian, a thin strip of white paper dropped out of it and fell to the floor. I bent down and picked it up and as soon as my eyes scanned over the familiar cursive handwriting, I gasped, loosening my grip around my books, forcing them to scatter onto the floor with a loud clatter.

Did you miss me? The note read. Cole's note. The one he had written me weeks prior.

I read the single sentence over and over again as tears began to sting my eyes, threatening to break free at any moment. I took in a deep shaky breath and felt my knees weaken as I lifted my left forearm and rested it against the upper shelf of my locker, burying my face inside it. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to accept Cole's death and move on. I needed to make a decision. I needed Jacob. My body was yearning for him and all of the comfort he could provide. My hands were begging to reach out and touch every curve of his familiar face—my eyes wanting to memorize the exact hues of his expressive eyes. I felt my body tremble slightly as silent sobs escaped my hold and I thanked God that I was alone in the hallway with no one to witness my breakdown. By the time the lunch bell rang, I managed to pull myself together enough to stand up straight and wipe the tears out of my eyes. My body was filling with a new kind of determination to make it through the remainder of the day without letting my weakness show.

I sat in Italian, staring at the clock as Cole's empty seat taunted me and reminded me of his absence. I tried everything in my power to avoid looking anywhere in that general direction, knowing very well the intense pain that it would inflict upon me.

The teacher was speaking to us about the end of the semester and what we were expected to know for our final. My brain could barely comprehend anything that was going on around me. I felt like I was in a bubble, the voices and whispers of the other students echoing in the silence that surrounded me. The ticking of the clock growing louder and louder as it approached the hour that would set off the final bell of the day.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

I pulled my eyes away from it momentarily to investigate my surroundings. Everyone was busy taking notes, quickly writing down and hanging on our teacher's every last word. My pencil sat untouched in the middle of my desk. Lonely. Waiting to be utilized.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

My eyes shot over to the clock again, only one minute had passed. I idly ran my right hand through my hair and closed my eyes because I couldn't stop my peripheral from seeing the empty seat that mocked me.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't take it. Any of it. Nothing. I wanted the clock to stop ticking, I wanted the students to stop writing, I wanted the teacher to stop talking. I wanted to stop loving two people at the same time. I wanted my heart to stop being so divided. I wanted to see Jacob again. I needed to see Jacob again. Every nerve ending in my body was screaming at me to run into his arms the moment the bell sounded off to my freedom.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Finally, the familiar sound interrupted the teacher's closing lines, as students hurriedly gathered up their belongings and exited the room. I was close behind them, making my way down the hall and out of the building before anyone would even think to stop me. I was in my truck a minute later, pulling out of the parking lot before the rush of students' cars caused the daily temporary traffic jam.

I hadn't realized that I made the decision to go straight to Jacob's house until I passed the turn off that would lead me to my house and continued on toward La Push. I had absolutely no idea what I was planning on saying when I saw him, no idea what it even meant that I was going to his house now before my decision was made. I just knew that it was wrong—a mistake—my selfish needs once again pulling myself deeper into the pit I had dug into. I knew this visit would only hurt us both more, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around—I couldn't stop myself from fulfilling my craving.

Eventually, I pulled into his driveway and cut my truck's engine, taking in a deep breath and trying to once again convince myself to turn around and head home. That was unsuccessful. I peered out through my window through the rain to find that his Rabbit was parked on the side of the house, signaling that he was home. Before I had the chance to stop myself, I was out into the rain making my way to Jacob's front door. I knocked hesitantly, wondering if Billy would be the one to answer, and if so, what would he think? Did he hate me? Did he know about Edward? What had Charlie told him? The door swung open, putting an early end to my inner questioning, and Jacob stood in front of me, his eyes slightly widening in light of my presence. I lost my ability to speak as we both stood staring at each other. So many emotions hit me all at once—love, lust, want, need, guilt, remorse—as my eyes scanned across his perfect features and I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders—like I could breathe again.

"Bella?" he asked, a combination of relief, anger, and worry played out on his face. "What's going on? Are you alright?"

"Oh Jacob," I gasped, my arms shooting out and flinging around his neck as I practically threw myself at him, pulling him closer against me. As soon as I felt his body against mine, my mind took on a life of its own, and suddenly I knew why I came here. I knew exactly what I needed. Jacob—all of him—in every way possible.

Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me, the warmth of his touch piercing through the thin fabric of my shirt and causing me to tremble. "I need you," I whispered against his chest; as I breathed in his scent and felt myself lean further into him.

I felt his warm hand beneath my chin, tilting my face up until his eyes locked on mine. "What's wrong?" he asked me, his voice laced with concern.

"Everything…nothing…so much," I began to ramble, my voice speaking without my control. "I'm so confused. Life absolutely hates me and Cole is dead and it's all my fault. I miss him; seriously, everywhere I go I'm reminded of him somehow. It's torturing me; the guilt is too much to bear. And, Jacob, there's so much I'm not sure about. But, one thing I am is that I need you more than I ever needed anyone."

My voice broke off, as tears filled me eyes and I realized that my hands were fisted into Jacob's shirt, clinging to him.

"Hey," he said his voice soft and soothing, his hand tucking some of my damp hair behind my ears. "I'm here for you, Bella. I've always been here for you. There won't ever be a time in our lives that I won't be right here…for you."

The impact of his words shot straight through me and swept me away; the security that I felt in his presence only made me long for him even more.

"I know, Jake," I said, nearly breathless now, pulling him close against me once more as my face turned upward so my lips could brush against his neck. "But I mean… I need you. All of you."

"What are you saying?" he asked quietly, his nose burying into my hair, his body leaning into my touch. "I don't know what—"

"Please," I whispered, interrupting him as I extended myself up on my tip toes so my lips could find his jaw line. "I want you."

A few seconds went by before either of us moved at all; I could practically feel his inner conflict. But finally, he gave in and his face turned toward me, his lips lowering and crashing onto mine. He kissed me forcefully, his hands automatically fisting into my hair and pulling my face even closer to his. My arms were wrapped around his neck, my body arching against his, desperately trying to be closer—trying to take out any distance between us. The feel of his lips on mine again after being deprived of him for so long was pure ecstasy and my body was taking on a mind all its own—acting on its own impulses without my control.

Jacob's kisses turned more rough and demanding, as he pulled me inside his house and kicked the door closed behind me. The next thing I knew, my back was being slammed up against the door, a quiet whimper escaping my hold—not of pain but of pure want and desire. I could feel all of Jacob's anger and frustration with me in the way his lips moved against mine—the way his tongue plunged into my mouth as he took complete control over me—holding me tightly between him and the door.

"I missed you so much," I gasped as soon as his lips left mine and he began kissing my jaw and my throat. "I can't be away from you anymore."

"I'm so…angry with you," he nearly growled against my skin, his breath teasing my senses. I felt a chill of air as he backed a few inches away from me and diverted his eyes to the ground. He ran his hands through his hair and grabbed onto the ends of it, somewhat pulling in frustration. An instant later, his head snapped up and he had a look on his face that was so fierce that it pierced my soul and made me tremble with the desperation that he was sending.

"Bella, I've tried to make myself hate you...I should hate you," he said, his voice full of disgust. "I tried to make myself believe that he didn't matter--that I was the only one that mattered-- that you weren't doing this to hurt me..."

"But the fact is, all you have to do is knock on my door and my heart does back flips," he continued, approaching me again and running his nose roughly along my jaw line, breathing me in and taunting me even further.

"And it reminds me that I could never replace the love I have for you....no matter how long I have to wait....and as bad as I want to...I could never…" he nipped below my ear, "ever," then looked directly into my eyes, his eyes darker, his nose touching mine, his voice intense, "hate you."

His words were filled with a whole other level of intensity, making me melt from within, forcing me to fear him while simultaneously causing me to burn with desire. I could no longer think about what was right or wrong—about how big of a mistake I was about to make. The only thing I was conscious of was how bad my body was screaming out to be connected with his. I wanted there to be nothing between us anymore. I needed him to make me feel complete again.

Jacob's lips found mine as I forced my hands in between our connected bodies, sliding them under his shirt and rubbing them up along his abs. The moment my fingers joined with his bare flesh, he let out a low growl, his hands instantly grabbing onto my wrists. We both fought for dominance—Jacob winning out and taking control, bringing my wrists up over my head and holding them against the door.

"Billy?" I suddenly whispered, somehow remembering where we were.

I felt Jacob glide his lips back along my jaw until his breath was against my ear.

"Not here," he whispered and I trembled against him.

Jacob stopped kissing me entirely for a moment, as we both began to collect some of our thoughts, our breathing coming out in erratic spurts. I felt his nose against my neck, I could sense his hesitation.

"God, Bella, I want you so much," he breathed into my ear, his voice sounding pained and tortured.

"You can have me," I replied, breathlessly. "All of me—right now." My words came out almost like a plea, as I slid my hands around him and underneath the back of his shirt.

Jacob caved in and gave way to his feelings as his lips met mine again and he helped me to pull his shirt off over his head. My hands didn't hesitate searching over every last inch of his bare chest, marveling in everything that he was to me. I managed to take some control and pushed us back away from the door until Jacob fell back onto the couch and I climbed onto his lap wrapping my legs around his waist. I felt all of the muscles in his body stiffen as I fisted my hands into the back of his hair and grinded my hips against the strain in his pants.

"No, I can't," he suddenly gasped, pushing my mouth away from his. "Not right now, not like this."

And, I knew he was right. This wasn't how our first time was supposed to be. It shouldn't be a response to our anger and desperation, but I couldn't stop myself. I needed him—to feel him—everywhere.

I grinded my hips against him again, eliciting a moan out of him and a slight whimper out of me—the pleasure shooting through my entire body, intoxicating my thoughts. I knew I couldn't hold back any longer.

"Please, Jacob," I begged, my hands all over him—in his hair—on his chest—clinging to him. "I need you."

With a low groan, I felt him give in. He couldn't hold back any longer, either. In one swift motion, his hands slid down my back and underneath my butt, his lips capturing mine again—our kisses hungry and forceful.

He lifted me up a few inches and then brought me down roughly, grinding our bodies together and creating an intense friction that was unlike anything I have ever experienced before—so good—so right. I moaned into his mouth as he continued to do this over and over again, increasing his pace and his force, his hips thrusting up to meet mine. It wasn't long before I felt something begin to build inside of me—a ball of nerves suddenly pushing together as the pressure of everything was begging to be set free. I gasped out loud, and mumbled his name as my body released, every muscle tightening and relaxing. Jacob's lips left mine and I could feel his eyes on me, watching me come down from my moment of ecstasy.

"Jacob," I managed to speak, once my body relaxed again. "That was…I mean, I never…did I just…"

"I love you," he said intensely, his eyes softening, all traces of his anger gone now.

Suddenly, I was speechless as I stared back into his eyes after the moment that we just shared. My love for him was overflowing inside of me and reaching incredible new heights. Without speaking a word, I brought both of my hands up onto each side of his face and kissed him tenderly.

"Take me to your room," I demanded softly, because I wanted to make him feel the pleasure that I just experienced. I wanted to give him something in return for what he'd given me.

Recognition danced across his eyes as he nodded and brought his lips to mine once again. This time his kisses were slower and more passionate. I felt him slide us forward on the couch until he stood us up, not wasting any time lifting me up off the ground, my legs automatically locking around his waist again. As he carried me back to his room, he held me with one hand and began lifting my shirt with his other. I helped him to remove it as we let it fall effortlessly to the floor. He kicked open his door and carried me inside, laying me down on his bed. I heard him shuffling around in his drawer for a moment, his body covering mine a second later with a condom in hand, his lips connected with mine again, his love for me pouring out in the tenderness of his touch.

"I want to take this slow," he said, his lips against my neck. "I don't want to hurt you."

My mind floated off as I was only aware of him and me. In that moment, nothing else mattered. All of my worries of Cole and Edward were gone and I could only focus on Jacob and how much I wanted him. My body was on fire beneath his heated touch and kisses. I felt the fire spread to my jaw, my neck, my chest—my back arching off the bed to get even closer to him. Time seemed to slow down—almost stopping completely as we continued on in our dance of passion. I recalled the room smelling of nothing but Jacob—he was everywhere—all around me, there was nothing else but him.

My bra was removed; my pants were gingerly shifted down over my hips. The next thing I knew, we were both completely naked, Jacob responsible for both of our undressing. Neither of us spoke a word, the only sounds to be heard were our steady gasps for air and our quiet mumblings of each other's names.

Nothing will ever compare to the moment that I first felt every last inch of Jacob's bare flesh against mine. I have never felt so connected with someone before, so completely enthralled in everything that he was—everything that he was making me feel. I should have been afraid for what was to come, for the pain that would surely be inflicted, but when I felt him shift between my hips—his erection rubbing against my inner thigh—they only thing I felt was pure want and need. There were no hesitations and no fear left inside of me. My legs automatically opened wider to him on their own accord, wrapping around his thighs.

Jacob groaned and pulled his lips away from mine so that he could pull back and look into my eyes. "Are you sure?" I thought I remembered him asking, and I just nodded my head in response.

He entered me slowly, the size of him filling every last curve—pain instantly shooting through my core as my body pulled and stretched to accommodate. I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying out; not wanting to ruin this moment for him. I heard him gasp the moment he filled me completely, my eyes shooting open as I watched him intently, my mind trying to focus on only him and ignore the shearing pain from within me. His eyes were tightly closed, his breathing labored, a small bead of sweat forming on his forehead. I have never seen anything more beautiful. I figured he was giving me time to adjust, and it seemed like it was hours rather than seconds before he started to move inside of me. The pain grew more intense, but I embraced it because I knew I deserved it after everything I had put him through. It made me happy to know that he was feeling nothing but pleasure now--that I was the one responsible for making him feel that way.

With every thrust, his face would relax more and more—his moans and gasps would get louder and louder. I could tell that he was trying to concentrate, trying to hold out as long as possible. After a minute, his eyes slowly opened again and focused on mine. I smiled at him, and wiped the sweat off his forehead lovingly, making sure to let him know that I was okay with what we were doing.

"Are you okay?" he asked, breathlessly. "Is this okay?"

I nodded and kissed him affectionately. He increased his pace and it wasn't much longer before I could tell that he was close—gasping out and trying to hold on. The pain inside of me had subsided and began to shift into something else—something warm--something resembling the way I had felt moments ago on the couch.

"I love you," I told him, causing his pace to only quicken even more—his breathing coming more rapidly.

"Bella, I think—"

And, before he could finish his statement, I felt his release, his whole body convulsing on top of mine. I watched his expressions of pleasure and ecstasy as he climaxed above me, all the while mumbling his love for me. Seconds later, he collapsed on top of me, our chests both rapidly rising up and down against each other in attempts to gain some of the air that our lungs had been deprived.

We were both lying in complete silence. After a gentle kiss to my temple, Jacob let out a content sigh. He then scooted out from under me and excused himself to take care of some business. He returned with his boxers back on and lay down on his back, pulling me down until we were tangled up in each other, my head resting on his chest. I could hear his heart beat as it gradually decreased back to its normal pace. Jacob's hand was idly running through my hair and I felt his lips meet the top of my head. He was the first to speak us out of our silence.

"That was the best thing I have ever experienced," he said softly, as he brought his hand underneath me to pull me up so I was looking into his eyes now. "You are everything to me."

And, that was all it took to bring me down off of my high and to snap my mind out of the trance that I had been in—acting on pure want and helpless need. I was everything to him. But, was he everything to me?

"What does this mean for us?" he asked when I didn't respond right away, his voice filled with hope.

What did this mean for us? Did this mean that I was choosing him? Did this mean that I was going to say goodbye to Edward forever. My decision wasn't yet made, and I felt regret instantly flood into my system for the possible huge mistake that I had just made.

"I…I don't," I started to say, unable to speak. "I mean I'm not really sure…"

I trailed off, unable to put a proper sentence into words and glanced away from his stare. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my eyes lowering to his chest. "I shouldn't have came here…We shouldn't have—"

"No," he suddenly shouted, pushing me off of him as he climbed out of bed and stood to his feet. His eyes were filled with anger and I almost felt fearful. "Don't you dare say that to me."

I pushed myself upright in his bed and pulled the sheet up to cover myself. "I'm sorry," I said again, as I crawled to the edge of the bed closer to him and tried to reach out to him but he flinched away from me.

"Don't touch me," he said coldly, as he turned his back away from me and clenched his fists at his sides.

I didn't comply; rather I continued to climb out of his bed and walked up behind him, wrapping my arms and the sheet around him so it was encompassing us both. I felt him grow tense at first, but I kissed his spine and felt him relax and lean back into me.

"That wasn't a mistake," he said, fiercely at first and then whispered it again. "That wasn't a mistake."

"No," I agreed with him, rubbing my nose against his skin. "That wasn't a mistake."

He turned around to face me then, taking my face inside of his hands. "You belong with me," he said intensely—and it almost sounded like a demand.

He pulled back and I watched him in confusion as he searched the room for his jeans. When he found them, he hastily pulled them on, zipping the fly and buttoning the top button, before walking over to his doorway and stopping to turn back and face me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, fear building up inside of me as I began to realize his intentions.

"I'm going to claim what's mine."

With that, he turned around and walked out the door.

A/N: Okay, it's my first time writing lemons, so just back off and don't be too hard on me.

I know I said I wasn't going to write smut, but apparently I lied. I'll admit this was a little out of my element so I apologize if that was obvious.

With that said, I realize that Jake/Bella's first time wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.

If that pisses you off, I'm sorry. However, I'm pretty sure no one has had a first time that was all love and magic and butterflies and pretty rainbows.

Because I realize I have a lot of younger people reading this story (regardless of the rating), I just want to make it known that I'm not trying to promote sex before marriage (or whatever you wanna call it) or make it seem like "the cool thing to do." What Bella did in this chapter was, in fact, not cool at all.

With that out of the way, let me just say…HOOOOOTTTTTT DAAAAAAAAAAAMNNNNN do I wish Jacob would be pushing me up against the wall!!!!!!!!! Yowzer!!!!!

Thank you goes to my hubby is no Edward—the master behind all things smut—no really she's rather good it making things steamy. (Oh and for the record, in her world Cole is all fine and dandy, actually living at her house to carry out her everyday fantasies.)

Thanks to Mitch, my RL bff, for reading over the chapter and making me feel comfortable with it.

Thanks to ReLeeS—so sorry for my impatience AS ALWAYS.

Finally, please know that Bella WILL make a FINAL decision very soon.

Let the rage filled reviews begin!