Unintentional Hero

Author: Nightstar Fury of Nightstar Productions

Rated: M for a variety of things that will happen

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD

34; Please Forgive Me

Hayden felt absolutely terrible after getting off the phone with Avery, he knew the others were there too but he'd made Avery cry because he lost control of his temper. How could she of gotten mad at him for what he'd been through? Sure he didn't call for about eight days straight and if they did hear from him in that time-then it was clear he wasn't in the mood to talk about what happened to Tarelto and who could blame him? He hadn't found Tarelto dead, he watched him kill himself and couldn't do a thing to stop him. Hayden was upset that Avery yelled at him when she had no idea what he'd been through since it happened, but he was also mad at himself for making her cry. How could she of known what happened? How could any of them of known when he hadn't said anything. This was something on his mind all day, he and Avery actually got into a fight about something to do with him in the military. And he honestly didn't like the way it felt or the fact he had no clue how to handle it.

(Berk)

When Hayden had hung up, Avery just lowered her phone crying uncontrollably. He had yelled at her when all she did was be concerned for him and he yelled at her, then hung up. "Avery...It's alright, he's just...stressed out is all. You know he doesn't just yell for no reason..." Rachel tried to tell her.

"That's not...what gets me. I understand he's stressed but...He admitted to wanting to kill himself because his friend did the same thing a week ago..." Avery whimpered.

"But he also said that he got help for it..." Camille offered.

"He promised me...when he came home for the graduation, that he'd call me if something was wrong. He broke down on me the night he slept before the theme park...He told me what happened." Avery sighed closing her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Seth Gerald asked now.

"Well we'd fallen asleep but he woke me up with his thrashing around. I could tell he was in a nightmare, he woke up yelling in a cold swear and panting. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that...he lost more friends when in Iraq, it wasn't just Steven. He also lost...Eli and Daryl. He broke down crying on me for a while before I told him it would be okay. We went back to sleep and let it go but the next morning I made him promise to call me if he felt upset again." Avery looked at her phone again.

"He lost...Matthews and Lennox too?" Seth asked.

"Eli was killed in an explosion after being shot in the leg, Hayden couldn't get to him in time to save him. That was in November 2019. And...Lennox took a bullet to the chest meant for Hayden, and then he died in Hayden's arms a week before Hayden came home for the graduation..." Avery explained.

"And now, Tarelto-who killed himself to escape the pain and...Hayden watched him do it." Camille said sadly.

"And he got put on a three day suicide watch because he felt like killing himself too...But he got mad at me for caring about him..." Avery closed her eyes now.

"Just give him time to cool off, he's lost four people who was good friends with. And we saw how he was at Steven's funeral, for him to have to lose Eli, Daryl...then watch Jason kill himself. It's gotta be hard on him, but he said he got himself the help and that's why he didn't contact anyone." Gerald sighed. "I'm sure he didn't mean to yell at you, he's got a lot going on plus he's back in a war zone-a place he lost friends and by now he's hell bent and determined not to lose anymore. Both of you take some time to cool off, then talk it out. I'm sure he'll apologize once he calms down." Avery nodded to the man as she looked back to her phone, she wanted to message him but felt it wouldn't be a good idea: she didn't want to fight anymore.

(Afghanistan)

As 2200 rolled around, it was time for the mission. First one since Iraq, and the break down of losing Tarelto. His squadron was worried about him: if anyone died tonight on his watch, he might snap for good and be too far gone for even Anderson to help him. They knew he was in deep thought since the small fight with his girlfriend, which never resolved either so that was up in the air. Hayden was in with Major Anderson and Major White getting debriefed on the mission for tonight. It was simple according to Hayden: just securing the area. Hayden emerged from the office with his gear on. "Aten-SHUN!" He commanded, the troops fell in how they were supposed too. "Tonight we're headed North-East to check an eight sector area. There are twenty-six of us and I will not be sending you out unit by unit."

"Isn't that how we always do it?" Theo asked.

"Not this time. Splitting up four groups to do eight sections is just asking for trouble. No. Two groups will stay together and search four sectors each. I'm not sending six men in to search two sectors and be on their own if we fall into enemy fire. But twelve soldiers can make a slight difference until the rest arrive. I'm not taking unnecessary risks...So Strike One and Three will travel together, Two and Four, you stay together. I want check-ins after each sector and if you see anything out of the ordinary. Movements, sounds, lights...Anything. Is this understood?" Hayden asked.

"Yes, Captain!" They replied.

"Good, then let's get ready to move out. We're going ten miles North-East of the Fury Fighters base. We're taking the jeeps and parking them a quarter mile from the area." Hayden informed.

"Sir, yes sir!" Anderson came out and out a hand on Hayden's shoulder when he was moving with is squadron towards the four parked jeeps at the base line exit.

"You sure you want to go do this?" Anderson asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I could use a distraction right now..." Hayden stated.

"Hey, I know its tough when ya fight with the one ya love, Haddock. Stay safe on the mission and give her a call tomorrow to apologize-then talk things out. I'm sure it'll be fine." Anderson offered a smile to him, Hayden nodded as he hopped up into the back of the jeeps small hatch where Ethan was and tapped the top of the metal as the signal for them to leave. Theo was driving, Jasmine beside him while Dylan and Heather rode backseat. His jeep lead out, and the rest followed out after him.

(Mission Area)

As instructed the jeeps all parked in line to take off a quarter mile from the area and then they filed out in their groups as Hayden ordered before they'd left. Strike One and Three would be checking areas five through eight. Strike Two and Four would be checking one through three. Then they'd come together to check four together as a group before making their way back to the jeeps. "When you reach your first sector, radio me." Hayden commanded. The others nodded and they broke off to start. Hayden just hoped nothing went wrong tonight, he didn't want to have to deal with that on top of everything else that was going on: his friend's dying and now the fact he made his girlfriend cry when he snapped at her for caring about him. Hayden knew that Avery knew he was having a hard time, he had told her when he was there on leave from Iraq-which turned into a week of leave and then the tour ending.

Hayden told Avery about losing Matthews and Lennox after Ritka died. And then he didn't tell her anything else because it happened so fast between him being a Drill Sergeant again, Tarelto's suicide, and being redeployed back to Afghanistan. When did he have time to call home and inform her of everything going on? His mind was in other places after seeing Tarelto kill himself. Who was in their right mind after seeing that, on top of all the other deaths from Iraq. No, Hayden was a complete mess dealing with all that and he still was but he was coping better thanks to Anderson helping him. What bothered Hayden was that even after telling Avery, and he was sure the others too-that he watched something horrific almost, had suicidal thoughts, but got himself help. Why wasn't that something to be thankful for? Instead, he got yelled at for not calling them for eight days? Hayden closed his eyes taking a breath. He couldn't think about it right now, they had a mission to complete and definitely couldn't afford to be distracted from it when he was leading twenty-five others through a reported light activity area.

"Strike Two and Four checking in, Captain. Reached area five, starting the patrol and will report when moving to next sector or if anything is spotted. Over." Came Bree Milstead's voice, leader of Strike Four.

"Well done, Milstead. Keep me posted, Haddock over and out." Hayden replied as he kept his eyes peeled on the sector they were checking. "Circle formation. Watch each others backs." he added next. He wasn't taking chances, he couldn't. He was going to get through this mission, then catch some sleep and call Avery in the morning to apologize to her. He just hoped that she would forgive him for what he did.

(Two And Half Hours Later)

"Strike Two to Captain Haddock, do you read me? Over." Came Brody Nichols's voice in Hayden's ear piece.

"I copy you, Nichols. What you got for me?" Hayden asked him.

"Reporting that sectors five through eight are cleared and secured. No activity at all.." Nichols said.

"Good, I needed good news. Alright, so you're in eight right now?" Hayden asked.

"Yes, Captain." Came Milstead's voice now. All leaders had radios, it was how Hayden liked it.

"Good work you two. Alright, we're wrapping up sector three ourselves. Move to four, we'll regroup there to clear and head home." Hayden stated.

"Yes sir." Both Milstead and Nichols replied. Hayden sighed, seven sectors cleared without a problem: he was grateful for that at least. A calm mission would be awesome to report about.

"Alright Strike One and Three, let's finish this and get back to-..." He heard a sound and stopped then after three seconds his eyes widened. "Scatter and hit the deck!" Hayden commanded, they all moved apart as a grenade landed right where they'd been standing and exploded creating a mass of smoke and fire. Hayden coughed a few times as he checked his men while getting up to his knees. "Is everyone alright?!"

"What the hell was that!" Dylan huffed.

"A grenade you idiot. Now shut up and get down before you get shot," Hayden remarked locking his gun and preparing to fire if need be. This happened before, an explosion would take place and then it would be a mass of gunfire from the enemy using the smoke to hide themselves.

"Strike One, what was that explosion? Is anyone hurt? Do you need backup? Over." Came Nichols's voice quickly. Before Hayden could answer the gunfire started: yep, just as he expected. Typical attack. And to think that thinks were going so well...

"No injures so far. Enemies firing, units one and three are returning fire! Get to the jeeps and cover them so we don't lose our ride out. Stay out of this line of fire, do you understand me?!" Hayden ordered.

"Yes sir!" Milstead replied. Hayden wouldn't drag more people into a gunfire, last time that happened-they lost three jeeps and barely made it out through extraction.

"Alright team, let's give 'em hell! Return fire!" Hayden grabbed a grenade from his belt, pulled the pin and tossed it back. Four seconds later, another explosion while they got into positions to return fire. They were either laying down and crouching behind available buildings to use to hide behind.

"We got a visual of what we're dealing with, Cap?" Theo asked while reloading his gun.

"Smoke is to thick to see, just keep firing. I'll get higher to look at what we're up against." Hayden told him, Theo nodded.

"You be careful." Theo said, Hayden gave a smile to him with a firm nod as he moved from his position to get higher up. Reaching the middle of a taller building he could see past the smoke: close to twenty-five enemies closing in on them. Twelve against twenty-five wasn't so promising. He needed a way to get his team out safely. He checked his belt, eleven grenades left and still two clips for ammo. His eyes checked his troops, they were holding up alright for now-but for how long.

"This is Captain Haddock to Marx, I got a number for ya: twenty-five." Hayden said to the Strike Three leader, Dean Marx.

"Twenty-five! We can't handle that, Haddock. We have to get out, unless you call in Two and Four." Dean replied.

"No chance, they're guarding out way out." Hayden stated now thinking what to do, his hand fell on one of his grenades, "Six explosions are about to go off in front of you, as soon as they do...get to the jeeps."

"Will you be right behind, Captain?" Marx asked him.

"Yes. Get ready..." Hayden replied as he grabbed two at a time, pulled their pins and set them off near the enemies. Some scattered, others were hit and killed, some dove down to avoid. "Go!" Hayden commanded loudly to them, he checked from the window as while enemies were trying to recover to start again: his team up and bailed out heading in the direction of the jeeps. Hayden jumped out the window and landed in a roll following them as soon as he was on his feet. The escape didn't last long because the enemies started shooting again. Hayden groaned, what he wouldn't give for Toothless to be here right now: this would have been over already.

The jeeps came into sight and the two units he sent there were offering cover fire from the guns on the tops of the jeeps. Hayden saw Heather duck to avoid being shot and she tripped, it was like seeing Eli all over again. Hayden rushed towards her and helped her up. "Come on, Haddock!" Marx yelled to him. Hayden looked behind him trying to fire again, not that it was easy while running. Hayden saw another enemy getting closer to Ethan to shoot him-but Hayden veered right and pushed him out of the way.

"Get down," He yelled but as Ethan went down, he felt something rip through the left side of his body and he yelled out from the pain. He knew that feeling too, he'd been shot in the side getting Ethan out of the way. Hayden hit the ground holding his side, cringing hard.

"Captain is hit!" Jasmine yelled out. Hayden heard footsteps as he ignored the pain and looked at Ethan while rolling on to his back and leaning up a bit to shoot one soldier who was really close in the chest-killing him.

"GO YOU IDIOT! I didn't get shot for you to sit there like a damn target!" Hayden ordered.

"But you're hit! Let me help you!" Ethan protested.

"THAT WAS A GOD DAMN ORDER, SOLDIER! GET OUT OF HERE!" Hayden yelled, Ethan looked at him worried but grabbed his gun and ran while Hayden panted hard getting to his feet and pulling his RPG launcher-which since the first day back in Afghanistan, he'd made sure was a part of his weaponry. Hayden cringed at the pain but held it up and prepared it to fire, he pulled the trigger sending it towards the enemy group. In that explosion, he held his side and reached the jeep. "Go! Go, everyone move out. Back to base!" Hayden commanded firmly. They all started up and raced off back towards the base, Jasmine was in the backseat with Heather as they watched Hayden laying there holding his said, panting hard.

"You better not die back there, Haddock!" Theo yelled.

"Just...drive!" Hayden called back with his eyes closed, he didn't even have it in him to radio back to base.

"Alpha Fire to Fury Base, do you copy? Over." Hayden heard Jasmine call on Theo's radio.

"Fury Base to Alpha Fire, we copy you. This is Major Anderson, what's going on over there?"

"This is Private Jasmine Flinvor, Major Anderson. Ambushed by twenty-five enemy soldiers, gunfire engaged and returned, area not secure. Squadron is returning to base with one injured..." Jasmine said.

"We'll prepared medical right away. Who was hurt, Private and what is the status of the injury and soldier?"

"Soldier wounded on the left side, bullet exited. Was a close range shot, Major. Currently, soldier is barely hanging to consciousness and in a lot of pain. Heavy bleeding with pressure being applied. ETA on arrival is fifteen minutes." Jasmine replied.

"Private, who was shot!?" Anderson yelled now.

"It was the captain, sir..." Jasmine said slowly, there was no response at first.

"Get him back here on the double!" Anderson ordered. Jasmine lowered the radio as she worriedly looked over Hayden who was breathing heavy trying to keep pressure on his side, Ethan was helping since Hayden barely had the strength to do it. The ride was mostly silent until they arrived where Anderson met them straight away, worried for Hayden of course. Hayden was rushed right to medical, Anderson beside him the entire time. "It's alright, Haddock. You're gonna be fine, just hold on brother...hold on." Was the last thing they heard Anderson say before they were out of hearing range.

(Two Days Later)

Hayden went unconscious right after the wound was treated, it did some damage but nothing he wouldn't recover from, again. He was laying in medical, he knew he'd be there a while-at least another day or two. In those two days while he was out from the gunshot wound, he did a lot of thinking about things. Mainly him and Avery, he still had to call her and talk to her about things: but there was another decision he'd come to while laying wounded in the medical tent. Every time he went on a mission, his life was on the line. This time, he put it there to save someone who had bullied him for years. Anderson had brought him his phone two hours ago. It was now 8pm, meaning it was 3:30pm on Berk. He needed to call her, there was no more putting it off. He put his finger to her contact and pressed it before putting it to his ear.

"Hayden...I'm so...happy you called." Avery said softly. "I'm with your sister and Dad right now..." she added right after.

"Cool," Hayden said slowly.

"Are you...okay?" Avery asked him gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine...I got wounded two days ago on a mission...Recovering in medical right now, just in a little pain. I'll be okay...Avery, listen...we need to talk." Hayden said closing his eyes. He heard the flap open as Anderson walked in, then behind him was Ethan, Heather, Dylan, Jasmine, and Theo. Of course they'd come when he was about to do this.

"Okay...W-what...do we need to talk about? I...I want to apologize for the other day. I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just really worried when you didn't call for so long and anytime you did answer...you sounded...miserable. I should of...been more considerate to you. I hope you can forgive me?" Avery said lightly. Hayden sighed: he hoped she would forgive him for this.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you too. I realized with me being deployed, you will always worry when you don't hear from me. But...in those days I was recovering from what happened with Tarelto, and then the argument we had...I realized something else..." Hayden trailed off slowly.

"What...is it?" Avery questioned, her tone becoming a little worried.

"Avery. I'm no good for you." He said straight out, he heard the gasps from the people in the room. Anderson and his unit mainly but otherwise they didn't interrupt him, "I think we both know that this, us, isn't working. Not with me here, and you there. Let's be honest with ourselves: between the shit I see and you worrying...we can't handle being in a relationship. My being in the military scares you, worries you, and now it's causing us to fight because you got upset with me because I didn't call for a few days, and I got mad at you for getting made at me..."

"What...are you saying, Hayden..." Avery asked. Hayden took a deep breath.

"You deserve better, Avery. Better than me. There is nothing...I can provide for you from here. I can't comfort you, I can't...assure that I'll be alright-for Thor's sake I'm sitting on a medic cot because I got shot in the side at close range. I can't be there for you. I'm...not a guy you want to be with. I can't do for you what boyfriends are supposed to do. And in that, you deserve a man who can do those things for you. Someone to hold you, comfort you, be there for you. Someone...not like me. And it's time we both face the truth: I can't be the man you deserve. I'm sorry. Know that I do love you, and always will but I can't...do this anymore. And it's not you, it's me. I can't stand that I hurt you this much-with you always worrying for me. I can't handle it knowing I'm hurting you this way. And the only way I can stop hurting you...is if I leave you." Hayden said calmly.

"Hayden...no...please no. Do-don't leave me...You're not...hurting me. I'm okay, really. We're fine..." Avery tried to say, her tears already falling and Hayden could hear that in her cracking voice.

"We're not. And you know that, you don't want to accept it but you know it's true. Aside from all that: do you remember when you asked me how long I'd be in the military? Because you wanted to be able to settle down and have a family? I love...the military. As chaotic, and depressing as it can get...I love it here. I have good friends, and I get to do something amazing every day I'm here. I get to stand up for what is right, and protect the people I love most. I'm never going to be able to give you what you want: a family. I know some people can do it but I just can't. I couldn't stand being deployed knowing my...would be wife and child are home worrying for me, or if I die-who the person is that shows up at the door to tell you I'm dead. I can't do that to you Avery, I care about to much to put you through that." Hayden told her now.

"If you love me so much then why are you hurting me now!" Avery sobbed.

Oh Gods! Why did she have to use that!? Hayden held it together: he had to do this. "My military life isn't good for you and I can't do this anymore, I can't hurt you anymore so I'm going to do the only thing I can. I'm breaking up with you so you can be free to have a better life, with a better guy. I love you, I really do but people in love don't hurt each other like this. So I wish for your happiness, Avery. And I pray one day you can forgive me but its the only way I can protect you. By leaving you. It's for...the...best, Avery. I won't...answer any calls from you, not until I know you've moved on. Be happy, Avery...Please, that's all I ask of you. Be happy. Goodbye." Before she could say another word he pulled it from his ear and hit the end call button-then lowered it to the bed, he flipped off the ringer and closed his eyes. "If no one minds...I'd like to be alone for a while."

"Of course, Hayden..." Anderson nodded as he led the others out. Hayden lowered his head and let a few tears slip from his eyes. He loved her, he did but he didn't want to hurt her anymore. He couldn't be the man she needed or wanted so he let her go so she could be happy. He did what he felt was best to do, best for her, and he just prayed she'd forgive him one day.