Disclaimer: One Piece is the property of Eiichiro Oda. Many of the characters in this story are property of me. Do not use this story or its characters without my permission. Thank you.
The next morning was uncharacteristically calm for the Grand Line. The waves broke peacefully against the nameless Buster Pirate flag ship and the winds moved the clouds along with a slow, tranquil pace. Everything was finally still and peaceful for Araly, whose life on the Grand Line thus far had been nothing but confusing chaos and oddity. Even the bickered shouting of the three candidate captains couldn't stir her from her bliss atop the crows nest in her hammock.
"Now that the sun's out" Araly said to herself, trying to talk over the shouting below, "I can finally get a decent tan..."
"You're goin' DOWN, Cabin boy!" Bard's loudest pirate loyal shouted. The rest of the strongest yet stupidest pirates cheered on behind their smug acting-captain Bard.
"Ah, shut up you gorilla" Marco quietly threw back. The rest of the experienced, if not aged pirates grumbled in union behind the angry Rez.
"Oh?" Zan grunted, looking between the two sides compared to his. "Doesn't anyone support me?"
"You're an assassin!" one of Rez's pirates shouted angrily. "We're supposed to distrust you completely!"
"Don't worry Zan!" Bard said enthusiastically. "Even though we're on separate teams, I'll still cheer for you!" Bard's appreciation came through as a little arrogant and sarcastic to Zan, but he chuckled and nodded anyway with no one behind him. "Okay, let's start" Bard said.
"Start what?" Rez asked, "We didn't even decide how we'd do this..." The ship trailed off into an awkward silence, both boys kicking their feet in embarrassment. No one said a word.
"Fighting contest" one of Bard's pirates whispered to him. Bard heard it and snapped into a fighting stance.
"Fighting Contest!" Bard shouted, his crew cheering behind him. Zan and Rez glanced at each other and gave a simultaneous slapping motion, followed by their sharp and precise
"No"
"Why not!?" Bard whined angrily.
"Because you'd win" Rez admitted. "We need something that any Captain and any regular person should be able to do.
"Fishing?" Bard asked.
"I can't swim" Zan said, "and I'm paranoid about the edges of ships. No fishing."
"Oh, come on!" Bard whined with an angry, gritted frown. "You said something a normal person could do!" Zan phased down through the deck and came back out opposite from where he was standing before.
"No one" he started with a cigarette in his mouth, "said I qualify for normal. I have a suggestion, though." Rez and Bard listened to him with huffed faces. "How about torture?" Zan suggested casually, like he's said that line dozens of times. Bard and Rez joined for a unison jaw-drop with added shadowed-brows in shock, with the other pirates giving similar looks of disgust and distrust.
"What do you mean, torture?" Marco asked with a nervous grin, hoping the answer wasn't obvious.
Zan took a drag from his cigarette and reiterated himself. "Torture."
"NO!" Bard ad Rez screamed with their hands out and slapped forward.
"It's a basic concept" Zan said from his stockade. "Whoever gives up last wins the round."
"Why torture?" Araly asked, hanging low between the sails on her hammock to watch wile still working on her skin. "Honestly, why?"
"Because" Zan started, "the life of a pirate, or any bandit on the sea in this tumultuous age of piracy is filled with pain and loss. Any good captain will be able to take such pain in stride, suffering for his beloved crew."
Bard sniffled from his enormous, mental stockade and bit his lip. "Dude, I hope you win" he said. Zan sighed and smiled nervously.
"Let's just do this" Rez demanded. "What's first?"
"You guys aren't allergic to any fruits or vegetables, are you?" Zan asked. Bard and Rez shook their heads no, and a huge cart of rotten foodstuff was wheeled out in front of the strongest, meanest looking pirates. Each on took up a handful of drippy, disgusting food and glared down their respective targets.
"We're sorry, Captain Bard" the biggest man said with tears in his twitching eyes. "But we'll throw our hearts along with this fruit, so we can become strong with you!"
"That's great!" Bard said, happily and honestly.
"GO!" Zan shouted. At his signal, the rot flew like sideways hail. Each man was pelted mercilessly, trying their hardest not to shout or keep their mouths open. Referees were keeping watch, mainly over Zan, who was letting himself stay locked in and get pelted with the stuff.
"Gah!" Araly gasped, pulling her hammock fabric up over her nose. "That's vile"
"Yeah!" Marco shouted, still whipping fruit like baseballs. "Imagine getting it in your mouth!" Araly gagged again, quite loud at that, perking up Bard's head to her painful coughs.
"Hey, time out!" Bard shouted with concern.
"No such thing" Zan shouted in between getting hit.
"You either give up or--" Rez started, but hushed himself before he got more than a tooth's covering of rotted juice. Bard became increasingly concerned with Araly's disgusted, almost painful groans, until he just snapped. He tore the stockade, made of metal, apart by throwing up his arms and flexing them, then hopped over while the throwers were still in shock. Rez's jaw nearly hit the floor, but Zan was unmoved.
"Hey! Araly!" Bard shouted. "Are you getting sick again?" Araly looked down and saw Bard,dripping with filth and disgust, so she reeled back up and gagged softly into her hammock pillow.
"Oh, I'm fine" she said weakly. "Go enjoy your stupid little contest."
"No way!" bard shouted demandingly. "I know you, and you sound sick! That hammock must be rocking with the ship to much, it's triggering your sea sickness. I'll fix it." Bard went hopping along to the masts that held up the sail and, for now, Araly's hammock while the crew watched on in more shock. Zan phased up through his stockade and let the grime fall off and through him.
"Well, that's that" Zan said.
"So, I win this one?" Rez affirmed.
"Nope" Zan answered, lighting another cigarette.
"WHAT!?" Rez protested, shaking his stockade around like a trapped animal. "No way, I held out the longest! I win!"
"Sure, you held out" Zan said. "But Bard leaped out and tried to take care of his crew. He abandoned his obligation of honor to help an underling, something that shines much brighter than just letting others get tormented for your sake..." Rez gave Zan a long, hard and painful stare.
"So the pelting with rotten crap was unnecessary?" Rez demanded.
"Well" Zan started, "how else was I supposed to make this work? She had to smell it to get sick of it, obviously." Rez growled and started cursing wildly, the crew taking their own sides up again. Bard loosened Araly's hammock so it could swing freely over the deck and brushed himself off.
"There" he happily confirmed. "That better?" Araly threw her pillow at him in an attempt to get his stench away. Bard gave her a thumb up and back away towards his happy, cheering men. They lifted him up on their shoulders, then quickly threw him down and groaned painfully.
"Cap'n, you stink!" the largest one said.
"Alright" Zan said. "Let's all take a break to wash up then meet up back here for the next two challenges. Bard won this one, of course, but I doubt he'll win the next." Zan phased down through the deck and into the washroom in the crew quarters, followed hastily by Bard who was beginning to dislike his new stink. Rez was still trapped, and looking nervously at Bard's loyalists. They evilly grinned with fruit and other rotted lumps in hand at Rez, who snarled and winced at the oncoming punishment.
"Okay" Zan said after everyone was gathered again. "This next test won't be so easy. It's still about pain for your crew's pride, but a bit different." Bard was clean, to his pleasure, but Zan was angry and still dripping with filth and visibly smelly.
"How different is a bit?" Bard asked. Zan looked over at him, having never heard a question phrased in such a way that didn't sound outright stupid.
"How about this:" Zan said. "It involves food." Bard got instinctively excited at that part.
"No thanks" Rez said. "I've had enough food to fuel my nightmares for a good few decades."
"Then, don't try" Zan said, intentionally mocking Rez without trying. "Bard and I will compete by ourselves and you'll be tossed out of the running."
"Screw that!" Rez fired back, immediately after Zan had finished. "I'm in. What's to do?" Zan drew from his cigarette, as was his style, and explained with instructions.
"Marco" he said. Marco glanced over from his posse. "Isn't it nearly lunch time?"
Bard's stomach growled loudly in response, as loud as a Sea King one would think. "Yes" Bard said pumping his arm with a spot of happy, hungry drool on his face.
"Alright then" Marco said. "Is lunch the challenge?"
"Not quite" Zan said, being careful not to say anything that would give his plan away. "Just prepare as big a meal as possible. Don't be concerned with rations, just cook everything." The pirates jumped at Zan's instructions, and everyone rushed down below deck leaving Max to steer over supper. "Bard, ask Araly if she wants to watch."
"No!" Araly groaned loudly. Zan shrugged and walked towards the door to the below deck.
"So, are we having an eating contest?" Bard asked eagerly.
"Of course not!" Rez shouted. "It's not that simple."
"That" Zan continued on Rez's behalf, "and you'd already have won if it were. You're purely inhuman in many facets, Bard, but your control is lacking." Bard blinked confusedly. "And you, Rezland, you're impatient. Very much so. That's as detailed as I'd like to get with you." Rez sneered with insult. "I myself am still sickened from earlier, so this should be an equal spread of difficulty."
"What are we doing?" Bard asked.
"We're not eating" Zan said. "That's it." Zan proceeded down the stairs, like he was normal, followed by an eager to compete Rez. Thus leaving Bard to sulk in horror in front of the door frame.
"...Not...eat?" he mumbled. "How? That...doesn't make sense..."
"What, Bard?" Araly asked, hanging precariously on the string of rope she had strentch between the fore deck's rail and her hammock.
"Where'd that come from?" he asked. As she was about to answer, Bard continued with a whiny tone. "Our challenge is to 'not eat'. What does that mean?" Araly looked down at him pitifully, then she heard his stomach. For some reason unknown to even Bard and her own family, Bard's stomach growling always made Araly giggle. At least she looked happy, and Bard looked happy to despite his horrible pain of hunger.
"Just resist temptation" Araly plainly explained. "If you get hungry, distract yourself with something, like a book or--" Araly paused. She glared ahead, wondering if Bard could read at all, let alone what her idea of a book was. Bard felt at his inner breast pocket, finding his book given to him by Captain Mars comfortably inside.
"Thanks, Araly" Bard said, hopping down the steps. "I'll bring you back some food. Don't fall off your web, though!"
"It's a system," Araly argued, "not a web!" She huffed and started tight-rope walking back to her hammock. She stopped, though, and turned around to the monstrous snoring of the old man at the wheel. She carefully walked over and leaned against the railing, feeling dizzy from doing so.
"Say Max," she asked, not particularly hoping for a response, "does piracy usually make men crazy?" Max snored in response, so Araly daintily skipped off back across the deck.
"Okay!" Marco shouted, bringing in a steaming cart full of fresh, cooked, juicy steaks and fish platters the likes of which Bard had only dreamed of since he came to the Grand Line. "Lunch is served, for the crew!" The crew cheered and rushed in to devour it, Viking style (with their bare hands grabbing and gobbling). "You Captains are making the sacrifice to put your men first and letting us eat while you starve. How kind!" His fake niceties wasted, he turned to join his friends in feasting.
To distract themselves from the pain of hunger, the candidates all took up different ways to pass the time until they were the last ones standing. Rez took out and looked over his gunblades. Zan meditated on the floor. Bard, the crew favorite, was seen reading a worn-out book intently in the corner. He quickly flipped through several pages, scoffing them off as 'boring', until something caught his eye.
Tekkai Bard read internally. That looks neat...