Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 36: Smash Towers

Pit and Dark Pit were walking to work on a seemingly normal day. Pit was busy rambling on about a story that Dark Pit obviously didn't care about.

"So, I was all ready to drain the fries, but I cooked the fries slightly too long! So..."

"Pit-stain?"

"So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in."

"Pit-stain?"

"They weren't overcooked at all!"

"Pit-stain, look!" Dark Pit turned Pit around and they saw a tall building in place of the Smash Burger.

"Wow, what happened to the Smash Burger?"

"Good morning! The Smash Towers is now opened for business!"

"Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Mario?"

"I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to my every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code, and that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". Everything was perfect until I got the bill! They charged me for everything. $25 for a hamburger! If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Smash Burger! And thus, the Smash Towers was born."

"Why would anyone want to stay in a hotel in Smashville? It's in the middle of a scenic nowhere! There's nothing to do but get our brains sucked out by Metroid." A Metroid then flew by and latched onto Dark Pit's head. "See?"

"Come inside." Mario led the two angels inside the hotel. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Where are all the new hotel employees?" Dark Pit asked. Mario threw uniforms at him and Pit just as Link entered.

"My first hotel guest! Watch me reel him in." Mario walked behind the counter. "Welcome to the Smash Towers, where our motto is 'We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request'."

"Oh, that's great. I'd like a double Smash Burger with no onions and extra pickles."

"If you want a Smash Burger, you'll have to rent a room and order room service."

"Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch." Link sighed as he left.

"Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro."

"Okay Dark Pit, you man the front desk." Dark Pit then went behind the counter as Kirby came in.

"I'd like a Smash Burger, please."

"This is a hotel now. If you want a Smash Burger, you'll have to get a room and order room service."

"Okay, one Smash Burger and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the Smash Burger, too?"

"Kirby, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?"

"Sometimes I just need to get away from it all." Kirby then rang the bell on the counter. "Wow, this hotel has everything!"

"Gimme that!" Dark Pit snatched the bell and placed a paper on the counter. "Now sign the register."

"I didn't know there would be a test! I didn't study!"

"Kirby, all you have to do is write your name."

"Oh, okay." Kirby took the pen and started writing. "Do you mind?!" Dark Pit turned away as he continued writing. "Done!" Kirby showed Dark Pit the paper, which was a drawing of him and an airplane.

"Close enough. Here's your room key."

"I'll need some help with my bags."

"How can you have bag?! You just found out this is a hotel!"

"This is a hotel?"

"Pit-stain!" Dark Pit groaned.

"Yes, Pittoo?"

"Take Kirby and his bags to his room."

"What about my Smash Burger?"

"And bring him a Smash Burger."

"Dark Pit, you can take Kirby's bags up to his room. Pit, you go make the Smash Burger."

"Oh, Mr. Mario!"

"What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor? I'm Dark Pit and I have to work for a living." Mario fake cried.

"Fine. Let's go, Kirby." Dark Pit started to carry Kibry's extremely heavy bags as he made his way to the elevator.

"This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator."

Dark Pit walked over to the other elevator, which turned out to be a long staircase. He grumbled as he made his way up the stairs. Eventually, he made it all the way up just as Kirby got off the guest elevator. "What's in these bags, rocks?" The bags then opened, revealing that there were in fact rocks in them. "Hey, these are rocks! Why is your suitcase full of rocks?"

"I don't tell you how to live your life!"

"Well, here's your room." Dark Pit opened the door to Kirby's room, and he gasped in awe. "Enjoy your stay."

"Pittoo, wait!" Kirby took out a rock and gave it to Dark Pit. "Keep up the good work and there'll be more where that came from."

"Your Smash Burger, sir." Pit said as Dark Pit tried to throw the rock. "Hey Pittoo, cool rock."

"Hold on a second, Pit." Kirby handed Pit a dollar, making Dark Pit scowl. "Here you are, my good man."

"Why, thank you, Kirby!"

"There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend." Dark Pit became frustrated as he looked at his rock. "Pittoo!"

"What now?!"

"I don't like crust on my sandwich!"

"It's a bun! It's all crust! How am I supposed to cut the crust off a bun?"

"Peel it."

Dark Pit took the Smash Burger and angrily peeled the crust off of the bun. "Happy?" Kirby quickly inhaled the burger.

"Room service! Here's the 50 Smash Burgers you ordered."

"Could you do one more thing for me?"

"Why don't you ask Pit-stain?"

"Good idea, Pittoo!"

"How may I serve you, sir?"

"I need you to eat these Smash Burgers with me."

"Oh, yes, sir!" Pit and Kirby began to eat the Smash Burger while Dark Pit headed down the employee elevator. He then reached downstairs where Mario was on the phone.

"Hold on. Dark Pit! Kirby needs your help."

"What?! Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs?"

"He said he didn't want to bother you, but he got over it."

Dark Pit started to unclog the toiled and ended up pulling out Pit. "Thanks, Pittoo!" Dark Pit put Pit back into the toilet and headed back downstairs.

"Mr. Mario, this is ridiculous! Kirby's being completely unreasonable!"

"He can be as unreasonable as he wants! The plaque, Dark Pit, the plaque!"

"But Mr. Mario..."

"Deny no guests!" The phone then rang. "Why hello, Kirby. You need Dark Pit to come up right away? He'll be right there."

"A bubble bath?! Why would I give you a bubble bath?!"

"Well, because Mr. Mario said you would! Well, be sure to make my back extra shiny clean."

"That's it! I've had enough!"

"Pittoo, wait! The toilet's backed up again!"

Mario saw Dark Pit coming out of the guest elevator. "Hey! Hey, you can't take that elevator! You're an employee!"

"Not anymore. I quit." Dark Pit threw his uniform at Mario.

"Quit? You can't quit." Dark Pit walked out of the hotel and then came back a moment later with vacation clothes. "Welcome to Smash Towers...Dark Pit?!"

"One room, please. On the top floor."

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Smash Towers? Where 'we shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request'."

"I don't have to rent you a room!"

"I've got cash."

"Oh...here's your room key."

"Pit-stain, carry my things to my room."

"Aye aye, guest sir." Pit grabbed Dark Pit's bags and then flew up through the ceiling.

"And you can carry me to my room."

"And why in tarnation would I do that? You got two legs that aren't broken."

"The plaque." Mario then proceeded to carry Dark Pit all the way up the stairs. "Too bad we couldn't take the elevator, but it is for guests only, and you are an employee."

"You're room, sir." Pit said.

"And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a Smash Burger with cheese, toenail clippings, and nose hairs."

Mario gasped. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"And I want it here in five seconds."

"Yes, sir!" Pit quickly ran out of the room and came back with the burger. "Here you are, sir."

"Well, you got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it."

"Oh, I'm not gonna eat this. You are."

"What?! You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that!"

"Psst, that's not really a Smash Burger with cheese, toenails, and nose hairs." Pit whispered to Mario.

"Now, I get ya, boy. Alright, Dark Pit." Mario ate the burger, and instantly spit it out when he realized that it really had toenails and nose hairs, much to Dark Pit's laughter. "Pit!"

"Sorry, Mr. Mario! We were all out of cheese."

"Hooray!" Kirby cheered as everything in his room was covered in cheese.

The phone then rang, and picked it up. "What is it, Dark Pit?"

"Send up a dozen cookies just like mom used to make."

Mario then came back moments later with a plate of cookies. "Here's your homemade cookies."

Dark Pit tasted a cookie and then spit it out. "These don't taste anything mom used to make!"

"Well, how did your mother make 'em?"

"How should I know?! Ask my mother!"

Mario and Pit headed over to a house wearing ski masks. Mario rang the doorbell, and an elderly looking dark angel stepped out.

"Hello?" Mario and Pit then approached her.

Mario tried to get a big sack into the trunk of his car, but the door wouldn't close. "Pit!" Pit went over and hit the sack with a shovel, but the trunk still wouldn't close.

"No good, Mr. Mario."

"Allow me, boy." Dark Pit's mother managed to close the trunk door with ease.

"Great! Now that my laundry's in the trunk..."

"There's room for you to sit up front!"

"Let's go bake some cookies, boys."

"Well?" Mario asked as Dark Pit was trying a cookie.

"I'm impressed! These are just like mother used to make! I just wish mom was a better cook."

"So you're all taken care of?"

"Hm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Redesign it. Zeus the 14th would be nice."

"What?"

"'We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.'" Mario and Pit started to change the room through different themes, such as a blue theme, a modern theme, a country theme, and even a torture theme, before they then went back to the original theme. "Perfect!"

"This room is exactly the same as when we started!"

"Nothing like getting back to basics."

"Let's get outta here, Pit!"

"Oh, before you leave, I wanna go swimming."

"The pool's out back!"

"Are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim."

Dark Pit was now swimming in a large swimming pool, which was inside the room. "Come on in, the water's fine." Pit then jumped in.

"Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?" Mario asked.

"Nope, that's it."

"You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of my own spine? Or maybe extinguish the sun so the light won't get in your eyes?!"

"No, I'm good."

"Me, too." Pit added.

"Wow, an indoor pool?! Well, this place is fancy! Cannonball!" Kirby jumped into the pool, but it collapsed the whole building back into the Smash Burger.

"Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start." Mario muttered as he and the others were now at the hospital.

"That was a hotel?" Kirby asked.

"Your bill, sir." A nurse then showed Mario the bill.

"$15,000?!"

"You're not gonna have a heart attack, are you?" Dark Pit asked.

"Not at these prices! Forget hotels. This hospital rack is where the money is!"

"This is a hospital?"

"Pack your bags, boys! You're going to medical school!" Mario announced, and Pit and Kirby cheered.

"Oh, boy." Dark Pit muttered plaintively.