Chapter 36- Run ins
A/N: This chapter was originally supposed to be published a few weeks from now, but I was in the mood to write it yesterday. I did a lot of thinking about whether or not I should move this chapter. I decided that I have a lot of work to do this week, so I moved it. Really, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme where this chapter falls. Also- guest, you are on to me… that chapter is already written. Oh, and I finally made it to Wednesday!
"Robin?"
What a week it had been for Robin. She is growing more uncomfortable by the day. Since she isn't allowed to get out of bed for more than twenty minutes a day, any walking that she does is more like hobbling. Getting to the doctor anymore is a chore. Normally, Barney spends the morning with her when she has her doctor appointments, but today, Barney is stuck at work. Fortunately, she had Ranjit to help her get in the car, but finally getting up to the shared doctor's office was a chore. She really wants to curse whatever foreign agency had Barney tied up at work.
Now, as she waits for her blood work, her stomach is tied in knots. Hearing her name is not something she wants to deal with right now. She doesn't want to see anyone she knows today, or any crazy WWN fan. She wants to get the blood work done and go home. She wants her normal doctor appointment and lunch with Barney. She ducks her head and pretends she doesn't hear.
"Robin?"
She hears it again, but this time she recognizes the voice and alarm bells start going off in her head. Oh crap. It really could not be worse. Kevin. This is horrible. She doesn't need this today. Here she is, six months pregnant and very obviously pregnant, running into the man she broke up with because she never wanted children. Well, that was the excuse that she used at the time. Their breakup was partially about children, but not entirely. She knew it was never going to work out. It was always going to be Barney. Now that she thinks about it, she was looking for a way out of the relationship, so really, she isn't sure what she's worried about. Why did Barney have to be working today? She thanks the higher powers that at least her purse and coat are in front of her stomach, and they hide the bump just a bit. Maybe she can make it through this encounter without him ever figuring out that she is pregnant.
"Robin? Hey," he says one more time, before sitting down next to her.
"Hi," she says awkwardly, looking at him for the first time in three years.
"How are you?" he asks, patiently waiting for her reply. It sort of creeps her out, the way he is looking at her, like he still loves her.
"Good," she answers shortly. She doesn't want to give him any ideas. "You?"
"Ok, although I just got a lot better."
"That's great Kevin," she responds coldly. The longer this conversation is going on, the more she feels like something is going to go terribly wrong.
"I can't believe I ran into you today."
"Yep, me neither."
"I know. It is so wonderful. I've been thinking about you a lot lately." She can't help but feel like he is hitting on her. "I've always hated myself for wanting kids more than you, and for breaking up with you. You mean the world to me." She wonders what it is with guys that want her so much. She just got Ted off of her back. She really doesn't want anyone going after her again, especially now. At least Ted saw the whole marriage thing coming. "I was wondering if maybe you want to go grab a cup of coffee with me."
"I'm kinda waiting for a blood test."
"Yeah, of course. Maybe afterwards?"
"I'm sorry Kevin, I can't," she answers, very short in her tone of voice.
"I get it. It's a Friday. You have to get back to work. Some other time then?"
"No. Kevin, that's not it. I'm married," she announces, pulling her left hand up to show him.
"Oh. I guess I shouldn't have assumed that some guy wouldn't scoop you up in three years. I'm glad that you found someone who didn't want kids," he retorts. "I would have looked past it."
Suddenly, Robin winces in pain and tries to catch her breath. Kevin can hear her breathing heavy, but there is no way to explain to him what just happened.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah. It's ok. That's been happening lately," she brushes off. "Not a big deal." It took her a while to get used to the idea of getting kicked in the lungs from the inside, but then again, this is her child. She's a mini Night Falcon, so it makes complete sense that there would be some acrobatics and sharp kicks in there.
"It didn't seem like you were ok."
"Did you ever have that feeling like suddenly you couldn't breathe because you got hit, or you fell?"
"Yeah."
"That's all it was," she tries to explain.
"But you are just sitting here. What could have happened?" She figures at this point, there is no point in hiding it. He is going to find out when she leaves anyway.
"I got kicked in the rib," she admits.
His eyes grow wide with her admission, as he figures out just what that means. "You're pregnant?"
"Yeah." A moment of uncomfortable silence passes between them.
"So you lied to me?" he grills.
"No," she says with as much confidence as she can muster, because she didn't. She didn't lie to him. She didn't know she could have a baby. "I didn't lie. I wasn't supposed to be able to have a baby."
"Why am I supposed to believe that, Robin?" he interrogates, starting to raise his voice and make a scene. She wishes that she could just run away right now, but even so, there would be no fast get away. Why did Barney have to be at work today? "You even said you didn't want kids. Was that a lie too?"
"No," she sighs quietly, and lowers her voice to take the attention off of them. "I didn't want kids. I'm still not sure I am going to be a good mom."
He turns to her with that admission, and he can see the hurt, regret, and fear in her eyes. He can see that she didn't lie. "Wow. I don't know what to say."
"I'm sorry," she starts, knowing that what she is about to say is not going to be easy for him to hear, "but chances are it never would have worked out between us."
"Why?"
"Because my husband is my soul mate. I never realized what that was like to be with the person that just gets you, until my husband and I got together. He means the world to me. I took what you said to heart. I was scared of letting myself be happy. When he proposed I knew I wasn't scared, and I knew that I wanted myself to be happy. I said yes instantly. It wasn't like with you. There was no thinking. I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life."
"Wow," he mumbles. "I had no idea."
"You'll find the right girl," she reassures. "If Ted could find the perfect woman, then so can you."
"So, Ted's married?"
"Yeah. She's great. Really his other half. As much of a female version of him as you can get. Although, sometimes I think he needs a male other half," she jokes.
"Yeah, that was Ted," he chuckles in agreement. "Can I confess something?"
"Hmmm?" Robin turns to him, not knowing what to expect.
"We probably never should have dated," he admits. "You were vulnerable. You were in love with one of your best friends. I should have seen it coming. It probably would have been better for the both of us if I would have let you break up with me that night at the hospital." She whips her head to look at him with wide eyes. She isn't sure that he really means what he is saying.
"You knew?" she questions, still shaking at the revelation.
"Yes, I know you cheated on me with Barney. I could tell things were awkward between the two of you that night, and let's face it, Barney is pretty terrible at lying. I wasn't positive that anything happened until I found out later that night that he broke up with Nora."
"Why did you tell me that you loved me that night?"
"Because I thought it was what you needed to hear, and I was selfish. I wanted you for myself. I thought that you needed to let Barney be. I really didn't care that you cheated on me; that is how much I wanted to be with you. I regret screwing things up between the two of you, but I guess you don't care that much now. You found your soul mate, and you're having a baby with him." She never thought that he would have cared so much. She did need to hear those words that night, it just wasn't him that she needed them from. He came clean about all of this, so she should give him the same respect.
"Since we are admitting stuff, I need to tell you something too. I thought that I got pregnant that night. It's how I found out I couldn't have children. The doctor ran some tests when I was there for my pregnancy test, and that's how they figured it out. I was too scared to tell anyone, but your proposal forced me to. Now that I look back on it, it was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me." Somehow, telling him about it makes her feel a million times lighter.
"Robin, I'm glad that you can say that," he smiles at her. "I guess what happened was meant to happen."
"Yeah, I guess so," she smiles in reply, finally feeling free for the first time in years.
"Robin Stinson?" a nurse calls from across the room.
"I've got to go," she says, as she uses her arms to awkwardly push herself up off of the chair.
"You're married to Barney?" he asks, recognizing the name.
"Yeah."
"I can't say I'm surprised," he chortles, with a genuine smile spread across his face. "Congrats Robin."
"Thanks. I'm glad I ran into you."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Hey!"
"You made it home for lunch!" Robin exclaims as Barney enters the bedroom. She had made it home from her doctor appointment about a half an hour earlier.
"Yeah," he answers happily. "I got out of my meeting early." He hated that he had to stay at work. This was the first doctor appointment he missed in the entire pregnancy.
"I am so glad to see you," she beams at him. It was a rough day, and she is ecstatic to see him. He is so glad she isn't upset with him. He wasn't sure when he left this morning what her reaction would be at the end of the day.
"I'm glad to see you too. So what is the weird food of the day?" he teases her.
"I was really hungry for a sandwich from the deli, but I can't actually eat anything there because of the meat, so pickles, potato chips and ice cream it is," she mumbles.
"Not the healthiest thing you've eaten, but at least it isn't that disgusting."
"Hey!" she argues.
"Well, you do have some strange cravings. Your pregnancy appetite is just as strange and varied as your sexual appetite."
She giggles. "You know it." They immediately high five each other over their heads.
"How did the doctor appointment go?" he asks, stealing the ice cream container away from her. "I'm really sorry I couldn't be there."
"The appointment was good, the after part wasn't. She told me that I could go to Lily and Marshall's for Thanksgiving, as long as I stay off my feet when I'm there."
"That's awesome! It's been so long since we've been there. It seem so odd not to go there anymore. But everything else is ok?"
"Yep. Everything looks normal, and my blood levels from last week were normal."
"Great. What was with afterwards then?" Barney questions. "It sounds to me like everything is good."
"Well, I was sitting in the lab, waiting for the blood test when Kevin came in."
"Kevin?" Kevin. He hates Kevin. He tries his hardest not to look upset that she saw that asshole, and to listen to what really happened instead. He knows he doesn't have anything to worry about. He got Robin in the end. She accepted his proposal, not Kevin's.
"Yeah," she mumbles, sensing Barney's frustration with the name, although she can't say she blames him. "Kevin."
"What happened?" he asks, because he has to know. It's torturous, but he can't imagine what that guy might have done.
"He asked me out for coffee. He wanted to get back together," Robin admits.
"Please tell me you told him no," he groans.
"I actually tried to ignore him at first, but he was persistent. But yes, I told him no."
"How did he not see that you're pregnant?"
"I had my coat in front of me," she answers. "I told him I was married. I didn't want to tell him about the baby, but while I was talking to him she did that thing where she kicks me in the lungs and I can't breathe. He kept insisting that I wasn't ok so I had to tell him."
"Well, that must have been awkward." It doesn't seem like what he should say, but he really doesn't know how to respond.
"Yep. Super awkward. I thought about getting up to run away, but that is laughable at this point," she says, pointing at her stomach. "He got upset because he thought I lied to him. I had to go into a whole story telling him how much I love you."
"Great. I hope he ran away then," Barney says sarcastically.
"No he didn't. He actually apologized for not letting me break up with him that night." That night? As in the night they cheated? That means he must have known they cheated, Barney realizes.
"He knew?"
"Yeah. He knew. He knew the whole time." It seems weird that Kevin knew the whole time that he dated Robin that they cheated. He still hung around with him. He was still friendly with him. He could never do that to someone that Robin would cheat on him with. Never. He could barely stand the guy at the time, just because he was dating Robin.
"Did he know you were almost-?"
"No. I told him though." He nods in understanding.
"How did he take it? That you're married to me and pregnant, I mean."
"Pretty well I think. They called me before we got to finish talking, which I am kinda glad about. I hadn't even told him I was married to you before they called me. He figured it out from the name." Serves him right, Barney thinks. What a surprise that must have been. "But he told he was happy for us." Maybe he isn't such a bad guy after all. Maybe he does really care about Robin.
"I'm really sorry I wasn't there today and you had to deal with that," Barney says.
"It's fine. Really. It was awkward at first, but I'm glad it happened." He is a little confused why she is glad it happened, but he wants to hear. "It made me realize that it isn't that I didn't want kids, it's that I never wanted kids because I hadn't met someone that made me want them. I want kids with you. That's what made me so upset that fall. That was our baby, and this is our baby. She is part of both of us, and there isn't anyone that I would want to share that part of with besides you. The idea that we made her because we love each other means much more to me than I ever thought it could." If that was her realization from running into Kevin, he thinks it ok, because he feels the same way.
"I feel the same way. I would have been excited to have a baby, despite what I used to say about not becoming a father, but it means a whole lot more to me that it's your baby than it would have with some random woman. I love you."
"I love you too."
11/20/14
On Friday, my husband wasn't able to join me at my weekly doctor appointment, and of course, being out alone for the first time since August, something not so great happened. I ran into my ex fiancé. He was one of a few people that knew about my infertility. It was one of the major reasons of our breakup. So needless to say, running into him looking like a cow at twenty-seven weeks pregnant was not my idea of a fun time.
It was awkward to see him at first, and I really had no interest in talking to him at the time, but now, I am glad I did. It made me realize how much I love my husband, and how much we are meant to be together. As you know if you've been following this from the beginning, I always said that I never wanted kids. Today though, talking to my ex, I realized something. Yes, I have always been terrified of being a mother, but it's not that I never wanted kids. Up to that point in my life, I just hadn't met someone that I wanted to have kids with. A part of me always wanted to have kids with my husband, even when we first met. It is amazing how your attitudes can shift once you've met the person that changes it all.
On a good note, I can go to Thanksgiving dinner next week at our friends' house! I can't wait to get out of the house! It will be a great day!