I write a lot of things that get posted nowhere, get deleted immediately, or get filed someplace and lost. This, while it annoys those of you who like to read, generally works for me. I'm telling you this because this particular story is actually a sequel to a story that 'got filed' and has vanished. So no asking for the first part dealing with Vlad – I don't know where it is and I won't be able to find it no matter how much you beg.

I wrote this with the greatest respect for David Attenborough and all he has done over the years to promote the natural world. And no, he's not dead – he's 83 and living a full and happy life in London.

A quick reminder that all my drabbles are adoptable. Some have been - check out my userpage for a list- and if you're interested in one, ask and I shan't say no.

The Life of Halfas
A Danny Phantom Ficfic by Cordria

A white-haired ghost crept slowly towards the human-side of the ghost portal, gazing steadily into the human world. "There it is," he whispered, gesturing his small film crew forwards. "This is the perfect spot. Set up the camera."

With quick, sure movements, the cameraman lined up his camera and the soundman slipped a small microphone through the portal to rest just on the edge of the human world. The humans' sounds jumped into clarity, causing the ghosts to smile with relief.

"You've got them in frame?" the ghost whispered. When he got a nod from the cameraman, the white-haired ghost shifted his feet, yanked a few times on his jacket to try to make himself presentable, and brushed an invisible clump of dirt from his pants. His clothes were impeccable, as they always were even after he'd been slugging through the depths of the ghost zone, and the black eye from his last try at this was still prominent on his face. "Alright, we're set. Ready?" Both ghosts on the film crew nodded. "Roll film."

He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and smiled. "Action."

"Good morning, and welcome to The Life of Halfas." The white-haired ghost spoke in a hushed voice, his excitement and delight at what he was seeing shining clear through his British accent. "Today, we've managed to locate one of the elusive creatures in its natural habitat. Many apologies for getting cut off so abruptly last time – we've taken a few precautions to prevent that from happening again."

He smiled and gestured towards the halfa he was intent on filming, the cameraman picking up on the cue and zoomed in appropriately. "Notice that this one is quite a bit younger than the other, and hopefully a bit less aggressive. Look at the way it's sitting so calmly amongst the humans, so unlike how they behave around ghosts."

._.

The halfa in question, who had no idea he was being made part of a ghostly 'wildlife' documentary and probably would have reacted badly had he known, really was sitting calmly… although it wasn't through any desire of his own. He was sitting cross-legged on a very hard table, a small but incredibly strong ghost shield sizzling around him, his parents sitting in chairs a few feet away with blank looks on their faces.

._.

"I wonder what happened to cause the young halfa to be caught like this," the ghost whispered. "Research shows that these creatures are very free-loving and don't like to be caged – they will fight back aggressively if you try to tame them. Let's listen in and see if we can't find out what's happened."

The ghost with the microphone nodded at the cue and clicked a small button, turning on the small audio device placed in the human world. A moment of fiddling had the human voices coming through loud and clear.

._.

"What color is this?" Maddie asked, holding up a small piece of paper.

With a sigh, his chin propped up on his hands, Danny answered, "Red."

"And this?" Jack asked, holding out a board with a few words written on it. "What does it say, ghost?"

Danny's eyes flicked towards the small chalkboard. "Read me," he read blandly. "How incredibly creative."

"What does that mean?" Maddie bristled, her hand reaching towards the small ectoweapon sitting on the table.

Waiting a moment to answer, Danny watched his mother glare at him, trying not to let the annoyance welling up inside of him show in his face. "Does that count as a question?" he asked. "Ten and I go free. That was the deal, remember."

There were a few seconds of silence, but his parents finally relaxed back in their chairs and Maddie shook her head. "No, don't answer that one." She grabbed a piece of paper covered in blotched ink and held it out. "What's this a picture of?"

._.

The white-haired host of the show made a gesture with his hand and the humans' sound cut out to be replaced with his own voice. "Absolutely incredible," he breathed excitedly, smiling broadly towards the camera. "The young halfa has apparently made a deal with the humans. This seems to indicate that halfas have developed an almost ghostly level of intelligence! To be able to communicate and bargain with creatures as low on the evolutionary scale as humans… that is amazing."

For a few more moments, the ghost let the camera roll, filming the creature. "Let's see if we can't find it doing other things, shall we?" he asked quietly, waited a second, then whispered, "Cut."

The cameraman turned off the camera grinned. "You're doing great, boss."

"Let's hope it does something more interesting than just sit here," the older ghost murmured quietly, settling down to watch through the haze of the ghost portal. "Otherwise it's going to be a rather boring episode."

._.

"It still doesn't look like anything," Danny complained. "It's ink splashed on a piece of paper!"

"You agreed to answer the questions-"

"Fine, it looks like a butterfly." Danny crossed his arms and stared at her. "Next question."

Maddie stared at him, then glanced down at her paper. "It doesn't look like a butterfly," she said furiously. "You're just saying that to get out of that shield."

"What do you want me to say?" Danny asked, glaring at her. "It seriously looks like ink splattered on paper to me. I don't see any pictures in it."

"You're being difficult," Maddie said darkly, but finally set down the inkblot.

Danny mouthed silently a few times, then rolled his eyes and let it drop. Arguing back while in locked in a ghost shield by his parents didn't sound like the greatest of ideas. "Next?" he asked hopefully.

"The cubed root of a hundred fifteen," Jack rumbled.

Danny stared at him, his mouth dropping open and his eyes starting to glaze at the thought of doing math. "The what of what?" he asked incredulously.

Nodding to herself, Maddie grabbed her clipboard, murmuring as she wrote. "Very literal, can't see images in inkblots. Little mathematical ability." She hummed a moment, then said, "Jack, perhaps you should try a slightly easier question."

"That wasn't an easy question?" Jack asked, blinking in surprise. "That's simple math! It wasn't like I was asking him to calculate differential equations or anything."

"Two plus two is four?" Danny offered, glancing from one parent to the other. When they didn't seem impressed, he tried again. "The square root of nine is… three," he said hesitantly. "I think." At their blank looks, he scowled. "It's Saturday. Next question."

Maddie sighed and flipped through her papers. "Okay. Name the nine planets of our solar system for me."

"There's only eight," Danny corrected, taking a breath to spit them out. Math might not be his strong point, but something like naming planets he could do.

"There's nine," his mother corrected, arching an eyebrow and scribbling on her clipboard. "Not strong on sciences," she mumbled.

Danny bristled at the accusation. He could name every major star in the sky, list the differences between blue and white dwarf stars, and explain the theory of black holes. 'Not strong on sciences'?! "There's only eight!" he exclaimed. "Pluto isn't-"

A scuff of a foot on the step caught his attention, cutting him off as his sister stepped off the bottom step. Her mouth fell open as she took in the sights, then shot a glare in his direction. "Mom? Dad?"

._.

The white-haired ghost perked up at the sight of the newest human and quickly gestured towards the camera crew. "Hurry, hurry! Roll film!"

It took only moments for everyone to be in place. "Action," the ghost whispered. "Look at this splendid display we've managed to catch on film. The young male halfa is encountering a young female. Surely we'll see some of this elusive creature's mating behaviors. Let's watch and find out."

._.

"Jazzerincess!" Jack called, motioning her over. "Look what we finally caught!"

"I'm a 'what'?" Danny snapped, annoyed. "And Pluto isn't a planet Mo... Maddie. It's too small. It's called a 'planetoid' and it's not technically one of the planets anymore. So there's only…" he trailed off when it became apparent that nobody was listening to him anymore. Both of his parents were busy showing Jazz what they'd already collected on him, an odd smile growing on his sister's face as she read.

"Wow," Jazz said, glancing up at him and obviously fighting down laughter. "You guys have really collected some interesting things on ghosts."

Danny scowled at her, clenching his hands firmly around the edge of the table. "Get me out of here," he mouthed. "I can't take it anymore."

Jazz smiled and shrugged, looking around the room. Her mouth moved – she said something about a switch, Danny figured – and she looked at him curiously.

After a quick glance at his parents to see them still occupied by their notes, Danny pointed at the device that controlled the ghost shield. "The red button." His sister followed his finger, then smiled and nodded.

._.

"Watch how the young female and male are engaged in some sort of silent mating ritual," the ghost said happily, "completely unnoticed by the older humans in the area. Isn't it amazing how well halfas integrate with human society, yet show potential for something more on our level? That particular human must be smarter than average, knowing that her offspring would benefit from the halfa's ghost genetics."

"Boss," the ghost with the microphone whispered, "I think those two are related. Brother and sister."

A look of disgust appeared across the host's face and he looked over his shoulder at the halfa and the human still locked in their bizarre mating ritual. "Halfas and humans are not as intelligent as I previously thought," he muttered. "I guess we'll have to cut some of this out of the episode to keep the rating down, but keep rolling anyways."

._.

As his sister quietly walked over towards the computer that controlled the ghost shield, Danny tried to catch his parents' attention and keep it on him. "Planets, right?" he said loudly. Maddie jumped, but then nodded and leaned forwards with an intent look in her eye. "Mercury," Danny listed, "Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune." He waited a beat, but the look on his mother's face never wavered. With a sigh, he finished, "And Pluto."

"Excellent!" Maddie exclaimed, the grin on her face probably rivaling the one she'd had when Danny had taken his first step. "He knows the planets, Jack!"

"That's amazing," Jack agreed. "Let's try a history question next."

Danny winced and shot a desperate look towards his sister. She was quietly fiddling with the controls, glancing back over her shoulder every few moments. Wishing he could telepathically tell her to just push the stupid red button, Danny turned back to his parents. He couldn't let them notice what Jazz was doing. "Try your hardest," he said, leaning forwards.

"How long did the Hundred Years' War last?" Jack asked, leaning back in his chair and ignoring the protesting groan it gave.

"This sounds like a trick question," Danny muttered. "But I'll say it anyways. A hundred years?"

"No!" Jack grinned. "It lasted a hundred sixteen years." He turned to Maddie, still smiling broadly. "Write that one down. Apparently doesn't know much history."

Maddie looked puzzled, wrinkling her forehead as she studied Danny. "But Jack, our theory is that ghosts exist in the past; history would be their strong subject. Maybe Phantom didn't live through that particular time period. Maybe we should try again…"

Suddenly the ghost shield fizzled and vanished. "Oops," Jazz said loudly, putting her hand to her mouth and taking an overly-large step away from the computer. "I think I leaned on something."

._.

The ghost leaned forwards with an intent look on his face. "Make sure you catch this," he breathed to the cameraman. "The young halfa has been freed from its containment. Now its natural aggressive tendencies should come into play, especially with its mate standing in the same room. This should be interesting."

The two other ghosts shared a look and simultaneously took a few small steps so that they were standing directly behind the host of the show. If this halfa came in their direction, hopefully it would be distracted and they'd have a bit more of a chance to run.

._.

"Yes!" Danny crowed. "Later!" He pushed himself to his feet and jumped into the air, aiming directly for the ceiling and freedom. A flare of green light just off to his right made him jerk left slightly, but Danny didn't take the time to look back and see who was firing at him. He didn't want to get captured again – it was more humiliating than he'd figured the experience would be.

Twisting intangible just before he hit the ceiling, Danny fully expected to phase through it and be safe and sound. That wasn't what happened, however. He slammed headlong into the ceiling, the place where he'd tried to phase through ripping with green light for a moment. "What the…" he whispered.

"Way to go, Jazz!" Jack called. "You turned on the Fenton Anti-Ghost Lab Deflectors! He won't be able to leave now!"

This time, Jazz's "Oops," sounded a lot more realistic.

._.

"Amazing," the ghost said, delight coloring his British accent. "Look at how it flies, so graceful and dynamic in its natural habitat. And watch the humans – I believe they're exercising our young halfa! Watch the way they keep it darting around the room. That must be why they let it out of its cage."

All three ghosts watched the halfa dart from side to side, one with obvious excitement, two with a deepening sense of dread. The host, unaware of his camera crew's thoughts, continued, "The halfa is still quite dangerous, however. This is not a creature to be kept as a pet. Instead, it is better to observe at a distance and leave them in their natural state."

._.

Dodging the ever-more accurate blasts from his mother and the occasional shot from his father, Danny brushed up against the walls and ceiling again and again, desperate for a way out before his parents managed to capture him again. He'd had enough with the questions. The 'deflector', or whatever his father had called it, seemed to have no holes. Danny was thoroughly trapped.

Green flashed and pain enveloped him for a fraction of a second, sending him tumbling out of the air and landing on the ground. He ignored Jazz's gasp of surprise and glanced over his shoulder. His parents were approaching, their weapons aimed at him. "Not again," he whispered.

That was when he finally noticed the opened ghost portal. "Yes," he breathed, pushing himself into the air and diving towards the green mists, hoping that his parents' defectors didn't cover the portal as well. Blasts of weapons fire flared around him, but Danny was through the portal too quickly. His parents couldn't hit him.

._.

"Oh," the white-haired ghost breathed when the halfa pulled up suddenly, inches away from him. "Hi."

Its green eyes blinked a few times, surprise written all over its face as it took in the three ghosts hiding in the portal. It held still, not bothering to look over its shoulder as the doors on the human side of the portal slammed shut. "What are you doing?"

"My name is Dave Bettersborough," the ghost said. "I'm filming a documentary to be aired on GBC." When the young halfa didn't make any aggressive moves, the host relaxed and let out a shuddering breath. Apparently the younger halfas weren't as aggressive as the older ones.

"Why are you here?" the halfa asked after a moment.

"Where else would we film?" The ghost watched the halfa study him quietly for a few seconds, then added, "It's a great location."

"Humans are that interesting, huh?"

The white-haired ghost smiled and shook his head. "Oh, no. We're doing our documentary on halfas. Why would we bother to film humans?"

The young halfa stiffened, causing the cameraman and soundman to flinch and take a few steps backwards to the safety of a rock. "You're filming… me?"

"Of course," the ghost replied. "And I have to say that I'm not so sure you should be mating with your own sister-"

The halfa cut him off with a sharp jab to the face, causing the host to tumble to the ground with a muffled groan, the world spinning chaotically. "Don't. Film. Me. Ever. Again," it snarled, stalking off into green abyss of the ghost zone.

After the halfa was long gone, the cameraman and soundman crept forwards, carefully picking up their boss. "Let's film something new," the cameraman suggested, wincing in sympathy as he realized that his boss would now have two black eyes rather than one. "Something a bit less dangerous?"

"Yeah," the soundman agreed. "Let's let Pariah Dark out and follow him around instead."

"No." The white-haired host of the most popular nature documentary on GBC pushed his crew away from him and stood up, swaying a little. "I've never given up and I've always gotten the images I want. We'll just have to try again."

The cameraman grabbed his camera and silently followed his boss, muttering quietly to himself. "But you're out of eyes."

Uploaded August 14, 2009
And... cut! That's a wrap.
Thanks for reading!