A/N: Still a few chapters to go but we're definitely near the end. A lot of people had a lot of opinions about what should or shouldn't happen, but I've been planning this part of the story for a long time, and I hope you all agree with how I've handled it.
Please review, it really keeps me motivated :)
On the subject of reviews, an anonymous guest reviewer has left pretty disgusting reviews on the last two chapters. They weren't negative towards me or my writing or the fic, but they said some pretty awful stuff about people with eating disorders. The reviews have been removed. If you saw them and were upset or triggered by them I'm so sorry. If you are the person who wrote them, please don't do it again. I don't agree with your viewpoints and your words were cruel and could easily seriously hurt someone suffering with an eating disorder. If you review again with the same kind of stuff I'll remove it.
Anyway, on with the chapter, I hope you all like it :)
I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters
"Do you still want to be with me?" Beca had asked. Her voice breaking, her eyes full of tears.
Of course I do, Chloe thought, her heart breaking at the thought that Beca didn't know that. She wanted to pull Beca into her arms. To hold her and kiss her and promise never to hurt her again. But she stopped herself. Beca deserves better than you can give her, she thought.
Beca's phone started ringing, and Chloe used it as her opportunity to walk away. She couldn't tell Beca she didn't want her, because it wasn't true. But she also couldn't stay with her. She couldn't carry on putting Beca through this.
So she just walked away.
She heard Beca calling after her, but she kept on walking, tears building in her eyes.
She knew she was being cruel, but she also knew she couldn't give Beca what she needed. Not right now, when her life seemed to be spiralling. In the long run, this would be better.
When she saw Aubrey walk into the rehearsal space a few minutes later, she knew the blonde was mad at her.
"What did you do?" She asked. "Why does Beca think you guys have broken up? Have you?"
Chloe swallowed hard. Everything inside her hurt. "It's for the best. She deserves better."
Aubrey opened her mouth to argue but Alice called a start to rehearsal and Chloe moved away from her.
The days seemed to blend together after that.
She stayed away from her dorm room, only returning way after midnight when she knew Aubrey would be sleeping. She saw Aubrey and Stacie at rehearsals, but kept her distance, never giving them more than one word answers. Every time she thought about Beca, she felt like she was going to burst into tears.
She felt awful, in every way. She just wanted everything to stop. She wanted everyone to leave, just for a little while. Just so she could get herself back together. She felt like if she lost this last bit of control she had, she would lose everything.
The night before the last day of college before Christmas vacation, Chloe got back to her dorm room to find that Aubrey was still awake.
"Hey," Chloe said, avoiding eye contact.
"I called your Mom," Aubrey said without preamble.
Chloe froze and turned to look at her. "What? Why?"
"Because…" Aubrey cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. "Because you aren't eating. And you won't talk to me or anyone else. You need help."
"I'm fine," Chloe said, feeling panicked and angry. "I'm fine, I don't need babysitting. I don't need you running to my Mom." She picked up her phone from her desk and saw a missed call and a text from her Mom.
Mom: We're coming to get you tomorrow. No arguments.
"You aren't fine," Aubrey said, keeping her voice steady. "You are the opposite of fine right now."
"I can't believe you did this," Chloe said, pacing. "What if I end up back in that hospital again? I'll have to drop out of college, probably lose my scholarship. I'd have to leave the Bellas. Everything…" She forced herself to take a breath. She could feel her hands shaking as she clenched them together. "Everything I have worked for will be gone."
"You could die, Chloe," Aubrey said, failing to keep her tears at bay. "This, what you're doing, this could kill you. Will kill you if you don't let someone help. I can't stand by and watch my best friend kill herself. You can hate me if you want, but you're my best friend and I love you. And it hurts to watch you do this to yourself again."
We're coming to get you tomorrow.
Chloe felt trapped. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was going to throw up.
She sat on her bed and let her head fall into her hands.
"I didn't mean for it to go this far," she said, finally crying. "I'm sorry."
Aubrey crossed the room and sat beside her, pulling her into a hug.
"It's okay," she said, relieved that Chloe hadn't pulled away. "You're going to get help."
We're coming to get you tomorrow.
"I don't want to go back to hospital 'Bree," Chloe said, crying. "I don't want to lose everything."
"I know," Aubrey said. "But you can't go on like this."
The next morning, they had their final Bellas rehearsal before Christmas vacation. She managed to muster up the courage to call her Mom on the way, saying she wouldn't be ready to leave until after. Her Mom sounded like she was going to cry on the phone, but she also sounded relieved.
Near the end of the rehearsal, Alice had them do laps again. They had to run up the stairs of the auditorium, along the back row of chairs, down the stairs on the other side, and then past the front row. It was a punishing run, but the pain burning in her legs helped Chloe focus.
In a matter of hours she'd see her family again, and then she didn't know what was going to happen. She felt sick. She kept running.
Of course, she hadn't eaten breakfast that morning, but she kept running. Her legs screaming in pain as she pushed up the stairs.
She started feeling light-headed once she'd reached the top. The other girls had started slowing down. Some of them had stopped and were drinking water, red-faced and exhausted. She knew she should stop too, but once she stopped it would be time to leave, and time to face her parents. She went for one more lap.
The light-headedness was worse now, and she started feeling dizzy. She was half way down the stairs, thinking she'd have to call it a day, when her vision went black and her legs gave out.
When she opened her eyes, Aubrey and the other Bellas were standing over her.
"Are you okay?" Aubrey asked, her face full of worry.
"Yeah," Chloe said, momentarily confused. She could taste blood from where she'd bitten her tongue and her wrist and ankle were throbbing. "What…"
"You fell," Aubrey said, helping her sit up. Stacie came over to her other side.
"You collapsed more like it," Stacie said. She gingerly held Chloe's wrist, shooting her an apologetic look when Chloe to a sharp breath in from the pain. "This is already swelling up, you'll have to get it checked out." Stacie was studying nursing and did some volunteering at the university free clinic. "You should have stopped running when you felt dizzy," she said.
"I'm fine," Chloe said, still feeling sick.
"No you aren't," Stacie replied.
"Alice called an ambulance," Aubrey said. "I'll call your Mom on the way to the hospital."
"Oh my god, I don't need to go to the hospital," Chloe said, feeling irritated and panicked all over again.
"University procedure is we call an ambulance if someone hurts themselves on school property," Alice said, in a tone that left no room for arguments. She looked frazzled in a way that Chloe had never seen before.
"I really don't need all this fuss," Chloe said.
"Chloe, it's okay," Aubrey said quietly.
"I said I'm fine," Chloe said, trying to stand. "I don't want to go to the hospital."
Standing proved to be a mistake as Chloe immediately felt dizzy again.
"Sit down," Stacie said, taking her uninjured arm. She sat her in a chair and handed her a bottle of water. "You need to drink this and calm down."
Chloe drank the water and then looked around at all the other Bellas watching her. She knew she must be coming across as a little crazy or irrational, but she couldn't go to the hospital. They'd take one look at her medical records and she'd end up back at the psych hospital, she knew she would. She felt like she was going to throw up.
"Okay!" Alice said, clapping her hands together. "Let's all stop staring at Chloe, I've got some stuff you all need to know before you leave for Christmas. Rehearsals start up again on January 11th. I want everyone here to know their music inside and out…"
She carried on talking but Chloe wasn't listening. She was grateful Alice had pulled away their attention, but it didn't stop the feeling of rising panic. Her heart was beating painfully in her chest and she felt like she couldn't breathe properly. She wanted to run away but she couldn't. She felt like she was drowning.
"Chlo', calm down, it'll be okay," Aubrey said, softly.
"I can't," Chloe said, breathing too fast. "Please don't make me go to hospital."
"Chloe you need to calm down," Stacie said, her voice quiet but firm, trying not to attract the attention of the other Bellas.
But Chloe couldn't calm down.
We're coming to get you tomorrow.
Everyone was coming to get her.
Her vision went black again.
Beca pulled on her shoes and climbed into her truck the second her phone call with Aubrey had ended. She hadn't even grabbed her jacket.
"I'll meet you out front," Aubrey had said, her voice on the verge of breaking.
She's okay, Beca told herself as she drove, tears burning her eyes. Aubrey said she's okay, she wouldn't lie about that.
But even if Chloe wasn't hurt bad, Beca knew she'd be far from okay.
She made it to the hospital in less than 20 minutes, and sent a quick text to her dad so he knew where she was. It had started snowing, and she was shivering by the time she made it from her truck to the front of the hospital.
Aubrey was there, pacing.
Beca broke out into a run. Aubrey seemed to relax when she saw her, and Beca didn't question it when she pulled her into a hug.
"Is she okay?" Beca asked, hugging her back.
"I think so," Aubrey said, ending their hug so they could walk inside. "She's with her parents and the doctor now. They won't let me see her, while she's speaking to the doctor. It's just family allowed."
"What happened?" Beca asked as they headed for the waiting room. Aubrey had explained briefly over the phone, but Beca needed to hear exactly what had happened.
"We were running laps at the end of rehearsal, and she collapsed running down the stairs. She's sprained her wrist I think and maybe her ankle. She had a panic attack just before the paramedics arrived and she passed out again," Aubrey said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. They arrived at the waiting room and took a seat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs. "I'm sorry, Beca."
"What for?"
"For not looking after her," Aubrey said, tears filling her eyes again. "I tried to make sure she was eating but I failed. I couldn't help her and now she's back here again."
"It isn't your fault," Beca said. "It isn't anyone's fault." She put her head in her hands and started to cry. "I just want her to be okay. I want her to be happy."
Aubrey put a hand on her back. "I know," she said.
They waited for what felt like hours when Chloe's Mom finally came to see them.
"How is she?" Beca asked, standing up.
"She's okay," Mrs Beale said, her eyes red from crying. "They're going to let us take her home in a few hours but she has to see her psychiatrist tomorrow, and he'll decide the next steps." She looked at Aubrey. "Thank you for calling me."
"Of course," Aubrey said. "Can we see her?"
She glanced over at Beca. "I'll go and ask her."
"She doesn't know you called me," Beca said. It wasn't a question.
"No," Aubrey replied. "But I couldn't not call you."
"She won't want to see me," Beca said, wiping her eyes. "I should go, I don't want to upset her more."
"Let her decide what she wants," Aubrey said.
Beca nodded and sat back down. She didn't know where she and Chloe stood, but she loved her. More than anything. And if Chloe didn't want to be with her anymore, she would accept it, but she wouldn't just walk away from her. Even if she was just there as a friend, she'd be there to support her.
"You guys can see her one at a time," Mrs Beale said, coming back into the waiting room. "Aubrey, do you want to come in first?" Aubrey glanced back at Beca who nodded.
Aubrey followed Mrs Beale out of the waiting room and Beca was alone again. She didn't know if she was ready to see Chloe yet, and the waiting was agony. What if Chloe didn't want her there? What if she looked at her again the way she looked before?
After about twenty minutes, Aubrey was back, and Beca had to stop pondering her 'what if?'s.
"She wants to see you," Aubrey said. "I'll show you where she is."
Beca swallowed and nodded before following Aubrey down a hallway and through a set of double doors. Chloe was in a room on the left, her dad sitting outside, his hands were clenched together. He gave her a weak smile, but tears had filled his eyes and the smile didn't stay long.
Beca gave a tentative knock on her door. Mrs Beale opened it and stepped aside to let her in. She left the room once Beca had entered and closed the door behind her.
"Hi," Beca said, standing near the end of the bed.
"Hi," Chloe replied. She was hugging her knees, one arm wrapped up, a drip in her other hand. She looked smaller and thinner than Beca had ever seen her. She was chewing on her lip and her eyes were full of unshed tears. "I didn't think you'd want to see me," she said, finally looking at Beca.
"Of course I'd want to see you," Beca replied, taking a cautious step closer.
Chloe gave a hollow laugh and looked away, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Why?" She asked, her voice rough.
"Because I love you," Beca said.
Chloe's lip started quivering. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Beca said, moving so she was sitting in the chair beside her bed.
"I love you too," Chloe said, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry," she said, fully crying.
Beca started crying too. "Can I?" She opened her arms to hug her. Chloe nodded and Beca pulled her into a hug. Chloe gripped her shirt and buried her face in Beca's neck.
"I'm sorry," Chloe kept saying, still crying hard. "I'm so sorry."
"I know," Beca said, closing her eyes. "I know you are." She kissed her head. She wasn't going to tell Chloe that it was okay. Because she knew the way she had treated her wasn't okay, and Chloe knew it to.
"I don't want to break up," Chloe said.
"Neither do I," Beca said, holding her tighter. They knew they had a long way to go, but both Beca and Chloe felt relief flood through them as they held each other. "I love you," Beca said.
"I love you too," Chloe replied.