Chapter 35

"Work?" Gibbs asked, more surprised than he let on.

"Yes...not...not like...like back at NCIS. I'm not...qualified anymore...but..." Tim was stammering, hesitating. It was like he'd been pushed back in time about seven years...but Gibbs would take that because there was none of the anger...and none of the overt self-loathing. "...but you need to...get Collier."

"Yes, we do."

"And you need me to get him." Tim's words became steadier as he spoke.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm the one Collier wants. He has no reason to expose himself if I'm not exposed."

"We already talked about that, McGee. It's not going to happen."

"It has to," Tim said, seeming to draw confidence from what he was suggesting. "In some form, it has to because you'll never find him if you don't let him find me."

"No one's perfect, McGee."

"I know that, but you don't have time."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't stay here forever. Because the case needs all the help it can get when I'm a part of the prosecutor's case. Because...you can't leave him out there where he might hurt someone else...or k-kill them this time."

"Like?"

"Anyone...anyone who might get in the way."

"Like Ducky?"

Tim nodded.

"I have a plan," Tim said.

"A plan?"

"Yes. A plan. It'll work."

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because...I'm his target."

"And is this plan going to leave you dead?"

Tim swallowed. "Not...Not if you do your job...right." He swallowed again, clearly afraid...but of what, Gibbs didn't know. "...but at least you can know that if something goes wrong...not much will be lost."

"No, McGee," Gibbs said and stood up, feeling a bit of frustration when Tim backed away from him. "No. Nothing is going to happen if you keep thinking of yourself like that. I'm not risking you leaving this building if you don't think you have any value."

"Not...as much as..."

"No!" Gibbs said again. "I won't accept that. If you want me to agree to some plan you've made, then you need to prove to me that you aren't going to play some twisted version of a martyr."

"I can't...prove that...not in the time we have."

"What time is that?"

"Before the trial starts...before someone else gets killed or hurt to get at me. We don't have time!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because...he's...I've seen him around. I've seen him walking around me and not doing anything. Now that he's started trying to kill me. He's not going to stop until he does. So we have to stop him...sooner rather than later."

Gibbs looked at Tim speculatively. The one problem he had was that he could tell that, if he actually did say no, Tim would try to do it anyway. It wouldn't matter whether he had help or not. ...but he was actually coming to Gibbs now to get help. That meant something, and while Gibbs himself was skeptical, he could see that this was an important step.

"What's your plan?" he asked finally.

He was rewarded with an expression of relief...almost a smile as Tim sat down, relaxing slightly, ready to talk.

"I'll wear a vest if you think I should."

"If it involves you being a target, then, I do."

Tim smiled slightly.

"It does. So...I guess I will. Um...so..."

Tim was suddenly hesitant again...afraid of having his idea rejected, Gibbs suddenly realized. He didn't quite trust Gibbs to really listen to him.

"What's your plan?" he asked again.

"We make it look like I really have snuck out, like I'm out to do...whatever. ...but you guys will be shadowing me, looking for him. He won't know exactly where I am, but he'll probably be set up around here somewhere watching for me. While he's watching for me, you'll be watching for him. You find him, take him down...arrest him or whatever...and we have more evidence for the trial...and he won't be trying to kill me anymore."

"Where would you go?"

"I'd leave from here on foot and head toward the Metro station. If nothing happens between here and there, I'd get on the Metro and head back to my apartment...but I wouldn't go to my apartment...I don't want to get Jed involved."

"Jed?"

"My neighbor," Tim said. "My friend. I wouldn't knowingly put him in danger...but he feels like he owes me; so he might get involved."

"Why does he owe you?"

"He doesn't. He just feels like he does."

"Why?"

Tim shrugged. "Nothing important. I'm not going to drag him into it, though."

"What if he doesn't find you there?"

"Then, I'll get back on the Metro and head for Ducky's place. Ducky won't be there."

Tim's face twisted slightly as he remembered just why Ducky's home would be vacant. He looked away, and Gibbs saw the moment of trust fading as Tim thought about what had happened. It goaded him to speak.

"Do you think he's watching for you now?"

Tim didn't answer.

"McGee?"

Tim lifted his head, the haunted look fading slightly.

"What?"

"Do you think Collier is watching for you now?"

"He might not know where I am exactly, but I'll bet he is."

"Okay. So you tell me. If we do this, how are your shadows going to keep out of sight when you're walking on the sidewalk? And what about people walking by you?"

"If we do it at night, people will be less likely to be around. Easier to keep out of the way. One person could be driving...and Ziva's good at staying hidden. She could be on foot. ...and if you don't think that's enough, Abby or someone could be in MTAC...watching."

"Not Abby."

His dry comment was rewarded with a faint smile. Very faint, but genuine.

"Yeah...probably not Abby. Maybe Jamie?"

"And you think this will work?"

"Yes. I think he's decided that time's up and it's time for me to die."

"And you don't really care, do you."

"I don't know," Tim said and looked down again. "Sometimes...sometimes I care...sometimes, I don't."

"McGee?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does your neighbor feel like he owes you?"

"Because he's a good guy."

"You're not answering my question."

"I know."

"Why not?"

"Because it's...it's no big thing...and it was probably illegal."

Gibbs furrowed his brow. "What?"

"I just kept him from getting scammed is all. G-Gibbs, if you're accepting my idea, we should get going."

"Tonight?"

"Yes."

"Why not tomorrow?"

"Because..." Tim stood up and started to walk away.

"McGee, why tonight?"

"Because..." Tim stopped but didn't turn around. "Because tomorrow...I might not feel like I can do anything. I feel like I can right now and...and I don't usually feel this way."

That statement gave Gibbs an unexpected pang. The fact that Tim felt such helplessness, that it was his normal state of mind, was actually quite sad. Maybe that was why he suddenly decided to go along with Tim's plan. Risky though it was. Foolish though it might be. He suddenly really wanted Tim to feel as though he had some power of controlling the course of his life.

"Do you think you can do this, Tim?"

Tim spun around, shock visible on his face. His mouth opened and then closed.

"What?" Gibbs asked, genuinely confused. "What's wrong?"

"Is that who you think I am?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tim. Am I Tim to you?" Before Gibbs could formulate an answer, Tim turned back. "Do you remember that day in the park? You confronted me and instead of telling you what was going on in my head, I told you that I'd taken ecstasy...because it was the lesser of two evils as I saw it. It was the closest anyone ever got to getting me to confess what was going on in my head. You didn't know it, but all through that talk, it was like I was having two different conversations. One with you. One with Thomas. ...and I felt so out of place there. That park was too beautiful to have someone like me in it."

Gibbs said nothing, listening to Tim describe a moment he personally had almost forgotten.

"That was the time when Thomas started becoming who I was rather than a persona I put on. I was halfway there already, feeling so angry and resentful at how little respect I seemed to be getting. ...but after I talked with you, that was...it." Tim closed his eyes tightly, clearly remembering something painful. "Then...after that...Jewel asked me if I was using her. I said I was and she was using me. ...but I was worse because I knew better."

"So did she, Tim," Gibbs said softly. "We know who she was. She grew up in a good family and decided that wasn't what she wanted. She chose the life she had. It wasn't forced on her."

"Neither was mine."

"Yes, it was."

"No. I can't keep blaming anyone other than myself for what happened. It's me. All me."

"No. Some of it was, but, Tim, we can't pretend that we did nothing wrong. We all know that we made mistakes. Bad ones."

"So did I."

"Okay...but that doesn't change who you are, Tim. You're still Tim."

"I'm glad you're so confident," Tim said with a hint of bravado. Only a hint.

"Someone has to be."

Tim started to walk away and Gibbs looked at his computer.

"Hey, Tim?"

Tim stopped.

"Yeah?"

"There seems to be a strange background on my computer."

"Really?"

"Yeah..." Gibbs remember what Tim had said to him in the basement. "I don't know how to take it off. You think you could do that?"

Tim turned around, one eyebrow rising in surprise.

"Well?" Gibbs asked.

Tim walked back and looked at the computer screen.

"Looks familiar."

"I figured it would."

"I think I can do that. W-w-what do you want in its place?"

"What choices do I have?"

"Anything...anything that's on your computer."

"I don't care. Pick something."

"You sure you trust me? I don't have a g-g-good track record."

Gibbs only smiled. "I trust you."

Tim looked at him and then at the screen. He clicked a few things and the accusing eyes were gone. Then, Gibbs saw an image of the USS Barry take the place of them.

"There. It's gone. I wish everything was that easy."

"So do I." Gibbs looked at Tim and decided that it was best to move on. A couple of steps had been taken. Maybe more later. "You ready to tell Tony and Ziva your plan?"

The fear was back almost instantly. "You think they'll listen?"

"Of course."

"Okay."

Gibbs had Tim tell Tony and Ziva his plan. Whatever doubts they might have had, they said nothing about them. Instead, they focused on making sure that they knew where they'd be to watch Tim, where they'd be able to protect him without being seen. It would mean a late night for them all, but the prospect of taking down Collier and getting him out of the way was too tempting to pass up, even if they'd wanted to.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around, Tim was walking out of NCIS.