Part 5

Lyrics in this part come from "Hold Me Tight" by Missy Higgins, "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher, "Untitled" by Simple Plan, "Light Surrounding You" by Evermore and "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 Men.

Sophie gently and silently tended to the gash on Amy's forehead, speaking only once during the whole time to comment that her injury 'wasn't deep' and that she would make a 'full recovery'. Even if she had been talkative, Amy had a feeling that no one would be talking, anyway. PJ was sitting beside her on the hospital gurney, his head low.

"If either of you needs to talk at all," Sophie explained as she gently taped a dressing over Amy's injury and proceeded to clean up the hospital equipment on a table nearby, "just let me know, okay?" She paused, her mind suddenly travelling to someone who would be handling this worse than themselves. "How's Alex?"

Amy shrugged, speaking for the first time since Susie's death. "He was still holding her when the ambulance came," her voice suddenly became quite weak as she remembered the sight of Alex cradling Susie's limp body in his arms.

Sophie nodded, looking the two detectives over before excusing herself, keeping her head lowered. As soon as the dark curtains were drawn, PJ looked over to Amy, his eyes red from crying. Their eyes met, and it became clear that they were both being tortured with the same depressing thoughts. Had Susie not cried out when Falcon-Price was threatening to shoot them, then she'd probably still be alive right now and they'd be the ones lying in the morgue, if not seriously injured. She had saved their lives and, in the process, lost her own.

"It just isn't fair, is it?" Amy asked quietly, looking to PJ with a pleading look in her eyes. He knew instantly what it was she wanted. He reached out, pulling her into his arms, holding her tightly as he rocked her side-to-side in his arms.

"It isn't," he agreed, closing his eyes to try to stem the flow of tears. The real grief hadn't set in yet, he knew that. This was the shock and disbelief stage. The devastation would set in later. He ran his fingers back through Amy's hair, enveloping her tightly in his arms. He was relieved that they had both survived this, yes, but it was hard to feel grateful when one of them hadn't been so lucky.

As Amy began to quietly sob into his shoulder, he couldn't help but feel resentful and angry, the same sort of frustration that had plagued him so many times before when someone he cared for was taken from this world. When Susie's brother had held Amy hostage, he had tried to remain hopeful that Tom would continue to look out for them as he always had and bring her home safe. He hadn't done that this time.

As much as he loved Amy with all his heart, he couldn't help but feel a little alone. He and Susie had shared something in having worked at the old station, a connection that couldn't be broken. They had memories of a different era, a different time. A bond that had surpassed colleagues and had become like a big brother/little sister kind of relationship.

He tightened his grip on Amy, whispering weak assurances under his breath. They were going to need each other more than ever, now.

Hold me tight

Because I'm losing all the energy to fight

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Mark lifted his head from his desk as Monica Draper invited herself inside, closing the door quietly behind her. She fixed with a saddened expression, sympathetic yet detached at the same time. "I'm so sorry, Mark," she told him with a dismal shrug. "So soon after Tom…"

Mark nodded, his eyes filled with hopeless tears. No one had expected this to be the ultimate outcome of Joe Kenny's trial. They had come to work that morning, anticipating that Tom's killer would be put behind bars and that they would be able to rest easy again with the knowledge that justice had been served. But instead, they were in mourning again, this time over Susie Raynor.

"What's going to happen to him now?" Mark asked, looking up to Monica, his eyes tired and his resolve weakened to breaking point. He hadn't really mourned Tom – they'd never really been close enough for there to be anything to mourn. But Susie had been almost like his little protégé at times. She had had all the makings of a good Sergeant. But she was never going to be able to take on that role now, Falcon-Price had made sure of that.

"He's been charged," Monica explained, Mark's obvious grief beginning to rub off. She took a seat on the other side of his desk, leaning across. "Conspiracy to murder, hinder police investigation, affray, assault police, theft of a weapon, murder…" She trailed off, reaching over to rub Mark's arm sympathetically. "Sometimes the book needs to be used for throwing. Good and hard."

Mark nodded again, pulling his arm away from Monica's sympathetic grip. "She had her whole life ahead of her," he said, his voice becoming weak and strained, "she was thirty-one. She should have had the world at her feet. Instead, she's lying on a slab at the morgue."

Monica nodded, climbing to her feet as she pushed a strand of hair from her face. "How is Acting Sergeant Kirby handling the situation?"

"I don't know," Mark answered with a shrug, his shoulders hunched as he lowered his gaze again to his desk, "I wouldn't know what to say to him, anyway. He and Susie were very close."

"I'm taking Falcon-Price back to Melbourne," Monica declared, opening the door out to the muster room as she prepared to leave, "we'll deal with him there. A new district inspector will be appointed within the next couple of weeks. Look after your team, Mark," she told him as she disappeared out into the muster room and out towards the cells, "your team needs you now more than ever."

Mark nodded as Monica left, letting his head sink forward again until his forehead was resting on his desk. The team hadn't coped well with losing Tom – the wounds that that had left were still raw. Losing Susie on top of that was only going to make life so much harder. He wished he could find some way to turn back time and stop Falcon-Price from shooting Susie. And while he was at it, save Tom from Joe Kenny. Then everything would be back to normal.

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

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Alex looked around the mess room, his eyes bleak and his cheeks stained with tears of grief. Susie's blood had dried down the front of his shirt and pants, causing them to cling to his frame uncomfortably. They'd taken her body away just a few minutes ago, leaving him completely lost. She was really gone. After everything they had been through together as best friends and, at one point, lovers, she was gone. She'd bled to death in her arms after being shot trying to protect Amy and PJ.

He opened the door to his locker and dug through the spare clothes and uniforms that had accumulated over time to expose an old picture – Tom's birthday drinks from 2006. He held it in his hands, his gaze drifting to Susie's bright and bubbly face. The photo was taken not long before Tess had returned to town and yet Susie seemed awfully comfortable with him and Jonesy. He didn't know why.

Moments seemed to flash before his eyes, memories of the good times they'd had. The night that they were keeping an eye on that new mother and her student and he'd tried to win her heart with a sob story. He had never wanted to back off Susie when he had, but he hadn't been able to ignore what was obviously something between Susie and Jonesy, no matter how much they assured him that they were only friends.

His heart screamed out in pain as he leant back against the locker and slowly slid until he was sitting on the floor in the same place where he and Susie had sat a week ago, both trying to find the courage to face Tess and Jonesy. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face into his blood soaked pants. He just wanted her back with him so that he could let her know just how much she had come to mean to him. He just wanted his Susie back.

I've made my mistakes

Got nowhere to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

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Kelly closed the door to her room at the Imperial Hotel quietly, crossing the room to where Joss sat on the edge of her bed, head down and his expression serious in a way that she had never seen before. She offered a glass of beer to him, earning a weak "thank you" in response.

"I'm really glad you got out of there," she told him weakly, her tears still fresh on her cheeks. As she had when she had found her best friend's body all those years ago, she had cried herself to the point where the tears where silent instead of distressed wailing sobs.

Joss nodded, obviously trying to fight back tears of his own. "I'm just glad you weren't there," he told her with the weakest of smiles, "he was insane, Kel. He was going to kill Amy and PJ…he killed Susie…"

Kelly reached over, gently brushing the back of her hand against his cheek. Silent tears were beginning to roll down his cheeks, running over Kelly's hand and fingers.

"I didn't think that being shot would be like that," he confessed quietly, his voice slowly breaking up into great sobs, "that's no way to die. She didn't deserve to die like that!"

"Oh, Joss," Kelly whispered, wrapping her arms around him and holding his head side-on to her chest, rocking him gently as he listened to the steady beat of her heart. She closed her eyes tightly, resting her chin on top of Joss' head, her tears beginning to flow anew. She couldn't think of anything else to say right now. They'd been in the job for three and a half years and they'd never seen anything like that before. They had never been witness to a good friend and colleague bleeding to death before their eyes.

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Mark met Amy and PJ at the doorway to the muster room, taking special care to step around the large patch of dried blood on the floor, the place where Susie had taken her final breaths. Amy's eyes seemed to widen as she looked over the blood on the floor, wrapping her arms tighter around PJ's arm as she moved closer to him. The three just stood there, a solemn silence hanging in what would usually be such a different atmosphere. None of them would forget what had happened here today, none of them could ever forget.

"How's Alex?" PJ asked quietly as Amy's grip on him tightened, her mind obviously running with thoughts of just how close they'd all come.

"I think he's in the mess room," Mark replied in a voice that was barely more than a croaky whisper, "he just went there as soon as they'd taken the body away." He cringed at the use of 'the body' to describe Susie. It didn't seem right at all when less than an hour ago, she was a living, breathing person. Their colleague and friend. "Someone needs to talk to him."

PJ nodded, glancing down to Amy on his arm. She met his blue eyes, her's shining as it mirrored a similar expression of sadness. He paused. "I might go have a word with him, if that's alright."

Amy and Mark nodded in reply as she relinquished her grip on PJ's arm. They watched him go, head lowered as he headed slowly down the corridor to the mess room. They both knew that if there was anyone who could sympathise with Alex right now, it was him.

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Alex looked up at the sound of the mess room door opening, only to see PJ inviting himself inside and closing the door behind him. He leant back against it, surveying the Acting Sergeant sympathetically. "How are you feeling?" he asked, automatically kicking himself for saying something so stupid. He should have known better than anyone how Alex was feeling right now.

"Like someone's just grabbed hold of my heart and ripped it out of my chest," Alex replied, lowering his gaze dismally. "What do you want, anyway?"

PJ nodded in understanding as he approached Alex, sitting down beside him with his legs outstretched. "I figured you'd need someone to talk to," he explained softly, "I've been where you are now. I know how it feels to have someone you care about to die in your arms." His own eyes began to shine in painful remembrance of the night Maggie had died, passing on while he cradled her in his arms, promising her that they'd get married, pressing his lips against her's in goodbye. "Tom told me something after Maggie died," PJ continued, letting his head hang back against the locker behind him, "you just keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other until one day you smile. And he was right. You'll do that too, Alex, in time."

'Cause I'd been there before

And I've seen it all

And I believe in you

Alex laughed bitterly at this, looking away from PJ's encouraging eyes. He'd heard about Maggie Doyle before – Jonesy had once told him about the bombing and the reason why PJ had broken up with his fiancé just days before. "Really?" he asked in disbelief. "It sounds like a load of crap to me."

"Sounded like a load of crap to me at the time, too," PJ pointed out, narrowing his eyes as he regraded Alex in understanding and sympathy. "Suse was important to you. You've got every right to be angry and upset. She was one of your best friends."

Alex looked over to PJ, shaking his head as a fresh wave of tears came to his eyes. "You don't understand, PJ!" he snapped, desperately trying to hold back the sobs. "You just don't bloody understand!"

"I think I do," PJ responded quietly, reaching over to give Alex's shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "I've been this job long enough and have known Susie long enough to know when something's going on. You loved her, didn't you?"

The officer beside him went to disagree, preparing to shake his head and deny PJ's words, but instead found that his will to fight was all but gone. "I thought that I could live without her," he confessed in a voice that PJ could scarcely even hear, "as long as she was here, working beside me, I'd be alright. Even if she was with Jonesy, she'd still be here. She'd still be okay. Every time I saw her cry, I just felt like I was dying inside." He pounded the area of his chest near his heart as his voice threatened to once again degenerate into sobs. "I just wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with me."

PJ nodded, changing positions so that he was now kneeling on the floor. He continued to fix Alex with an intent stare, urging him to continue, no matter how painful.

"I should've said something," Alex finished in between sobs, "I always took for granted that she'd be there! I should've told her I loved her!'

"Oh, Alex," PJ said in comfort as he reached over, pulling the obviously distressed Alex into his arms. Alex didn't seem quite comfortable though – not that PJ blamed him – but didn't pull away. It was obvious that all of Alex's strength had left when Susie did. He was missing his companion, friend and one-time lover.

Alex pulled away finally, struggling to his feet. He looked over himself, forcing a smile to PJ that the detective knew was only for his sake. "Better get cleaned up, hey?" he said as he turned and disappeared for the bathroom, closing his eyes as he walked away.

He knew that PJ was only trying his best, but he just wasn't ready to hear the whole 'one foot in front of the other' talks that he was going to be inundated with over the next few weeks, no matter how true PJ said they were. He hadn't even come to grips with the fact that once he eventually went home, Susie wouldn't be there with him. The fact that she was gone and he hadn't been able to do a damn thing about it. Not one damn thing.

He stopped in front of the mirror in the men's bathroom, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Nothing seemed quite real at the moment. It felt as if at any time, he'd wake up and find that it had all been some sort of awful dream and it'd be all over. Susie would be in the next room and all would be back to normal. But it wasn't and it never would be again.

Maybe somewhere, out there, there was another woman like Susie who he would be able to love, but right now he didn't care about a single one of them. He just wanted his Susie. He wanted her back at his side.

Darling, I never showed you

Assumed you'd always be there

I took your presence for granted

But I always cared

I miss the love we shared