DISCLAIMER : the wonderful Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and world of Twilight.
Warning: To quote Jane: Pain!
Music: Dave Grohl's goldmine sends up another nugget for my collection. Foo Fighters - "On The Mend". Sorry but it's all down to song titles and lyrics lol!!
CHAPTER 36: ON THE MEND
Edward POV
I'd popped back to see Yolanda and Liam quite a few times in the past 12 hours. The sight of Liam's anxiety and concern for Yolanda was touching even to my eyes and I imagined I must have looked just like that myself a few months ago with my Bella's ordeal.
Bella had also sat with Liam for a couple of hours, talking quietly about what she remembered from her own experience and what she recalled of me sitting at her bedside, worrying the whole time. She laid her cool hands on Yolanda for short periods of time in the hopes of easing some discomfort.
When I returned for a visit, I could tell that Bella was finding the situation both fascinating and difficult, coming as it did so soon after her own transformation. Seeing it happen to someone else had evidently made her wonder how she'd got through it herself. I was deeply touched when she let down her shield to me briefly and showed me her determination not to add to my anguish when she was burning in anguish. My mind reeled at how strong she'd been not to scream constantly and so I looked at Yolanda with renewed admiration.
I spot-checked Yolanda's mind but initially found only pain, coupled with a repeated mantra of "I will get through this" and a series of counting patterns. Her heart was drumming a frantic beat, but as I was speaking to Liam, she became aware of my presence. Liam's voice had been comforting to her and I was pleased to be able to tell him that. That in turn gave him some measure of comfort. He continued to talk to her, even in our hearing, telling her what meeting her had meant to him. It was intensely moving. He now knew she could hear him, even if she couldn't acknowledge his words with rational thoughts.
When Bella came out of the room with me, I immediately pulled her into a bearhug as I knew she would be needing it. She was strong but I still needed to protect her from her own strong will. We looked into each other's eyes wordlessly as she let me under her shield again, reliving the moment she awoke as a newborn. She conveyed the intense feelings that came when she had first kissed me and made it plain that she had felt the same way about me ever since. I nearly ravaged her on the spot as her desire keyed straight into mine! That would never ever change either.
Bella's eyes darkened too as she whispered, "I want Yolanda to feel that same intense desire about Liam when she wakes". As if to emphasise her point, Bella put her arms around my neck and hauled herself up onto my waist, pulling me in for a deep kiss that nearly had me losing all reason.
I was slightly ashamed about the timing of my lust for her, but on reflection, we hadn't kissed for the past two hours at all and what was a red-blooded man to do but comply?!
***
Carlisle and Esme joined Liam every hour or so and I could hear their thoughts percolate down to the living room where I now sat, as they watched Liam stay rock solid at Yolanda's side.
Carlisle was checking Yolanda's physical progress and commented that the morphine had burned off long ago but he hoped her tumours weren't adding to her distress. He was able to report that her skin was healing over beautifully and already had a light sheen to it. He'd already removed the dressings,which had previously covered her various wounds. This revealed an outer shell which Yolanda would hopefully be pleased with, but her body shape would of course alter again as the conversion progressed. In the meantime, I could see her image through Carlisle's eyes.
Esme's concern was more for Liam as he continued to talk quietly in Yolanda's ear. After twelve hours, she wanted him to have a short break but he wouldn't hear of it. She finally asked Jasper to come up and see if he could work some calming on Liam. As I listened in to what was going on upstairs, I noticed that Jasper's projected aura was also having some benefit on Yolanda, although it did not reduce the pain levels by any measure, sadly.
As I was tuned into Yolanda, I became aware that her thoughts were strengthening in a new kind of wonder. She was starting to think outside of the pain and cast her mind to newer sensations. I surmised that the venom had progressed into her mind and had transformed it into a more vampire-like state.
I headed up the stairs to join the others and stood across the bed from Liam.
"Liam?" He looked up expectantly, not having noticed me approach until that moment. "Her mind is changing and she's starting to see beyond the pain a little. Her thinking is becoming clearer and I'm happy to say she's more aware of you than she was before. At this moment, she's debating whether to open her eyes to you, but she feels that speaking is beyond her just now."
Liam blew out a sigh of relief and looked hopefully at her face, clasping her hand to his mouth, willing her to open her eyes.
I leaned over Yolanda and bent close to her ear. "Don't force it Yolanda, but Jasper is here and will help you regain control if you can't handle it."
Esme's hand shot to her mouth as Carlisle put his arm round her shoulder. Jasper nodded at me and turned to concentrate on Yolanda.
She in turn silently thanked me and I felt her steel herself, focusing on her breathing which had not yet been curtailed. If she was going to speak, now was the time but, in truth, I suspected that if she did open her mouth, only a terrible scream would emerge.
It dawned on me the room was full of people and she might not want that.
"Yolanda, Carlisle and Esme are here, along with Liam, Jasper and me. Are you ok with that?" She silently made a comment that made me chuckle while the others turned stunned faces to me, Esme almost snarling.
"Well?" queried Esme, as I stood for a moment or two, running my hands through my hair, slightly bemused.
"Erm.....what she actually said was: Welcome to my pain party. Next game is Pin the Tail on the Donkey!"
Liam's reaction was to cover her face in soft kisses as his emotions ran riot, while we all shook our heads in amazement at her black humour. "You darling woman! And you wonder why I love you? Strewth girl, I love you to bits and don't you forget it!"
Under his breath, I heard him mutter a wry "pin the tail on the donkey......bloody hell!" as he tut-tutted to himself.
Eyes shut, he rested his forehead on hers, while I listened to her carefully. I didn't say a word, waiting for Liam to notice. After a minute or two, he gasped as he realised that she was in fact silently looking at him. "Look! Yolanda, my brave sweetheart."
Esme let out a choked noise and glanced up at Carlisle, who looked relieved. Jasper was concentrating on Yolanda still, helping her keep a lid on things.
I tuned Yolanda in again, only to hear her ask me to tell Liam to get a grip, or more precisely "Tell that handsome silly man to get a grip". Biting back a smile, I relayed her comment to Liam who had not taken his eyes off her face. His eyes shone with devotion and chagrin, as he whispered a reply that he would certainly behave himself because she was not to fret about him.
Yolanda shut her eyes again and steeled herself against another wave of pain that hit her consciousness. Tell that beautiful man I'll be wanting a very big kiss from him when I get through this. He's seriously ruined my plans for today.
Esme was slightly freaked out at that comment and I could hear her scrambling around to know what to say. Dear Lord, but that girl has some courage. How does she do it?
Jasper broke into this train of thought and asked whether his presence was helping. When I assured him it was, he looked relieved. "Then I'll stay for a while longer if that's ok with her."
Carlisle and Esme took their leave and were soon replaced by Alice, who came quietly into the room with an enigmatic smile on her face. "She's coming on nicely."
She sat down next to Jasper, taking his hand between hers and leaning against his shoulder. He gave her a sideways kiss and settled down emotionally with her presence in the room. The energy expended on calming those around him did take its toll but he wanted to help, however he could. I also caught a note of regret in this thoughts that we had not thought to do this for Bella, mainly because we had not known how badly she was suffering. We'd placed a misguided belief in the morphine dulling her pain. Jasper looked at me briefly in apology – all I could do was shrug my shoulders. Nothing we could do now and hindsight is a wonderful thing. At least we were learning from our mistakes.
Yolanda's eyes opened again and her head tilted slightly towards Liam. He drew his face in close to hers and stared back intently. Watching them communicate by eyes only was one of the most intimate things I had ever seen and I had to turn away. Jasper also turned to Alice and stared into her face. She smiled back into his.
I was about to leave the room when I heard Liam's voice. "I think she wants you Edward". I looked back at Yolanda to see her now-red eyes boring into my face. Thank you for being my voice Edward. I'll be ok for a while with Jasper here. And please tell him thank you."
I relayed that message along, glad to be of help. Although being able to hear other people's thoughts was definitely a distraction in life and took some effort to tune out, there had been many times when I was glad of the ability. This was definitely one of those times.
***
Liam POV
My beautiful girl had been at this for over 24 hours now. I couldn't begin to say how much I loved her indomitable spirit through all this or how much more this made me love her. Plain and simple: I adored her and couldn't wait to show her in a thousand ways just how much.
Her heartbeats were still frantic as the venom made its way through her body wreaking havoc but also healing. I could see some visible changes in her now, not least those crimson eyes she was still looking at me with from time to time. They really would take some getting used to, but they were quite stirring on their own. They spoke to the feral part of me which I had controlled for so long since moving away from killing humans over a century ago.
My sweet Yolanda had not spoken at all during this time. I ached to hear her voice again, but now of course her vocal chords would have undergone a change, after her brain had been taken apart and reworked. Prior to that, she had moaned on and off for a while, a dagger to my heart, but mostly when she had her eyes closed. Once her crimson eyes were visible, there had been tears of blood at first - damned disconcerting to see and which nearly ripped my unbeating heart out - but even those had stopped as her tear ducts sealed. Her agony was sealed back within her. Oh God, what had I done to her?
Her breathing had now ceased as her lungs had been stripped of air sacks and she'd not been able to even utter a moan through that process, all air being denied to her. Her silent hell continued as all organs except her heart must now have been converted. Her malignancies were now benign, a permanent part of her like mine were in my body. Their presence had made no difference to my vampire existence, merely fused into my tougher body tissue and so I was hopeful that Yolanda would be similarly unaffected.
Only electrical pulses from her brain kept her heart beating now and I prayed she would stay strong enough to live through her own death in another few hours.
My dear sweet Yolanda. The venom worked amazing magic but at such a terrible price.
From what Jasper and Carlisle had told me, the venom would now be working to shape her musculature, burning away fat from the tissues. Although she had barely any fat to shed, the process would probably not be quick, although we couldn't be sure. The process would then subtly perfect her skin, nails and body hair, leaving them durable for ever more.
The past 24 hours had seen a succession of Cullens come and pay their respects to Yolanda, to sit with us and assist us through the transition period. Every one of these dear sweet people had been so supportive and affectionate that I could only offer grateful thanks to Jasper for being part of such a fine family unit. It truly was serendipity that had brought me to their door.
I was proud to call Jasper my friend, even though we had not seen each other in an age. I was above pleased he'd slotted into this family unit as neatly as Alice seemingly had into his own life. I was not a religious man, but it seemed pre-ordained that Jasper should gravitate towards this disciplined and happy group, each member having a distinct part to play in their own world.
I could see how inspirational Carlisle's leadership was and that, although he relied upon Edward's judgement in many aspects of their lives, it was to Jasper that he turned on matters of strategy and understanding the emotions of those around him. He was fortunate to have gathered together such a talented band of people and where I would have liked to been blessed with a special gift rather than my fairly ordinary one, living with the Cullens had shown me what a burden and responsibility that could also be. That said, it made them a cohesive unit and strongly bonded.
If I'd had a group of men under me in the military with such fierce loyalty to each other and innate talent as these people, then I felt sure I'd have been proud to command them. They inspired loyalty in anyone who met them: witness the coming together of all the different covens at the Cullens' time of need recently. I had not known about that at the time, but had since heard how Aro of the Volturi was a jealous man who had been bested. He and his colleagues were bound to find a way to get back at the Cullens in future, and if that ever happened, I'd be proud to stand with the Cullens to protect their way of life: I owed Jasper and his family that much.
I wondered idly if Yolanda would be blessed with an extra gift of any kind, but I would be more than happy with her as she was. She was an exceptional human already and I was more than blessed to have had the opportunity to be with her again. I could not now imagine an existence without her by my side and only wished that I could have absorbed some of her current pain as she fought the worst battle of her life to stand at my side. She was definitely someone else worth fighting for.
How soon would this pain be over for her? Esme had been urging me to take a break, but if Yolanda wasn't getting a break from her torment, then neither would I.
I kissed her hand and started to slowly rub my hands over her body once more in the hopes that it would be comforting. However, this time I noticed her skin had mutated further. There was no longer any fire to it and it was now at a temperature more like mine. My previously cooling hands would no longer bring relief. That made me somewhat redundant.
"Yolanda my love, your temperature is changing and you're more like me now. I'd gladly rub my hands over your body if it would help, but it would not be cooling like it was before."
My darling girl opened her eyes to look at me and I was sure I saw ghost across her face the briefest of smiles. That slight lift of her gorgeous mouth had not been a figment of my imagination, surely? I leaned forward to kiss her mouth and forehead and to ask if she would like me to rub her. There it was again, that ghost of a smile. So that was a yes then.
I started at her left hand and rubbed towards the shoulder, repeating this on the right side. I moved the sheets down to reveal her torso and very carefully rubbed my hand over her collarbone, before moving on to her belly. At this point, I hesitated because she had not let me near it before. Carlisle had however said that her skin was healed and so there was no reason not to include this area in my touch zone. As it had been of concern to her, I wanted to reassure her.
"Yolanda sweetheart, I'm just going to lift your top and rub your belly. Whatever surgical wounds you had there are now healed, so please don't worry."
With that I lifted up her top a short way, keeping her modesty, but pleased to be able to rub her flat belly skin which was beautiful and without scars. I used circular motions and hoped she found it as relaxing as she could in the circumstances. Her eyes followed me as I worked and placed a tender kiss near her gorgeous bellybutton. Pulling down her top, I moved on to her legs, making steady sweeping motions towards her torso, ending with a massage of her dainty feet. I couldn't resist kissing the arch of each foot and looked forward to the day when she could tell me herself whether she might get pleasure from that. I certainly hoped so.
Aching to take her in my arms right now, I knew I would have to be very patient. When she was fully aware and transformed, it would be quite a while before I could show her even a drop of the love I felt so fiercely for her. I suspected she could be quite a spitfire if riled and I'd have my work cut out corralling her feral nature for many months to come. Just as well that vampires don't bruise easily!
Meanwhile, I had my part to play and that was of a gentleman companion, so I covered her back up and moved back to the head of the bed to lie beside her. Her eyes followed me to my new position. It broke my heart to see they were still full of pain. There were only two things left to me to give her: a kiss on her lips and an assurance that I loved her.
I still hoped she truly would forgive my part in all this, which thought reminded me that I'd promised to read some Yeats to my girl. There was a poem of his which might convey something to her undimmed intellect through all the pain.
"Heart of mine, I promised you some Yeats. I know I can't adequately beg your forgiveness for what I've done to you, so if you don't mind, I'd like to let Yeats say a few words for me – although I'll freely admit his perpetual angst and flowery language have rather got on my nerves at times! Anyway, this is one I memorised a few years back and is called The Lover Asks Forgiveness because of his Many Moods."
"If this importunate heart trouble your peace
With words lighter than air,
Or hopes that in mere hoping flicker and cease;
Crumple the rose in your hair;
And cover your lips with odorous twilight and say,
"O Hearts of wind-blown flame!
O Winds, older than changing of night and day,
That murmuring and longing came
From marble cities loud with tabors of old
In dove-grey faery lands;
From battle-banners, fold upon purple fold,
Queens wrought with glimmering hands;
That saw young Niamh hover with love-lorn face
Above the wandering tide;
And lingered in the hidden desolate place
Where the last Phoenix died,
And wrapped the flames above his holy head;
And still murmur and long:
O piteous Hearts, changing till change be dead
In a tumultuous song':
And cover the pale blossoms of your breast
With your dim heavy hair,
And trouble with a sigh for all things longing for rest
The odorous twilight there."*
Yolanda's eyes were still fixed on mine as I recited the poem. Her pained gaze cut to my core.
Cupping her face, I added another kiss to her collection from over the past endless hours. Her hand was grasped in mine and I was surprised to find that her limbs were starting to twitch and flex, with her other hand extending and fisting.
I was about to call for Carlisle when I was surprised as hell to see her lift our hand-meld to her lips and kiss it. Oh good lord, she was coming through her ordeal and was on the mend.
***
A/N: So she's on the mend and aware of her surroundings. How long before her ordeal is over? Viewing no.8 of New Moon under my belt. I adore Carlisle in it, brief though his presence is. I adore Peter Facinelli even more! Thank you for following this story.
* WB Yeats - no copyright infringement intended