A/N: This is a part of a review from scrapalicious:

"Unconditional love is perfect and what we all pray for in the dark. I get why she's upset and I get why he wanted to try. Sharing ourselves completely isn't always pretty or right. All we can do is wait and see where this road takes us."

Couldn't have said it better myself =) Thanks, girl.
And thank you to everyone that reads and reviews, it means more to me than you know.

Chapter Thirty Four - Underneath Everything

"I'd really like to know."

"Well, that's just too bad for you then, isn't it?"

I don't know how we got on this topic of conversation, but it was making me uncomfortable.

"I bet I could guess," Josh tried once more.

Why wasn't Seth saving me? I looked across the room where he was sitting on a ratty old sofa, getting his ass handed to him on the 360. I tried to send him some brain waves of distress or something; he'd said we were connected, it had to be good for something.

Josh had been eyeing me the whole time, his eyes raking over my body piece by piece.

"Black... Bikini cut?" He shook his head. "Not with that dress. Thong. Lace."

I was surprised to hear him actually nail down exactly the type and color of panties I was wearing right now. "What'd you do? Watch me get dressed this morning?"

"Actually, I kind of did."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and I felt heat coming up from my toes and stopping at my forehead.

"Seth!" I yelled, my free hand balled into a fist. I was making a conscience effort not to crush the plastic cup in my other hand.

Everyone's attention snapped to me when Seth's did. He dropped the controller at his feet and crossed the room as quickly as possible, halting when his hands were already on my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Outside," I managed through my teeth. I took his hand and tugged him through the back of Collin and Brady's little bachelor pad, sloshing beer on myself along the way.

"Baby, tell me what I did," he pleaded the second the door was shut.

"They," I said, pointing back towards the house. "Have seen parts of me that they were not supposed to see!" I hissed in a whisper. I was sure they could still hear me no matter how low I talked right here, but it still felt too private to just throw it out there.

Seth blushed. "Oh." He looked away awkwardly and wrapped his hands behind his back. "That."

"Yes, that," I repeated harshly. "I thought you wolves were supposed to be all super protective and shit."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" he yelled, hands up in defense - as usual. "It was just a tiny little slip, only two of the guys saw it!"

"Oh."

Seth started laughing. "Did you really think I did it on purpose?"

"It didn't occur to me that you couldn't control everything you let them see." I crossed my arms though I wasn't mad anymore; I didn't like that he was laughing at me. It made me feel stupid.

"Whoa, I never told you that before? That's the worst part... They see everything, almost, especially the first year or two when we don't know how to hide any of it. It got easier over the years but we all still slip and let out some horrifying secret every now and then."

I giggled at him, my mood shift complete. "Well, at least I'm not one of those."

"Yeah," he laughed. "I should have warned you, I actually forgot that it had happened. They only got a little flash of skin before I checked myself." He paused for a second, smiling as his eyes drank me in. "I almost slipped again on purpose, just to show you off."

"Seth!" I pushed lightly at his chest. This is what we had, what we were best at: playing and laughing and loving. It was different, and beautiful.

"Want me to go beat up Josh for bringing it up?" Seth asked, his eyes bright with the idea. The only reason Josh still had a face intact was because I kept Seth off his tail. I wasn't sure why I didn't want them fighting, but I figured any good instincts that I had should be listened to.

"No. But you're really cute when you're mad." I reached up and pinched his cheek.

"You're cute always," he said, smirking. He grabbed me up so fast that I didn't realize what was happening, and he planted his soft, warm lips against mine. My fingers were in his hair and my feet were dangling and all I could feel was Seth up against me, Seth's lips, Seth's hands, Seth's pounding heart...

He set me back down on the porch and stepped back from me in one quick movement.

I felt my face crumple. "Wha-"

"Pizza's here," he said softly, cutting me off. He reached out and took my hand, then started walking me back inside. He gave me one soft peck on the top of the head as I ducked under his arm to get through the door, but it didn't feel so genuine.

I stopped moving for just a second to clear my thoughts out. I was always jumping to conclusions with people, and I had no reason to now. I didn't need to question whether or not I should trust Seth.

I scooted in beside of my man on the long seat bench, and Josh thumped himself down and scooted towards me before giving anyone else the chance to. He had left me alone for the most part since I made it clear I was not interested, but he was fully back on it today. I think maybe he just liked to piss Seth off.

I was handed two slices of pizza before it began - I'd seen Seth put some food away before, but these guys were literally just inhaling the shit! It was, quite literally, like watching a hungry pack of wolves.

Except they didn't have to take the wild pizza down before they ate it.

I nibbled at my food, wishing that I was on the outside edge of the bench so that I could step away from what was going down around me. Instead, I was being squished between two hulking men that seemed to have all but forgotten that I was even here. I was starting to suffocate from the heat and lack of oxygen, so I started pushing Josh down the seat. He didn't notice until I started using my feet.

"'Ay!" he said, his mouth completely stuffed full of chewed up, slobbery food.

"Let me out!" I yelled, willing myself not to finish off with, "Asshole!"

"'K, geez." He slid down and stood up, leaning just slightly over his plate of food in a protective way.

I started scooting my butt towards him when Seth snatched my wrist.

"Where are you going?" He actually had the decency to swallow his food before he spoke.

"I don't want in this mess," I answered, my eyes roaming over the feasting men. "I'll go stand over there."

I got the rest of the way up and Josh took my place, pulling me back down to sit.

"Just stay on the edge so you're not in the middle," he suggested.

I sighed and put my elbow on the table, leaning my head into my hand. I picked at my food a bit more, totally uninterested in it.

"Hey Liz, have you wrote anything new?" Josh asked when he appeared to be done eating.

His question kind of surprised me. "Not much... not near as much as usual, at least."

"Learned to play anything new?"

"No." I felt disappointed in myself, realizing that I hadn't done anything musical... at all. Not since I'd been spending so much time teaching Seth to play, and that was all stuff that I already knew.

He cleared his throat out. "I just learned Belong To It and Uplift, and Underneath Everything."

I couldn't help but smile. " Pantera and Down?"

He nodded yes.

"Down is some of the first stuff I learned on, because Pantera's riffs were too hard but I was all into Phil Anselmo." I shrugged my shoulders. "Still am, I guess. He's a musical genius."

"How long has Down been out? I just got NOLA about two weeks ago."

A tiny laugh escaped my throat. "That album came out in nineteen ninety five! He was doing that when Pantera was huge."

"I haven't even listened to it all the way through yet. What are the best songs on it?"

"Stone the Crow and Hail the Leaf are my favorites, but the whole thing is great. Have you heard of Superjoint?"

"No."

My mouth dropped open. "Are you fucking kidding me? You better go to a record store and get to learning, or get on the internet or something. I've never heard such blasphemy!"

"Is that Phil, too?"

"Yeah... Phil Anselmo and motherfucking Hank 3 on bass..." I got all starry-eyed, which never happened until it came to something beyond my understanding, like Gods of music.

"Hank 3?" I barely registered Josh asking. His lack of variety was a huge blow to the fact that he actually liked good music, and it unnerved me. How had he lived this way, playing guitar and not even knowing of all the greats?

"I'll make you some CD's, okay? You are in serious need of them."

"Cool."

"Liz, let's go for a walk," Seth said suddenly from behind Josh. I'd been so wrapped into the conversation that I hadn't thought about the fact that I probably shouldn't be talking to Josh very much, especially not here in front of everyone else.

If anyone understood ego, it was me.

I leaned forward and smiled at my gorgeous, sexy piece of manliness. "Okay, baby, " I answered sweetly.

Seth's PoV

I kept a tight hold on her tiny hand, afraid that if I loosened up she would somehow slip away.

The past week or so had been amazing between Liz and I. We hadn't done much more than relax and make love or art, but almost every second had been nothing short of perfection. When we were alone together, the whole world fell away; there were no worries and no cares, except our care for one another. We went to a place that could only be achieved by something magic, something that existed beyond the parameters of what is allowed on this earth.

If I could just find a way to cut out the bad parts, I would still be care and worry free, walking along the shorline with her now.

Sammi had been getting more aggressive towards me, no matter how many times or ways I turned her down. She just could not seem to get it through her head that I only wanted Liz, and she would never have an icicle's chance in hell doing anything with me.

It wasn't so much her behavior that was bothering me at this point; No, this horrible feeling in my gut was caused by my own inaction.

I knew I should have told Liz as soon as it happened that first time at the bar, but I let it slide that time and I've let it slide ever since, too scared of her reaction once she found out. She'd have my ass for not being honest, and Lord help Sammi if Liz got her hands on her.

My baby girl had a violent streak in her that blazed hotter than anything if you set fire to it. I was starting to get worried that Sammi wouldn't live to see her twenty-first birthday.

I'd been guilty for a while now, but nothing topped the way that I felt after what happened a few days ago: Liz got in the shower, leaving me alone with Sammi. I had tried to stall her and then tried talking her into letting me hop in there with her, but she'd giggled her way into the bathroom by herself and I knew what was probably coming next.

Sammi had made a few lewd comments, trying to look at me in a way that she must have thought was attractive, though it seemed to me like she had something stuck in her eye. This part was usually followed by her flat-out making me a sexual offer, but this time she played it a little different.

"You don't mind if I smoke, do you?" she had asked me, pipe in hand.

"No." I tried to say as little as possible to her these days.

"Do you want some?" Her voice had that fake sweetness to it, something that Liz had somehow made genuine for herself. Liz was a much better actress; I never picked out a hint of falseness if she was trying hard enough.

"No," I repeated. I picked up the DVD remote and started picking through the list of music videos on the special features menu.

She lit up, then started laughing. "Did Lizzy-poo ever tell you how we met?"

"No."

"Well, that's a boring story, but when we started hanging out for the first time..."

She was hanging the bait. Dangling it there, waiting, waiting...

"What happened?" I finally caved, mentally hitting myself. It felt like a bad idea from the start.

She locked eyes with me, smirking. "It was totally crazy... we ended up really drunk and had a three-some with this guy."

...

I felt like she'd just punched me in the gut - with a wrecking ball, because that's one of the few things I would actually feel.

I wanted to puke.

Sammi let out a small laugh, an evil and menacing sound. "That's not even the best part! Guess who the guy was?"

She didn't wait for me to answer.

She pointed at the television screen. "Trevor!" she said excitedly, but not loud enough for Liz to hear her from down the hall.

My head snapped up, and my finger immediately hit the pause button, freezing the picture on the screen. Sammi leaned forward further to specify who exactly she was pointing at - the singer.

The singer.

I heard something crackling into tiny pieces and then raining down onto the wooden floor, but I didn't realize it was my hand crushing the remote until I started growling in the back of my throat and seeing red.

"Um, Seth?" Sammi asked, her voice quavering in fear.

I took a few minutes - not seconds, minutes - to calm down, and then I was still mad enough to kill but cooled off enough to not break anything. Like the television, for instance.

I never could describe what it felt like to stare at a picture of another man and imagine him invading the girl that was the only reason I was alive.

"This guy?" I finally said, clenching my jaw as hard as I could without busting all of my teeth.

"Why do you think she's so excited about following that tour through four states? They're playing the same show every night."

I started rubbing my temples, because if I didn't relax long enough to get out of here then it wasn't going to be pretty.

"She's... going..."

In through the nose. Out through the mouth. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

"To see... that... PRICK!" I roared the last word and stood up in the same instant, knowing I had better leave now. I crossed the room in two giant steps and spun on my heel, looking back at Sammi with an expression that must have terrified her.

"When I find him, I'm going to disembowel him and make him drink his own blood." I turned back and started making it out of the house. "That's the shit he likes to sing about, let's see how he really likes it happening!"

It took me about twenty minutes to convince myself that I had to go back, had to push my anger aside and pretend like everything was okay.

This turned out to be yet another mistake.

Liz hadn't thought anything strange about me being gone when she got out of the shower, and the day had went on like everything was still wonderful. I have no idea how I held it together all day and night without Liz noticing anything off, but somehow that's what I did.

I kept it up until about five the next evening; Liz had been dying for some McDonald's, and I was dying for some information, so she left me there at the house while she went out to get her food.

I knew my time was pretty limited, so I had to find as much as possible while she was out. I had intentionally put her phone on charge without telling her, and that was the first thing that I'd went through. I checked all the calls, all the texts, even the pictures and contacts... but there was nothing that was wrong with any of it. She had calls and texts from other guys, but I knew or knew-of them all, and she hadn't texted anything that was inappropriate.

So, next I went for her computer. She had a laptop and she was the only one that ever used it, so all of her accounts stayed logged in for weeks at a time. I could get straight into her e-mail and anything else without having to know how to hack anything.

I lifted the screen up and, sure enough, everything was up and ready for me to peek into. I didn't have time to read every single message she'd sent or received, so I went through the list and picked out the ones that were addressed to guys or any nicknames that might be guys.

I was getting tired of reading all the same stuff over and over, innocent things that were just being said between friends... when I thought I'd finally found what I was looking for.

Fifty three pages deep, I saw messages back and forth between all three of them. Trevor, Sammi, Liz.

I hesitated, then decided to find the beginning of the conversations. It would be easier to follow then.

I went back, a few months worth of messaging, then started to pry into my love's life.

What I found was that, either they had not discussed that situation on here at all... or that it had never happened in the first place. They had talked almost every day for months, but not once did either one of them step outside the bounds of a business-like friendship.

The picture in my head of them together got askewed, then started fading away.

It was clear that Sammi had lied to me. And now I'd invaded Liz's personal space...

I could hear her car pulling up then, and I'd snapped the computer shut and went into the livingroom, smiling when she came in like I always did.

But the guilt had been eating away at me more and more with each moment that had passed, and it was getting harder to not let it show through. It had been four days now since I had seen Sammi, and I needed to keep it up. If I saw her, I might really hurt her.

I was getting to the point that I wanted to tell Liz what I'd done, but I wasn't sure if purging myself of guilt and ruining her trust in me was what needed to happen.

It took me a second to realize we weren't moving anymore.

"Seth, it's been twenty minutes and you haven't said a single word to me."

I tried to meet her gaze, but she jerked her eyes away from mine. "Did I do something wrong?" she whispered, and I'd never felt so low in my life.

I was a disappointment.

"No, no," I whispered back, reaching out for her. I just wanted to comfort her, but she stepped back and out of my reach.

"Tell me what I did," she demanded, her voice sharp. "You haven't wanted to kiss or touch or... You've barely even looked at me in days. Tell me what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, except that you would even ask that. It's... it's..."

The truth, or a lie?

"I did something really really stupid, and you're going to get mad when I tell you, but I looked through all of your e-mails," I blurted out in one breath.

It felt good to get the whole thing off of my chest... until I saw the look on her face.

She recoiled from me, surprised and hurt, then seething with anger. Her eyes welled up with tears as they were fixed on my face, but she quickly averted her gaze, then turned away from me completely.

She started to walk away from me, and the image was like a punch to the lung.

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, rougher than either one of us liked. "Liz, wait!"

"No, you wait!" she snapped back angrily, spitting the words at me.

Instead of putting more distance between us - as I fully expected her to do - she spun back towards me, into me, wrapping me up in her thin arms and her warm scent. She hid her face in my chest as she sobbed quietly.

I was so shocked that I didn't even react to her at first; she'd never seemed so... dependant on me. On anything. Especially not for comfort.

My brain reconnected to my body and I pulled her close to me, stroking her hair and back as I murmured soft "Shhhh's" in her ear. It didn't take long for me to calm her down, and then she started swiping away at the tears that had streaked down her face.

She looked so brilliant in that second - eyes red, lips puffy, hair sticking to her face from the wetness the tears had left behind them - so pure, and vulnerable. And, though I enjoyed her letting me in that much more, it had come at a terrible cost.

How would she ever trust me again?

"Elizabeth," I said firmly, lifting her face up with both of my hands so that her eyes could not escape mine. "I am so sorry. I can't even... I don't understand..."

How did I explain myself? Where could I even begin...

"Why don't you trust me, Seth?" she whispered, her breath beginning to shake in and out of her. "I can understand people being a bit stand-offish, but to go so far as to search my things?... It doesn't make sense." She nodded her head, a few drops of moisture leaking from the sides of her beautiful eyes. Each one was like a slice to my already aching heart.

"What have I done to make you distrust me to that extent?"

She looked up at me, and I knew then that a lie would not work at all this time; no one had ever seen this much of me in my life. I could see it all there, myself reflected back at me by the most clear blue gaze I'd ever encountered, and if I said anything besides what was the truth, she would know it instantly.

I swallowed and averted my gaze, looking around nervously.

"Someone told me something about you... and it got me freaked out."

The anger in her eyes returned with a ferocious intensity, and for a second I was scared for Sammi. I had only considered my own rage towards her - I had a feeling that I was not even capable of the hatred that Liz could produce when someone crossed her.

Liz regained her composure, putting her mask firmly in place. "Who told you?"

I wasn't fooled by the calmness of her voice or the serenity that showed on her face, because it was all written right there in her eyes. She was on the verge of going ballistic, and I sincerely prayed to God that I was not on the receiving end of whatever she did.

"It... it... was Sammi," I finally was able to say.

She was careful to not let her expression shift, though the intensity in her eyes flared once more. "And she said...?"

I let out a long, loud puff of air, wishing I could fast forward through this entire situation and move on to the next time we were going to be normal towards eachother again.

Unfortunately, this was real life and not an Adam Sandler movie.

"She told me some stupid story about you and her having..." I could not force the word out of my mouth. "Ya know. With one guy... at the same time." I played with an invisible string on the edge of my shirt. "And she said that the guy was in one of your favorite bands... one of the bands that you were really excited about going to see here in a couple of weeks."

I finally swallowed and willed myself to stop hiding my eyes like the coward that I was. "She made it seem like you wanted to go see this band so that you could, like, I dunno... hook up with him or something."

Liz's expression went vacant for a moment, and then she untangled herself from around my body. She stared off into space, and the anticipation of her reaction had me shivering. She said nothing as she turned and started to walk away again.

"Liz, please - "

"Come home later," she breathed, her voice distant. "I just want a little time... Come home later," she repeated, her mind obviously somewhere far away.

She finally snapped her eyes away from the sky and looked at me. "Don't be worried."

"But... I, I..."

Her eyes searched my face, and some kind of understanding dawned on her gorgeous, perfect features. She reached out and ran her fingers, softly, slowly, from my temple to my jaw. I shivered at her touch and leaned my face into her hand. My eyes fluttered shut and my body relaxed with contentment when I felt her lips press to mine for a short moment.

"Underneath everything that will ever stand in between us, I always love you Seth. Now, and forever," she murmured softly, her breath fanning out over my face. "I just need to clear my mind, okay?"

I felt my head nodding in agreement, too at ease from her touch and the softness in her voice to actually think of her leaving me right now, but much, much too frightened of what the consequences would be if I argued this with her. If she needed some time then I would give it to her - I just hoped it didn't kill me to do so.

"Tonight?" I asked, already feeling the dull ache that her absence caused inside of my chest.

"We can talk then," she said with a nod. "I love you."

She spun away from me and started stalking towards her car, her stride not as slow or as casual as normal.

I wanted to believe what she'd said about always loving me, and I wanted to believe that this was not the blow to our relationship that I had presumed it to be.

I wanted to believe, but my hope was starting to fade and my heart was starting to race.

Oh, God, what have I done?

(Liz's PoV)

Today was completely FUCKED!

I listened to the rain pelting against my window, sore from being curled up in this same position for so many hours now. Luna was resting peacefully near my feet, long ago having given up her soft nudges and whimpers. I don't know how she could read my emotions like that, but it was comforting in a way.

I was pretty much... just lost. I had been betrayed by so many over the years, people that I had trusted and cared for more than people I considered enemies before the fact.

What was it about me that made my friends want to tear me down so badly?

I just couldn't understand it; I couldn't fathom why in the hell Sammi would tell such a blatant lie about me. What the fuck had I ever done to that cunt?

It seemed pretty clear to me that Seth was central to this situation. Otherwise, she would have tried some different angle, and this lead me to believe that she had a crush on him or something. The thought of them together had me grinding my teeth together, balling my fists up and plotting murder, but I had enough faith in Seth's love for me to dispell that thought.

Angry as I was at her, I couldn't totally blame her for feeling jealous; Seth was the type of man that other women covet, especially when he has a girlfriend already that he's amazing to. I remember times in my life that I wanted to glare at happy couples that I saw.

But, and this is a big but, just like Sammi's flabby ass... Not a thing in this world could excuse that stupid fucking slimey whore for what she did by lying on me like that. I trusted her, and she... she... LIED! To the most important person in the world to me, to the whole reason I was here and whole and happy.

Luna whimpered and I shushed her. I kept my feelings in check enough when I was around any other humans, and I wasn't about to start keeping my guard up when I was alone with my dog.

I sighed and started running through the endless questions that had been repeating themselves in my head all day, like a shitty record caught on a loop. Most of the time, when I felt this overwhelmed... I just made myself stop by changing my mood up with a little help from one of my sneaky chemical friends.

Today, for some reason, I just wanted to feel it all out until I figured out what I really needed to do. If I got drunk or something, I would end up doing something irrational or stupid, and I wasn't in the mood for either.

In all honesty, as pissed off as I was at Seth right now for invading my personal space, all I wanted was to see him. I wanted him to come and push the dog from the bed and lay beside of me, pull my body to fit perfectly alongside his, share his warmth with me and tell me that none of that shit had actually happened.

Every time I reached for the phone, my irritation at him grew, and I knew that if he came right then I would blow up at him. Keeping my temper in check on a daily basis was difficult on its own, it would be ridiculous to consider that I could do it in this type of mood. I had told him tonight, but the sky was settling into an almost-black now and I wasn't ready to see him just yet.

I sighed as I rolled over, and then I froze, my eyes locked on my laptop which was resting on the desk beside of my small television. I puffed out a quick, exasperated breath and got to my feet lithely. I opened up the computer and started looking through messages, some as far back as four years ago. I never messed around with any guy in any famous band in my entire life, but I wasn't sure what other types of things Seth may have found when looking through these.

I silently cursed myself for not having changed my e-mail address in so long.

Looking through all of them had me getting more upset, so I just started deleting page after page instead. If someone wanted to look through my life, let them find nothing instead of this cacophony of built up information that could somehow be turned and used against me.

When the final messages were gone and my inbox number was down to zero, I changed my passwords to every account and made sure that they were all neatly logged out of. I didn't need to worry when I had to leave Seth here by himself... though I wasn't sure when the next time I would be doing that was.

I shoved the screen down hard on my laptop, hard enough that I may have broken something but I was beyond caring. I curled my knees up into my chest and started to sob again, feeling too much negativity filling up the empty spaces inside of me. If I was only mad at Sammi then I would just go and kick her ass; If I was just mad at Seth, I would make him pay for this situation dearly.

But I was just as mad at myself as I was at either of them, and I couldn't do much more damage to my own self than was already done. I put myself into another stupid relationship with someone that didn't deserve any of my time at all, and I'd done enough wrong that when she said something about me that should seem like total horse shit, people actually fucking listened and thought true of her words. I was paying for mistakes that I hadn't even made, plus all the ones that I had.

There was alot of blame to be handed out now, and I wasn't sure who was getting the worst of it yet.

I huffed as I stretched back out, falling backwards until my head hit, bounced, then hit the pillow again. I was starting to wish that I had gone ahead and drank my cares away, and fuck all the shit that I would have ruined by doing so. I wasn't going to be able to keep any of the good stuff going for long anyways, might as well ride it all down to hell where I belonged.

My phone started ringing out the chorus part of This Love, so I knew that it was Seth. I stared at it until it stopped blinking and vibrating, then I let out a long sigh. I wished that it was time to talk, but I just still wasn't ready. I didn't need to make this any worse than it already was.

My eyelids started getting heavy and I didn't want to fight the sleep. I wanted to escape into my sub-conscience and allow all of this to melt away from me... I slowly started to sink away to different thoughts, no worries, and a peacefulness that had forever eluded me while I was awake.