Author's Note-I was born at six minutes past ten on the fifteenth of July 1995. That makes tomorrow my eighteenth birthday. :D This is my present to you all.

However, this could be considered a trigger type chapter for some, so I'm giving it a trigger warning, it also isn't happy. Sorry about that. But read and enjoy, and feel free to leave me birthday presents in the form of reviews. :D NYLF xx

It was a week before her next appointment; one Kate had made her own way home from, while Rick dropped off Alexis, to spend the night with her grandmother.

She let herself in with the spare key he'd given her when he dropped her off, in case she beat him back, and slipped out of her heels before near on collapsing on the couch.

Her session had been hard.

Dr Burke had asked her to go through as many details as she could about when she was sixteen, and it had taken nearly the whole hour for her to choke it out. She'd left with his ending argument of 'I think, if you could share this with Rick, it may help you both' still ringing in her ears.

"Hey." Rick's gentle voice filtered into her universe somewhere over her left shoulder. She turned her head to face him, her earlier tears threatening to re-emerge at the concern leaking from his eyes. "Tough session?" She nodded. He quickly closed the distance and sat beside her. She crawled into his lap and buried her face against his chest, letting the familiar scent of him calm her frayed and fraying nerves. "You wanna talk about it?" Kate shrugged.

"He wants me to. He wants me to talk to you about something, but I know you won't like it. I, I think it might change how you see me." She whispered the last sentence into his chest.

"Never." He murmured decisively. "Nothing could change how I see you Kate Beckett."

Kate took a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to tell him this, this potential game changer of a confession, but her breath left her lungs without words. She shook her head against him, her fist holding his shirt as tight as she could.

"I can't tell you this." She whispered frantically, more to herself than him. "I can't. You'll never want to touch me again. You'll hate me, you'll never meet my eye, you'll..." She broke off, burying her face into his pectoral, fighting to keep herself from crying.

She was so bored of crying.

"Shhh." Rick soothed softly as he cradled her into his body. "Shhh Kate, it's alright. Baby, don't cry. Whatever it is, it won't make me think less of you, or push you away, or not want to be with you Kate. Nothing could do that Baby, please." He pleaded into her hair, unconsciously rocking her in his arms. "I just wanna help. Let me in Kate; let me take some of this burden for you."

Kate took a rib-shatteringly deep breath before removing herself from his lap. She curled into the far end of the couch, drawing her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She couldn't be near him for this and she couldn't have him touching her. She couldn't bear to feel the moment he stopped wanting to be around her.

"I was sixteen. I had just turned sixteen." She whispered.

Rick turned to face her but respected the boundaries she had enforced.

"Maddie was throwing a party; it was her elder brother's birthday. He was twenty the day before. I'll admit, I'd had a drink. But, the emphasis is on a. I only had one drink before switching to soft drinks. My parents would have killed me if I had come home with a hangover the next morning." Kate shook her head, taking another deep breath before continuing.

"I'd always got on with James, so I was talking to him most of the night while Maddie got loaded." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "He had a few friends there, obviously, and he introduced me to this guy. Will."

Rick noticed that she'd started trembling and hated the fact he couldn't make it better.

"He got me a drink, promised it was alcohol free and we talked, and danced, and hung out. I agreed to go on a date with him the next weekend, let him call me his 'girl'. He asked if I wanted him to go check a bedroom was free. I, obviously, said no. He said if I wanted to be his 'girl' I had to sleep with him. A few drinks later, most gotten by me, I started to feel lightheaded. He'd spiked my drinks with alcohol."

Kate noticed Rick's hands clenching in his lap and knew he could tell where this was going. She closed her eyes, unable to watch his reactions.

"I don't know how we ended up upstairs. Or at what point I lost my top. But I was fading in and out of consciousness. I guess I should be grateful he at least used a condom."

Rick felt sick.

"When I woke up the next morning, I was fully dressed and there was a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table. James had taken care of me. He smiled when I came down and asked how I was feeling. I didn't tell him about what had happened, but I know he knew. There was something in the way he looked at me. Maddie yelled at me for missing most of the party. James gave me a lift home and after I showered, I spent the day in bed. I have never been so grateful to get my period two weeks later." Kate wiped a silent tear from her cheek.

"Will left for Boston the day after the party and I never saw him since. I rarely speak to James any more and no one else ever knew until Dr Burke."

She cleared her throat painfully, her eyes remaining shut. "It's okay to hate me Rick. I'll, I'll find somewhere to stay if you don't want me here, I wouldn't blame you."

Rick was sat frozen in his seat. He hadn't been completely shocked, where else can a 'I was at a party and he spiked my drink' story really end, but he had no idea how to react now. How could she think that he'd think less of her for that?

"Rick?" Kate asked thickly. "Please say something." She begged. Rick shook his head, clearing it from the rage that wouldn't do either of them any good before speaking.

"Kate. I, I can't believe you never told anyone. That guy forced himself on you and you didn't tell anyone." Kate flinched. "But I don't hate you. God Kate, I could never hate you for that, how could you even...? Kate I really really like you. And that hasn't changed because of something that happened three years ago and was completely out of your control." She opened her eyes slowly and looked at him.

"Really?" Rick felt his heart sank. Her eyes were swimming with tears and there was such hope in her eyes that it broke his heart.

"Kate. I could never blame you or hate you for this. I still want you around and I still want to be with you." He spelled out for her.

Kate sobbed and reached out her hand slowly, afraid he wouldn't take it. Rick encased her hand in his own and held it tight, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. She sobbed around a smile and let him draw her into his side and hold her close.

This explained a lot for Rick. He now understood better her reluctance to sleep with him. She'd said earlier that he would be her third sexual partner so there had to be someone either before or after Will, although he had a feeling it was after.

He knew that if, and when, they got there themselves, he would make her feel loved and special just like everyone who had the privilege to be with her should have done.