Chapter 35: Not Getting Emotionally Involved

Sakura's POV

Two weeks after Sasuke promises me that he's not in the Sharingan, it's his eighteenth birthday. I know my parents are at some dinner party in the city, and my brother is at some gaming tournament in Wisconsin, so I invite Sasuke over for a private birthday dinner.

I'm not a chef, but I do know how to follow a recipe. I got a Japanese cookbook from the bookstore. We don't have authentic Japanese food often, and most of the recipes are foreign to me. Other than breakfest, my parents either order take-out or eat at the Orange Club. If mom does cook, it's probably a pot of sticky rice, and fried eggs, or something from the meat market specially prepackaged and marinated so all we have to do is throw the stuff in the oven.

Sasuke arrives at six, right on time, with a bunch of yellow daffodils in his hand. The stems are wrapped together in a big yellow ribbon. "Hey," he says.

"Hey," I say back.

He scans my skinny black dress that hugs every one of my curves. "Damn, Sak. You look amazing." He looks down at his jeans and cringes. "Sorry I didn't get more dressed up."

" I don't need you dressed up. You look like a stud just the way you are." I take the flowers after I kiss him. "You didn't have to bring me flowers. It's your birthday not mine."

"I wanted to bring you something." he says. When I put the flowers to my nose to smell him, Sasuke looks nervous. "I didn't know if you'd like them. sai tole me to bring you red roses, but I thought you'd like yellow. They remind me of you. They brighten a room . . . just like you."

I reach out and touch the stubble on his face, wondering how I ever thought he was the least simliar to Kiba. His tender gaze pierces through my heart. "I love them. Come on in. I made you dinner." I say proudly.

"what's that?" he asks as his eyes settle on the wrapped box I set on the table.

"Your birthday present."

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know, i wanted to. Go on, open it." When he does, I hold my breath.

He pulls out what looks like a twisted black iron rock, but I know it's not just a rock. He rolls it around in his hand, studying it. Does he knows what it is? Hopefull he doesn't think it's a cheap paperweight.

"It's a meteorite, " I explain quickly. "From Argentina. Inside the box are the authentic papers, explaining where and how it was found."

He looks at me over the meteorite with a stunned expression on his face. "I know what it is. I've seen them in museums. And in books. But I've never held one. Or owned on." He examines all sides in awe, feeling each curve and crevice with is fingertips. "I can't believe this was in space. It's so cool . . . surreal."

"It's yours." I say.

"I don't know what to say. It must've cost you a fortune. I just . . . wow. I'd beg you to return it and get your money back, but I don't want to part with it."

I kiss him on the check. "It's okay. i didnt need that college fund, anyway." He cocks an eyebrow, and I smile mischievously. "I'm just kidding. I had money saved up from babysitting and birthdays." With my forefinger, I run a path down the front of his shirt. "Besides, you're worth it."

"That's debatable, baby." He stills my hand. "It's the collest gift anyone's ever given me."

"Good. Mission accomplished."

"Not yet" He puts the meteorite gently back in the box and kisses me passionately until I'm wanting more and my insides are melting. I'm breathless and never want to stop. Knowing that we're alone, and I have another gift planned for him, makes me want to skip dinner altogether. "Thanks for the gift." he says against my lips.

"My pleasure." Flustered now, I step away from him and gesture to the dining room, where everything is set up. "I made an authetic Japanese meal."

"Recipes passed down from your ancestors?"

"Not really. Try cookbook I bought yesterday at the mall."

He laughs. "Next time you want to make an authentic Japanese meal, call me first. Mikoto taught me and my brothers to cook when we were kids."

After serving him a plate of fried pork and rice balls, he sits down and eats. After about 15 minutes, "You did an awesome job," he says as he fishes for the slippery flan eluding his spoon.

"You're lying. It sucked. Face reality, Sasuke. I should have ordered takeout. If you were Kakashi, you'd give me a D minus on this meal."

He laughs. "An A plus for effort. The fried pork were awesome."

"That's because I brought them ready-made all I had to do was stick it in the oven." I say. When we're done, he helps me clear the table and puts the dishes in the dishwasher. Afterward, I see him leaning against the kitchen counter watching me. "You have a plan for the rest of the night, or are we gonna wing it?"

I take his hand and weave his fingers through mine. "I have another birthday present for you."

"What is it?"

I lean close to his ear and whisper, "Me." He swallows, hard. I watch as the muscle in his jaw twitches. "Wanna go upstairs . . . to my bedroom."

He nods slowly. "I didn't think you could top that meteorite gift, but you just did."

I take his hands and leads him to my room. My heart is racing the entire time, because I've prepared myself for this. I tell myself it's okay, because I want this as much as Sasuke. I'm in control here. I just have to keep myself in check and not let my emotions run wild.

Sasuke walks around my room, studying the pictures on my wall. Most of them are of me and my friends. Some are dogs from the shelter. He stops when his eyes focus in on one of me and him at Itachi and Konan's wedding two summers ago. We both had no clue the photographer had caught the moment on camera.

He points to it. "How did you get this?"

"Konan brought it over when she had dinner at my house one night."

He points to the expression on my face. "Youwere so pissed. Look at me, with that stupid-ass cocky grin. I thought I was the shit back then." He shakes his head, then scans the rest of the pictures.

While his back is turned to me, I reach around and slowly unzip my dress. "You are the shit, Sasuke." I say in a teasing voice.

"Nah, I'm-"

He stops midsentence as he looks at me and it registers that I'm unzipping my dress. My mouth is dry as I slide the straps down my shoulders slowly until the material falls to the floor in a pool at my feet.

His eyes never leave mine. Mine never leave him.

"What were you saying?" I ask.

"I forgot." His gaze travels down the length of my body . I dressed in black lace panties and a matching bra, prepared for us to be together tonight. "Sakura . . ." He takes a step toward me. "I didn't think you could look more beautiful when you opened the door tonight. But you do."

I hold my breath in anticipation and longing as his fingers skim lightly over my shoulders before gently slipping my bra straps aside.

This is okay, I tell myself. I can enjoy this and stay emotionally detached as I want. His lips replace his fingers. He kisses one shoulder, then brushes his warm lips across my neck and kisses the other one.

I grab on to him for support because his warm breath brushing over my skin makes me dizzy. I want him here with me, I want him close . . . but this is sex. It has to be just sex.

I grab him over his pants, then unzip his jeans.

"Easy girl," he says, amused.

He puts an arm around me, holding me steady, as he bents down to kiss me. It's not just any kiss. His lips move slowly over mine, brushing against them before his tongue reaches out. I feel his hot breath mingle withmine as out tongues glide over each other's in a slow rhythm that makes my skin hot and sweaty. His hands move slowly up and down the curve of my back in the same rhythm as our kiss.

Truth is, being with Sasuke makes me want to ditch all of my self awareness and give in to every temptation.

He pulls his shirt over his head, then tosses it aside. He's got a big scab on his arm. "What happened?" I ask, tracing around it.

"Just got a cut working at the garage." he says, dismissing it.

"What were you doing?"

He hesitates long enough for me to question whether he's about to tell me the truth.

"It's not important." He kisses me again, tryin gto make me forget about his mystery wound. It works for the moment.

We strip naked and move to the bed. Instead on jumping eachother's bones, he takes his sweet time running his hands over every inch of my body as if he's going to memorize it for a painting later.

I follow his lead, skimming my palm across his hot skin in a slow, tortuous pattern until he's panting. I lean over him and use my lips and tongue, exploring every inch. He grabs the sheets so hard his knuckles turn white. It makes me feel like I have the power, not the other way around.

Until it's his turn to explore. I try to stay calm. But it's hard. I brace myself for it to happen any minute now. He gently pushes the hari out of my face as he gazes into my deep, insecure, green eyes. "I'm living my fantasy." he says.

"What fantasy is that?" I ask.

"Being alone with the girl I love. I love you, Sakura. You know that right?"

Umm . . . "Yes. Me too." I say dumbly, trying to block the rush of emotions threatning to surface. His thumb traces my lips and I swear his eyes are getting glassy. "I've never felt this way about another girl before," he whispers.

No.

I don't want to keep hearing words of love.

Sasuke is dangerous and has the ability to suck me in if I let him. I can't let that happen. He's got secrets. I've got secrets. We can't share them, but we can share our bodies.

"Let's have sex," I blurt out. I reach over and open my side-table drawer. I pull out a condom from the box I bought over the weekend and hand it to him. "Here."

"I want to make love to you, Sakura. More than anything but you said-"

"Forget what I said. Let's do it." He leans in to kiss me again, but I put a hand on his chest and nudge him away. "Put the condom on."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now."

He seems a little frustrated that I'm rushing this, but he rips open the package and puts on the condom. If we do this fast, and I'm able to keep myself free of emotion, it'll be find. Tonight will wipe all the bad memories of me and Kiba away.

He's poised above me now, his hands braced on either side of my head. I gaze up at his tan skin skick against me. "Come, on." I say, urging him along.

His lips are inches away from mine. "I got to be honest, Sak. This isn't how I imagined it."

"It's fine. Let's just do it. Hurry up."

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can't look at him. Not now, when i'm determined to stay emotionless. He hesitates, then swear under his breath and pushes himself off me.

Cold air rushes under the blanket as he sits on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Why'd you stop?"

He pulls off the condom and tosses it in the trash. "This ain't working for me."

"Why not?"

He looks back at me, pissed. "Shit, Sak, you're acting as though this is a one-night stand between strangers. I'm trying to make love to you and your eyes are shut so damn tight it looked like you were wishing I was someone else."

"I'm not . . . I wasn't."

"Forget it." He grabs his boxers and puts them on. "Next time your boyfriend tells you he loves you, you might want to acknowledge it with more than a yeah, me too."

"I don't want you to love me," I snap.

"Too late, Sakura."

I sit up. "I can't do the love thing, Sasuke."

"So you just want a fuck partner, is that it?" he snaps, then shoves his legs into his pants. "It would've been cool of you to, like, let me know we were just gonna screw so I didn't make a fool of myself, pouring out my feelings."

"You didn't make a fool out of yourself. Don't be mad. I just don't want to get hurt again. I won't repeat what I did with-"

"Kiba," he says, finishing my sentence. He throws his hands in the air. "Sakura. I'm so fucking sick and tired of it always coming back to you and Kiba. You still in love with him?"

"I'm not . . . I don't. Sasuke, you have NO idea about the things I went through." I can't even get the words out.

"Tell me then. Tell me, so you can finally move on."

"You don't get it.! There's no moving on from this, this, BRUDEN. I will always have this, there's no escaping it. Kiba took something from me, that I can NEVER get back okay? He broke up with me, then ran away like a dumbass coward, wanna know where? BACK TO THE SHARINGAN.! Obviously, the sharingan had something to give him, I could never give. So don't say that I can move on, because I can't.!" I yell, throwing my hands up in frustration.

He grabs his shirt off the floor, and looks at me with a grave expression on his face. "Do you even love me?"

His words calm me down, as I think. My head is down, with my pink hair falling over my sad, green eyes, I shut my eyes tight, as I clutch my blanket to my chest and give him the only answer I can. "No."