A/N: I don't know why, but Cloud is so much fun to mess with.

Cloud: Why do you hate me?

AT: I'm hurt. I don't hate you. Quite the contrary. I adore you. You look like an older version of my one and a half year old nephew. I even spike his hair like yours and call him Chibi Cloud.

Cloud: Really? He reminds you of me?

AT: Yeah, except he doesn't cut himself.

Cloud: I don't cut myself! ...anymore...

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Cloud opened his eyes and smiled, rolling over and wrapping his arms around Tifa. They were alone in the house. No children would be coming into their room, prompting the young woman to rise earlier than she deserved to make them breakfast. She was all his to hold.

Denzel and Marlene had spent the night over at Nilto and Randak's (two of their Turk friends) house with their kids, Kaya and Damian. Along with the swordsman and martial artist's two adopted kids, the Turk parents had also played host to the Turk Spawn and Rufus ShinRa's son, Bryce. The Turk parent's took turns hosting what they referred to as Turk Spawn Movie Night. Cloud figured at some point, he and Tifa would have to return the favor.

But right now, he was enjoying waking up with the sleeping woman in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair and watching as her chest fell with each even breath she took. The sun trickled through the gauzy curtains surrounding the window by their bed, casting a soft glow on her peaceful face. Tifa's dark eyelashes fanned against her cheeks perfectly, her inviting lips settled into a serene smile. Watching her made Cloud's heart swell with love.

An idea hit him and he grinned with excitement. Kissing her cheek gently, he eased out of their bed and made his way to their shared bathroom. He was going to shower and get dressed and then make his way down to the kitchen and surprise her with breakfast in bed.

Quickly, so he wouldn't risk her waking before he could complete his spontaneous and oh so romantic surprise, Cloud jumped into the shower and began to vigorously wash his hair. Before the soap was even completely out of his hair, he reached blindly for his conditioner bottle, pouring an ample amount into his spikey blond locks. He left that in while he lathered up the rest of his body, the warm water washing away the soap off his lightly sun-kissed skin.

Strong yet feminine hands joined his on his body, running a trail down his chest to his stomach and moving lower still.

"Good morning," Tifa murmured against his back, climbing fully into the shower with him.

Cloud turned and pulled her into his arms. "You're awake," he said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

She arched an eyebrow at him, hurt coming to her eyes. "Were you going to leave again?" she whispered fearfully.

"No, of course not," he replied quickly, kissing her gently. "I was going to make you breakfast and bring it up to you. It was going to be a surprise."

Tifa smiled brilliantly up at him. "Oh, Cloud," she said, her eyes shining with tears. "That is so sweet and romantic. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Tifa," he told her genuinely, running his fingers through her now damp hair. Leaning down, he kissed her passionately, all thoughts of breakfast now far from his mind.

Tifa returned the kiss, losing herself in his touch. The water, hot and steaming, beat down on them as Cloud pressed her up against the tile of the shower, Tifa wrapping her legs around him as he planted a trail of kisses from her lips down to her neck and across the tops of her breasts. She gasped, her head falling back against the tile as he gripped her hips, his arousal slowly easing inside of her. Cloud moaned as he felt her warm folds engulfing him, drawing him deeper into her willing body, caressing him in the familiarity of his own right hand...

...right hand?

Cloud opened his eyes, cursing as the conditioner burned the blue orbs. Removing his hand from himself, he switched the hot water to ice cold and proceeded to cool himself off and finish rinsing his hair.

"Damn over-active imagination," he grumbled, running his fingers through his hair. "First makes me think I'm Zack, then makes me think my hand is Tifa. Stupid brain. Homer had the right idea. I'll stab you with a Q-tip."

Cloud shook his head and turned the water off, grabbing his towel and rubbing his head vigorously before drying the rest of his body. Oddly, he felt really...hairy after drying himself off. Looking down at his arms and chest, he noticed an alarmingly large amount of blond hair covering his skin. Reaching up, he felt his hair, panicing when he felt smooth skin. Cloud quickly wiped the steam off the mirror, staring at his reflection in horror.

His hair, his gravity defying, looks like a chocobo's ass hair, was gone!

"NO!" Cloud screamed, sitting down on the toilet and thrusting his fingers through his...scalp. "NO! I'm too hot to be bald!"

"Cloud!" Tifa called from the other side of the door. Cloud opened the door and stared at her helplessly. Tifa looked at her boyfriend, her formerly blond, now currently bald boyfriend and screamed. Cloud screamed back.

"What happened?!" they both asked at the same time.

"I don't know!" Cloud exclaimed, trying to cover his shame (his scalp) with his hands. "I was taking a shower, dried off and now I have no hair!"

"What did you use on your hair?" Tifa asked, looking in the shower and at all the gorgeous blond hair that was laying on the floor. "Oh shit."

"Just my normal sham--poo..." Cloud trailed off as Tifa slowly turned and revealed the reason behind his new chrome dome.

Tifa sat the bottle of Nair on the sink and burst into tears. "I'm sorry!" she cried, collapsing onto the toilet seat. "I didn't mean to leave it in there!"

Cloud swallowed hard, fighting back his own tears. Oh, how long would it take to grow his hair back? How long would he have to endure being referred to as Mini-Rude by a certain red-headed bastard? How many second-degree burns would his head suffer before the chocobo's ass grew back?

The swordsman knelt down beside his girlfriend, taking her in his arms. "It's okay, Tifa," he reassured her. "It was a simple mistake. I should have looked at the bottle before I poured it on my head."

Tifa sniffed. "I really am sorry," she said, tentatively patting his head. "But, it'll grow back, right?"

"Right," he said with a smile. He kissed her gently and cocked his head. "Am I that ugly?"

The martial artist shook her head. "No," she answered sweetly. "This doesn't make me love you any less."

Cloud smiled and kissed her again. "Good," he said. "I'm glad."

"But Cloud?"

"Yes."

"This time, the clog in the drain is all you."

A/N: BWAH HA HA HA! Cloud's bald!

Cloud: (starts cutting self again)