Alice POV:

My head seemed to be one permanent headache these days. It was a consequence of being in too close a proximity to Bella. It seemed no matter where I went within the house, I couldn't escape this constant, internal pain my mind was in. It worsened the more her condition progressed, as her and the fetus became more interwoven as one. The more time went on, the harder it became for me to be around Bella. Instead I was forced to watch from the sidelines, look on as Rosalie took my place as Bella's best friend, her closest confidante within the family. It was hard to watch, especially knowing that not so long ago such an allegiance between these 2 women would have been out of the question. The reason for the alliance was obvious to us all, Rose had been the only ally Bella had known she'd be able to count on since her shock self-discovery on Isle Esme. But this friendship of convenience wasn't any easier to watch, even though I knew the reason behind it, I missed the both of them. I missed Bella, my reluctant, but never able to say no Guinea Pig Barbie. My source of ever constant display of embarrassment, and for some reason, lack of self confidence. I missed her constant lack of self esteem and worth, I missed the look of constant surprise on her face that we all accepted her, and more importantly, loved her. Bella was yet to fully comprehend just how the rest of humanity viewed us, not all humans were willing to understand us and the choices we were forced to make. To Bella, the world was black and white, good and bad, she didn't see in us what others of her kind did. Where most humans could only last a few minutes in our company, if that, somehow Bella felt completely at ease with us, she was a part of us.

Being a Cullen goes beyond the normal family dynamics. Most families have DNA to bind them, ours was a cluster of individuals who sought comfort together in an uncertain and unforgiving world, yet somehow the bonds we had managed to forge matched, or even surpassed that of your typical nuclear family. The bonds that tied us might have started out as ties of necessity, but had developed into so much more, there was little to nothing we wouldn't do for each other, it was the reason Bella was here at all in our lives, why time after time we had placed ourselves in the line of fire to protect her. She hated the fact we did it, a constant fear that she would be responsible for one of our deaths. She didn't understand it had become necessary, it was what any of us would do for any of us, it was the same steps we would take to protect any member of our family: Carlisle, Esme, Edward. It was what we did. It was why, despite all out fears, our misjudgments, we were letting Bella continue with her pregnancy. Not being able to see Bella or the fetus' future alarmed me, having my sense altered wasn't something I was used to, but that wasn't what scared me the most. What scared me the most was the uncertainty, if Bella was so sure this child was what she wanted, so definite, why could I not see it? Previously I had been able to see both Edward and Bella's futures, this child was a part of each of them, an unknown yes, but it seemed its genetic make-up had more in common with the wolves than it did vampires or human. From a scientific point of view the fetus was fascinating, I traced that much in Carlisle's voice, but it was equally terrifying, it was all such an unknown. Carlisle had sent Jasper and Emmett off to find out what they could about women like Bella, those who had been impregnated by our kind, but every time they returned, the stories got graver and any hope Bella drinking the blood and being able to keep it down had given us, was swiftly taken away. Only Rose kept any optimism. But that was Rose all over. At first Rose had been the least forthcoming to me and Jasper when we had arrived at the Cullen's, angry that we outsiders were welcomed into her family, that me and Edward bonded in a way she could only be envious of, it took us a long time to bond in any way. It was our mutual love of shopping and appearances that first bound us together, at first superficial, it was over these long shopping trips that Rose first began regaling me with stories of her youth, of her beauty. Taking Rose at face value, it's easy to see her as a spoiled Daddy's girl, but wearing her pain as her shield, it's not hard to see that if you dig a little further, you find someone who still, after all this time, is struggling to find her place, within our family, in life. It took a long time for Rose to let me in, for her to confide in me, but when she did, suddenly everything about her behavior clicked into place, and from that moment on we were bonded. Our bond may not have been as evident as the guys, but just like hunting trips were their cover stories for male bonding, shopping trips were our covers for girlie heart to hearts.

New York in the winter was beautiful, the snow, the Christmas decorations, it all created such a magical effect that made even the most cynical person gasp in admiration. Even after all these years I loved Christmas, I loved the excuse to decorate the house from top to toe, to go out and buy presents for the people that I loved, to see their faces on Christmas morning when they unwrapped the presents. It was just the perfect holiday for me, I drove the rest of my family crazy with my over-excitement but they indulged me knowing it was the safest way to fulfill my craving.

"Alice, how much longer?"

I turned to face Rose, when even Rose was bored, I knew I had spent too long in a shop.

"I just need to check the publication dates on these books for Carlisle to make sure he hasn't got them already and then we can go".

Rose rolled her eyes, bookshops were Rose's least favourite kind of shops, nothing in here interested her, and also there were a couple of teenage boys in the corner who were not being subtle in their attempts to eye Rose up. Personally I found it amusing, but I knew Rose would not cheer up until she was comfortable planted in a department store where she could put a major dent in her credit card.

The sales assistant returned and I purchased the books after checking the dates, and we left the store, climbing into the limo we had hired for the day. Shopping was much easier this way.

"Thank God" said Rose as soon as we were in the car."Could you have taken any longer?"

I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, be patient, be patient I kept saying to myself.

"I just wanted to make sure I had the right books, he has so many" I replied. "Besides, we still have the rest of the day, what's the rush?"

"We still have everyone else's presents to buy and we have to meet the guys at 8".

"Like it would be the first time we've stood the guys up for shopping?"

She smiled and I couldn't help but laugh, Jasper and Emmett were used to waiting 2-3 hours for me and Rose after we'd been shopping. There would always be one shop that we'd missed that would be open just that little bit later, or some overeager sales assistant who would take one look at our platinum credit cards and see that the shop stay open past closing just for us.

"I just want to make this Christmas extra special, it's going to be hard enough.."

My voice trailed off, for the first time since I had joined the Cullen's it would be the first time we would not spend Christmas all together, as a family, it had been only a couple of months since we had left Forks, Edward had left us, wondering, trying to force Bella out of his head and heart. It was a fruitless task, those two belonged together, but there was no talking him out of his choice, he was too stubborn to realise that apart they might be more harmful to each other then when they were together.

"Ever thought that maybe he did the right thing?"

I turned around in an instant to face her, her face was controlled, her eyes met mine and I saw no uncertainty in her question.

"How can you ask that? You've seen the state of him? I've seen the state she's in, yet you think they've done the right thing?"

She shrugged, moving her gaze from me to the window of the car.

"I'm not doubting it's painful, for both of them. But we can survive a lot of pain, us and them. One day, that pain will fade, and they'll both be able to move on with their lives, and it will be better for them both, and for us".

"That may just be the most selfish thing I've ever heard you say Rose. This isn't about us, it's about them!"

"So it wasn't about us with James? Victoria? It wasn't about us when we ran across the country trying to find a crazed vampire who held no threat to us? It wasn't about us when we're the ones who killed James? It wasn't about us when we had to move away from Forks? It's not about us when Edward leaves?"

I had no response, I understood where she was coming from, and I understood her reasoning, I had no counter argument.

"It will be better for the both of them, eventually. I know you all love her, and I know what you saw Al, but could she ever be one of us, really?"

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, her gaze still trained out of the window.

"None of us chose this, none of us wanted this. If we'd had the choice, would we have chosen this? Bella has that choice, she has a life in front of her that we can only dream of and she was willing to throw it away, to become one of us. It isn't right. Think of everything it would deny her, the rites of passage she would miss as a result"

"Is this about Bella or you?"

"Her...Me....Both I guess. I just get so angry with her, she has this choice, this chance to be everything we can never be, yet she seems content to just throw it all away."
"What exactly is she throwing away Rose? Because to me, what she gets in exchange makes it worth it".

Rose fell silent for a moment, and I knew in that instant just what Rose was accusing Bella of throwing away, and just where all this anger and resentment festered from.

"Rose, she's not you, she doesn't want the same things you did..you do".

"Not now, but in 10, 20 years she might, and then she won't have a choice, she'll be stuck, forever 18, it's not as good as it sounds Alice, immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be, not when you can remember what mortality was like".

I took a deep breath in, that was a low blow, even for Rosalie, I glared at her, warning her that she was a crossing a line here.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant, she's always going to know she had a choice, she's always going to remember what it was like to grow and age, and right now, she may not want any of that. But there may come a day when she does, when she regrets her choices, in this life or any other".

"You're putting Bella in your shoes, she's not you".

"Maybe not now, but one day she might be, once upon a time I was as carefree as Bella, and now look at me, not exactly the life and soul of the party."

We both fell silent, thinking over what each other had said. Rose envied me for having no recollection of my previous life, for having no longing for a human form, no burning desire to be a mother. And I envied Rose for being able to remember a life other than this, for having a history, however tainted, for remembering emotions I could only hear about. We both envied Bella, the person we would never be, with choices we never had, we both envied her for different reasons; Rose for the chance to be a mother, me for the chance to experience humanity in a way I never had.

"What would you do, if you was Bella, and you had a choice?" I asked, already sensing the answer to the question.

"I'd stay human". Her words cut through me like a knife, to know that she didn't really want to be part of the family I held so dear, that she didn't want to be the sister I adored her as, it hurt, really hurt.

"I love you Alice" she said, reaching out for my hand. "I do, and Emmett, I love him more than anything. You, him, the rest of the family, you're the only things that have kept me going through all of this, you're the ones who have made me appreciate what I do have. You're the people who have helped make me into a better person, but if I was in Bella's shoes now, I'd stay human every time. I'd have the life I always dreamed of, a husband, children, a home, it's all I ever wanted Alice, I just went about it the wrong way and look how I've paid for it".

"I wish you still didn't feel this way, I wish after all this time you would choose this".

She squeezed my hand lightly, trying to comfort me.

"Me too. But I can't, maybe when a bit more time's passed I'll be able to see more good in my life now, but right now I'm still too angry, too remorseful. Too bitter about what I'll never have".

"You really want children that badly?"

She nodded, shutting her eyes for a brief second, no doubt looking over what she might have had.

"And that's why you despise Bella so much? Because she's having the choices you never had and choosing wrong?"

She nodded again.

"I'm not proud of myself, I see the way she looks at me, how Edward looks at me, and yet I can't help it. I can't help resenting her, everything about her. It's too much of a reminder".

"So if she did have to decide, and she didn't choose this, then you could like her?"

"Like's a bit strong" she said, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Tolerate".

"You know, even when they both realise they can't be without each other, her mind will be made up even further, her path hasn't changed Rose, she will be one of us".

"I know, I realise nothing will change her mind, I just wish she'd stop and think, realise what a heavy price she'll pay".

The car jolted to a stop as we arrived at our next stop on our shopping spree. As we got out of the car, I realised we had become the centre of attention. The limo had drawn the public's attention to us, and when Rose got out of the car she only added to the attention. She was dressed to perfection, and no man was walking past without a sideways glance at her. She looked stunning, as normal, and to the world, and to the little girl's who stood in awe outside the shop, she probably looked like some sort of princess. She was everything a little girl wants to be when they grow up, she was the person she had wanted to be when she was growing up. But she'd never got her happily ever after, she had her Prince Charming, but the fairytale wasn't complete. And after talking to her today, I had a feeling it would never be complete.

I remembered that day, Rose's honesty, her clear disliking for Bella, and her wishes. It made their new friendship that bit harder to stomach. I was under no illusion that Rose didn't care for Bella how I did, Bella was merely a means to an end for Rose, Bella was finally doing right by Rose. Making the same choice Rose would have done, and for that reason Rose was happy to cater to Bella's every whim. Her eyes firmly on the prize, if anything it turned my stomach. Bella was merely a disposable object to Rose, if she didn't make it then it wouldn't be the same loss to Rose that it would to us. I wished that I could be closer to Bella, but the pain was almost unbearable just being in the same room as her, let alone close enough to talk. Instead I watched and observed, I knew Edward understood Rose as I did, and he would not let Rose take advantage of Bella, and now Jacob was back on the scene, he served dual purpose, not only did his presence numb my headache much like paracetamol does on humans, but he also saw straight through Rose and had no problem pointing this out much to mine and Edward's amusement. Despite my anger towards both Bella and Rose, I still loved them, they were my sisters, maybe not in the conventional way, but in every other way that mattered. The fact that I was left out of something so important hurt me more than any headache ever could, as Bella doubled over in pain as the baby broke one of her ribs, I wanted to help. I stood up and was willing to put my own suffering to one side to be there for her, but before I knew it, there was Rose. Scooping her up into her arms, not even allowing Edward near her, and I couldn't help if there wasn't any length Rose wouldn't go to in order to protect the life of Bella's child. And, if it came down to it, which of my sisters would I choose? It was a question that pained my heart to think about, let alone even contemplate to answer, and so I hoped it was one that I would never have to find out the answer to.

A/N: I am actually rubbish at updating, I know, and I am sorry. Just been a hectic couple of weeks with results day :), and a very relaxing, and inspiring holiday, but the motivation and dedication is back, and I promise to to update more regularly. As always, thank you for sticking by the story, and I hope you like the latest chapter- let me know :) Thanks agirl2224 for being my beta, and my constant encouragement!