Disclaimer: The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

A/N: I'm still flabbergasted, we're now over 1200 reviews and the favorites and alerts are amazing too. Thank you so much to everyone who adds the story or drops me a quick line to let me know they're enjoying it. They mean so much to me!

I know I had promised this chapter would be finished earlier, but some of you from my review replies already know I've been terribly sick. Weeks of flu like symptoms and numerous doctor appointments and they finally realized I had mono. At first I didn't realize what the big deal was, but then I realized I barely had the energy to even sit at my computer or focus on a tv show for more than a half hour at a time. It made writing, proof-reading, and editing, extremely difficult. I'm starting to feel better, but also have to contend with trying to get back to work and still needing to go to bed by like nine, so I apologize in advance if the next update takes a few weeks as well.

Special Thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas, and Ulli, my German translator!

From Before…

He finally decided going to Grimmauld Place might be a good idea. As much as he didn't want to tell his friends about the new change in Snape's behavior, he could just hear Ron singing I told you so, they might have a better idea of what he did to make Snape repulsed by his presence.

Ch. 36 – Ready or Not

Harry fell ungraciously into his godfather's empty kitchen and quickly made his way through the house in search of his friends. His head hurt from thinking in circles all morning and he just wanted someone to give him a little direction at the very least.

For once he didn't have to search much of the creepy house before he found Hermione curled up in one of the lounges reading a book. Surprisingly, she was alone and not stuck cleaning a curtain full of Doxies or who knows what else Mrs. Weasley might have found.

"Harry!" she exclaimed cheerfully. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and Ron for a minute. Do you know where he is?" Harry asked.

Hermione's excitement quickly turned to concern.

"It's nothing serious," Harry added hastily. "I just need some ideas," he said, knowing that would spark something in Hermione. She never could resist a challenge.

"Alright," she agreed, marking her place in the book and setting it on the table next to her chair. "He's probably in his room trying to finish his summer work. You would think I never even tried to get him to start it earlier. I certainly hope you haven't let yours go as well," she added, giving Harry a critical stare.

"Professor Snape has had me working on it all summer," he said, appeasing the young witch immediately.

Hermione let out a sigh. "Oh, right; and you had access to that amazing library," she said with a reverential smile before leading the way out of the room and up to Ron's.

Sure enough, their red-headed friend was sprawled out on his bed with books and parchment, but instead of working, he was most definitely snoring.

"Ronald!" Hermione hissed indignantly once they were both inside with the door closed.

The boy in question's head came up quickly. "Can you repeat the question ma'am?" he asked groggily, still clearly in the realm of some dream.

"Ron," Harry interjected, before Hermione could grow more annoyed. "Ron, wake up," he said, shaking his friends shoulder.

"Harry?" Ron asked in confusion, finally coming around. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up completely, giving Hermione a sheepish look. "I didn't sleep well last night," he tried in vain to explain his taking a nap at ten in the morning.

The little witch was unable to contain a snort of amusement, which at least indicated she was not actually angry.

"So what did you need our help with Harry?" Hermione asked, taking a seat on the bed opposite Ron's.

"You need our help?" Ron chorused in confusion, still rubbing at his eyes.

Harry stuck his hands in his pocket and shuffled his feet. "Well, umm…" Just get it over with, Harry told himself. Both his friends were staring intently at him and it would only be harder if he dragged it out.

"Alright… you're right. I like having Snape around. And now he has been acting differently since yesterday and I don't know what I did to upset him. And before you say it Ron, I don't need to hear 'I told you so'," he rattled off quickly, all in one breath.

Hermione simply stared at him in concern, but it was obvious Ron was having a very hard time following the instructions not to say 'I told you so'.

"Well, what do you mean exactly, by acting differently?" Hermione asked carefully.

Harry tried to wet his suddenly dry mouth and steeled himself to be as honest as possible. He needed their advice and knew it wouldn't pay to keep things from them.

"Yesterday at my hearing he was really… supportive. And even here before lunch. But then when I got back last night, I was kind of depressed because I'm worried about Sirius. But Snape just seemed to be annoyed with me, short with conversation, and the Occlumency lesson went horribly. And then…" Harry took a deep breath and pushed on. "I woke around midnight and heard Snape arguing with someone in the study. He seemed really upset and I wanted to find out what was wrong, but instead he just snapped at me like I shouldn't be out of bed."

Ron looked even angrier than before, but Hermione was obviously confused and Harry realized he would have to explain a little further since he hadn't specifically told her about the nightmares.

"Umm… the professor knows I have nightmares and he's usually really good about them," he said, trying to ignore the blush threatening to cover his cheeks. It was one thing that Ron knew about his nightmares, but telling Hermione, a girl, seemed even harder.

Hermione's features softened in just that way that Harry had been hoping to avoid. He didn't want her pity. He just wanted to know how to fix things with Snape.

"Harry, maybe Professor Snape just has a lot on his mind right now. It's not right for him to take that out on you, but when someone is stressed out they do tend to take it out on the people closest to them," Hermione explained gently. "There was an Order meeting last night. Maybe he received some troubling news. I'm sure it is nothing you did and you should never think that way."

Harry didn't believe her, but he didn't want to tell Hermione that. It was usually something he did. Even if Snape had slowly gotten him to realize everything with the Dursleys might not have been his fault, it was too easy to remember the things his uncle used to say. It always came down to being his fault.

"If Snape really cared about you, he would not be angry with you for no reason," Ron finally said heatedly.

"But that's what I mean. I'm sure there is a reason," Harry countered, not realizing how horrible his logic sounded.

"If you did something, he should tell you!" Ron snapped, his face growing redder. "Real parents do not hold grudges and not explain why they are upset with you!"

"Ron," Hermione said tentatively, trying to capture their friend's attention before he lost his temper.

Harry watched as his two friends locked eyes and Ron snapped his mouth closed in some type of acknowledgement.

"Harry, Ron is right," Hermione explained more carefully. "I'm sure the professor is just overwhelmed. He has so much on his plate. I don't see what you could have done to upset him."

Harry nodded his head slowly, trying to process Hermione's theory. It did make sense. Maybe there was some bad news at the meeting and it was all just overwhelming. Although Harry had been helping brew potions with Snape, they were still behind on the man's schedule since the trial. And then today was another day wasted because Snape said he had to meet with the headmaster. If Harry could help alleviate some of the professor's burdens, maybe he wouldn't be so upset and things could go back to the way they were. He would just have to spend the afternoon brewing while Snape was meeting with Dumbledore.

"You're brilliant Hermione," Harry said, smiling at his friend. "I have to go," he added, quickly turning towards the door, but before he could open it Ron had jumped from his seat and was holding it closed with one arm.

"Ron, there is something I have to do this afternoon while Snape is gone. I don't have a lot of time," Harry tried to explain to his friend.

"We need to talk first," the red-head replied.

Harry didn't like Ron's ominous tone and took a step back from the door. "We can talk later. I only have this afternoon to do this."

"Harry," Ron said nervously. "I know we've already talked about this, and you've explained all the ways Snape has changed, but I still don't see it. And this," Ron said while gesturing around with his hands, "just proves my point further."

Harry could feel his heart-rate speed up. He really didn't want to try and justify everything again, but he should have expected this when he came here today.

"Listen, I'm not arguing with you about this again, you should just trust me, he's been different this summer-"

"You keep saying that, but how is he any different than the Dursleys?" Ron interrupted.

"What?" It was Harry's turn to be outraged. How in the world could Ron make that connection? "The Dursleys are awful. How could you even compare them?" he said, shaking his head.

"How? Snape ridicules you, yells at you, and calls you names - all the things you said the Dursleys would do. And now he's mad at you for no reason, taking his anger out on you!"

Harry continued to shake his head in denial. "He's nothing like the Dursleys!"

"HOW?" Ron yelled, growing more and more angry. "'Because to me he seems exactly the same!"

Neither wizard paid any attention to Hermione as the little witch tried desperately to catch their attention and diffuse the situation by tugging on both their sleeves.

Harry flung her off, waving his hands. Snape had done too much for him this summer to ever be compared to the Dursleys and he wouldn't stand for it. "He's nothing like them and I've already explained that! And I thought you would realize that after everything I have told you. It's one thing not to trust Snape, but I would hope you could trust me."

As their voices escalated even further Hermione quickly put up a silencing charm.

"You tell me different things every day and Snape still looks like a bastard, just like your relatives! How is he any different?"

"He's not a bastard and he's nothing like my relatives!"

"HOW?"

"He would never hit me!" Harry finally cried out, effectively silencing the entire room. He stared in mortification at his best friend as the realization of what he just said set in. His chest was heaving up and down with each heavy breath and all he could hear was the air rushing in his head like a tornado.

"Th – that's not what I meant," he said shakily, blinking and turning away.

"Harry?" Hermione questioned in a tiny whisper as Ron breathed out at the same time, "That's exactly what you meant."

Harry scrubbed at his face with both hands and tried his best to just remember how to breathe. He inhaled deeply and slowly let it out before he felt a hand descend on his arm. He flinched away as though he were burned and stepped out of reach, turning to face his friends.

"No, that's not what I meant," he said, steeling himself back to an impassive expression, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look at his friend's faces.

He heard Ron draw in a deep agitated breath before speaking.

"Harry, the Dursley's hit you, don't they?" he asked solemnly although his voice implied he already knew the answer.

"No," Harry murmured, but Ron continued to speak.

"You need to talk to us. Please," he pleaded.

Harry continued to shake his head in denial. He wasn't ready for this. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

"I can't do this right now," Harry said, pushing his way past Ron to the door, but he stopped in his tracks at his friend's next words.

"If you won't, I'll have no choice but to tell my parents," Ron said, with grim determination.

"You have no right! It's not your place!" Harry shouted as he rounded on his friend in outrage. Snape had always made sure it washis decision to tell other people. How dare Ron take that away from him!

Ron grabbed both of Harry's arms and refused to let go. "Yes it is! You're my best friend and best friends protect each other," he said shakily. "I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do something to stop this. As it is, I can't believe I didn't realize sooner."

"It doesn't matter right now," Harry countered, trying to shrug off Ron's hands without any luck. His anger slowly deflated the more Ron's words sunk in.

"I don't care if it's the summer and you think you won't see them for a year. It does matter! They need to pay for what they've done," Ron said in indignation. "And we need to make sure you never go back there."

Harry was trying his best to look anywhere but into Ron's eyes. He was unsure of how to handle the righteous anger his friend was displaying on his behalf. But the other alternative was catching sight of Hermione just past him. She had her arms wrapped around her own torso and Harry could see her bottom lip trembling as though she were about to burst into tears at any second.

"Snape already took care of it, so please don't tell your parents, Ron," Harry begged in a near whisper. When he finally met his friend's blue eyes, he was surprised to see more shock than when he had slipped about the Dursleys hitting him.

"He told Dumbledore and said I don't have to go back there," Harry explained further while slipping out of Ron's slackened grip and bypassing both his friends to sit on the bed. He didn't add that he was still skeptical about that last part. Instead he pulled his feet up onto the bed and hugged his knees to his chest, resigned to the fact that he was not going to get out of this conversation now.

Harry let his eyes fall shut as his mind frantically ran through all the possible ways this conversation could go. If his heart hadn't been beating in his throat he would have laughed at how ironic last night's dinner conversation with Snape was.

"How long have they been hurting you?" Ron asked in a quiet steeled voice, much closer to Harry than if he were still standing across the room.

When Harry opened his eyes he found Ron sitting on the bed directly across from him, leaning forward with his elbows propped up on his knees. Hermione, he could see out of the corner of his eye, was still rooted to her spot. She finally took a few hesitant steps forward before sitting cautiously on the edge of Harry's bed. She appeared to be restraining herself from smothering him in a hug.

Harry found he couldn't stare at the blue eyes across from him and settled on a spot on the floor between Ron's feet. There was a small hole forming in one of his socks and his middle toe was starting to stick through. It amazed Harry to think that his friend could be so impassive over most things, while being so vehement over this.

"It wasn't that bad," Harry said automatically, attempting to diffuse the situation as he shrugged his shoulders.

Harry couldn't see Ron clench his teeth, but he heard the sharp hiss his friend issued at his words. Surprisingly, Hermione spoke up before Ron could reprimand him.

"Harry, if they hurt you at all it's bad. They have no right, no matter what they say," she said soberly. "And even neglect is child abuse. We should have tried to get you away sooner."

"How long have they been hurting you?" Ron repeated, more bitterness creeping into his voice this time.

"It doesn't matter," Harry said with another shrug.

"Of course it does!" Ron shouted, making Harry jump. "If we had known sooner we could have stopped you from going back to that hell hole!"

"Look, it didn't happen that often. Only when I did something bad. Mostly accidental magic." He was still avoiding the question and doing his best to look anywhere, but at Ron.

"So it's always happened?" Ron asked in answer to his own question, his voice indicating he had just come to a grim revelation.

Harry didn't want to answer the question and he certainly didn't want to see the disappointment he knew would be on his friend's face, but Ron's tone had him needing to know, needing to get it over with. He kept his head bowed, but quickly snapped his gaze up to see Ron's expression.

Harry was surprised to find his best friend more angry than disappointed. Ron's lips were pursed together and his brow was drawn tightly. He wanted to ask if Ron was angry with him, but he was afraid to hear the answer. The whole situation had him wishing he could just crawl into a hole and hide. His eyes started to burn and he tried to take a few deep breaths and blink to get rid of the childish tears. He didn't want to disappoint his friends or have them angry at him.

"Harry," Hermione said softly, finally laying a hand on his foot. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Her voice was definitely sad, but Harry couldn't decide if there was anything else, perhaps disappointment or a hint of accusation.

"Better yet, why would you tell Snape before you told us?" Ron said angrily.

"I didn't tell Snape. He saw," Harry snapped back instantly. "And if it were up to me, no one would know," he added seriously. Snape had reassured him this conversation would go alright, but so far, Harry didn't see it going very well at all. He glued his eyes back to the floor and worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

"And like I said, it wasn't that bad."

"And that's bollocks! If it weren't that bad Snape wouldn't have noticed!" Ron answered vehemently.

"Harry, why didn't you think you could talk to us?" Hermione interrupted softly. "We're your best friends."

"Because it's embarrassing! And when exactly was I supposed to bring it up? On the train when you were looking for Neville's toad? At the opening feast after our sorting? After our run in with the troll?" Harry ranted defensively. "How was I supposed to know then that I could trust either of you?"

"You bloody prat!" Ron said moving from his spot on the bed to crouch on the floor directly in front of Harry. "Because we're practically family and we've stuck by you through everything, except maybe my bloody stupidity last year, but I promise that won't happen again. Harry… seriously, we… love you," he finished in a whisper.

Harry swallowed thickly and tried to blink away the now obvious tears forming in his eyes. He'd never heard Ron talk so sincerely. The red-head's voice held so much emotion Harry was overwhelmed and his blue eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. It was almost enough to undo Harry and he had to close his own eyes to gather himself back together.

"I - I didn't know… at first."

Harry had to pause for a moment and wet his lips before continuing.

"And by the time I thought… well, it seemed too late. I never had real friends before."

Harry continued to keep his eyes closed, afraid to face either of his friends. It was still hard to know whether Ron thought him pathetic that he let this happen. The boy had been obviously angry, but for what reasons Harry wasn't completely sure.

He was startled when hands descended onto his knees and he opened his eyes to see Ron shaking him gently.

"Well now you know," the red-head scolded with obvious warmth to his voice.

Hermione simultaneously wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him slightly towards her into an embrace.

"Harry, it's never too late. You can always come to us," she soothed. "If someone were hurting either Ron or me, you would be the first to try and stop it."

Harry nodded his head slightly. Yes, he did know that was true. He wouldn't let anyone hurt his friends without doing something about it, but when it came to him, for some reason he felt differently. Perhaps it was the knowledge of the Dursley's hatred of magic. If Harry hadn't done any accidental magic, maybe his aunt and uncle could have loved him like Dudley. And then there was also the fact that he was a wizard and should have been able to protect himself, maybe not when he was younger, but by now. Wouldn't Ron think it was pathetic that he let himself get beat up?

He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the physical contact his friends were providing before readying himself for that revelation.

"I should have stood up for myself," Harry whispered.

Ron's hands flew off him instantly and he flinched before shrugging Hermione's arm off his shoulders.

"What?" the red-head shouted. "You were just a kid! How can you say that you should have stood up for yourself?" he continued in outrage.

At least Ron's anger was easier for Harry to deal with than the profound sadness he had been displaying a few minutes earlier.

"I'm a wizard. I should have been able to defend myself," Harry stated lamely.

"Yeah, a wizard who can't use magic during the summer and he's a muggle who is like what - twenty times bigger than you? Not to mention he's been doing this a long time," Ron continued to argue. "You cannot possibly think it's your fault!"

"Harry," Hermione cut in. "Is that why you didn't want to tell us before? Did you think we would blame you?" she asked seriously.

Harry considered her question for a long time. Yes, that was part of the reason why he didn't want to tell anyone, but he wasn't sure if he could admit it. She didn't sound like she blamed him, nor did Ron, and Snape reminded him almost every day that it wasn't his fault, but Harry was still unsure of himself and ended up just shrugging his shoulders.

"Harry!" Hermione reprimanded. "No one has the right to hurt you, especially not your relatives, the people who are supposed to take care of you and love you."

"If Hermione's parents were hurting her, you wouldn't blame her would you?" Ron asked.

"No, of course not," Harry answered quickly. "Look I know all this. Snape and I have discussed it a lot and he's always telling me it's not my fault." A part of him knew it was true, but another part almost needed to hold onto that fallacy or he would feel like an idiot for not saying anything sooner.

"But you still thought we might blame you?" Ron asked. He didn't give Harry a chance to answer though. "Well let's get this clear. There is no way it's your fault. And from now on, we all need to promise to talk to each other if someone is hurting any of us," he ordered.

It was hard not to think other people might take his uncle's side and believe he deserved it, so it meant a lot to Harry to hear his friends were on his side. He was equally grateful Ron hadn't singled him out and quickly nodded his head as Hermione said, "Deal."

The three Gryffindors sat in silence for a few minutes and Harry knew they weren't finished with this discussion. It was obvious his friends weren't going to be satisfied until they knew more of what happened and Ron's next question confirmed that.

"What did Snape see?"

Harry took a minute to think about the question. He could be short and to the point or he could start at the beginning and just get everything out there. He didn't know how much of this conversation he was ready to have, but eventually decided he should just explain the entire summer as best he could. Maybe then his friends would be able to better understand his new relationship with Professor Snape as well.

"Your dad showed up one morning and I… didn't know what else to do," Harry began. If his friends thought the statement random they didn't comment.

Harry found the creases on the knees of his jeans to be extremely interesting, running his fingers up and down them as he continued his story. "I had some bruises and… a black eye. My aunt gave me my wand back and I used a glamour charm to hide everything."

"I – I was embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know so I acted like everything was fine. Your Dad seemed a little suspicious at first, but he must have bought it. It wasn't long after he left that I received the warning from the Ministry. Then Snape showed up."

Harry found the conversation less difficult than he had expected except for the actual explanations of how he felt. That day seemed so far away and completely unreal now. So much of this summer felt unreal actually. He had been so shocked when he found Snape standing at the door, but it had been an even bigger shock to learn that…

"He and my aunt knew each other somehow," Harry said aloud. He hadn't given it much thought since that day, what with everything else that had come up this summer.

Harry shook his head trying to rid himself of that thought and refocus on getting through the story.

"Anyway, he asked to speak with me in private. Dumbledore must have sent him in regards to the notification of under-aged magic. But he knew somehow that I was wearing a glamour charm. I tried to deny it, but it just made him angrier."

Harry glanced up through his fringe to see both his friends completely engrossed in the story. He knew they would have a million questions to ask, but he was grateful they continued to hold their tongues for the moment.

"He canceled the spell himself and then he seemed even angrier," Harry said, remembering his professor's reaction. The usually composed man had actually stuttered his words a little at first, probably from shock, but then it was obvious Snape was trying extremely hard to hide the anger in his voice. And then there was that look in Snape's eye down in the kitchen. Something Harry had never seen before that day, but now he had noticed quite a few times over the past few months.

"But he wasn't mad at me," Harry added quickly, realizing Ron was probably taking it the wrong way.

"What did he do?" Ron asked. Harry gave his friend a long look, surprised at how calmly he was handling this so far.

"He told me to pack. I assumed he was going to bring me here, but… he didn't. He took me to his manor and gave me a bunch of potions and had this cream that healed my bruises."

"I never realized there was a healing balm that could make them heal so quickly," he added as an afterthought.

"I've read about it in healing magazines," Hermione spoke up. "But it isn't really available to the general public because of the cost."

"The cost?" Harry asked in surprise, actually giving the bushy-haired witch his full attention. "It's expensive? Why?"

"It uses an extremely rare herb, but other people speculate that it might even have phoenix tears in it and you know how rare those are," she explained further.

Harry sat in shock for a minute just staring at the witch. So Snape had used a much more expensive healing balm on him, when he could have just as easily sent him away with the normal stuff. Even at that point in the summer, the professor was already proving he wasn't cold and heartless. He wondered if it would be rude to ask Snape more about the balm because he was quite intrigued with it now.

"But it wouldn't be that strange for Professor Snape to have it since he is the one that patented the recipe," Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" he asked dumbly.

"Professor Snape is the one who invented it," she clarified slowly.

Now Harry had even more questions. When had Snape created the potion and what had encouraged him to look for such a quick healing balm? If they could ever get back to talking civilly to each other he would definitely have to ask the Professor about it.

"And then he brought you to headquarters and you made up the story about hexing your cousin?" Ron finally spoke up, directing the conversation back to the topic at hand.

Harry had actually almost forgotten what they had been speaking about, but the relaxed feeling wasn't meant to last.

"Err, no. Actually, Snape made up the story about me hexing my cousin."

Ron's lips parted as though he was about to retort with something, but then had no idea what to say.

"So I know you think he's always been a jerk, but even then he was looking out for me," Harry said, locking eyes with his best friend and willing the words to set in. If nothing else, he needed to make his friends see how much Snape had changed this summer.

The silence almost had Harry convinced that Ron was coming around, but it was too much to hope for.

"But now he's being a jerk again for no reason," Ron pointed out. "I don't see how you can trust him."

"Because he's done more for me this summer than anyone!" Harry answered heatedly. "Do you really think no one ever knew during my primary school? But no one ever did anything and it only made things worse. Professor Snape actually did something." Harry could feel his eyes start prickling again. It was overwhelming to think about everything Snape had done for him and then to actually voice it all aloud.

"And any one of us would have as well, including Sirius, if we had known," Ron countered.

"I know that, all right. And it's stupid I know, but – but Snape is the closest thing I've ever known to having a father. He's actually taken care of me this summer. He healed me with that special cream, when he didn't have to, and he lied so I didn't have to talk about the Dursleys when I wasn't ready. He created a special pain potion just for me, when my scar hurt. He makes sure I eat right and get enough sleep, and when I can't sleep he has tea for me. He risked a lot to go to my trial with me, just because he knew I wanted him there and he argued with the guard to make sure he got to come into the courtroom with me. And he makes me talk about the Dursleys, but he lets me do it at my own pace."

By the end of his rant, Harry was breathing hard and instantly embarrassed about all he had admitted. His friends were gazing at him sadly.

"Look, I know it's stupid, and pathetic, because I'm just his student, but you just don't understand everything he's done for me," Harry finished in a shaky voice.

"You're right, Harry, we couldn't possibly understand because we haven't seen it all and up until now, you haven't even explained most of it, but that doesn't mean we don't approve," Hermione said with a gentle smile.

Harry gave her a hesitant one back before glancing nervously at Ron.

"I just don't like the fact that he's being a git again," Ron explained after a moment.

"I don't either. That's why I need to find out what I did wrong," Harry returned.

"Can you not talk like that?" Ron asked heatedly. "Let's make a deal. I promise to be more open-minded about Snape, if you promise not to blame yourself for him being a git."

Harry couldn't help but snort in amusement at Ron's exaggerated tone. "Alright," he found himself agreeing as he nodded his head. He was rewarded with a grin from his red-headed friend.

-SS-

TBC…

Hope you all enjoy. Sorry no Snape, but I promise he'll be back first thing next chapter, and he'll be back with a vengeance. (No I just wanted to say that, alright obviously I'm tired and still sick, so I'll shut up now.) Leave me some luv - Mara