Chapter Thirty Six

Bella

We were made very welcome by Darius and Sara, she went out to shop taking her little guest with her and giving me time to talk to Darius without any distractions. It was strange how even vampires found Gabriel so fascinating. He captured their attention so completely I knew he had a gift of some kind.

"So what is it you want to talk about? Aro gave you quite the rallying speech, did you believe him?"

"I don't know what to believe any longer Darius. The people I thought I could trust have proved liars so what do I do?"

"Well you didn't believe Carlisle was Gabriel's father, or not for long anyway."

"No and that was a relief but if not him then who?"

"Oh I think you already figured that out even if you aren't prepared to say it out loud. The question is why?"

"Why can't I say it? I'm a married woman, married to Edward Cullen, what am I supposed to say or do? Edward loves me and he's fond of Gabriel. I cant just walk away"

"Excuse me you already did."

"Yes but that was before, I was so angry and scared it was just a shock reaction."

"So you would just like me to take you back to that house you and Edward have?"

I shook my head, no I didn't want to go back, I was so conflicted I didn't know what to say or do.

"Well I think you'd better make up your mind because you have visitors on their way."

"Who?"

"Edward and Jasper plus a few others."

"What do I say to Edward?"

"Well how do you feel? That's a pretty good place to begin."

"If I tell you something will you keep it to yourself? At least for now?"

"Yes I will."

"When I woke up a vampire there were three people in the room with me, Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper and I knew things were wrong when I opened my eyes. I've spoken to Emmett and Esme and the others and they all said the same. You'll know your mate when you meet them. Well I didn't as a human but I guess its different for vampires because the minute I set eyes on Edward I knew it wasn't him. There wasn't that thrill, that longing."

"But you felt it didn't you?"

"Yes, when I set eyes on Jasper and it scared me. I ran"

"And you're still running Bella but you have to stop one day and face it."

"I married Edward, I wanted to spend eternity with him but I didn't realise I would feel differently once I was a vampire myself. How can I just walk away from him? None of this is his fault"

"I wouldn't be quite so sure about that Bella. Think about it. Edward wanted you to stay human and by getting you pregnant Carlisle ensured that you would stay human for him at least for a while and thinking about it if the baby was born and you survived you would stay human for its sake. Edward gets what he wants a human Bella."

"But what if Carlisle did it for Alice? If I became a vampire I'd recognise Jasper as my mate and she would lose him. I'm sure she saw that, she must have, if I stayed human then I wouldn't and probably he wouldn't either although he was always there in the background. So maybe he knew something. If I died then Alice keeps Jasper but Edward loses me."

"Well maybe he was doing it for both of them and I think he used The Major to get you pregnant, it was his way of making things right to an extent, you would never be together but you would have his baby."

"Gabriel is Jaspers isn't he? That's what I thought was so familiar, Gabriel's eyes, they're Jasper's eyes and his gift, he radiates emotions, that's why everyone loves him"

"Except Edward. I think maybe your son is a lot more perceptive than you realise. You said he misbehaved for Edward, he was rejecting him as his father maybe"

This was a nightmare and I was trapped right in the centre of it.

"I have to decide don't I?"

"I'm afraid so Bella."

"I have a duty to Edward, I married him and gave my vow to love him for all time. But if I stay with him then Gabriel will be brought up by the man he rejects and Jasper loses his son. I wont give up my boy Darius."

"Then you have to make a decision Bella. You have to decide what is the right thing for you and for Gabriel. Either way you're gonna hurt someone, make sure its not that kid, he's relying on you and just remember this, from what you said Edward never wanted the baby and he hasn't exactly been a doting farther and until now her thought Gabriel was his. Has Edward been the same person he was when you married him?"

"No, he's different. Its as if he was wearing a mask, behaving how he thought I wanted him to and now he's dropped the pretence. I don't love him Darius, I'm not sure I even like him very much but he is my husband."

Sara came back then with Gabriel who was clutching a teddy bear with a cowboy outfit on,

"Sorry but he saw it and there was such a longing in his eyes."

"Yeah those eyes'll get you every time."

I shot Darius a look but his attention was on his computer screen although I thought I detected a smile on his face in the glow. Sara put Gabriel on the floor and he toddled over to me dragging the teddy behind him. I picked him up feeling the peace that always stole over me when we were close.

"What am I going to do Gabes?"

He looked into my eyes and I saw Jasper gazing back, I felt a heat in my chest and I knew he was the one but could I hurt Edward that badly? Then I remembered the phone call and the way Gabriel had taken the phone listening, he knew, he knew his fathers voice somehow and he'd already rebuffed Edward. Gabes would never accept Edward as his father and that's why he and Edward had never bonded. Edward didn't want a baby but I think he understood that Gabriel wasn't his at some level. Now was the time I wanted a parent to talk to, get some advice but my mother wouldn't understand even if I could talk to her, she would go for the easiest option, Edward was my husband and he was giving me a good life end of story.

I thought about Charlie, if only I had stayed to talk to him but I couldn't tell him what had happened, how I'd become a vampire, how could I? I missed him so much and I just wanted to hear his voice. Leaving Gabriel playing with his teddy I went to speak to Darius but he was nowhere in sight,

"Sara is Darius still here?"

"Yes he had a call and took it out on the balcony, the glass is soundproofed so he can talk in private but I don't suppose he'll be long. Did you want something?"

"I wanted to speak to my dad that's all."

"Right well he wont be long. In the meantime do you want to feed Gabes?"

I nodded, it was way past his usual meal time, in fact his routine was shot to hell so I did him a jacket potato taking the middle out and mixing it with cheese and butter for him then sat at the table while he ate and his aim was getting better, much more went in his mouth than a few weeks ago. He followed it with a yoghurt and a beaker of apple juice and I kept an eye out for Darius but I didn't need to because when he came back in he motioned me over asking Sara to put the TV on for Gabes in the bedroom. I knew something was terribly wrong before he started to speak.

"Sara told me you wanted to speak to your dad"

"Yes is that OK?"

"I'm very sorry Bella but he's dead. Carlisle had an episode and killed Charlie."

I slumped, Charlie was dead? Carlisle had killed him? I could hardly believe it but Darius had no reason to lie to me.

"Where's Carlisle now?"

"You're a little late Bella he's already on his way to Volterra and I think that's where he'll be staying."

I nodded and walked through to the bedroom picking Gabriel up and holding him close to fight the pain I was feeling, it was just Gabriel and I now until I decided what I was going to do and so far my head and heart were still fighting it out for supremacy.