Before I Fall

Chapter 36

Cleo's Journal

"Come on, Cleo," Emma calls to me. She is standing next to her pool in a bathing suit, a stopwatch hanging from her neck. "You don't have to get in the water… just near it."

I shook my head. "Can't I just help from, I don't know, further away from the water?"

She sighed. After Emma started to hang out with Lewis and me, and away from her so called crew, she had been encouraging me to face my fear of water. Truthfully, it was something I just didn't think about anymore, no one did. It felt more like a part of me, something that couldn't be taken away, something that made me who I was. Why did she want me to change so badly?

"Fine, stay there," Emma finally called back to me as she dropped the stopwatch on top of her towel. "But I will get you in the water one day, just wait."

I watched as she turned and jumped into the pool. I smiled as I sat down on a pool chair far from the water. I kept my eyes on her, but just looking at the water put memories of not breathing, my limbs flouting around me unable to cut through the water as nicely as I would've liked, the inability to propel myself upwards, and the fact that I didn't know which way was up.

I know it was silly. It had been years since I had even stepped on a boat for fear of it sinking and getting caught where I couldn't breathe. I know people looked at me funny during swimming sports in gym, and I know what people said behind my back. I didn't care. I had learn to live with this fear. I didn't have to get over it.

The next day at lunch I came up late. I saw Lewis leaning across the table, talking to Emma. Emma was smiling, like she had some sort of idea. I was a little curious for they hadn't spoken much alone at all and now they were sharing ideas or secrets.

I smiled as I sat down, looking from Emma to Lewis. They weren't talking, and I knew I wouldn't get anything out of them. I just smiled and started at my lunch, dropping the subject before bringing it up.

Emma had me come over to her house after school that day. Her attention was always to the window, like she was waiting for something to happen. I would look over every few minutes, but nothing happen. The sky stayed dark. The wind stayed as it was. I didn't know what she was looking for.

Then I understood. Rain. Emma was still working on my fear, and she wanted to take me into the rain, into the down pore. I could tell she knew exactly what I was thinking before she even said a thing. She sighed and took me by the arm. She pulled me completely against my will all the way to the door.

"Emma, please," I cried when we had reached the door.

"It's just a little rain," Emma said in her convening way. It didn't work on me.

"I don't want to do this, please," I had tears in my eyes blurring my vision.

Seeing the tears, Emma sighed, letting go of my arm. I turned away from her so that I could wipe the tears from my eyes. That's when she grabbed my arm again and pulled me right into the rain. I was outside before I even knew what was going on, getting drenched every second.

"Emma!" I cried in a high pitched voice. She was laughing at me, laughing, like this was funny.

"And your alive," She said in a mocking fashion.

I turned away from her again. My shirt was starting to stick to my skin. My hair now hung in wet clumps down my back and over my shoulders. I was practically shivering as the cool water fell on my exposed skin. But she was right. I was alive, barley.

"This is not funny," I cried, laughing as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

The truth was, this wasn't that bad. Emma was right, it was just a little water, what harm did water falling from the sky really have. Yeah, I knew it could do harm, but there was nothing to really be afraid of. It was the water already on the ground, so deep you couldn't stand and there is no air to breath. But putting that out of my mind, I looked back to Emma as she took my hand and pulled me out into the yard.

We ran, and jumped, and danced, and laughed, like everything in the world was going to be great for the rest of our lives. It was the most fun I had had in years, and I didn't want it to end. I wanted to stay out her and laugh and have fun and not think about fear.

But things always end.

After about an hour outside, Mrs. Gilbert called us in. She gave us towels, dry clothes and made hot chocolate. Emma and I drank our drinks while watching a movie we both had seen a hundred times. During the movie, my eyes continued to wonder to the window, where the rain did not let up. It was almost peaceful now. It made me feel peaceful now.

I looked back to find Emma looking at me. I smiled and said, "It's pretty."

"It is, isn't it?" She said in response, looking to the window. Then she looked back to me. "Let's never forget this."

"Why would I want to forget this?" I asked.

"No, I mean let's never forget how great it is to feel the rain on our skin, sliding down our arms and legs, running down our faces, cooling everything it touches." Her voice was relaxing as she described the rain.

I closed my eyes to imagine it all. "I'll never forget. The rain will be my favorite feeling from now on."