A/N: Notes at the end of the chapter this time!
There were so many things that raced through my head as the battle raged around us, my mind only partially registering the panicked plans created and discarded by my captors. They had no idea how the Admiral had done it, had slipped this many ships into their precious shipyards, had known the proper time to attack when the yards were brimming with undercrewed and weapon-stripped cruisers. All they knew was that they had to stop it, no matter what.
All I knew was that this could go wrong in so many ways. The Admiral and even Captain Pellaeon to some extent, had taught me that no plan however brilliant survives first contact with the enemy. I wracked my drug and pain addled brain, hoping against hope that I could help the Empire before I died. Hoping against hope that I didn't die at all.
So many thoughts of how badly this could all turn out raced through me on a wave of petrifying fear. What if Solo was only half the pilot he was rumored to be, or if some TIE pilot had an extremely lucky day and blasted us all to cinders? I would die here at Sluis Van, and no one would ever know what had happened to me. Not until the victors of this conflict sent out the scavenger droids, searching for flesh and metal alike.
If by some miracle the rebels prevailed, I wasn't certain they'd bother with my body at all. Probably eject it into the nearest star with the rest of the detritus of the battle.
That thought left me cold inside, and alone. No amount of faint worry or projected warmth from Skywalker could crack the ice that formed around my heart. When this had all begun for me, when I'd sat through my first lecture in basic training, I had accepted the fact that I would die young in the service of a war that I didn't believe in. For a side that I hated with all my being.
I'd changed in the past six months. Now I had things I wanted—needed—to live for, people that I had to see survive if we were to avoid darkness beyond anything the galaxy had ever seen. People other than my blood family.
Stars, had I really just called them my blood family? It sounded too close to a callous dismissal. Sounded like I was ready to sacrifice them to accomplish my goals. I shook my head, trying to clear away the heavy weight of guilt, trying not to answer that unspoken question. I winced, and forced myself to focus on the present. My immediate goal was to survive this encounter. Everything else could wait.
The pistol in Calrissian's hand edged closer to my head again, so much so that I could feel the wavering metal like static in the scant few centimeters of nothing separating it from my temple. If I moved in the slightest, I'd feel the hard bite of it. I smiled faintly, mockingly, behind my oxygen mask. If he thought I feared being shot in the head, he was truly mistaken. The only thing I feared was what could happen to my family if I didn't find a way to escape.
Second to that, I feared what would happen to the galaxy as a whole if the Grand Admiral died. There would be no protection for my family then, not when the nightmare of this Yuuzhan Vong washed over my planet and destroyed it. The sad truth of it was I needed Skywalker to come with me more than I needed to escape, and that required me to stay put and alive.
Still, I couldn't stop the elation that washed through me as two former Rebel frigates broke through the fragmented defense grid, escaping to the waiting Star Destroyers. The first two of many more to come if the Grand Admiral had his way. From the way the Rebels were going after the twelve remaining cone-shaped ships, I was anticipating at least thirty more prizes to decorate the Admiral's fleet before the night was over.
Another of the cone ships broke apart under the cursed fire of Wedge and his Rogue Squadron, good men in stormtooper armor flying out into the nothingness of space. Their armor could sustain them for maybe a minute or two in hard vacuum, but without a jetpack to maneuver, it was two more minutes to contemplate the agonizing death waiting for them.
Stars help me, but I wished that those rebels would vaporize them instead of picking them apart. This was cruel. There was no other way to describe it.
Skywalker's emotions road across the glass cage of my thoughts, a cloud of shifting colors. Red with shame, purple with sorrow. All smeared with a bright hue of colorless determination. He felt bad about condemning anyone to death, nevertheless the horrible freezing pain of hard vacuum. At the same time there was nothing he could do. He was determined to stop my side from stealing the fleet. Believing he was doing right.
But there was a part of him in that swirling cloud that disbelieved that. A part of him that was dark storms and brilliant flashes of blue-white lightning. Part of him that whispered that choosing any side in a conflict was the path that lead the original Jedi to their doom.
It was a part he tried to ignore, and a part I truly wanted to listen to. That knowledge tinted his cloud with the rust-brown of past failure. Like the spots on Captain Pellaeon's phoenix wings. There was blood on his hands, blood he couldn't wash away. Blood that never dried, never gave him peace. It drove him to fight so hard for the Rebellion that sometimes even he had no idea where it was all leading.
The glass cage bowed outwards as I pressed against it, the barest hint of my fingertips pressing through. Touching the cloud of his emotions. Not to take as I did before. Not to comfort. But to… understand. To empathize. To let him know that he wasn't the only one with shoulders breaking beneath a destiny too large for one person to carry alone.
I expected him to start in surprise, or to throw some teacher-sounding bit of rhetoric at me. I didn't expect those cloudy emotions to solidify around my fingertips, to meet me halfway. Not nearly enough to touch his power again, but not pulling away. Relief whispered across that barrier between his power and mine, a relief that at last someone understood at least in part. That maybe he wasn't so alone in what must be done.
I want to talk to you, Aria.Really talk to you when this is over.
You can, I found myself saying. Our deal still stands, Skywalker.I won't betray the Empire.But I will talk to you.I need to talk to you. I'm sorry about earlier.I'm scared, just as scared as you are.And it's ripping me apart in side to see my friends dying.
He gave a little start of surprise at that, as if realizing for the first time that my front row seat to this battle was torture all on its own. Watching Imperial lives disintegrate under rebel fire, dying just as rebel pilots did. Loosing friends and loved ones as quickly as he was. And rapidly on its heels was a feeling of deep shame that he hadn't realized this from the beginning.
Don't, I sent quickly, fingertips scrambling for a better grasp on his.Don't think like that right now.We both have to survive.And Jedi aren't perfect, Skywalker.Jedi are just people, too.
I felt his eyes turn towards mine, a warmth coming from him as if I had literally draped a blanket over his shoulders and told him everything was going to be okay. For some reason that phrase, that thought that Jedi weren't infallible, that other people knew that, soothed some of the riot of pain he kept under rigid control. And irony that it took an Imperial to show him that.
Ari, promise me that you'll—
Something landed hard on top of the glass shield in my mind, something that had the weight of a planet. Something that smashed through it and landed in the middle of my painting with the solid firmness of durasteel walls. It nearly shattered the contact between us, snapping my head back with the force of the impact and forcing a cry from my lips. Skywalker flinched, hands reaching for his lightsaber out of reflex. A tower suddenly reappeared in my thoughts, a familiar tower that was cold and hard and nearly vibrating with mingled hatred and relief…
And love.
GET AWAY FROM HER! Reese's words exploded in my head, sending shockwaves through my fingertips and into Skywalker's thoughts.
I recoiled. Skywalker recoiled. And Tam and Reese—TAM AND REESE!—took that moment to throw themselves between us, their combined powers enough to throw out their own version of a glass shield. Only this one's aim was to keep people out rather than keep me locked inside. Vaguely I heard Solo and Calrissian cursing, crying out in surprise and dread. Something had landed on the top of the 'Falcon, something that was making their lives rather difficult… and enjoying it.
"What in the galaxy is that?" Calrissian exclaimed. "It looked like some kind of mutated combat droid and it landed on top of us!"
"It's a space trooper!" Han snarled. "A stormtrooper in zero-gee armor. Hang on!"
I didn't comprehend what happened next in the physical world. I was too stunned, too shocked, and too… I don't know what. Because the pieces had finally come together for me. It was Reese in that space trooper armor. Reese on top of the 'Falcon, riding it like a bucking dewback. Reese that had touched my mind, and who was linked with Tam in near expert harmony.
Because that was what the Admiral had wanted, had planned this whole time. The missions that I wasn't privy to, the exercises that Tam and Reese underwent to form a kind of secondary bond without me. It was all so Reese could conduct a covert mission during the Sluis Van attack, receiving orders from Tam almost instantaneously through the Force. That exercise in the Mrkyr system, the one where I had to maintain contact with Tam and Reese as the distance was put between us, wasn't solely for my benefit.
It was for Tam. Training Tam in holding the bond through various distance and distractions. I was just the focal point for him to latch onto, the target as it were. And a convenient test subject for the Admiral's new drug.
All part of this Sluis Van campaign. All part of a plan that we couldn't even begin to decipher on our best days. No wonder Reese had been furious that one accidental time I'd helped them take down Lieutenant Sarsteen. Because I hadn't helped at all—I'd caused them to fail. They'd gone after a highly powerful agent of C'Baoth, setting up that mission for weeks, and I'd screwed the whole thing. The goal hadn't just been about the takedown, it had been about how much power they could produce on their own in a tense combative situation.
All leading up to this very moment.
Stars, why hadn't I seen that coming? It was so glaringly obvious.
TAM! REESE! I nearly wept in relief at the touch of their minds, nearly sobbed in shame as all those realizations hit home. You heard me. Oh, stars, you heard me!
The painting roiled and rippled, the stars blasting out from around us, shredding my painting to tatters. I screamed, full out screamed as I fell through nothingness. As I was physically ripped from my own headspace and hurled into another's. I wasn't in my painting anymore. I wasn't in control. And this… inclusion of me into someone else's painting wasn't done with the kindness I'd exercised before. There wasn't time for gentleness, I somehow knew. There wasn't time to ease into doing what hadn't been done before. And the apologies fell like rain, warm and stinging on my raw skin.
Tam… I was in Tam's mind now. I knew it when I landed on something as soft as a cloud, my form shifting until I was made of diamond dust. Glittering and precious, too beautiful to be real. Seeing myself as Tam saw me. Not as a fellow officer or a force user or even a friend. As something essential to his life functions. Like pulse or breath or thought.
Reese landed behind me on his feet, the ring of his boots like claps of thunder. He was huge in Tam's mind, a mountain of a man with a heart of liquid magma. Stronger than the foundations of the fleet and more powerful than a Star Destroyer. That mountain stepped over me, placing itself firmly between myself and Skywalker, fists like boulders ready to smash him into nothing.
And beside me Tam stood, a simple man in trousers and tunic. Skin kissed golden by days in the sun, hair naturally highlighted by the same. Beneath his bare feet grass grew, spread out into the distance and provided the ground for us to stand upon. I reached for him, wanting so badly to touch him. To feel my best friend's hands on mine just once more before I died.
He glanced down at his own hands, the golden skin of one covered in mud, the other drenched in blood and ash, and stepped away. He wouldn't touch me, not my clean glittering skin, with his dirtied hands. Wouldn't defile that which didn't belong to him. Stars, what had they done while we were separated? What could have possibly happened to make him see himself in such a light?
I threw myself at him anyway, wrapped him in my arms and transformed him into the same diamond dust. I wasn't so pure, either. I was covered in the sins of command, drenched in the blood of decisions I'd been forced to make for the greater good. And if this was to be our last stand together, I would touch them both. I would savor every moment of our combined strength. His arms wrapped around me so tight, so hard, that for a moment we were one form.
A single tiny diamond trying to blaze against an eternity of darkness.
You are my brother and my friend, Calim Tam. Never forget that. No matter what happens to us.
Ari, don't say goodbye. Don't die! Stay strong and we'll get through this. Together. We always get through it together. Never forget that!
But it was only for a moment, a blessed, perfect moment. Something else touched my mind, something that came from behind me… and all around me. Something known and frightening and… wonderful that pulled us apart and swallowed me alive. I had a split second to relax, to let my guard down, before I was sucked backward into a sea of red.
Invisible walls ghosted around me, pressing me deeper into his mind instead of defining boundaries this time. Until I had traveled farther than I ever had before. Until I felt arms around me from behind, pulling me against his chest. One wrapped around my waist, the other wrapped around my shoulders.
Possessive. Terrifying. Familiar. Oh so familiar… and reminiscent of the first time he'd touched me, all those months ago on the bridge. Staring down another Force-welding enemy.
My surrender only seemed to pull me deeper into his mind, until the parts of me that made me who I was started to fray, loosing myself in his thoughts. There was no pain in this, no fear. Only ultimate trust, the trust I had sought so hard to give to him and failed at every opportunity. I let that trust be the only thing that separated him from me, let it also bridge that gulf that had stood open between us for so long. At long last, I could finally say I trusted him with everything.
I'm sorry, I whispered. I'm so sorry.
You survived, my Admiral answered, a sharp hint of correction in his tone. Do not apologize for surviving, Ensign.Only apologize for failure.You have not failed me yet.
He didn't need to make a signal this time. Our thoughts were nearly one, and I knew when he wanted me to cast out my defensive net. Asteroids with razored edges filled the space above and around us. Around Tam and Reese as well, until the sky was thick with them. Until it was nearly impossible to tell up from down, left from right.
Tam and Reese moved then, becoming their wolf-selves. They spread out to flank Skywalker, growling lowly. Skywalker hesitated, studying this new attack plan, and weaving around himself the image of shadows and light that I had taught him. The green-white glow of his lightsaber flashed into view.
Who are you? He asked. He wasn't speaking to Tam or Reese.
I am Grand Admiral Thrawn, answered the very air around us. You have someone that belongs to me.Return my officer and I will consider this matter between us closed.Fail to do that, and you will earn my personal enmity.
I can't do that, Skywalker shifted to the side as the Tam-wolf snarled, tensed to leap at him. She needs to be taught how to use her power safely.
Safely, the Admiral echoed, as if tasting the word for the first time. I am to believe you are referring to the Jedi definition of safely.
Luke hesitated, sensing the trap in those words. I am a Jedi.
My officer is not.
No, he agreed carefully. Not yet.
And if she does not wish your training? Will you keep her against her will and force your training upon her?
I felt Luke wince internally, and the images flashed in my mind before he could stop them. Himself inside some Imperial base on a forest world, perhaps the same world he'd chosen for our first conversation. And the looming presence that could have only been Darth Vader stood before him, examining his lightsaber. Telling him that the Emperor would complete his training whether he liked it or not. That the Emperor was his master now. Darth Vader led him away in chains.
The images flashed, and I saw myself in his eyes. Saw my wounds and my pain like arcs of black tar around my body. But the binders were around my wrists every bit as much as they had been around his. I was every bit as soul-sick and terrified as he had been, doing my utmost to control that fear and bury it behind my duty. Though his duty had been that of a Jedi hopeful and mine that of an Imperial officer, it mattered little. Duty was duty.
All the while, a man dressed in all black was leading us away to a future too frightening to contemplate.
Thrawn's arms tightened about me, and if I had been in that embrace in the flesh, he would have been crushing the life out of me. My form changed in his mind's eye, my clothing that of a black robe, the collar, hem and cuffs banded generously in burgundy. Around my wrist was the shae, the silvery leash attached to the aln on his little finger. He wore his white uniform, of course, only this time I knelt at his feet, hands folded in my lap.
I caught a glimpse of his reality in that moment, saw Tam standing at his side with one hand on his shoulder, struggling for all his worth to maintain the link between us all. He had initiated it, so surely he could see it all?
And then I knew. He couldn't see what the Admiral was showing me. He'd drawn me deeper into his mind, changed the form of me into something Tam did not know so well, swallowing me until I was uncertain where I ended and Thrawn began. Tam stood on the outside of the invisible walls now. Another side effect of the Admiral's plan. Keeping me for himself, as his protection, and Tam wasn't even aware of it.
I serve you and only you I felt myself thinking at the same time my Admiral thought you serve me and only me.
I trust you.
The hand containing the aln pulled at the leash until I sat pressed against his command chair, until there was only enough length left in the chain to keep me from resting my head against his hand. I exhaled my fears at that, knowing this for the equivalent to a hug. His people did not show approval or affection in hugs like humans. This… this was as close as they could come to it with someone not of their family. With someone not lover and not spouse.
More will be required of you, Ensign.
I understand, Admiral.
Remain alive, and I will come for you.
Yes, sir.
Luke hesitated again, the feeling of resigned disappointment pouring from him. A flitter of confusion worked across the parts of me that were still me, the parts that were not replaced by what the Admiral wished me to become. Our conversation must have happened in less than a nanosecond, and still it felt as if decades had passed since the Admiral had asked Skywalker that question.
"No," he said at last. "I will not train her if she does not want it. But I also cannot do as you request. She is a prisoner of war, Grand Admiral Thrawn, if she is not my apprentice.
Inside the red, I felt him smile slightly, a satisfied smile. As if Skywalker had done precisely as he had anticipated. Your word that she is a prisoner of war, then, accorded all protections therein?
Luke nodded. My word of honor.
Accepted and appreciated.I will expect terms for her ransom to be transmitted to me quickly.
If Luke had been in the flesh, I would have expected to see his jaw drop. The trap had been sprung, so expertly and subtly devised that I had missed its formulation, even within the Admiral's thoughts. He'd just accorded me a valuable position, a very, very valuable one at that. If he was willing to talk terms and ransom for my release, it was only expected that my value in his eyes would depreciate with any sort of harm that came to me. After all, one never paid full price for damaged merchandise.
And Luke had given his word, all but guaranteeing that he would personally protect me while in Republic hands, so long as terms for my release were being negotiated. Stars, I was really going back with them, wasn't I? I was going to face Republic interrogation as a prisoner of war.
A hint of sympathy and apology, the tiniest thread of it, slipped into my thoughts from him. Followed quickly by a massive amount of expectation. Expecting me to comport myself as a proper officer and maintain my secrets. Brief flashes of what was known of Old Republic law regarding prisoners of war danced behind my eyes, downloaded by the Admiral. It wasn't much, but it was a start, and I greedily committed as much of it as I could to memory.
I was going to need it. All of it. If I was going to survive.
And then I was moving forward, pushed outside of his thoughts and the safety of those invisible walls. He had accomplished all that he could at this point, and I knew his attention needed to be back on the attack. The pain started to return to my consciousness, the aches from my wounds and the bindings that held me to the chair, as I fell back into my body.
And for once Reece didn't instantly throw out his wall, blocking me from his thoughts. I felt his abject fear, his love, as he realized that his orders didn't include blasting a hole into the Falcon and all but carrying me out of the flaming wreckage. Tam's mind clung to mine as tightly as he could, as if he could rip open time and space and teleport me onto the bridge where I belonged. Stars, how I wanted that.
How I wanted to be there on the bridge, guiding my team and assisting in this battle—
"So why are they jamming us?" Han was asking irritably. "To keep us from calling for help? From who? They're not jamming us here, you notice."
"I give up," Wedge said across the comm., starting to sound a little testy. "Why?"
"Because most of the mole miners on Nkllon were running on radio remote," Lando said slowly, evidently catching up on what Han and Wedge were discussing. "I could kick myself for not seeing it long ago."
I paused, held my breath. And I felt Tam and Reese, and even the Admiral, pause. Listening through my thoughts.
"Me, too," Han nodded. "You remember any of the command codes?"
"Most of them. What do you need?"
"We don't have time for anything fancy," Han nodded towards the escaping ships. "The mole miners are still attached to the ships. Just start 'em all running."
Lando blinked in surprise. "Start them running?"
"You got it," Han confirmed. "All of them are going to be near a bridge or control wing—if they can burn through enough equipment and wiring, it should knock out the whole lot of them."
Stop them! I shouted before I realized I was doing it. Reese, the relay systems—
I didn't have to finish that thought. The Admiral's approval poured through the fading link, and Reese ran the length of the Falcon, magnetic boots sounding like thunder across the hall.
"Hurry!" Luke called through the comm. "The Imperials know the plan. That space trooper is heading for the antennae!"
"How could they—" Han barked, shaking his head. "Nevermind! Wedge, can you get this creep off my hull?"
"Coming in hard right!"
The X-wing screamed by overhead, spitting laser fire the entire way. And promptly took a hit hard enough to nearly decimate its shielding. A squad of four ties blew past the canopy, supplying their own bursts of cover fire. Wedge cursed across the comm., calling for reinforcements. Luke swiveled that canon as best as he could, doing his best to take out as many as possible. Reese, my beloved Reese, was a solid knot of determination and pain inside my head. Hurting from near hits and damage to his armor.
I threw myself into our bond, throwing him as much of my strength as I could. Even with the cover fire from the two remaining TIE's, he was still too far away to make the shot. Unless…
Tam dropped his link with the Admiral, throwing all his weight behind our bond. Uniting us together, truly together, for the first time in months. I screamed, the sound a mingled cry of ecstasy and agony as they drew deeply on what I could give. Reese's mouth opened, echoing my scream as we filled him to bursting with our strength. He released the magnetic clamps on his boots, propelling himself across the hull and using the force to pull him back down. Firing as he went.
Like some great predatory bird with talons of laser fire, roaring his defiance at those that would take his mate from him, he landed.
He fired.
And I was rewarded with the sounds of denial, of cursing anew from my captors, as the Falcon's relay antennae flash-fried to nothing before the code could go out.
By the Force, Ari, Luke breathed in quite horror. What have you done?
The muted lighting in the cabin felt like knives driving into my skull as I forced open my eyes. Watching as the majority of the rebel fleet sailed away into Imperial hands. Watching those captured ships jump to lightspeed, followed by the rest of the Imperial armada. Reese had escaped, too, reaching out an armored hand and catching a ride on one of the retreating TIE's.
What had I done, indeed?
The Empire had won its first major victory against the Rebels in years, and I had assisted. A tiny, nearly wild laugh escaped my lips. I had assisted in a major victory of the Empire, had been a turning point in this battle, and all my efforts had only taken two minutes of the final fight. Funny, how things can come full circle. Two little minutes had been the difference between victory and defeat here. Two little minutes that had felt like a lifetime.
If only Colclazure could know that his lessons, his discipline, his very decision that day seven months ago to train me, had been the lynch pin that had pulled victory out of certain defeat.
I would have smiled. If I wasn't staring into the near venomous eyes of Han Solo and Lando Calrissian...
A/N: This… this took forever to write. This was originally slated to be the last chapter of this story. I had only planned to run through Heir to the Empire. If you want me to continue with Dark Force Rising, do let me know!
Disclaimer: Most of the language between Han, Lando, Luke and Wedge came from Heir to the Empire. I own nothing but my OCs. Please do not sue. This is purely for fun.