I lay there, in Alex's bed. He slept peacefully beside me. Slowly breathing quietly, his warm breath swept over the side of my neck as I stared up at the dark but slightly lit sealing of his bedroom.

It was early in the morning, barely the sun was over the horizon yet. I could tell by the still darkened sky from Alex's window just a few feet away from us on the bed. It was quiet the entire house was this way. I found it strange. Usually I was used to hearing my mom get up and prepare for work but this was different.

I grasped a hold of Alex's fingers that had intertwined with mine in my sleep before I had suddenly woken up from another sudden nightmare of my father. I sighed closing my eyes for a few seconds. I let my racing heart calm down as I squeezed tightly to his hand draped over my chest where my heart was. I didn't bother to wake him over another one of my dreams figuring it was only another nightmare, I could deal with it alone.

Like I would normally do before I had met him.

I hadn't been able to sleep well that night, still to distracted about my fall out last night with Alex. I felt oddly embarrassed and idiotic but he comforted me telling me not to worry about how I portrayed myself in the way I had acted. He had told me I had only been upset over my mothers distraught attitude towards me and that everything would be fine in a matter of days.

I hoped he was right. But deep down I doubted the last words he said. This problem wasn't going to go away in a matter of days. I had a feeling my mother was about to step into a whole new world of grief but still I wasn't completely sure. It must have been my brain over thinking things. I only hoped.

I turned my head over to look at Alex's peaceful face as he slept. His red hair sprawled out over his left eye as he laid on his side facing me. He looked. . .cute this way. I hadn't seen his face look so calm until now. I was glad to see it. I examined his features closely just now noticing his eye lashes. They were long, with the colors of slightly red but more black hairs. It surprised me to know that his hair color was natural this whole time I thought he had dyed it red and black but he was really born with it.

Before I knew what I was doing I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead before slowly removing myself from under the covers and stood. I found my T shirt draped over his closet's door knob before putting it back on.

I opened his door slowly as not to wake him and slipped out before closing it right back. I looked at the grandfather clock they had in the hallway next to the bathroom. The time was 4:09Am still to early for us to get up for school.

I went into the bathroom and rinsed my face with cold water. I turned the facet off and dried my face with a towel. Pulling the towel away from my face I looked into my reflection and saw the wrapped bandages around my wrist, I felt like I was reliving something, the way I used to be or maybe I hadn't changed at all. Maybe my attitude was still the same.

I felt some what uncomfortable about this. It wasn't like I wanted myself to change but more like I expected myself to. Deep down was I still the scared teen who cut himself just wishing his dad's torment was over? Or had I changed just a bit? . . . I couldn't have my answer mainly because I couldn't think of one.

I didn't feel the need to go back to bed I just wanted to wonder.

I found myself downstairs sitting at the kitchen table hearing the slight ticking of the clock from up stairs. I rested my head on the back of my hand closing my eyes in thought.

What was I to do now?

"Couldn't sleep?" came a voice.

I snapped my eyes open and looked up to see Alex standing there hands in his pockets with a small smile on his lips. That smile that I was too familiar with.

I turned back to looking at the dark wood table. You could say that. I answered quietly.

"You okay?" he cocked his head at me. Catching my uninterested tone.

I'll be fine. I moved my eyes towards him again. After all, I just need to give my mom time. I said reciting the exact words he said to me last night.

He smiled at me fully before walking in the kitchen further and pulled out a fruit breakfast bar and held one out to me. "Here ."

I took it and opened it before biting into the typical strawberry flavor.

"What made you wake up so early, or do you normally wake up this way?" He asked taking a seat across from me, making sure to pull the chair out slowly as to not make to much noise since his parents were still sleeping.

"Nightmare." I said deliberately, figuring I should tell him.

"Oh no, not good." He stated looking at me slightly worried.

"It's alright. They're always the same." There was a detestable edge in my voice that I didn't even try to hold back.

Alex looked down at his lap knowing what I meant by that. As if on cue he decided to lift the atmosphere. "Walk with me, we still have time before we need to get ready for school, okay?"

He stood from his chair before pushing it in. He gave me an expecting expression, looking as if he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I gave him a side ways look before lifting myself up from the chair. "I'll grab a jacket."

I pulled up the black hood on my jacket feeling the cold air hit me instantly once I stepped out side. The breeze was strong that morning definitely not something I would off expected in spring.

Alex looked around us in his open field backyard that lasted for who knows how long.

"Good, my kind of weather." He said cheerfully as his hair flew away from his forehead as the wind picked up once again.

I looked at him disagreeable. "Tch! Not mine." I walked ahead of him putting my already cold hands in my pockets. My hair blew wildly in front of my eyes making it hard to see where I was walking, but I managed.

"It's not that bad" Alex replied following me.

"Yeah, even though I'm already freezing my ass off." I said only half playfully. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Just a walk and back". He said catching up to me.

"Okay". I said flatly looking down at the tall grass stepping over it the best I could in the dark. It was starting to get brighter but still it was early in the morning.

"What's the reason you brought me out here?" I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"Remember that thing I told you yesterday that I said I'd talk to you today about?"

I recalled what he was mentioning. " What about it?"

Alex hesitated before answering me Don't be mad at me when I say this but I kind of signed me, you, D.C and Nai up for The Battle Of The Bands.

I stopped in my tracks and glared at him in which he took a step back.

"Don't be mad!" he raised his hands defensively.

I knew what battle of the bands were. They were assigned each year for Freshman's threw Seniors in which the most talented band would play in front of the entire school. There could only be three that could make it on stage in 1st 2nd and 3rd who would play their written song in front of every one.

That was something I didn't want to do especially since I was already the main attention at school I didn't want even more people to see who I was!

"Mad doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now!" I snapped my voice low but had an edge of anger to it. I huffed and turned on my heel continuing to walk forward.

Come on, Gareki. It won't be bad, I promise. Alex said walking up to me but I turned swiftly before he could touch my shoulder.

"You promise?!- Alex you know I don't like being center of attention." Do you not understand what's happening at school right now?" I asked him glare still on my face.

"I do. But maybe this will change there opinions about you, Nai and D.C already agreed with the sign up, if that makes you feel any better?"

"It doesn't" I said quickly.

"Sorry". he said.

"Why didn't you tell me about the sign up so I could decide for myself if I wanted to be in it? "And when did you sign up?"

"It was before we got into a fight-, before we broke up. I was going to tell you but then the party thing happened."

"That long ago. Huh?" I rose an eyebrow. "Take my name off the list." I said flatly.

Alex sighed," I'm not doing that. There is a 90 percent chance that people can see right threw this whole thing with you and praise you for how well you play an electric guitar. Don't tell me you're not even going to consider trying to make these people forget about that party."

I looked away from him, it wasn't helping that I was thinking about the offer. What if he was right? would people really forget all about what happened between Lock and me considering I'll be in Battle Of The Bands? I didn't see a reason to go further against the idea but I still had a slight bit of doubt.

I sighed and turned back to him. "Fine, I'll join it."

He smiled.

"Trust me Gareki, you aren't making a mistake, It'll be, he shrugged. Awesome."

Despite me being angry I couldn't help but smile at him. I looked away. "You better be lucky that you're my boyfriend or else I would have denied you."

"That, I believe." Alex said stopping in his tracks. He held out his had towards me. "Let me see your arm?"

I lifted an eyebrow before giving him my bandaged wrist like he had pointed out.

He examined it for a few seconds." I sure hope you don't do this to yourself again." He said seriously. Letting go of my arm he looked up at me. "You aren't right?"

I didn't answer right away. I pulled my arm away from him and sighed again. I've been doubting myself lately. I looked down at the ground.

"Have I changed at all?" I feel the same but everything that I did last night just has me realizing that I'm still that guy who's afraid of what's going to happen to himself all because of a man that's locked away behind bars. I raised my wrist to look at it.

I did this to myself as an old habit out of fear. I wish my life weren't like this, for me to be afraid of dyeing in my sleep thanks to nightmares that feel more like reality then a dream. I wish I were normal.

I crouched down in the grass before sitting. I heard his foot steps walk up behind me before he sat down besides me.

Before I knew what he was doing he pulled me down to lay on his shoulder.

Trust me ,Gareki you've changed a lot more the you think. You associate with me, Nai, and D.C which means you have friends, you're affected by the way people think of you, in which the first time I met you, you never really cared. which proves that your attitude is changing whether you know it or not. You even some times show more emotion towards me then when we first got together, you're more open. I appreciate that from you.

I was surprised by the words he said to me. Was I really all that different from before and why hadn't I noticed? It was weird.

Thanks. I muttered. He leaned over and kissed me on my neck leaving a ticklish feeling that made goose bumps on my skin.

He stood up and reached out his hand towards me. Come on, let head back.