A/N: Words can't express my thanks concerning the response to the last chapter. It meant a lot, every word. This chapter will be the last for a few days – I'll be going out of town (weather permitting). But I hope this brief stopping point doesn't dissatisfy.
If the Roles Were Reversed
Rachel glanced around confusedly. Her mind was racing a mile-a-minute… And yet, standing still at the same time. There was a fog surrounding her body – she couldn't even see two feet in front of her. As soon as Rachel thought, 'I wonder where I am,' the fog shifted and swirled and parted around her, pushing back its borders to reveal…
The football stadium?
Rachel held her hands out in front of her. She examined the backs of her fingers and then flipped them over to examine her palms. She touched her face and drug her hands down her body to examine her baby bump. She looked down at what she was wearing – a simple pair of shorts and a t-shirt.
She looked back out at the stadium around her. There were trees in the distance, and they were bare of leaves. She could see the branches moving from the unrelenting wind. It had to be cold out here – and yet, Rachel wasn't.
She placed her hands (palms down) on her thighs. She simply sat staring at them for a while. Time was passing, she was sure, but she couldn't really tell. Her hair fell over her shoulder, and she pushed it back behind her ear.
Movement caught her eye. She looked up, and she saw a figure in white running towards her. Rachel stood. As the figure got closer, Rachel felt her heart soar. It was Quinn – the girl was wearing a stunningly bright white v-neck t-shirt with a pair of tight, dark blue jeans. Rachel licked her lips.
Quinn stopped right in front of Rachel. Her hands were on her hips and a smile was on her lips and she was staring at Rachel with a look of love and adoration.
Rachel wanted to say hi, but she found herself unable to speak.
"The tables have turned on us this time, haven't they?" Quinn asked cryptically.
Rachel found her words. "The tables have turned?"
Quinn giggled and stepped over the short rail that was separating the girls. She put her hands on the rail behind her back and leaned her butt against it. "You probably don't remember the last time you were here. Well," Quinn pondered. "It technically wasn't you, really. Just a projection of you in my subconscious. Or something," she waved her hand dismissively.
"Quinn, are you –"
"Crazy?" Quinn interjected, shaking her head in mirth. "I thought the same thing about Dream Rachel when I was here."
"When were you here?" Rachel asked.
"After my car accident. And you showed up here." She smiled as she reminisced and gestured around them. "You were very sweet – but also very mysterious, albeit, enlightening." Quinn emphasized the last word and Rachel was left with a confused look on her face.
"I guess the next rational question is, where is here?"
Quinn's body shook with her laughter. Rachel thought it was adorable. Until she realized that Quinn was laughing at her – then Rachel just got a stern look on her face, scowling at her girlfriend. "That's what I wanted to know as well." Quinn stopped laughing and instead just grinned at Rachel. "Again, you were very mysterious. The simple answer is – I haven't the slightest idea."
"So we're not in the McKinley High football stadium?" Rachel questioned.
Quinn placed her finger to her lips, raising her eyebrows in a mockingly-contemplative gesture. "Hmmm," she said. "You could say that. You could also say that we are on the floor of the auditorium stage."
"But Quinn," Rachel began. "That would be –"
And then they were on the floor of the auditorium stage.
"Silly?" Quinn questioned. "I know, right?"
Rachel sighed, a thoughtful frown beginning to form on her lips. This was thoroughly confusing. Was this an out-of-body experience? Or was she simply dead, with her mind playing cruel and unusual tricks on her?
Instead of voicing her concerns about her imminent demise (unless it had already occurred – in which case, did it really matter anyway?), Rachel said, "So what did I tell you when you were here before?"
Quinn smiled, and it was such a beautiful, innocent gesture that Rachel's heart nearly swelled to bursting. She reached forward to cup Quinn's face – but Quinn immediately began to disappear. Instantly, her hand snapped back to her lap.
"Well," Quinn said. "First of all, you told me that it was a total bummer that we couldn't touch here."
"I did not say 'bummer,'" Rachel defended herself with a huff and the crossing of her arms.
"Oh yes, yes you did. And then you said, 'Believe me, I really want to touch you, too. But that's not how things work here.' And that led to the discussion about where exactly 'here' is. And now, here we are."
Rachel placed her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "I see," she said. Though really, she didn't. "What else did I say?"
"You said that I was going to be ok, that I was going to wake up soon," Quinn replied. Rachel felt like she should be crying, but she wasn't. "You basically told me that the Rachel outside of this reality – the Rachel in the real world – was someone I could touch. And hug. And kiss. And be with. And you told me not to waste anymore time. And then you ran offstage."
Rachel smiled. "I always tend to say the right things." She paused momentarily, contemplating Quinn's words. "You said that I told you when you would wake up."
Quinn's smile vanished. She nodded.
"Are you going to tell me when I am going to wake up?" Rachel asked.
Quinn was silent in response, ducking her head and avoiding Rachel's gaze.
"Quinn," Rachel asked – her voice was authoritative, yet loving. "You can tell me. How long?"
Quinn looked up with a valiantly brave attempt at a smile on her face. "However long it takes, however long you are here – I promise I won't leave you alone."
Shelby's hand shook as she lowered her cell phone from her face. She had been surprised when the number flashed across her screen – a Lima zip code followed by a number that she didn't recognize. And then Will Schuester's voice – the man she had made out with on his couch before finding out that he was married, the glee club director of her daughter – rang in her ears and she had nearly panicked when she heard the words 'Rachel' 'gun shot wound' and 'still in surgery' resound through her eardrums.
She was confused and scared and unsure. She shakily stood to her feet and began moving about her apartment aimlessly. She picked up the coffee pot and looked into it. Empty. Sitting it back down, she meandered over to her sink and looked at the dirty dishes. They could wait. Making up her mind, she grabbed her coat from the hanger by the door, snatched up her keys, and headed to her car.
"Can I get an ice pack for my face?" Russell questioned the police officer who had just walked past his detainment cell.
"Fuck off," the officer replied.
Russell huffed and leaned back against the wall before turning his head to the side and spitting out a mouthful of blood.
After the three Cheerios had departed from the charter bus, Sue had the driver go to the high school where the rest of the girls were dropped off.
They had all stared solemnly at the blood-stained concrete and the police tape.
Sue had then performed a citizen's arrest of Judy Fabray and escorted her personally to the courthouse.
The waiting room of Lima General was subdued and morose. The entirety of New Directions was there – along with Rachel's grandparents (Brendon's parents) and Mr. Schuester. While everyone sitting in the waiting room was nervous, Quinn Fabray was completely beside herself.
Literally, she was sitting alone in the corner. Brittany and Santana had been taking turns trying to comfort her – to reassure her and promise her that everything would be ok. Even though, Quinn thought with sadness, they can't promise that. Not by a long shot. But the girls had both required sustenance and had departed to the hospital's cafeteria to find something to eat, promising to bring something back for Quinn, asking her what she was hungry for. 'Don't bother,' she had replied. 'I couldn't eat right now, even if I wanted to.'
Quinn was in love with Rachel Berry – she knew this, everyone at school knew this, now (obviously) her parents knew this. Quinn couldn't have denied this fact with a single fiber of her being, even if her life depended on it. It had become an inherent part of who she was, and there was no changing that. Her father – she was still calling him her 'father' because she hadn't come up with a more appropriate term yet – had shot both Rachel and Brendon. He had shot them in cold blood. Quinn didn't need to hear his reasons or rationality behind his actions.
He was dead to her now.
And, yes – Quinn fully believed with all of her heart that this was her fault. But she also knew that the blame was to be shared with the insane man whose roof she had lived under for sixteen years of her life (yes, that was fitting). No sane person, no man of God, no father would do what Russell Fabray had done. And while Quinn knew that it was because of her love for Rachel that the girl was currently on an operating table fighting for her life, she also knew that she was not responsible for Russell's actions.
So she sat. And she waited.
And she prayed. And the first time that Marcus had walked into the waiting room (hours ago, at this point), Quinn had immediately jumped out of her chair and run into his arms. He had hugged her, and Quinn had felt a sense of relief. But that sense of relief was extinguished as quickly as it had burst into being by his words. 'Brendon's condition is less serious than Rachel's. The bullet avoided any major arteries. He's still in surgery, but the outcome is looking good. I'm on the team working on Rachel right now… She,' his voice had cracked and Quinn had squeezed his arm underneath her hand. 'She lost a lot of blood. The bullet hit her in an area riddled with blood vessels and intricate muscle connections. She's only been in the O.R. for an hour or so, but it's going to be a long night.' He had sighed deeply and cupped Quinn's cheek. 'And a lot of unnecessary stress has been put on the baby. Just stay strong, I promise that you will be the first to know everything as the night progresses.'
He had walked away, and Quinn had leaned her back against the nearest wall and immediately burst into tears. Brittany had quickly collected Quinn in a warm hug, murmuring words of comfort in her ear, but to no avail.
Until Rachel was safely out of the operating room and stable – until then, Quinn would be thinking and praying and hoping against hope and holding back her tears. Because Rachel had to make it.
She just had to.
"Describe your perfect date," Rachel asked. The girls were lying side by side on their backs, still on the auditorium floor.
"That's too easy," Quinn replied, tilting her head to her right to look at Rachel.
Rachel turned to look at Quinn as well. "Then you shouldn't have a problem answering it." She winked.
"I'd have to say," Quinn paused while contemplating her answer. "April 25th." Rachel looked at her puzzlingly, prepared to open her mouth and question Quinn's answer, but then Quinn continued. "Because it's not too hot, not too cold – all you need is a light jacket."
Quinn smiled at Rachel, but the other girl was sighing and turning back to stare up at the ceiling. "You're not fooling me, Quinn. I remember watching that movie with you."
Quinn chuckled lightly to herself before also turning her eyes upwards. "Fine, I'll be serious."
A couple hours after Marcus had given Quinn the first update on Rachel's condition – before immediately heading back into surgery – a dark-haired woman walked into the waiting room. She looked around, seemingly a little lost, before she spotted Mr. Schuester and made a beeline for him. Quinn narrowed her eyes. That hair, that bone structure – it was all eerily familiar.
When Mr. Schuester saw the woman approaching him, he jumped up and said, "Shelby!" and Quinn knew. She knew who this woman was, and she was far from pleased.
However, Quinn didn't immediately do anything about it. It wouldn't have been wise to approach Rachel's mother for the first time with a reckless vendetta on her mind.
So she sat. And she waited.
"Shelby!" Will greeted her. Shelby instantly grabbed his hand and insisted that he tell her everything that he knew. Will informed her of the situation – that Rachel's dad had been shot and was in surgery, but that things seemed like they would be ok with him; and that Rachel was also still in surgery, but that things were still unsure. She had lost a lot of blood, he said. It was a very delicate operation, he said. It could be hours, he said.
Shaking, Shelby had sat down in a vacant chair, shedding her coat and depositing it in the seat next to her. She was trying to process it all, she really was. But all she could think was, She never even called me. Surely Rachel had read the letter – surely her daughter had realized that she wanted to step across the boundary of sixteen years that separated them – surely Rachel would naturally want to do the same.
Right?
But Rachel hadn't called. And Shelby had waited. And now Rachel was hurt – she was hurt and things were scary right now, and Shelby couldn't do anything. She felt more helpless than she had perhaps ever felt in her entire life. She had control when she gave Rachel to the Berry men. At the end of the day, it was her choice to do what she did. But now? She couldn't control this helpless feeling. There was nothing she could do.
Or maybe… Maybe there was something that she could do.
The girls were now sitting on a park bench. There were no other people around, but behind them was the evening skyline of New York City. In front of them, a jungle gym.
"I picked a name," Rachel said quietly. Her left hand was on the bench between her and her girlfriend. Quinn's hand was less than an inch away from hers. The air in between their fingers shimmered.
"Tell me." It wasn't a demand, really. Just a statement. Quinn knew Rachel would tell her in the end.
Rachel smiled and glanced down at her lap before tilting her head and looking at Quinn from the corner of her eye. "Colby," Rachel said, prepared to judge Quinn's reaction.
Quinn's eyes slowly closed and she took a deep breath before biting her lip. She exhaled slowly through her nose before turning fully to face Rachel. "Beautiful," she said.
Rachel smiled – she wanted to lean forward and kiss Quinn, but the limitations of this place wouldn't allow her to do that. So she settled for smiling. "I thought so, too."
Quinn threw her head back and laughed, and Rachel thought she had never seen anything more perfect. "And that's always been my favorite type of cheese," Quinn said with all seriousness. Rachel huffed.
Quinn's eyes narrowed further (if that was possible) as she saw Shelby reach out and pick up her coat before standing and walking away from Mr. Schuester. Immediately, she stood to follow.
As Shelby rounded the corner, Quinn caught up with her. She reached out and grabbed the older woman's arm to stop her. Shelby spun around and took in Quinn's appearance, recognizing this girl as the one who had kissed her daughter at Sectionals.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"Where are you going?" Quinn answered with her own question.
"Just to the bathroom," Shelby replied after a slight hesitation.
"You need your coat to do that?" Shelby opened and closed her mouth, unsure of how to respond. "Why are you running away?" Quinn demanded, now furious that Shelby had been incapable of refuting her when Quinn had called her out. When Shelby didn't answer, Quinn supplied one for her. "You're scared."
"I really wanted this to work," Shelby said, tears filling her eyes. "But it's too late for us. Anything that I share with Rachel right now is going to be too confusing for her. I'm just her mother – I'm not her mom." She turned and started to walk away.
"You're saying good-bye before even giving her a chance to say hello," Quinn directed the comment towards Shelby's back. The woman paused in her step momentarily, her head slightly cocked to the side – but in the end, she walked away.
Quinn walked back to her chair.
And she sat. And she waited.
"I love your smile," Rachel said.
"I love your voice," Quinn countered.
The ocean breeze blew Rachel's hair into her face – even though she couldn't actually feel the wind at all. The soothing sounds of the waves crashing against the shore resounded in her ears.
"I love your eyes."
"I love your hair."
Rachel traced her finger through the sand in front of where she sat cross-legged. Quinn was sitting in front of her, mimicking her position. They played tic-tac-toe. It was a draw.
"I love your hands," Rachel said quietly.
"I love your ass."
Rachel gasped. "Quinn!"
"It's true," Quinn giggled.
"Fine," Rachel huffed, continuing with their game. "I love your legs."
"I love your legs," Quinn said. "But seriously, for someone so short, your legs are really long."
This time, Rachel was the one to giggle. "I love your intelligence."
"I love your heart."
Both girls were silent for a few moments. "It's yours, you know," Rachel said.
Quinn smiled. "I know."
Holly Holiday had been detained at the police office for several hours. She had been asked to give her statement about the events that took place at WMHS – which she had been glad to do, of course – but she was now anxious to make her way to the hospital and check on Rachel. She had learned from the police that Rachel's father had also been shot. It was a tragedy – or, well, it had the potential to be truly tragic. She hoped that both Rachel and her father were ok.
She pulled into an empty parking spot in a lot near the east entrance to the hospital. As she got out of her car, she noticed that there was a woman sitting in the car next to hers. She was crying – but she wasn't moving. The tears were simply flowing freely down her cheeks, unimpeded by a hand or a tissue.
It only took Holly a fraction of a second to make up her mind. She tapped on the woman's window. Startled, the woman looked up at her before rolling down her window. "Yes?" she asked.
"Hi," Holly replied. "I couldn't help noticing that something seemed to be wrong. Are you alright?"
She shook her head. "No, not really. But there's nothing I can do about it now."
"I find that hard to believe. There's always something you can do," Holly said.
"Tell that to my daughter – whose life is hanging in the balance on an operating table."
Holly was surprised to hear that this woman was assumedly Rachel's mother, but she didn't let it show. She knew Rachel had two gay dads – in fact, she had applied to be their surrogate. She wasn't upset that they hadn't chosen her – not by any means. She knew that it was a huge decision, not something that should be taken lightly, certainly. But there was something fascinating about seeing the woman that they did choose sitting out here like this – looking so terribly lost that Holly could practically feel it radiating across the space between them.
"I tell you what," Holly said. "I think you and I both know that you need to be in that hospital right now – supporting your daughter whether or not she is conscious to know it. But you look like you could use a drink. How about I take you for some coffee down the street? And then we'll come back as soon as we can."
"They said it could be hours longer," Shelby softly replied.
"Then we'll drink two coffees. And we can bring coffee back for anyone else who's waiting on your daughter. Does that sound ok?"
Still looking very much like a lost puppy, Shelby simply replied, "My name is Shelby."
Holly stuck her hand in the open window. "Holly Holiday. Nice to meet you."
Shelby shook the offered hand and bit her lip. "Would you mind terribly if you drove? I'm not sure I'm fit for it right now."
Smiling sweetly in the open window, Holly nodded. "I thought you'd never ask."
An hour and a half later, Holly and Shelby walked into the waiting room with two dozen coffees of various flavors and types. Quinn's eyebrows rose sharply, and when Shelby's eyes connected with her own, she just nodded her head. Shelby nodded back.
And still they sat. And still they waited.
Night had fallen heavily before Marcus next appeared in the waiting room. Several people around the room stood, but Marcus immediately went to Brendon's parents.
"He's going to be ok," he said while holding his mother-in-law's hand firmly in his own. "He's in recovery right now. In an hour or so, you can go check on him." He paused and ducked his head. "He doesn't know anything about Rachel yet. So we can't spring that on him right now." The woman nodded solemnly, her husband's hand squeezing her shoulder lovingly.
Marcus stood and approached Quinn next. The other members of the glee club – plus Mr. Schuester, Shelby (whose presence Marcus did not take note of), and Holly – all listened intently as he talked to the blonde. "She's still in surgery. But we believe that we've been able to repair ninety percent of the damage. There will be at least one more surgery after this one, but she's stable. They're wrapping up right now. The baby is fine, but Rachel's doctor is running some extra tests just to be sure." Quinn was crying silently by now, squeezing Marcus's hand in her own. "It's not going to be easy, and we're not sure what kind of permanent damage Rachel will have to deal with." Quinn squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to imagine a Rachel incapable of dancing across the Broadway stage. "I'll let you know more when I can."
He dropped her hand and prepared to turn away, but Quinn quickly threw herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and squeezing for all she was worth. "You're so brave," she whispered in his ear. "And you've been so strong for both of them." By now, Marcus was hugging her back. "You're like a father to me, and I can't thank you enough for that."
Pulling away, Quinn caught sight of tears swimming in Marcus's eyes as well. He nodded once – his silence and his piercing gaze enough to tell Quinn that he was moved beyond words – before turning and walking back towards the operating room. He wiped his eyes as he rounded the corner.
When Quinn turned around, Santana and Brittany were there a few feet behind her. She stepped forward and opened her arms, and they both immediately grabbed her up into a fierce hug of support and love. "She's going to make it," Quinn whispered fiercely into Brittany's hair. "She's going to make it."
But still… They sat. And they waited.
Rachel yawned. And then she blinked and found herself and Quinn in her bedroom. Standing in the middle of the floor, Rachel looked around.
"Why are we here?" she asked.
Quinn smiled and said, "We're running out of time." Rachel's eyes snapped to Quinn's, the unspoken question just beneath the surface. "Yes, you'll be waking up soon. And the me that is out there? She'll be waiting for you when you do." Rachel's smile could have lit up the night. "I can't lie and tell you that it's going to be easy –" Rachel's smile faltered "– but she's not going to leave your side. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Rachel replied.
"Time to rest," Quinn said, pointing at Rachel's bed. Rachel moved forward, pulling back the covers and preparing to slide underneath. She looked back towards where Quinn had been standing before, but the girl was gone. Rachel's eyes flitted instantly to the door – Quinn was standing inside the open doorway, her hand on the doorknob, ready to close it behind her. Rachel opened her mouth to speak. "This is good-bye for us, Rach. But it's not the end. Not by a long shot."
As the door closed, Rachel felt calm. She smiled. Climbing beneath the sheets, she felt blackness engulfing her vision. She closed her eyes and fell into a peaceful rest.