Chapter 34
After we've eaten, I excuse myself to go to the loo.
As I wash my hands, the door opens and I brace myself for an attack that is now sure to come. I'm seized by the coat and pinned against the wall. Rousseau is glaring at me. His blue eyes are glinting nastily—no. They're glowing.
"Rousseau, I can explain."
"I hope so." His canine teeth are sharper.
"But you need to calm down first," I say. "We can talk once you're calm."
"Calm down?" he spat. "How can I calm down? Why are you with him? Him of all people to come here with! And his scent is all over you! It reeks!"
"Rousseau, you need to calm down," I repeat, slowly reaching for my wand. "You need to. You're going alpha in the middle of the day in a bathroom in a restaurant. I will explain everything, but not when you're out of control. I need you to listen and you can only listen if you're calm enough to."
Rousseau slams the wall with his fist.
My wand comes free.
"If you wanted company, Remus, you only had to write me. We could have met—"
I press the tip of my wand under his chin.
He backs away, calming down. His eyes are back to their normal color. His teeth and nails to their normal length and appearance.
"I don't want you," I say. "I've never wanted you. Now calm down and we'll talk."
The door opens again.
"Remes, what's taking so long?" Severus asked. Rousseau snaps. He's completely gone alpha. The large wolf rushes at Severus.
"STUPEFY!" I shout, hitting Rousseau's back. He collapses to the ground, sleeping.
Severus stares at Rousseau, who turns back into a human. He looks at me. "This is Rousseau?"
"This is Rousseau," I confirm. "And this is very bad."
"You haven't told him?"
"I haven't had the chance to yet. I've only seen him once since returning to school."
Severus is staring at Rousseau's comatose form with extreme hate. I haven't seen that look in his eyes for a long time.
"C'mon," I say, leading Severus out of the bathroom. I alerted Rosmerta of Rousseau's presence and that he attacked us. She flooed the Aurors, who arrived seconds later—six of them.
The restaurant was cleared by two Aurors as the other four apprehended Rousseau. Severus and I waited with the crowd. I wanted to make sure Rousseau was taken away.
My stomach churned when he was brought out:
His hands were cuffed behind his back. His face was fitted with a leather muzzle. Around his neck was a metal collar with four rings that had chains hooked to them.
Rousseau looks at me and Severus. Like a wild dog, he tried to break free of his restraints and charge at us, screaming threats at us. The crowd screamed. I backed into Severus instinctively. He places his hands on my shoulders.
"I've got you," he said in my ear. "He can't get you."
The Auror's pulled him back and they apparated.
"Where do they take werewolves?" I ask, my curiosity mingled with fear.
What if I'm discovered? What if my friends had turned me in back in our first year? Would what happened here happen to me someday?
"Ones like Rousseau?" Severus asked.
"Any werewolf."
Severus didn't say anything for the longest time. "I don't know."
"That's so cruel," Lily mumbled.
"He's a werewolf, Lily," James told her. I look at him. "They tend to be…violent. They don't mean to be, but their nature—it sometimes gets the better of them. They can't control themselves."
I storm away, pushing through the crowd.
"Remus!" James shouted. I don't stop. James catches up and seizes my arm. "I'm sorry," he said. "I was stating a fact."
"A fact or a prejudice?"
"A fact," he said. "You don't have any more control than that guy does. You're just as prone to going alpha as he is and you have gone alpha. You've tried to kill Sirius, maybe even me. We've forgiven you, of course, but Lily doesn't know you're a werewolf and I didn't know you could hear me. I thought we were out of earshot. I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you could hear us."
"I'm still 'prone to violence' as you so nicely put it. Why not just yell it out then? 'Wild werewolf this way! Get the Aurors back here! Get the pitchforks and light the torches! Angry mob on the loose—'"
James' fist slammed into my jaw. I stumbled back, clutching my cheek. Saliva fills my mouth, burning it. I spit and a concoction of blood and saliva falls to the ground.
"I would never turn you in!" he shouted, seizing my shirt and shaking me. "None of us would! You think you'd be at Hogwarts right now if we ever told a soul? It's your secret to share. Not ours. You want Snape knowing? Fine. If you trust him, that's good enough for me and the others. Want to tell Lily? Go ahead. It's not my place to tell her. But we love you, Moony, regardless. Why give a crap if you're a werewolf? I don't. Peter and Sirius don't. Snape clearly doesn't."
He released me, calmer.
"Do you know that werewolf?"
I nod my head.
"Who is he?"
How can even explain Rousseau? "Well," I begin. "He's my ex. Somewhat—it's harder to explain than it should be."
"What?"
I explained what I could without mentioning the pack.
"Then I came back to school and Severus was here and—and I couldn't stand it."
"You were still in love with Snape."
"Yes."
"Moony, this guy…this Rousseau…he's bad news."
"I know."
"You said it yourself that your relationship with him started with assault. If you're back with Severus, it's bad for both of you. I don't know where they're taking him, but I pray it's Azkaban for a long, long time."
I nod my head, agreeing with James. He's absolutely right: I don't want to see Rousseau again if it can be helped.
But it'd be just as bad if he's left there to brood, getting angrier and angrier.
We walk back to the Broomsticks in silence, musing. Severus and Lily have left, but there's a silver doe sitting by the sign. It stands and walks over to us.
"We're at the Shack," Lily's voice comes from the doe's mouth. "See you guys there soon." The doe vanishes.
James and I found Lily and Severus waiting by the shack as Lily's patronus had said, They're talking.
We walked up to them. I embraced Severus, who holds me in return. James kissed Lily's forehead, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
"What's gotten into you two?" Lily asked, "You both seem scared. What's wrong?"
"Nothing to worry about, Lils," James assures her, grinning.
Leaving Lily in the dark isn't really for the best. But I'm not ready to tell her what I am. I don't know if I'll ever want her to know—especially after today with Rousseau's outbreak.
I breathe in Severus' scent. I relish in his warmth. And I hold my breath, not wanting the sound of air flowing in and out of my lungs to dull the sound of his heartbeat.
It's a warm October day, but I'm freezing. I'm so cold. So, I hold him tighter. I don't want to let go.
#
Rousseau is being held in Azkaban. It took a lot of work for me to get permission from Dumbledore to go see him. I couldn't dare to begin explaining why I wanted to see him, but I get the feeling Dumbledore knows anyway.
I'm brought to the cell. This place—it's cold and my breath is like ice in my lungs. There isn't any shred of happiness in this place, so I focus on Severus.
Rousseau is curled in the corner of his cell. A Dementor glides by me.
"Rousseau?" I say.
He wakes.
Seeing me, he scrambles to his feet and comes as close as he can. He is chained to the wall and the muzzle on his face had not been removed.
"Why are you here, Remus?"
"To talk," I say, "like how I wanted to the day you were arrested."
"You had me arrested."
"I did. That's beside the point."
I'm in our room on the third floor with Severus, we're joking about classes again. Our homework is almost done and after that, we'll go to dinner. And then we'll go to bed.
"I love Severus, Rousseau. I tried to get over him. I did. I thought, maybe, grudgingly I admit, that I might be getting over him by falling in love with you. I'm sorry but I never loved you the way I love Severus. I always have loved him."
"Who was it that brought you out of your depression? I did. You repay me—you're mate—by getting back with your ex?"
I shake my head. "You were never my mate. You just gave me a whole new set of things to worry about, diverted my attention from what really mattered to me. Yes, I was hurt. I was depressed. But I never once stopped loving Severus. As it so happens, he never stopped loving me."
I'm asleep, or I was. Severus' kiss wakes me. I don't want to get up early on a Saturday. Damn it, Severus, I think. Go back to sleep. I groan and burry under the covers.
"Remus, it's ten o'clock."
"It's six," I snap. "It's too early."
"I am sorry," I say. "I don't love you. I can't love you. I just…needed you to know that. Rousseau, I really am sorry."
I turn to leave. "Just remember who gave you those scars, Remus," Rousseau shouted. My hand traces the scares over my nose and cheek. "They'll never fully heal. You can't get rid of me that easily!"
I lower my hand and stride out of the prison.
I want to get back to school before this place sucks more life out of me.