Mastering Kurt Chapter 35: 035 First Steps to Understanding, a glee fanfic

Full warnings were stated on the first chapter, please go back to reread if needed.

I own nothing, literally.

Mastering Kurt

Chapter 035 – First Steps to Understanding

Kurt:

Held in David's arms I'm still trembling and achy from our 'game'. That was far better and far more intense than I thought it could be. My arms are slung around his neck and I keep my face buried in his shoulder as I breathe him in.

We're both breathing normally so I'm not going to be able to avoid him for much longer, I'm shocked and embarrassed with my reaction, but I also enjoyed it and I want to do it again.

I'm confused.

Pulling away from his shoulder I tilt my head and then I can gaze up into his eyes. They're green again. He smiles at me, "Hey babe, well that was," he pauses, "Wow." Shaking his head as if to clear it he asks, "You okay to walk to the auditorium? I have a picnic and strawberries."

"I think I can make it," which is the only honest answer I can give, my knees are still shaky.

He lifts me up and puts me gently to one side of him, and then he gets the picnic things and his bags and we claps hands as he escorts me to the auditorium.

Setting up the blanket and cushions he helps me down and then offers up the strawberries like he did at his Gramps, and even though he's gotten what he wanted from me he's happy to go back to being romantic and sweet.

Nibbling on my strawberries I study him and I admit I'm completely baffled by him. I have no idea what to say or do next, so I wait for him to decide.

Dave:

Fuck, that was just… I don't have words for it. Kurt's curled up in my arms like he's always belonged there, like I've just been waiting for him to come along.

Basking in the afterglow of dominating him so completely I don't want to move, but we're going to have to relocate to the auditorium and I can feed him his strawberries and rub his feet for him, I did say I'd reward him.

He moves away from me and those blue green eyes open languidly, his pupils are still blown, "Hey babe," I smile down at him, "Well that was," I pause trying to find the right word and all I have is, "Wow." Trying to clear my head slightly I ask, "You okay to walk to the auditorium? I have a picnic and strawberries."

"I think I can make it," his voice is husky and soft and doing things to my body.

Carefully I put him down, gather my stuff and the picnic basket and then we walk hand in hand for lunch. He's slow and seems a bit unsteady on his feet but we make it in one piece.

Setting everything up I draw him down to the blanket and hand him his strawberries. Kurt eats then daintily and I'm fascinated with how he can be so fucking manly and sexy and so fancy at the same time.

Hungry from my exercises and Kurt I tuck in happily and demolish the food in front of me. He picks bits here and there but overall eats more than I thought he would.

Packing up the leftovers I grin and ask him, "So you want that foot massage now?"

And Kurt Hummel's jaw drops as he stares at me.

"Aw come on Kurt, you went out of your way to do something for me, I should pay you back, it's called give and take, it's supposed to be good for relationships," I tease him. "Or don't you like your feet touched?"

"No, it's fine, I…" huffing he crosses his arms defensively, "I don't understand."

"Huh?" How hard is it to understand a food massage. "Okay… What don't you understand babe," I encourage him and he shifts almost uncomfortably. "Kurt, please talk to me, please," I beg him and try out being adorable, I think I fail but his lips twitch as he smiles.

"Fine. I don't understand what you get from this relationship." He waves his hands about as he talks, "You're a teenage boy, you're supposed to be trying to get me undressed and persuade me into having sex with you, but you seem to enjoy being romantic and loving," he flushes, "And I really like that side of you."

Toying with the seams on his pants he nibbles his lip, "And then you do the other thing like the collar or pinning me to the locker and I was prepared to just put up with it and indulge you but…" He breaks off.

"But…" I repeat and he doesn't say anything so I try and finish it off, "But you didn't have to just put up with it. It wasn't unpleasant and you might have enjoyed parts of it?" I guess and he nods.

"That's good Kurt, it means I'm not pushing you outside your comfort zones, I've not done anything to upset you, thanks babe," I beam at him, "I'll make a mental note and maybe we can do it again."

It doesn't make him happy instead he glares at me, "That's the problem David it should be making me uncomfortable," his voice is rising and he's getting agitated, "I've spent my whole life wanting romance, wanting sweet cute loving things, which you happily and joyfully give me. And then you, and my body, gang up on me and suddenly I want the other things too. And…" he points to the collar, "I'm not freaking out about this being around my neck. Or how about the fact that when you were kissing me I…"

Paling he turns his face away from me and goes back to crossing his arms almost daring me to push him.

Running the awesome game we played through my head I can think of a few moments that could have upset him, like him wrapping a leg around my waist for a start and we are so exploring his bendiness in the future.

And I think I have it.

"Kurt it's okay for you to submit to me when we're in the middle of a game, that's partly what they're there for babe…" I crawl towards him. "It means you trust me enough to let yourself go, to not be in control, to let me take care of you."

"It's not me," he sounds lost, "I don't get out of control, I've never wanted someone the way I want you. It's all so messy. And I'm always the one to take care of people," sitting next to him I put my arm around him and he falls against me. "I'm the one with a nice home life I should be taking care of you."

"You do," I hug him, "Babe I got something really good in my life right now, I got you in it. Yeah home sucks but it always has. School's still shit. But I'm learning to dance and it's more fun than I thought it would be. My boyfriend's funny, and smart, and caring, he doesn't make fun of me if I screw up he helps me, I feel like I can go to him about anything, he's told me he trusts me, and today he let me dominate him and fuss him."

Tilting Kurt's face up I kiss his nose, "Kurt I've spent my whole life not being in control, I'm helpless to protect my mom and my sister in laws from their abusive spouses, I live in a town where I have to hide who and what I am because some judgemental assholes are too dumb to accept that I like guys. It's like I'm on this roller coaster ride and I'm not strapped in, I have to hang on for dear life and I don't know if it'll go left or right or up or down, I'm clinging on and now suddenly you're there too, but you're helping me stay on the ride, you're letting me plan some of the dips and twists and turns."

He frowns slightly and I keep going, "Kurt, babe, I get you and I get control, that's what I get out of this. And you get me and you get to let go of your control, to just be you, to play, to be happy and loved and adored."

He frowns harder and sighs as he leans into me.

"Did any of that make any sense?" I ask him and he nods so I hold him and let him think about it.

Kurt:

We eat in silence and it's comfortable. David's browsing the food he brought and he's clearly hungry, as a Finn sized portion of the picnic vanishes, not that I'm that far behind him.

Humming very on key he puts all the trash and containers away while I sit there uselessly, and then he asks, "So you want that foot massage now?"

And he's doing it again, he's pushing me off balance, I know I'm gaping at him unattractively and he chuckles gently amused at me but not nastily, "Aw come on Kurt, you went out of your way to do something for me, I should pay you back, it's called give and take, it's supposed to be good for relationships," he's teasing me. "Or don't you like your feet touched?"

"No, it's fine, I…" crossing my arms I blurt, "I don't understand."

"Huh?" He blinks at me. "Okay… What don't you understand babe," he's looking at me expectantly but I don't know how to put it into words. "Kurt, please talk to me, please," he does the goofy adorable face and a smile starts to make it's way onto my face.

Trusting him I try and explain it, "Fine. I don't understand what you get from this relationship." I've been around the guys in Glee, I've listened to the girls talking about boys, "You're a teenage boy, you're supposed to be trying to get me undressed and persuade me into having sex with you, but you seem to enjoy being romantic and loving," and he really does, "And I really like that side of you." Running my finger down my pant's seam I shrug, "And then you do the other thing like the collar or pinning me to the locker and I was prepared to just put up with it and indulge you but…" I break off as this is embarrassing.

"But…" David parrots and I can't go on so he does, "But you didn't have to just put up with it. It wasn't unpleasant and you might have enjoyed parts of it?" He's right and I nod glad I didn't have to say it.

"That's good Kurt, it means I'm not pushing you outside your comfort zones, I've not done anything to upset you, thanks babe," he gives me a giant grin, "I'll make a mental note and maybe we can do it again," and I really want to do that with him again too.

"That's the problem David," I argue, "It should be making me uncomfortable, I've spent my whole life wanting romance, wanting sweet cute loving things, which you happily and joyfully give me." And David does he really does I can't believe I have a boyfriend who's this amazing to me.

"And then you, and my body, gang up on me and suddenly I want the other things too," things I've never really paid that much attention to

"And…" I point to the collar, "I'm not freaking out about this being around my neck. Or how about the fact that when you were kissing me I…" I stop again as I remember just how it felt when I stopped fighting him and let him do that, how good it was, how easy it was.

He's watching me and thinking, he nods slightly like he understands, "Kurt it's okay for you to submit to me when we're in the middle of a game, that's partly what they're there for babe…" he crawls towards me. "It means you trust me enough to let yourself go, to not be in control, to let me take care of you."

"It's not me," I tell him, "I don't get out of control, I've never wanted someone the way I want you. It's all so messy. And I'm always the one to take care of people," he sits next to me and puts his arm around me, comforting me, being there for me. "I'm the one with a nice home life I should be taking care of you."

I just don't understand it.

"You do," his arm tightens around me, "Babe I got something really good in my life right now, I got you in it. Yeah home sucks but it always has. School's still shit. But I'm learning to dance and it's more fun than I thought it would be. My boyfriend's funny, and smart, and caring, he doesn't make fun of me if I screw up he helps me, I feel like I can go to him about anything, he's told me he trusts me, and today he let me dominate him and fuss him," he's so earnest.

He tilts my face and kisses my nose, what is it with him and my nose, I don't mind but he does seem obsessed with it, "Kurt I've spent my whole life not being in control, I'm helpless to protect my mom and my sister in laws from their abusive spouses, I live in a town where I have to hide who and what I am because some judgemental assholes are too dumb to accept that I like guys. It's like in on this roller coaster ride and I'm not strapped in, I have to hang on for dear life and I don't know if it'll go left or right or up or down, I'm clinging on and now suddenly you're there too, but you're helping me stay on the ride, you're letting me plan some of the dips and twists and turns."

That I can understand, everything in my life is carefully regimented too. Ever since I lost my mom I've tried so hard to make sense of my life, I've tried to bring order to a life I know I can't control, like peoples' attitudes to me. I try so hard to plan it all out and it tends to go wrong, like dad falling in love with Carole and me ending up with Finn as a brother.

"Kurt, babe," he says, "I get you and I get control, that's what I get out of this. And you get me and you get to let go of your control, to just be you, to play, to be happy and loved and adored."

Let go?

Sighing I lean into him and he holds me, "Did any of that make any sense?" He asks and in a way it did so I nod and we just sit there.

My mind keeps circling around and around pulling his words to pieces and then coming back to the comment 'loved'. I'm stunned, no one just loves me apart from Dad, no one. I'm the one they go to for help, for advice, and then ignore, well apart from my girls but that love took a while to grow and I know I'm partly to blame for it but David doesn't seem to be working at loving me, he's working at making me feel loved.

Wait he said he got to be in control, "But David you said the red, amber, green rule, rules all the other rules and you have to obey it no matter what so how can you be in control if I can say red whenever I want to?" I'm not sure I'm making sense now.

"Because if you say red then I've fucked up and got the planning wrong, so it's my fault for screwing up, I have to learn from it and do better the next time. You're kinda looking at it right and wrong at the same time, I'm trying to dominate you but I have to do it such a way that you don't have to say red, that you can submit to me and enjoy it, it should make you happy, adored, loved, you should feel safe, secure, treasured, you're supposed to be contented, relieved, relaxed," he stops, "Shit I'm doing this wrong."

"No, no you're not, you really just want to make me happy and you happy at the same time without either of us having to do something we hate," I grope towards the answer, "But we're equals but not equals, and I let you plan nearly everything or get to add my input, and we always know where we stand with each other or we ask?"

"Yeah," he grins, "That's about it and not all of it, it is kinda contradictory ain't it."

"Very, I thought the girls and guys were exaggerating when they complained about their relationships, but it's harder than it looks, the movies always make it look easy," I complain.

He snorts, "Yeah movies have a lot to answer for." He eyes me up, "Would it help if I showed you something? Something that's not sensual but is dominating?"

If it helps me understand this then yes so I nod and then say, "Green."

"Awesome," he grins and goes to get his ipod, "You may have noticed I have problems with my temper so I tend to listen to this new age crap but I like some of them, I was listening to the thunderstorm earlier."

He hands the ipod over, "Pick something soothing for you to listen to. I would like to dominate you, by having you kneeling on the floor, or blanket in this case, maybe on a cushion to, I don't want to hurt your knees. I'll be sitting behind you and I'll alternate between gently tugging on your lead and gently stroking the back of your neck with my fingers. The timer will be set for five minutes, you say red or amber and the rules from playtime apply. Oh and you have to have your eyes closed and your head tilted forward. Is that okay?"

So far everything he's done has been fine so I nod, "Okay, we'll try it."

"Yes," he hisses under his breath and I don't think I was supposed to hear it.

Hurrying off he brings a chair and places it on the blanket, then he goes through the cushions and settles on a big one that he places in front of the chair.

"'Kay Kurt when you're ready," he holds a hand out to me. Grasping it I let him settle me on the cushion and he cycles his ipod to the 'songs' he was talking about, I settle on rain in the forest.

And then the scary bit.

He sits behind me and I feel the lead pull taunt and then relax, "Just like that, nothing more nothing less." Big fingers caress the nape of my neck and I automatically arch into them, "And that's the other thing," a few beeps from his watch, "That's set too. We start only when you close your eyes and drop your head down."

My choice again.

Thumbing the ipod controls I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and as I breathe out I drop my head forwards.

Nothing happens at first. I'm tense waiting and then two long tugs are followed by slow languid rubs. He does it over and over easily falling into a simple rhythm I can follow and anticipate, a tempo that after a while mingles with the rain sound in my ears and it's shockingly soothing.

It's a good thing he told me to close my eyes as I think I would be closing them now to focus on the smell of him clinging to my skin and clothes, the press of his fingers in my neck and the tugs are almost like a lifeline linking me to him.

Tension is melting out of my shoulders and back as I sit there and then he stops and pulls one of the plugs out of my ears, "Sorry Kurt but we just hit five minutes, you okay?"

Blinking and dazed like I've been asleep I twist so I can smile up at him, "I'm okay."

"Wanna hug?" He holds his arms out and I clamber to my feet and into his lap as he cuddles me and I wrap my arms around his neck. "Was that really okay?"

Nodding I snuggle closer gaining a bit more insight into what I'd get out of it, "Yes, more than okay."

"Good," he kisses my forehead softly and he's right I am relaxed, content, and I feel very safe and secure with him. Loved, he makes me feel loved too.

Dave:

He's quiet for a few minutes and then he asks, "But David you said the red, amber, green rule, rules all the other rules and you have to obey it no matter what so how can you be in control if I can say red whenever I want to?"

Ah, he's noticed that has he, he's so damn smart.

"No, no you're not, you really just want to make me happy and you happy at the same time without either of us having to do something we hate," he's frowning but seems to be getting it, "But we're equals but not equals, and I let you plan nearly everything or get to add my input, and we always know where we stand with each other or we ask?"

"Yeah, that's about it and not all of it, it is kinda contradictory ain't it."

"Very, I thought the girls and guys were exaggerating when they complained about their relationships, but it's harder than it looks, the movies always make it look easy," he whines.

Like the movies get things right and I have to snort at him, "Yeah movies have a lot to answer for." Maybe demonstrating would work best for him, "Would it help if I showed you something? Something that's not sensual but is dominating?"

Barely thinking about it for more than a few seconds Kurt nods, "Green."

"Awesome," I grab my ipod, "You may have noticed I have problems with my temper so I tend to listen to this new age crap but I like some of them, I was listening to the thunderstorm earlier."

Giving him the ipod I tell him, "Pick something soothing for you to listen to. I would like to dominate you, by having you kneeling on the floor, or blanket in this case, maybe on a cushion to, I don't want to hurt your knees. I'll be sitting behind you and I'll alternate between gently tugging on your lead and gently stroking the back of your neck with my fingers. The timer will be set for five minutes, you say red or amber and the rules from playtime apply. Oh and you have to have your eyes closed and your head tilted forward. Is that okay?"

I hold my breath and wait full of hope.

"Okay, we'll try it," and Kurt continues to floor me with just how courageous he is.

"Yes," Uh-oh I think I said that out loud but he doesn't react so I got away with it.

Rounding up a chair for me and a cushion for him, I put the cushion in front of the chair and then I hold my hand out to him, "'Kay Kurt when you're ready," he doesn't even hesitate and I soon have him settled on the cushion and listening to the rain track.

Sitting down I have to settle myself and then I'm ready, I demonstrate the lead, the rub and set the watch, now it's over to him, "We start only when you close your eyes and drop your head down."

And then he takes a deep breath and tips his head forward.

Fuck I wanna do a victory dance right now, I want to crow to the world that Kurt's submitting to me. Instead I tug on his lead twice, then rub his neck for him, the skin is soft under my fingers and the hairs on his nape are thicker than I thought they would be.

He's tense at first and I'm ready to call it quits before the five minutes is up but then his shoulders relax and his breathing deepens. God it's fucking amazing to watch the tension literally run out of his body. Too see him chilled out, jeez I hadn't realised what a little stress bunny he normally is, I hope he lets me do this to him again.

When the watch goes off I curse but dutifully lean forward to pull one ear bud out and let him know the time is up. "Sorry Kurt but we just hit five minutes, you okay?" I'm a little anxious about the answer.

Twisting his whole face is relaxed and his eyes are blown again, "I'm okay."

Remembering the locker room I offer, "Wanna hug?" He doesn't answer but kinda crawls into my lap slinging his arms around my neck and nuzzling in, oh damn that feels good in a totally sappy way. "Was that really okay?"

Nodding he mumbles, "Yes, more than okay."

"Good," I kiss his forehead and bask in the knowledge I've pleased my boyfriend and sub twice today. I did good, he didn't balk once and he never had to use a safe word. Thank you god, I promise to keep up this level of care for him.

All too soon his damn phone goes off and we have to go home. Reluctantly I let him go and we tidy up, then I walk him to his car, pulling him into one last hug I hold on to him and kiss him gently, then I have to stand there and wave him goodbye.

Damn I hate that part.

Kurt:

My phone goes this time and I still feel dazed as we clear up and he holds my hand as he walks me to my car, he just has to hug me like he never wants to let me go and I catch a glimpse of his face as he waves goodbye, oh sweet gaga my boyfriend is amazing.

Floating into the house I grab some water and join Dad as he watches the game, "Hey Buddy, how'd today go?"

Dad has no idea of most of the things I do but he always tries so hard, "Good Dad, today went really good, effortless," I hate lying to him, "I love you Dad."

"Love you too kiddo," he grins and then his attention gets pulled to the TV as something happens on it, he yells encouragement and I flop into his shoulder happy and content to just sit here with him. An arm steals around me and I close my eyes as under my ear his heart beats and I smile glad that he's okay.

At dinner I compliment Carole and afterwards I help Finn with some homework assignments he should have finished days ago. Occasionally Carole pauses in the doorway to look at me but she doesn't say anything.

Flopping into my bed that night I curl up and I know I'm going to ask David if we can do more playtime and maybe some of the last thing too, that was much nicer than a neck and shoulder massage.

My neck is still tingling from his fingers and as I drift off I can feel him tugging the lead I'm not wearing but I tumble down into happy dreams.

A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.