Chapter 35

What was I thinking? Oh, right. I wasn't thinking. I was feeling.

I had a strong feeling about something, and I followed that feeling all the way to Paris.

As a person who – at a few points of her life – has been forced to go against what she felt, I vowed to never let it happen to me again. Not if I could help it.

Sometimes my guts lead me the right way. Sometimes, the direction is right, but maybe the way itself isn't, and I fail.

Like this time.

I don't regret coming here. I will never regret trying to get Paige back. I *can't* regret something like that. But I refused to see for a while that it wasn't up to me. I used this visit to plant the seeds for the possibility of something, now I gotta go. After planting a few more seeds.

I sit in a cab and text Spencer.

"I did what I could. I even texted her. But she didn't answer. I'm coming home."

I guess Spencer - being the good friend that she is - was expecting this, because she answers straight away.

"Alright, Em. I'll see you in a few days. We'll make this work. Promise. It's not the end."

"I really hope not."

I almost add – "because if there's something I learned from this trip, it's just how much I still love her, adore her, and want to be with her. And that my heart can never belong to anyone else but her. Not like this."

But I don't add it.

Texts. You can say so much, with actually saying so little.

I texted Paige. I actually texted her. And she didn't answer. I think it told me all I needed to know, right? She couldn't even answer my text. My nice, non obligatory text. Why is it so hard for her? Did I make her like that? Did I push her to this?

But, the fact she didn't answer, didn't make me change my mind. She might not be able to handle me, and her not answering might hurt like hell, but I meant what I said. I love her, and I want her to know… that when and if she's ready to come back to me, she has a place to come back to.

Which is why I'm where I am right now.

"Don't leave, I'll pay for as long as I'm in there," I say to taxi driver, and head into Aimée's office.

It's around 7 PM and I'm just praying that's she's a crazy workaholic, like she seems, and works extremely late.

I sigh with relief as I see the light coming from her office. I buzz the bell.

"Who is it?" she asks through the intercom.

"It's me! Hmmm… Tori!" I say, almost forgetting the role I'm playing, because this girl made me feel so comfortable around her, that all the masks are down.

She buzzes me in and immediately stands up to greet me.

"Cherie! You're lucky I'm here so late! Well, not really lucky, I'm always crazy like that. Is everything okay?"

I giggle, because she's really adorable, and say "Yes, and yes. Yes to – everything is okay, I'm not here to ask for my money back, and also yes – I figured you're the crazy worker type. Was hoping you'd be here."

"What's up, then? Not that it's not good to see your lovely face!"

"Why thank you, madam! I actually need to fly back to the US tonight. Some business stuff came up unexpectedly."

I hate it when lying becomes so easy to me. Hate it *so much*. But what's the point in telling her now? I might just hurt her. With what I'm about to do, she's gonna know at one point or another, just how much I trust her.

She says, "I'm sorry to hear that! I was really thinking that if you stick around long enough, I can get you to meet our wonder girl. It's her birthday today, by the way."

I smile at her, hiding the fact that a) what she said about eventually meeting Paige cuts me like a knife, and b) I know all about the fact that it's her birthday. But all I say is:

"Oh, then my timing is perfect!" and I hand her the box with the snow globe I got for Paige.

"What is this?" Aimée's asking.

"Well, since I never got to meet her, and her work really touched me, I figured I'd leave something for her. You can tell her it's a birthday/Christmas/your art is amazing present. From a secret admirer, or something."

"Awww! What is it?"

"Now, now, it's private! You do not open this, sneaky one! Do you hear me?"

"It's one of the nice lingerie you showed me, isn't it? The one with the lace?"

My god, she *is* Hanna. Also, I actually should've thought about it. Too late.

"Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't." I say playfully.

We smile at one another and she says, "I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture, Tori. She's a really good girl. Just a bit messy sometimes. But that's what makes her interesting."

"I'm sure she is. Both of those things," I say, but actually think, again, how I already know these things. She *is* a good girl. And she *is* messy. When it comes to Paige, I can do messy. When it comes to Paige, I *love* messy.

"Will we be seeing you again soon?"

"You never know, but I do hope so."

She hugs me goodbye, promises to watch over the little box for Paige, and says that she really loved meeting me. The feeling is definitely mutual. Maybe one day we'll be re-introduced under more… honest, circumstances.

I go back to the cab, and ask the driver to head to the airport. As much as it was hard to keep the facade on for Aimée, I'm also glad I got to end my visit with seeing her. She reminds me of Hanna so much, that I ended my stay on a good note. There's a sincere smile on my face.

Soon enough we get to the airport, I get out of the car, pay, and watch the cab as the driver drives away. I give one last look around me, and head in.

A bit later, my plane takes off. I look at the city of lights below me, breathtaking as always. But again, it's different when you can share it with someone. It's somehow prettier. I think to myself, "later, Paris." I know that the best thing for me to do now, is to sleep, and that the next time I hit the ground, I at least get to hug my mother. And Hanna. From one Hannah, to another.

That will have to do. For now.