Chapter 36

Jon felt the pain radiating from her and closed his eyes tightly, feeling like a coward because he couldn't bear to see all that hurt in those beautiful hazel eyes that held so much love for him. How had he not seen it before? Or maybe he had and disregarded it, used it… he was a user, she had called him out on it and she hadn't been wrong.

"Lost," He whispered harshly, bringing his hands up to rest over hers for a moment before he turned to brush his lips against her palms, one at a time. "I've been lost, Chace."

Lost in his own selfishness. Lost in his dreams and desires for wrestling. Lost in his own addictions. Lost in his stupid anger and rage, his feelings of impotence. Even when she was there, clearly holding out the light to lead him from the darkness… and he was just now following it.

"I'm sorry, darlin'." He was cupping her face now, his lips feathering hers. "I'm sorry."

"Y-You can't leave me again, you hear me?" She gripped the back of his head, wishing he still had long enough hair to lose her fingers in and let the tears flow from her eyes. "I won't stand for it. You can love wrestling and you can be angry for what's going on with your career, but you will NOT abandon me again." Her voice was shaky yet strong, leaving absolutely no room for argument. "You can be pissed off at your coworkers for talking shit about you – again, I don't care. Beat them all. Destroy them all. But you will not push me away again. I-I've been lost without you…you brought me to the WWE and then abandoned me, pushed me aside like I was nothing to you and I STILL don't understand why. What did I do to make you abandon me? Tell me what I did wrong so I don't do it again, Jon, please…"

He pulled her against him full force, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck as Chacia cried into it, her tears soaking his skin. What had been his last promise to her? To not shut her out, to maintain contact… well, he hadn't broken that one, but the way he had done things had been so cruel that it probably would have been kinder to leave her alone, cut the cord as it were.

"It wasn't you, Chace, it was me," He whispered against her hair, his hands caressing her, trying to soothe her. "You didn't do anything, I swear. This was all on me, I'm an idiot for pushing you away the way I did. I'm sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am." He had broken her.

"I-I know I mother hen you sometimes…and I know you hate it…but I only do it because I care about you. I want you to succeed and be happy. T-That's all I've ever wanted for you, Jon."

Chacia could be very pushy when she wanted to be and maybe that was why Jon did push her away. Maybe she'd gone too far with the dieting or driven him crazy during his rehabilitation and he couldn't stand to be around her anymore. Slowly pulling back, she wiped her tears away again and softly kissed him, trembling slightly from crying and all the pent-up emotions that spilled out.

"I don't want to just be your friend anymore. I think we're way past that point. And I can't do just casual sex with you either. And I REFUSE to be fuck buddies with you." She was outright stating it to make it clear that was off the table. "I want to be with you, Jon…in a relationship. I want to be your girl, your one and only. I don't know if that's what you want because I know you have a lot going on with your career, and I still haven't broken up with Colby properly, but…I'm done hiding. I'm done running away. I'm done not being honest with you or myself about how I feel and what I want. I'm all in, baby. The only question is: Are you? Do you feel the same way I do or am I just making a complete ass out of myself again?"

Christ, she had just dropped the mother lode on his ass and all Jon could do was stare at her. He knew he was panicking, he knew the longer he let her wait for him to open his mouth, the more agitated and embarrassed, probably hurt, she would be. But he could not, for the life of him, get anything out. Jon didn't KNOW what he wanted if he were honest, other than he was tired of hurting her, seeing her with another man. Was that love? Was it enough? Probably not, not for someone like her.

"No." He blurted the word out and his brows furrowed when she recoiled as if he had hit her, groaning. "No, I mean you're not making an ass out of yourself." He was doing a great job of making himself into one, though. "I-"

Still nothing. Jon didn't know how to sum up what was going through his head, or what he felt. He just knew he couldn't lose her. He couldn't keep using her. Jon didn't want to see her crying anymore. It made him ache. Was THAT love? He kissed her, trying to convey it all in that one gesture.

How hard was it to say yes or no to being with her? Was it really that difficult for him to answer? Maybe he didn't want to and he was trying to find the words to let her down easy. However, this kiss he gave her wasn't ordinary. No, it was full of fire, passion, love, panic, urgency…Chacia felt all of it and wanted to calm him down somehow, stroking his chest while keeping one arm hooked around his neck. Christ, he had stolen her breath away and she had to break the kiss before she passed out from lack of oxygen, her lips swollen. Jon was trembling while holding and kissing her, she could practically feel his fear and could feel how fast his heart was beating.

"Okay…okay…I got it. You don't have to say it. Show me with action how much you want to be with me." Jon was an action type of man, never good with words and proceeded to make slow, passionate love to her all over again, making her cry out his name to the heavens.

Only when the sun rose over the horizon did the finally fall asleep in each other's arms with content smiles on their faces.

Jon was up long before Chacia, showered and sat at the end of the bed, staring at her. She looked so damn content, snuggling into that pillow with almost a smile on her relaxed, peaceful face. He could still see bruises on her hips, her backside, that bite mark he had inflicted upon her. Rollins was blowing up her cell phone. Jon held it in his hand, thumbing the lock screen, though he didn't even bother trying to break into it. She would be ending that charade of a relationship and the cold, vicious part of him was whispering some pretty mean things in his ear. The fact that he wasn't feeling particularly vindictive was a good indicator that the anger was finally near gone.

"Darlin'…" He leaned over, kissing her outer thigh. "Chacia… WOMAN!" She had slapped his head.

"Wha?!" She jolted awake and shot upright in bed, her vision completely blurred.

Just then, her cell went off again for the 20th time in Jon's hand and she reached for it, letting out a very loud yawn. Colby. Even through watery eyes, she could read the name on the caller ID and laid back down, answering it on the 5th ring.

"Yeah?" She mumbled sleepily, not even wanting to know what time it was and rubbed her eyes, her body aching deliciously all over.

Muttering under his breath, Jon moved away from her, rubbing the side of his head where her wild slap had landed. He made a mental note to not ever wake her up again, after keeping her up late, on top of physically and emotionally draining her.

"Angel, where are you?" Colby asked, concern lacing his tone. He had been by her room, several times, called both her cell and the phone directly to her room. Nothing. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah – yeah, I'm fine."

The concern in his voice made her heart twinge as she stared up at the ceiling, trying to gain her bearings. There was no way she could tell him where she stayed last night and really needed to grab her bags, hoping checkout time hadn't passed already. Otherwise, the hotel had every right to toss her belongings away and that couldn't happen.

"Christ, what time is it?" Her eyes shot open a little more when he responded with 9 AM and Chacia was up out of the bed instantly, scrambling for her clothes on the floor.

"It's 9," Colby heard her moving around, her breathing picking up. She sounded like she was rushing and he frowned. "Checkout is in 2 hours." He was now wondering where she was, was she within 2 hours of here? Colby had noticed she hadn't answered his first question, about where she was and felt something tighten in his chest. "Chace, where are you? I can come get you." He offered, his tone a barely passable attempt at being casual.

She was panicking. Jon reached out to grab her shoulders gently but firmly, staring down into her wide hazel eyes. He leaned in, keeping quiet so he didn't alert Rollins to his presence and pressed his forehead against hers. Jon felt her mildly relaxing and brushed his lips against her cheek, stepping away. Chacia was probably having issues because she wasn't a liar and she had called herself a horrible person last night. She wasn't. Seth was an idiot.

"No. No, I'm fine. Just didn't mean to sleep in." That wasn't like her at all, but going to bed only 3 hours ago…sleep deprivation really sucked. Jon was her calming agent as much as she was his. "Listen, I need to talk to you about something that's on my mind…and I want to do it in person. I'll come to you. Just give me about…an hour. Give me an hour. Fuck, I need coffee." That was random as she slid her pants back on, foregoing the panties since they were ruined and she didn't feel like being squishy downstairs.

"Yeah, sure Angel, I'll see you in an hour." Colby said quietly, hanging up and had a feeling whatever she needed to talk to him about wouldn't be pleasant.

He couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, wondering if she'd had enough of his bitch fits over work. God knew Dean had given her grief and caused her pain over his own work-related issues. Maybe she was just done all the way around with the crap. He wouldn't blame her one bit.

"Need a ride back?" Jon asked after a moment, unsure what he was supposed to say or do in what was about to become a messed up situation.

She looked back at him with a sad smile and nodded, looking down at her phone. The sooner she did this, the sooner it would be over and she'd be free to be with Jon. "You kinda kidnapped and brought me here, so yeah, don't have any other way to get back."

Chacia would shower, change, make sure her belongings were packed up and then head to Colby's room to talk to him. Ten minutes later, they were on the road headed to the hotel and Chacia could feel the nerves building up inside of her, hating for putting herself in this position. Silence reigned between them until Jon pulled into the back parking lot and Chacia suddenly leaned over, passionately kissing him.

"Wait for me. We'll drive to the Raw location together. It shouldn't take too long to tell him and I'm gonna need a ride since I came here with him."

Jon was hesitant to let her out of the car, taking her hand when the kiss broke, stopping her from getting out. "Do you want me to come with you?"

That would probably do more harm than good, but he also knew if he were in Seth's shoes, he would lose his ever-loving mind over this. Being forewarned or not, he'd lose his temper, especially after the events of last night. Jon wasn't surprised when she shook her head, declining his offer.

"Keep your cell out."

This was something she had to do alone. Chacia got herself into this mess and she had to get herself out. Jon couldn't be her savior just like she couldn't be his with every situation. Colby was already on edge losing his Intercontinental championship to Jon, the last thing she needed was more tension between the two men. No, she was a grown woman and she would deal with this, get through it and move onto another day.

First, she stopped at her room to shower and freshen up, making sure to wear another t-shirt to cover the mark on her shoulder. Then, she grabbed her bags, checked out of her room and finally headed up to Colby's, taking a deep breath before knocking. He opened the door, silently letting her in and Chacia suddenly felt like she was walking right into the lion's den, forcing one foot in front of the other. She folded her arms in front of her chest, remaining on her feet and watched Colby sink down onto the bed, putting his head in his hands.

"What happened, Chacia?" He asked resignedly, a bit of hurt and bite to his tone.

Tears burned her eyes as soon as he asked that question, his tone conveying he already knew what she was about to say. "I slept with Jon last night." She admitted quietly, wringing her hands in front of her nervously. "And the night before." If he wanted details, she would give them, but something told her just hearing those words was more than enough.

He had known whatever she would say would have to do with that prick. The man had used her, borderline mentally and emotionally abused her, and she had hopped right on his dick. Colby raked his hands through his dark hair, his eyes shut for a moment while he let it all sink in. Chacia had warned him she was likely to do something stupid when it came to the other man, he had known… knowing, or thought he knew, and then the reality felt like two very different things.

"Okay." He exhaled slowly through his nose and stood up, staring down at her intently. "Why?"