Fallout
"Literal"
By Nan00k
Be it by genetics or culture, or perhaps something even more specific to the mech himself, Bluestreak just doesn't get jokes. …Or sarcasm. Or idioms. Or metaphors. I decided to play with the whole Prowl-doesn't-get-jokes and Bluestreak-is-naïve thing and made it a Praxian thing that disables any member of their culture to get jokes or the like. As you may imagine, the others in this story will take advantage of this fact.
Back to once a week updates now, guys! :) Thanks for the beta-ing, Shantastic!
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Disclaimer: Transformers © Hasbro/Dreamworks. The original characters in this story are mine, however.
Warnings: character death, violence, foul language, disturbing imagery
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Bluestreak was her buddy. Kass would never, ever think otherwise. He had been the support she had so desperately needed after she lost her family. He'd been her stability when they had unexpectedly met and been adopted by their current group of mechs and other humans. Even now, she still felt closest to the Autobot gunner. He wasn't the sort of person she would have spent time with before, but after nearly two years of living with him and the others, Kass was certain she couldn't live without his optimism and friendship.
That said, living with Bluestreak was, as Jazz aptly put, an acquired taste. Kass admitted she had faults, as did the majority of their friends. Vortex and Rachel both had anger management problems (was it wrong she thought that made them the perfect pair?), Barns, Jazz and Danny were incorrigible jokesters, Wildrider was insane, Thundercracker was too defensive, Wheeljack was eccentric, and Arcee was sometimes too serious for her own good.
Bluestreak? He was… well… Bluestreak.
Kass had spent the morning blissfully hiking along with the others surrounded by only the soft crunch of feet on the ground, the whine and low rumble of servos and hydraulics and the whisper of the wind through the trees and grass. Kass had reveled in the peace until, of course, Danny had to break the ice. Both she and Jazz seemed to dread silence more than anything else. Wildrider hated it too, but instead of starting a conversation, he would generally try to scare someone or do something stupid to get attention. Thankfully, Danny hadn't brought up a really bad topic. It was actually very interesting—the Transformer war itself, prior to Earth's introduction.
"It wasn't because he wanted to start a war," Thundercracker explained. While Kass wasn't sure hearing the story from either side would give them a real, unbiased answer, she had to admit that an ex-Decepticon might give more insight than an Autobot. "The majority of the population was starving in the streets, so he used that initial crisis to spur support for him to take complete control of the government. Prime and the Senate tried to stop him politically, before it eventually came down to violence, and well, the war started."
"The streets weren't in shambles like you are insinuating," Arcee shot back, frowning. How she managed to roll effortlessly over the forest floor and even fallen trees, Kass didn't know. "Yes, there were problems, but Megatron reached for power for his own benefit."
"No one wants to start something as damaging as a civil war. I refuse to believe that's possible," Wheeljack said, surprisingly defending Thundercracker. "I remember many different movements being extended by the High Lord Protector and various other groups to help the needy, but it wasn't enough. It spilled over."
As they walked, Bluestreak moved parallel to her, generally keeping his optics forward, considering he had one of the best optical arrays out of the mechs. However, at Wheeljack's voice, he peered curiously at the taller mech, intrigued by something Kass didn't catch.
"That said, Megatron went too far with his manipulation of the poorer classes," Wheeljack continued. He sounded sad. "It did not take much goading to rile up a coup d'etat and start the war."
"So Megatron wasn't an idiot then," Rachel spoke up. She and Barns were both very interested in the conversation, with their interest in history. "I mean, yeah, he was stupid for causing the war, but he knew what he was doing. He was definitely planning on taking power come Hell or high water." Kass saw Bluestreak's head swivel to look at Rachel.
"That's true," Wheeljack acknowledged.
Thundercracker shrugged, pushing aside and holding a tree branch back so the other mechs could pass. "The whole beginning was a mess of politics and greed," he said. "No use arguing about it now."
"Yeahhhh. I still say Megs was totally off his rocker from th' get-go," Jazz replied, making a sound of disapproval as he ducked another set of branches.
Bluestreak tilted his head, the curiosity melting into a frown. Kass sighed, ignoring it, as did the others.
"You didn't answer my question, though," Danny complained from Wildrider's hands. She had sprained her ankle earlier that week, so she reluctantly allowed herself to be carried to avoid slowing them down. "What caused the war?"
"Megatron," Arcee and Wheeljack said at the same time as Jazz and Vortex said, "Politics." The four Transformers exchanged harsh looks. Vortex had looked intent on staying out of the conversation entirely earlier.
"I acknowledge the situation on the streets was bad, but it took a spark to set it off," Wheeljack began. "Megatron took the initiative to get the ball rolling, so to speak."
Kass hesitated when she heard Bluestreak make a hissing whine, as the Transformers often did when they started to speak, but stopped themselves. She still didn't say anything, however. She knew he'd say something eventually on his own.
Jazz made a disapproving sound again. "I lived on those streets, 'Jack. I can tell ya, they weren't no picnic," he replied. "The Golden Age was only golden fer some and it only lasted so long, an' then it was th' lot of us lower class who got slagged over. Then again, I thought Megs was a nut, but I can sympathize with th' grunts who believed his promises of equality an' all." Thundercracker rumbled lowly.
"So, the pressure of both the growing economic and social situation plus Megatron's desire for absolute power led to the civil war," Barns said, summing it up easily, cutting off conflict. Kass smiled to herself; at least one of them had the sense to keep the peace every time an intense topic was brought up. "A deadly combination, it seems."
"A tragic one," Wheeljack agreed, earfins flashing lowly. All the mechs agreed.
"It is nothing to dwell on now," Barns said, with a sage shake of the head. "From the sounds of it, it was unavoidable. A house divided can't stand, after all."
And then… the inevitable happened.
"Barns," Bluestreak began innocently, "what do you mean by that?"
Kass couldn't help but sigh heavily. Unfortunately for Bluestreak, the others reacted as well. "Oh, for Pete's sake… don't try it!" Rachel exclaimed, abruptly angry. Vortex growled lowly and the two quickly picked up pace. Wheeljack just shook his head.
Upon seeing Bluestreak's expression, Kass tried to fix the situation. "Bluestreak, it means that if your species was separated by a division of interests, it was doomed to fall apart," she explained.
The confusion did not disappear from Bluestreak's faceplates. Kass groaned internally as the grey mech struggled to understand.
"…But…" he began, hesitant. "Houses don't stand."
Behind her, Thundercracker hissed lowly. "No. No they don't," Kass confirmed, knowing it was best to just tell Bluestreak straightly instead of trying to reprimand the others.
Bluestreak kept going, as expected. "Because that would require legs. And they don't have those, do they?"
Kass ducked a low branch, momentarily closing her eyes, bidding the headache lurking somewhere in her head to stay away. "…No… Blue," she replied, tense. "They don't."
"Actually, Bluestreak, in that phrase the word house is a form of household," Wheeljack said patiently. "The original meaning is that if the humans in a family are not united, then they will not be able to stand up against their enemies. They would be destroyed."
"Oh." Bluestreak was silent for a moment, processing this. "I see. Then what did you mean by 'get the ball rolling'?" Bluestreak asked, looking over at the scientist. Kass could almost hear the gears moving in his helm as he attempted to analyze the conversation.
"Oh, Primus," Danny muttered. Wildrider cackled further ahead on the path.
"It's just another phrase, Bluestreak," Wheeljack said, shaking his helm. "Nothing important."
"But what did it mean?" Bluestreak insisted, clearly not noticing the irritation from the others.
Wheeljack did his best to explain, even as the others grumbled or glared as the conversation was successfully derailed. Kass knew that it was necessary for herself, Wheeljack and others like Barns to keep their patience in check around Bluestreak, because if one of them berated him, one of the other more aggressive ones (Vortex came to mind immediately) would lash out as well and just add to the problem.
"Now does that seem understandable?" Wheeljack asked
Bluestreak's door-wings drooped lowly. "…Yes, but…" he began, "Jazz… what did you mean by, 'off his rocker'?"
Further ahead with Vortex, Rachel shouted, "JESUS CHRIST!" as if in agony. Jazz snickered, before kindly explaining the phrase to Bluestreak in the best way he could, with some help from Wheeljack.
Kass sighed heavily, knowing it was useless to just assume Bluestreak would understand the various phrases they used that weren't straightforward English. Certainly he was new to human culture, but in an angry discussion about it, Vortex said that the "bumbling grey moron" had the same problems with Cybertronian and not just English. At first she thought Bluestreak was just very young. And then she thought he was very, very young, much younger than even herself, if he was having so much trouble with his own language too. But then she realized that the truth of the matter was that he was a good hundred thousand years older than her, maybe a little less.
So… it was a little confusing at first. Kass didn't want to assume her closest mech friend was slow – he certainly didn't seem to be and Jazz assured her Bluestreak was very intelligent, but after nearly six months of having to constantly explain what they were saying to him, she began to realize that something really was wrong.
But after talking quietly to Wheeljack and Jazz on the side, Kass discovered it wasn't a defect that was holding Bluestreak back from understanding the conversations. It was, well, something a little less natural, but just as much tied to Bluestreak's mind.
"It's cultural," Jazz explained.
"Cultural, to not understand metaphors and idioms?" Kass asked, surprised.
Wheeljack shook his head. "It's not that as much as it is not one of the behavioral codes given to Praxian sparklings," he said, always patient with questions from any of them.
"Praxian…" Kass could barely keep up with all the terms she was constantly learning from the mechs. "Praxus. That was Bluestreak's home city wasn't it?"
Jazz clasped his clawed hands in a very human like fashion. "Yup. See, each city-state used t' have its own guidelines fer everythin', really. Includin' how t' format a sparklin'," Jazz replied. He grinned, obviously amused by the situation. "Praxians were a bunch of academics an' th' like, so they weren't real focused on makin' sure th' kids knew every joke on Cybertron. They focused on bein' straightforward people, you know? Tryin' t' understand humor or fancy ways of sayin' somethin' simple doesn't compute fer Praxians."
"Oh… that… makes sense," Kass managed to say after a moment. Perhaps she had been wrong to assume that the Transformers had a homogeneous culture after all… They did have differences, even amongst themselves.
"It ain't just Praxus either," Jazz continued. "Some mechs are formatted with high octane engines t' run advanced battle programming, but they got terrible emotional control 'cause of it. I knew a pair of twins like that, an', boy, they make Bluestreak's problems look like nothin'. It all depends on where they grow up, or are formatted."
"But can't he just download the files?" Kass demanded. "Or get that code later in life?"
"It's not that easy. We're not completely like computers, Kassandra," Wheeljack replied, his optics kind, so she knew he was smiling behind his mask. "After a certain point, we must learn as we go, quite like you humans, when it comes to behavioral protocols. We amend the codes ourselves as we learn, but Bluestreak's codes are from his creation. It is not easy to overwrite them. And idioms and metaphors are some of the hardest concepts to learn."
For all of their bluster, most of the mechs seemed to take all this easily, even though it was an inconvenience. Kass frowned. "…I see." She would just have to get used to it as well.
Jazz chuckled. "Don't worry about it too much. I used t' be with a Praxian. Took me ages t' get over th' fact he didn't get my jokes half th' time, or spent so much time tryin' t' understand them that he shorted out his circuits," he said. "Blue does alright, Kass, so just give 'im time t' figure stuff out when he gets confused."
Kass nodded, though she was still uneasy. "I just worry about him asking and Vortex getting angry." Thundercracker and Rachel weren't infinitely patient with the grey Autobot either.
"Well, we'll just have t' intervene," Jazz said with his usual grin. "Nothin' wrong with a question or two."
However, when it came to Bluestreak, a 'question or two' generally meant a 'dozen a day', especially when they got into a larger discussion with everyone. Most times, it wasn't too bad and Bluestreak often waited until he could speak privately with Wheeljack, Jazz or Kass to ask about a stray phrase that had bothered him, but some days, he made the mistake of asking the group as a whole, thus including Vortex and the less patient members of the group.
It was always a bad sign when Wildrider of all mechs reacted in anger to something. "VHY ARE YOU SO STUPID? !" he screeched after Bluestreak spent nearly an hour demanding answers from him one day.
Kass took Bluestreak aside (who was very dejected after that insult) and made sure he knew that she or Jazz were the better people to ask questions of. He did his best to segregate his questioning for them, but sometimes, his curious nature got the best of him, like it did today, and he just asked everyone. It wouldn't be that bad if he just asked once in a while. But for Bluestreak? One question lead to another that lead to another, for hours on end. It was rather annoying.
The argument had died down in the group and Bluestreak had slowed down to walk alongside Kass, looking very upset. Kass sighed softly, knowing Bluestreak had sensitive feelings. He didn't mean to bother anyone. It truly was in his nature.
After a moment, Bluestreak glanced down at her. "Kass, I'm sorry for bugging you," he said quietly, looking guilty. It tugged at Kass's heartstrings to see that sort of look on his face.
"No, no, it's okay," she said, smiling gently. "Questions are good." Even if they did drive many of their friends to contemplate homicide.
The gunner's frown remained in place. "Really?"
"Yup," Kass replied, forcing herself to be upbeat. "It doesn't bug me." A little white lie wouldn't hurt. Kass paused mentally; she would not use that phrase out loud. It would take forever to explain that to him.
"…Okay…" Bluestreak trailed off. He hesitated and then asked urgently, "Because I'm still confused. What did Rachel mean when she was talking about Megatron being in the human Pit or immersed in water?"
Yes. He was an acquired presence. Groaning, Kass resigned herself to the discussion for the rest of the day.
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There were many, many times that Bluestreak was confused, by everyone, and in all sorts of verbal situations. Every event had its own drama.
"Is anyone going to tell him that you know?"
Kass glanced at Rachel, knowing her best human friend was very worried about her unique situation with Vortex. Rachel had never come straight out and told them what her feelings were on the matter, in fact she was very insistent on making sure no one knew what those feelings were, along with other things… like the mere knowledge that she knew about Vortex's feelings. The helicopter had no clue Rachel knew about how he felt.
"What?" Rachel asked, surprised, looking at Barns in alarm. "Screw that. He'd only get more awkward to be around." Kass had to agree; Vortex had gone from being socially-impaired to socially-starving ever since they had noticed he was crushing on Rachel.
"I read somewhere that the best way to deal with this kind of thing is for us to lock you both in a closet," Danny spoke up, smiling at their mini-circle, outside of the group of mechs. Only Bluestreak was lingering next to them, having eaten the previous night. "Too bad we're really far from a city, and Vortex wouldn't fit in one anyway."
Rachel gave the older woman a strained glare. "Where the hell did you read that, the Sorority Girl Guidebook?" she asked, sarcastic.
Danny frowned, crossing her arms defensively. "No. A magazine with face paint supplies and half-naked people. Wheeljack didn't let me keep the completely naked people ones." Danny paused and then suddenly looked wistful. "I'm always jealous that they didn't have to wear clothing."
Kass felt her eye twitch. "And the awkward comment of the year goes to a human for once!" she began, gesturing widely with her arms. "Somebody better tell Wheeljack and Vortex they have competition this year." Rachel and Barns both laughed at that.
"Hey!" Danny exclaimed, upset.
"You know what? Never mind," Rachel said. Grimacing, she shook her finger at her audience. "No telling him! Anything!"
Barns sighed heavily, nodding. "I agree," he said, though he didn't seem happy about it. "He would only have more worries to be concerned with. Best let sleeping dogs lie, and all."
There was a small creak and Kass looked up. Bluestreak knew about their awareness of the situation for a couple days, so they didn't mind him listening in. However, Kass knew that look on his faceplates and immediately braced herself for it.
"Vortex isn't a dog, Barns," Bluestreak said, though his voice implied a question of, Why did you say that?
Rachel dropped her head into her blankets. "Fucking kill me," she mumbled into the cloth.
Bluestreak flinched back, stunned and alarmed. "What? !" he exclaimed. Kass groaned into her hands.
"That was an exaggeration, damn it!" Rachel yelled back, lifting her head to do so, and to glare at the startled mech.
"What's wrong?" Wheeljack asked, surprised, as he walked closer.
"Rachel wants to die—!" Bluestreak blurted.
"JESUS H. CHRIST, SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"
"Vhat happened?" Wildrider asked, peering up from behind Barns, Kass and Danny, having crept up with almost unnatural ease. Next to Jazz, he was always the most interested in group drama.
"Rachel's having men problems," Danny announced cheerfully.
Wildrider barely batted an optic, the glee fading from his faceplates. "Oh. That."
"Let's just get breakfast," Kass said shortly, trying to be heard over the cacophony of screaming. Yes. Just another Monday…
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Barns had been rolling up his bedding when a sudden sound made him jump.
"Ouch!" Danny yelped. According to Barns' mental catalogue of Sounds My Human/Mech Friends Make, it wasn't a life-threatening yelp, but certainly one of pain.
"What's the matter?" he asked, turning to the woman, who was still on the ground on her pallet.
Grimacing, Danny was trying to stretch her one leg out. "Charley Horse. Owww," she complained. "I hate those."
Barns frowned in sympathy and the other two women by the fire also agreed the cramp was painful. The mechs had given them a quick look at Danny's initial yell, but had almost turned away once they realized Danny wasn't seriously hurt.
However…
"Horses?" Bluestreak blurted. He smiled happily over by Wheeljack, having just gotten his energon ration. "I love horses! I mean, I've never seen one personally, but the pictures of them in Wheeljack's data files are so pretty. They look like deer. Are they deer?"
Barns laughed quietly, turning back to his blankets. "No, no, no, it's not a horse," Danny explained, giggling as well. "I have a cramp in my leg."
The grey mech's smile slowly faded. "But you said…"
"It's just a phrase, Bluestreak," Kass said wearily, drying a pan.
Bluestreak frowned, seriously contemplating the situation. "Do horses cause cramps?" he asked.
"Only for your aft," Jazz called from across the meadow. Rachel burst out laughing and even Thundercracker rumbled in amusement.
"Jazz, not helping," Kass shot back, irritated. Wildrider cackled, but a quick smack from Arcee shut him up.
"Why can't you just say you have a cramp?" Bluestreak demanded. Barns sighed, knowing this wouldn't end until the inquisitive mech got an answer.
"Charley Horse is a name for a specific kind of cramp," Danny replied, still stretching her leg. The minor pain was making her a bit more irritated than normal, Barns noted.
"But why name it after an animal that doesn't have anything to do with the cramp?" Bluestreak asked, insistent.
Danny hesitated. "I… have no idea," she admitted. "I just learned it from these guys. Ask Pre-War humans if you ever get the chance."
The frown never left Bluestreak's faceplates as he stared down at Danny with an intense look. "Humans are strange," he concluded, hilariously severe.
"Story of my LIFE," Vortex snarled; the entire time, he had been twitching with the urge to smack the grey Autobot.
"Shut up," all four humans snapped in unison. Wildrider and Jazz burst out laughing.
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It came out of nowhere. Jazz thought his audio receptors had been fritzing out and even had Wheeljack double check afterward, just to be sure. It wasn't a bad thing, but… it was… startling.
While attempting to travel through a dense swampy area somewhere in Western Europe, the group was torn between walking in silence to keep up an alert awareness of any incoming drones, and just talking for the sake of talking, to ward away the creepy silence the swamp seemed to emanate. The fog was not helping much and the overhanging trees made it difficult for the mechs to move quietly.
As usual, small conversations broke out, most likely just to pass the time, Jazz mused. He didn't join in right away and let the humans start up a rather old, but always amusing conversation.
"Say it again," Rachel goaded as they trudged through the mud.
"No," Kass replied, almost in a grunt. She crossed her arms as they plodded through the damp environment, looking resolved not to speak. The mechs were only partially interested in the situation, though Wildrider looked like he was about to join in.
Danny was just as merciless as Jazz or Barns could be sometimes. "Saaaay it."
"Bloody hell what do you want me to—oh, bollocks!" Kass sputtered, indignant as her friends began to laugh at her unique vocabulary. Being the only one who spoke with a British accent often made her the subject of interest for both mechs and humans alike. The same could be said of the French-speaking Barnaby, but only Kass got flustered like that under pressure. "I swear to God! I don't have a single ally in this group when you're picking on me. It's not fair."
"Blue loves you, right?" Barns said, laughing. "There's an ally."
Kass snorted, shaking her head. "Ha!"
Chuckling, Jazz was almost tempted to tell the others to lay off the irate woman (at least until they got out of that horrible swamp), but as they stopped for Vortex and Thundercracker to inspect the area before they went any further, Bluestreak suddenly spoke up.
"Of course I care about Kass!" he said, smiling kindly at her, garnering everyone's attention. "You're the apple of my heart, after all."
There was a sudden silence and everyone turned to look at the mech who had spoken. Bluestreak, oblivious to the stares, continued to smile down at his tiny friend, who stared back in astonishment. Kass, never one to do well under pressure, fumbled with her next words.
"I-I… uh…" She smiled nervously, though she was clearly touched by Bluestreak's declaration. "I love you too, Blue. Thank you."
Bluestreak beamed, pleased that he had done so well with the situation. Jazz tried to hide his grin as he watched the scene play out. Yeah, every day was another learning experience, for all of them, in all sorts of ways.
Laughter resumed as Rachel poked fun at Kass's verbal stumbling and the girls swept off with ease ahead of the group once Thundercracker gave the all clear. Jazz was happy they had each other to laugh with. He walked over and clasped Bluestreak around the shoulder, cheerfully glad that the mech was picking up the nuances of their friends. It wasn't easy, Jazz knew that from his experience with Prowl, but hey, Bluestreak was a smart mech. They all had time to adjust and move forward.
"…Jazz?" Bluestreak asked after a moment of silently watching the humans walk ahead.
Jazz looked up at the gunner, smiling. "Yup?"
"What does 'apple of my heart' mean?"
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End Literal.
Next: Thundercracker commentates on human talent.
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A/Ns:
- "Apple of my heart" is actually incorrect (it should be "eye" instead of "heart"). XD Give Bluestreak some credit for trying, however.
-If you'd like to see a sketch of Rachel, check out the bottom of my profile page for the link! :)