Hahn

It was snowing and the lines to the latrines were especially long, which led Hahn to wonder just why everyone had decided to take a piss at once. He bundled his parka closer, imagining all the places he would rather be. Even back in the barracks, where at least it was warm.

Squid bounced towards him, adjusting his breeches. "Such an honorable man," he grinned, "waiting in line." He jerked his head, indicating a place over his shoulder. "I didn't see anything."

Hahn threw the pretty boy an exasperated glance. "You're just so happy all the time," Hahn snapped, "and it's too cold for joy." He wasn't sure how Squid could manage to be so cheerful everyday, considering the fact that their nation's princess was in the clutches of their enemy and the fact that war might be on the horizon.

And yet here he was, on the edge of the world, freezing and needing to relieve himself. Stuck with criminals.

His friend, though Hahn was still reluctant to call him such, flashed his grin. "I reckon I don't have a reason to be sad. Besides, we're signed up for a big expedition. A full crew is going across the wall, waterbenders and everything."

Hahn had long since gotten his fill of the far north, after he had been pulled into the Spirit World and then ripped out of it. When he returned, he could tell Hasook and Nilu about it and then they would all share war stories. "For how long? And to harvest more ice?"

Squid shrugged. "Must be a pretty long one, I saw the Chief overseeing a packing crew. And I would guess so, I guess the Capitol needs more ice for their amulets."

They didn't need amulets. They needed strong warriors who would win back their princess. They needed Hahn.

Hahn eventually managed to get to one of the latrines and when he emerged, with one of the latrine-boys passing him a perfumed cloth to cleanse his nose of the smell he saw that Squid was waiting for him, as eager as a dog.

"Have you eaten?" Asked Squid and wasted no time in marching towards the breakfast line, where they were served the standard soup with a half frozen biscuit. It was a sorry start to the morning, but Hahn had grown used to it. "Are you excited?"

"No," Hahn grumbled as he found an unoccupied bench and table. He sat, letting his biscuit fall into the soup. "Last time we got attacked by a spirit, remember?" He narrowed his eyes. "Right up your alley." His thoughts traveled to Piqatok the spirit girl, the messenger, who foretold that none of their efforts would stop the inevitable. Steering his mind elsewhere, Hahn took a swallow of his ration. Fish. And arctic vegetables. Hearty, though it left much to be desired with flavor.

Squid swung his feet and Hahn rolled his eyes. The boy, pretty as he was, had the nature of a child. He jolted. "I almost forgot!" Reaching into the folds of his coat, Squid pulled out a piece of jewelry. It was a necklace carved into a teardrop, clear with hints of indigo and violet. It was held to a thin twine. "I got this for you. My mother slipped it to me."

Hahn eyed the necklace and his ire rose. "Squid..." he began, "that's an amulet. With the ice that we're harvesting. You know, what we aren't supposed to have?!"

His friend deflated. "I know...but still, take it." He rose and slipped the necklace over Hahn's neck.

"Aye! Squid's finally got Three wrapped around his finger! That your betrothal necklace, Giggles?" Chewy and several other burly men laughed from where they sat nearby, eyes alight with amusement. "How are you gonna explain this back home?"

"Kick rocks, Chewy." Squid fired back and they engaged in a savage, though lighthearted, banter. The pretty boy bared his teeth in a grin. "You're just mad no one's ever gave a lick about you."

"Aye," Chewy grumbled, "your mother did."

At that, Squid's demeanor changed. A dark look came across his face, his vibrant eyes sinking into some painful place that only he could see. Hahn laid a warning hand on his friend's shoulder, giving a tough squeeze. Squid boiled underneath his fingertips. His fists clenched and released and Hahn was reminded of the first day he met him, when the soft-faced criminal punched another man for no reason. This was the violent side of the boy, the side who had killed his abuser and would have no qualms about murdering another.

Chewy leaned back, as if realizing that he had pushed the boy in the wrong direction.

The table held its breath.

Squid tossed back his head and howled in laughter, a sound that came from his belly, rich and sincere. He reached across, snatching Chewy's collar and dragging him closer. "Brilliant!" He kissed the man smack on the mouth.

He's crazy, Hahn thought. Absolutely, irrevocably crazy. Nuts. Whacko.

Chewy wiped the younger criminal's kiss off of his mouth and spat. Squid flashed his grin, the gap between his teeth showing. "We've got to get our personal supplies ready, Three." The small father-killer said. He downed the rest of his breakfast, clapping Hahn on the back. "Let's go."

Hahn followed. (Not because Squid told him to, surely not.) They returned to the barracks where other men were scrambling to get ready. A massive expedition required those left behind to pull extra work and Hahn wasn't sure which he preferred. Feeding the beasts and tying knots seemed better than whatever foul-things awaited them in the Land of the Ice that Never Melts. Hahn went to his bed and assembled his pack, fitting together his extra coat and boots, and stuffing his bag with breeches and work gloves. His fingers skimmed over a half finished letter that he had begun to draft to his parents, though he had never gotten around to finishing it. He paused and then crumpled the parchment, shoving it underneath his mattress.

As he finished his assembly, Hahn scanned the room for the shorter boy. Squid knelt by the bed on the farthest end of the room, slowly tucking his possessions into his pack. Hahn crossed over to him as Squid slipped a carved dagger into the bag, his fingers caressing the bone handle. "I used this to slit his throat," he whispered, eyes half closed and lips barely moving. "Went up behind him, just after..." he rocked slightly, feverishly. "And I said 'Father...' and that's as far as I got before the anger overcame me." He looked up at Hahn and flashed his teeth in a pitiful, painful, imitation of a smile. "Slit his throat and it was better than everything. Better than a restful sleep. Better than a hot meal. Spirits...the best feeling."

Hahn wasn't sure if he should feel horrified. He averted his gaze as Squid tucked the blade away, clearing his throat.

"Right," Hahn said at last. "Well, we'd better meet up with the others."

Squid nodded and allowed Hahn to take the lead. The warrior scanned the area for the rest of the group, finding the last of the men preparing the beasts of burden for the expedition. The Chief Commander stood tall amongst them, bulked out by the extra layers of clothing. He eyed Hahn and Squid as they approached, which Hahn figured was about as much of a greeting as they were going to get.

Yet again Hahn thought of his circumstances. He could be more useful back in the city where he could fight to get back their stolen princess. It was still hard to believe that their sister nation had been destroyed, to think that the world was falling apart and here he was, so painfully detached from it all. To imagine that some men spent their whole lives on the Ice Wall, so close to their old homes but unable to interact with the changing world. To imagine that young boys like Squid would grow old and gray here.

A pang of pity went through Hahn but he shoved it away. Squid killed his father- justifiably so, but he was a murderer all the same. That couldn't be forgotten.

Half of the men they would be accompanying were older, ice-scarred and leathery even though they couldn't have counted much more than forty-five years. They were men who had been on the ice since they were teenagers for offenses that Hahn could not even begin to fathom. Most father-killers were hanged and those that committed grave offenses against women were often flogged or handed to the fathers of those that they harmed. Hahn had never interacted with much of the older men simply because he spent the majority of his time with Squid.

The chief's nephew, the Chief Commander, cleared his throat. Hahn wondered how he felt, knowing that the royal family he left behind was in turmoil. "We ride out now," he announced, "further than most of you have gone. It is possible that you may not return- the temperatures are often beyond human endurance. The foul-things there are especially vicious." He held Hahn's gaze levelly. "But remember that this is your service to your country, to your nation. You may not fight against foreign soldiers with clubs and spears, but protecting them from foul-things is an honor all the same."

"An honor for undesirables like us," Squid muttered.

"I'm desirable." Hahn retorted.

They departed like that, on foot, with the Chief Commander at the front of the line. The elder men were somber and silent, as if they had simply endured too much to have the same vivaciousness as the others. Hahn wondered what stories they had to tell, if they had ever encountered foul-things in all their years on the ice.

Piqatok sprung to mind, ghastly and fearsome, and Hahn struggled to banish her. He had not found it to be of much concern but yet the idea of seeing something worse than her did not sit right with him. They were going deep into the heart of the land of foul-things.

Hahn wondered how a spirit could be killed. Did foul-things have hearts?

It was some hours later that Hahn removed himself from his stupor, surprised that no one had decided to bother him on their march. Not even Squid, uncharacteristically quiet, his bottom lip puckered out. Every so often he shivered.

There was nothing new to see since they had last crossed the Ice Wall. There was still snow and ice, though not the kind that the chief deemed collectible. A pack of wolves loped in the distance from them, their alpha halting at the crest of a hill to look down at the men in what Hahn could only imagine was animalistic distaste. How pitiful he imagined the wolf saying to his pack, they have no fur.

Abruptly Squid rammed his elbow into Hahn's side, pulling the taller boy's neck down so that Hahn's ear was against his lips. "Do you have a rag?" He whispered fiercely, "any kind of rag?" His eyes are wide and Hahn noticed that he clinched his thighs together, balancing precariously on his toes.

"You pissed yourself." Hahn guffawed. "You really pissed yourself already and we haven't even settled down for camp yet, Squid. What are you, a woman? Can't control yourself?"

"Shut your mouth, Three, and give me a rag." Squid retorted and breathed out in relief as Hahn paused to rummage through his sack. There wasn't much to spare, being that they had been instructed to pack as lightly as possible, but he found a mitten with several of the fingers missing. He passed it to his companion, who snatched it away and took off in the direction of ice-encrusted bushes.

Hahn chuckled to himself and lingered in wait while the others trotted steadily ahead. After a short eternity, Squid returned to him, his upbeat smile once more plastered on his face. Hahn chose to ask no questions and instead jerked his head. "We're falling behind because of you," he grumbled. "If Piqatok comes after us again it's gonna be on your head."

Squid offered a nonchalant shrug.

Ancient ice-encrusted trees stretched above their heads, violet and indigo tears of ice dangling from the weeping branches. The hard snow underfoot cracked and groaned under the weight of many boots and feet of beasts, and somewhere in the distance Hahn registered the whine of a frigid river. The quiet was unnerving after having spent all his years surrounded by the bustle and racket of a ice carved city. The true North went on without them. It required no upkeep, abided by no written laws.

Hahn faintly felt the sensation of being watched, of primordial intelligent gazes tracking their movements. A voice that was not his own but which resided in his blood and bones whispered to him that these were foul things. It was the voice of tribesmen of the North, who carried their knowledge and their stories through the generations so that they would vibrate in the minds of their descendants. When they rejoined the others, Hahn knew that they heard it as well.

The line drew to a halt. The Chief Commander had dug his heels into the ground, his hand on the bone dagger at his belt. His eyes scanned the tree canopy and then lowered to hold his followers in his gaze. The older men crowded near him, reaching for their clubs. Several of the waterbenders drew water from their canteens while the animals snorted, suddenly uneasy and agitated.

"I don't feel good about this," Squid whispered. "Why are we stopping?"

It was then that Hahn heard the rattling. It came from underneath their feet, vibrating beneath the snow. The howling followed, a hunting howl, the sound of bloodthirst and adrenaline.

"They've come." The Chief Commander announced as he drew his dagger from its sheath. "They've come."

They burst from underground, the pack of foul-things, in a tumultuous blur of black pitch and blinding electric blue. They came in the form of bull-shouldered canines with stripes running from brow to tail which curled into a scorpion's point. Their gaping maws contained three rows of savage teeth lined up behind each other. Hahn felt his bladder empty itself though fear had long since taken control of his thought processes. The horde of foul beasts encircled them, snarling and gnashing their teeth.

"Separate!" The chief's nephew bellowed.

Hahn took off without another word, scrambling over his own feet. He could hear chaos erupting behind him, the shouts of his comrades and the panicked bleating of the oxen. The amulet slapped against his chest as he ran. The foul-things bayed and howled, tearing off after him.

"Three!" Squid hollered. "Three!" Hahn looked back to see that he scrambled after him, several of the oozing hounds snapped at his heels. One of them seized the hem of his breeches, shredding the fabric with ease. He stumbled over an upraised tree root and went down, rolling headlong down a hill. "Help me!"

Self-preservation tore Hahn in two. He slowed to a halt, realizing that he had already put distance between himself and the majority of the horde. Three of the foul-things had decided to pursue him, lingering at a distance, their violet eyes aglow. It occurred to Hahn that their irises were the same color as the ice they harvested. It struck him secondly that he wore this sacred ice around his neck. He prayed to any god listening that what they said about the ice was true.

It had to be true.

Please.

The foul-things inched closer, massive feet leaving no tracks in the snow. Their ancient eyes met Hahn's, measuring him up, taking note of the amulet on his neck. One of them huffed and snorted, drawing back its upper lip. Hahn shivered under the weight of its stare as it turned tail and loped off in the opposite direction, its mates soon to follow.

For an infinite moment, it may have been an hour it may have been only a heartbeat, Hahn found himself unable to move. He breathed and the air stirred around him. Every hair on his body was on end, trembling from the force that he had just witnessed.

After it passed, Hahn took a step forward. He stumbled initially but his second stride was more confident. He retraced his steps, finding that the Land of the Ice that Never Melts was once more plunged into solemn tranquility, as if no foul-things had just burst forth to ravage them. In a moment of clarity, his mind to Squid where he had last witnessed him falling down the hill with beasts on his ankles.

He sprinted forward to the site, slowing as he skidded down the slope of the hill. The land broke off into a jagged point before softening into a snow filled ditch. It was there where he found his friend, mangled and whimpering, his left leg bent at a grotesque angle. Hahn gasped and leapt the last few feet, hurrying to the pretty boy's side.

"Squid!"

The younger boy opened his eyes with a whine. Some of his hair had fallen loose from his wolf tail, framing his face. Hahn was not certain if there were beads of sweat on his nose or tears. He did not ask. Squid had begun to bruise over from his fall, wincing at each sharp intake of breath. "Three..." he whimpered, "I was so scared."

Hahn knelt at his side, resting an uneasy hand on Squid's shoulder. "I was too," he admitted. "We gotta find the others. Your legs's busted. What else is wrong with you?" He watched as Squid attempted to rise, crying out when he found it almost impossible.

"I feel on the way down, over there. Stomach first on a rock." He moaned. "It feels like I'm dying, Three."

"Don't be so dramatic, you sound like a wimp." Hahn snapped. "Now lay back, I have to see if you're hurt anywhere else before I try to move you. And don't make it weird!" Hahn began to strip Squid of his parka, revealing the bulky clothing underneath. He bundled and used the coat as a pillow, setting it underneath the pretty boy's head. Squid whined at each disturbance and Hahn murmured an insincere apology. Tentatively, never allowing his eyes to stray from his friend's, he lifted his shirt to examine just how far the damage extended.

The bruising was already an atrocious blue and green and purple, sickening against Squid's brown skin. All at once the boy began to struggle, squirming away from Hahn. He flailed his arms, forcing a distance between the two. He cried out in pain, the hem of his shirt fluttering up higher. Hahn's eyes widened at the sight of white cloth wound tightly over Squid's chest.

He did not understand.

"Squid... what's going on?" He asked and wondered if he should look away. What kind of indecency was he witnessing? Squid relaxed at last, letting out a strained exhale.

"Three," Squid began slowly, "Three. Hahn, look at me."

Hahn obeyed and looked at him, at Squid, at her, at Tikaani. At whoever this person was lying before him, injured and broken. Squid reached up, palms against his cheeks, lips casually exchanging breath. He -she- was crying, eyes glistening. Hahn averted his gaze. "You're a liar," he managed to say. "You're a filthy liar."

"And a killer. And a warrior. And a girl," Tikaani whispered. She held Hahn's face in her hands, trembling. "Please don't tell."

"Why?"

She let out one sob before catching herself. "My father. He would beat my mother black and blue, and she would stand back and take it. She would watch as he beat me, too and what kind of mother watches? She didn't defend me, Three. I was little and he...he...What kind of father does that to their child?"

"No kind," Hahn whispered, perhaps out of reassurance.

"I couldn't stand being a girl, Hahn. I couldn't. I felt..." again she breathed, ragged and wet with tears. Hahn felt as though he was talking to a familiar stranger, to someone he thought he had once known but ultimately he had not. "Dirty. Helpless. Worthless. So I became a boy and at last I killed him. After all those years of him hating me, Three. It felt so good. I was ready to die when they caught me, but my mother vouched for me. It was the only time she defended me against a man, after all the times I bit and scratched for her."

Hahn leaned back. Tikaani sobbed in earnest now, her hands falling away from his face. "Don't tell, Hahn. They'll kill me for sure this time. Promise me."

"I have to find the Chief Commander," Hahn declared and sprang to his feet. "Stay there." He lingered for a second, adjusting the girl's shirt so that the damning evidence would not show. "Stay there."

He clambered over the ridge, his hands freezing through his mittens. Snow had begun to fall, landing on his lashes. Hahn let out a shout which echoed back to him. The sky through the trees had begun to bleed different colors. "Anybody! Hey!"

"Aye!" Came a response. From a mound of snow came a waterbender and two other men, their eyes bulging. The waterbender bent the ice from their path, waving his arms. Hahn realized that one of the men was the Chief Commander, relatively unscathed in comparison to Squid-Tikaani. "You're the last unaccounted for. Where is Squid?"

Hahn paused. "Injured. I can't carry him on my own, his leg is busted and he's banged up pretty bad." He. That felt odd, knowing that it was not true.

The Chief Commander cursed. "We cannot handle injuries, not when we've planned the expedition so thoroughly." He jerked his head at the waterbender and waved his hand at Hahn. "Lead us."

Unable to disobey and weighted down with unwanted knowledge, Hahn retraced his steps to the ravine. He paused, his heart forcing itself up through his throat. How dare she, Hahn thought, and how could she keep a secret for more than three years? How could she pose a male amongst men, had no one seen her without a shirt? Did she not have the problem that plagued women with the moon?

Oh.

Hahn cursed his stupidity, recalling the incident in the morning. It was a subtlety that only came with practice, a woman's discretion trapped inside the identity of a violently lighthearted boy.

Squid-Tikaani laid where he had left her, curled up to the best of her ability. She was shivering, rubbing her palms together to generate heat. As they coasted down the slope, she raised her head and let it fall back down upon sight of the Chief Commander. Hahn could imagine the swears going through her head.

"It seems they had a taste for you," murmured the Chief Commander as he laid a heavy hand on Tikaani's leg. His grip tightened as she cried out. "Tanrik will heal you," he explained, "he's the only waterbender north of the Ice Wall who is capable of healing. Do not fight him."

Tanrik moved forward, water gliding over his ungloved hands. Hahn watched, rapt, as he began to work at Tikaani's ruined leg while the other men held it in position. Tikaani roared and screamed at the manhandling, chest rising and falling in great heaves. Tanrik was unbothered. The water glowed as he healed the broken bone, sealing it back together in a way that Hahn had never been able to understand.

Tikaani's eyes met Hahn's as Tanrik began to move her clothes out of the way. "No!" She exclaimed, "that doesn't hurt so bad. You don't have to heal me, I can get up."

The snow began to fall harder.

"You will not slow us down." The chief's nephew growled and lifted the warrior girl's arms. She lashed out, catching Tanrik in the jaw. Aggravated, the Chief Commander wrestled her down, locked her wrists together while the second man (whose name Hahn did not know) clasped her ankles.

"Don't let them kill me, Three." Tikaani wailed. "Please!"

Tanrik lifted Tikaani's shirt and Hahn's ears rang. She began to scream uncontrollably as her secret came to light at last, met by stunned silence. The men fell away from her at once, as though she had burned them with her feminine skin.

The Chief Commander broke himself from his stupor and stood, wiping his hands off. "Well. This is...unexpected." His glare sharpened as Tikaani sat up. "I would dare say unprecedented as well. You've broken the code of the Northern Water Tribe and the law of the Ice Wall. You've violated the tradition of our ancestors. I cannot let this offense go unpunished." He turned to the men. "By the law of the Tribe, you would be sentenced to death. Pray these men are merciful."

Tikaani shivered and gritted her teeth.

"She lied to all of us," Tanrik spat. "For years. Presented herself as a man. Ate with us and heard us tell our stories with her woman ears. She is less than dirt." The second man with the broad build agreed. "I saw you make an example of her."

"Hahn," the Chief Commander urged, "what say you?"

His friend turned her large eyes onto him, her mouth agape as her fate hung in the balance. She said nothing to implore him, however her life of pain hovered in the space between them. She had done everything to escape, to rebel against a father that brought nothing but grief to her. How could one not admire that? Even though she had lied to him, betrayed him. Betrayed him.

Hahn averted his gaze.

Their leader nodded in resolution. "So be it. Tikaani, child and murderer of Upatik of the Clan of Yuna, rise and face your punishment."

Tikaani dragged herself into a kneeling position, placing her arms behind her back. Her sigh of resignation was audible as the chief's nephew drew his bone dagger from his belt. He situated himself behind her, taking hold of her warrior's wolf tail to lengthen the exposure of her throat.

Hahn watched, bile rising in his throat, as the Chief Commander raised the dagger. Tikaani knelt, chin lifted, eyes closed. A tear leaked from her eye as her weight pressed on her newly healed leg. There was no speech, no fanfare or reprimand. There were few witnesses. The cut was quick and cold, freezing over almost instantly. The commander cradled the girl the father-killer as she died, letting her settle gently into the snow. He was almost tender, the way a man would gingerly hold his daughter when she has brought him shame. With a sweep of his fingers he brushed her hair back.

"We must go on," the Chief Commander announced.

In that moment Hahn faded away. His imagination drifted to a world where it was already night and the moon hung luminous. The aurora danced green and red and yellow above his head. He held Tikaani, beautiful and feminine and dead in his embrace. In this place Hahn heard the hum of spirits, the song of a world that was not his own, and then they rained down from the heavens. He was not sure if he was still firmly planted in reality. They came down around him, tearing at his clothes and his flesh, ripping Squid's cold corpse away from him.
"We must go on."

Hahn rose, exhaled, and followed his leader.