Notes: When I wanted to post this the other day there were issues with the uploading process. But thankfully those are fixed now, so here we go.
This chapter is long overdue. I finished writing it quite some time ago, but I kept putting off the editing. Maybe posting this will inspire me to get back to working on the next chapter.
~ Reminder that this story diverges from canon. ~
To avoid confusion (after all it's been a while since most of the chapters went up and a lot has happened in the manga in the meantime) here are a few key points about the lore (tweaks) in this story:
Titans are the result of failed experiments on convicted criminals. The victims they devour and then spit out again turn into mindless titans themselves after some time if the bodies aren't burned. Like this, titans spread throughout the world and wiped out a majority of humanity.
Titan shifters came into existence through follow up experiments which were deemed successful. They were essential in the construction of the walls as well as guiding the remaining survivors to safety. However, due to their criminal records they weren't welcome inside the walls themselves and they were forced to create their own settlement in the nearby hills, out of reach from the titans. After a few generations, however, they started to lose control of their abilities and turn into mindless titans themselves. They reached out to the walls for help, but as they didn't receive it in time, they devised a plan of their own to attain the research records from old.
The ability to shift into a titan is passed on through genetics. A first generation shifter is created through the injection of a serum.
There's currently no available data on how Ymir became conscious again after eating Berwick.
The Beast Titan or any other titan shifter from beyond the walls aside from Annie/Berthold/Reiner/Ymir don't exist in this story. The members of the royal family differ from the manga. I'm using some names but their roles and relationships may not match the source material.
I will update this list for every chapter as new information to the lore becomes available.
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Chapter 35
.: :.
When Ymir let herself drop into the seat opposite of Reiner, she received anything but a warm welcome. Reiner arched his eyebrows with skepticism and Berthold eyed her with unease. She hadn't expected a happy reunion, of course — in fact she wasn't keen herself to talk to the two of them again. But since they were back inside the walls, she figured it was better to work out a way to coexist with them rather sooner than later.
"Ymir, what a pleasure to see you again," Reiner greeted her with sarcasm.
Ymir ignored his comment and turned to Armin sitting beside him. "Oi Armin, can you give us some space?"
She wasn't sure if Armin had been uncomfortable with the company he was left with once Eren and Mikasa had stood up from the table or if the uneasy look on his face was due to his general insecurity around people he wasn't sure how to interact with. Either way he didn't argue with her request and took his leave.
"Let me be honest: I wasn't very happy to see you guys back." Ymir announced the moment Armin seemed out of earshot. To her there was no point in beating around the bush. "But I hear you're going to help for real this time and not cause any trouble — you aren't going to cause any trouble, are you?"
Reiner held Ymir's gaze but it was Berthold who answered: "We're not here to cause any trouble. We've got nowhere else to go."
Though he was looking away, his words seemed sincere and Ymir was willing to believe him. Unless he turned out to be a far better liar than she thought him to be, he didn't give the impression that he was hiding something. She didn't peg him as the type to be dishonest though, especially now that his secret of being the Colossal Titan was long revealed. Besides, Eren seemed to be giving him and Reiner the benefit of the doubt and she was willing to refer to Eren's judgement — to an extent at least.
"Ah right, I heard everyone at the village was gone," Ymir remarked without showing any dismay at the news.
At the mention of that, Berthold put his hands on the table and rested his forehead on them. She couldn't tell if he was fighting back the tears, but Reiner put a hand on his back in comfort. Ymir felt uneasy at the sight — she never knew what to say or how to act when someone was upset. So instead she tended to wave these things off which people usually didn't take well.
"Er, I'm sorry — for what it's worth," she offered, feeling like her words were insufficient, but being unable to think of anything more.
"He's just tired, it was a long trip to get here and the topic isn't our favourite," Reiner assured Ymir and patted Berthold on the back. She couldn't tell if he was just playing things down — were six months enough to get through the main part of mourning? Her own sense of how loss affected her definitely seemed nothing to go by. She moved on from these things too quickly for most people's standards , at least based on what she'd seen so far.
"Wasn't it your home once, too?" Reiner asked Ymir then.
It was a strange thing to think about. Intrinsically, he was right about it, but she hadn't considered that in such a long time. She still could only guess how long she had been roaming around as a mindless titan, though she figured she missed out on at least two or three generations. If you asked her, there wasn't much of a point to bring it up, however. The people she knew should be dead by now.
Ymir gave an amused smile. "I probably knew your great-grandparents, but I may not have liked them."
Reiner grinned as if he could tell what she was referring to and it surprised her that her remark seemed to have lightened the mood. "Commoner or council family?"
"That ridiculous hierarchy was still around?" Ymir raised her eyebrows with mild interest. Since she had figured the order in the village had changed since her days, she hadn't intended to explain it. But it seemed she was mistaken and Reiner had picked up on what she'd been thinking of.
"Unkraut vergeht nicht," Reiner noted with a shrug and a lopsided grin.
Ymir hadn't heard German in such a long time, her brain needed a moment to piece the meaning of those words together. It was an old saying, one she had never been very fond of.
"I think here you'd say 'bad weeds grow tall'," she remarked, since she didn't see the necessity of starting to talk German now.
"Not quite what I was trying to convey, though."
To Ymir there wasn't a big difference. "Both proverbs refer to the persistency of weeds."
"Yeah, but while the English talks about size," Reiner argued, "the German talks about how it will never die out — which seems far more persistent to me."
Leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest, Ymir gave him an amused look. "Didn't take you as the type to be nitpicky."
Reiner gave a shrug in response. If he had anything else to say, he didn't get to it before Berthold raised his head from the table.
"Are you done comparing proverbs?" Berthold didn't sound annoyed, but it was clear that he had no interest in the topic. Instead he fixated Ymir and reminded her: "You didn't answer Reiner's question."
Tilting her head to the side, because she really didn't see the point of such a question, Ymir answered: "I was just a simple commoner if you couldn't guess."
"I meant the question before that," Berthold retorted. "Wasn't it your village, too?"
Ymir leaned back her head to look at the ceiling. "I suppose, but I left it behind a long time ago." Pushing back a few strands of her hair, she returned her attention to Berthold. "So it doesn't really matter to me anymore."
"Well, there's that, I suppose," Reiner admitted while giving his friend a worried look.
"You're probably right," Berthold agreed and despite the concern Reiner just had on his face it seemed to surprise him less than it surprised Ymir. "Now we're all inside the walls while our old home is nothing but a ghost town."
Berthold sounded desolate bringing that up. Aside from Annie's indifferent demeanour which was hard to interpret, Ymir thought he seemed the least happy to be here. She was bad at this sort of thing, still she wanted to cheer him up.
"It's not so bad though," Ymir pointed out. "There are some decent people here, at least. We all made some friends, didn't we?"
"That's easy for you to say." Berthold didn't seem like he could see much of a bright side to it. "You didn't break down their gates and bring the titans upon them."
He had a point there, but Ymir didn't give it too much weight. She was too used to bad stuff happening to her that she had come to accept one truth: life is unfair and full of suffering. So she had decided to make the best of it and take her chances wherever she could.
"No, I didn't," Ymir replied thoughtfully. "But I used the opening you created to get inside the walls, so I guess I can't really wash my hands clean of this: I benefited from their demise."
"You also 'benefited' from eating our friend," Reiner chimed in with narrowed eyebrows. His moods in this conversation were the most inconsistent Ymir had ever seen — changeable like the weather in April.
The point Reiner made was a truth Ymir couldn't deny, however. She remembered how he nearly jumped at her in Shiganshina upon the realisation. Had Eren not intervened, he would've attacked her for real. Back then she had shrugged it off because she figured such was life in a world where no person was guaranteed to control the titan power forever. But now that he brought it up again, it was harder to face him and Berthold.
Ymir held Reiner's dark gaze as she was searching for words, because she knew a simple sorry wasn't going to cut it. How would someone more eloquent address this, someone whose words didn't have a habit of rubbing people the wrong way or even irritating them? She didn't know and she wasn't able to find out — at least not now.
"Everyone listen up, I have something to tell you!" Christa's voice resonated in the filled dining room.
Surprise at her return pushed any other thought from Ymir's mind. Ymir hadn't noticed her coming in again, yet there she was, standing in the middle of the room, asking for everyone's attention. Ymir was aware she had meant to speak to Eren, but Ymir had no idea why she would be making such an entrance afterwards.
The whole room fell quiet and everyone's eyes came to stare at Christa. Her comrades from training days knew it was unusual for her to speak up like this and even the veterans of the former Scouting Legion seemed surprised. But if the expectant silence was anything to go by, they all were willing to listen, if only because she asked for attention out of the blue.
Ymir didn't know what it was, but a bad feeling gripped her. She had the urge to get up and drag Christa out of the room before Christa could say anything else. But that would be hard to explain and definitely rude, so she fought the feeling and forced herself to let things unfold.
"I know things are looking dire right now, but maybe I can offer something that can help us," Christa continued as she was sure to have everyone's attention. "You all know me as Christa Lenz, but my actual name is Historia Reiss. I'm the daughter Uri Reiss, the current king of these walls."
Ymir's insides froze up. The day she had first met the blonde girl in the remote corner of a refugee camp, she had known something was up. Something had told her the one who introduced herself as Christa back then was hiding away just like her. Yet she hadn't had even the slightest idea she had found herself in the presence of the daughter of the king of the walls, the heir to the throne. But now this inconspicuous girl, Historia, announced her true identity in the middle of a group of rebels who at least had whispered about overthrowing said king, even if there wasn't any solid plan yet.
"I joined the military to escape the people who murdered my mother and took me from my home when I was a young child" Historia sounded detached as if she wasn't talking about her own past but retelling the story of someone else. "They held me captive for five years to blackmail my father into doing their will."
The girl at the center of the room paused as people shifted around in their chairs and exchanged glances. Ymir's unease grew, the sense gripping her that Historia was about to say something really stupid. But her terror kept her in place and stopped her from interfering.
"That's why I'm offering myself to you, as a hostage." Historia's voice spoke of determination and it sent a shiver down Ymir's spine. "If you blackmail the king — my father — and threaten to take my life, you may yet be able to make this rebellion work, or at least negotiate Erwin Smith's release."
Ymir had heard enough. Pushing back her chair she got to her feet.
"That won't happen," she declared and walked up to Historia's side. Looking the younger girl right in the eye, she added: "I won't let it happen."
There was a lot to say about this folly, but Ymir was rarely one for speeches. So she just hissed, hoping that not everyone in the room could make out her words: "Didn't I tell you to live for yourself? This is far from what I meant by that."
"I know, but—" Historia tried to counter, however she was cut off by Hange.
"Before you two start arguing about this let me just be clear: no one is going to be used as a hostage here." Relief washed over Ymir and silenced her as Hange addressed Historia: "Though I don't mean to suspect you of deceiving us, there's no way for us to confirm your story. Our options may be limited, but there must be something better we can do than blackmailing the king with no guarantee whether it would work."
It seemed like Ymir didn't have to throw out threads which she honestly preferred. Though she would've done it had she deemed it necessary. She hadn't returned to the walls to watch the person she cared for the most become a play ball in a political power struggle.
"Alright everyone, back to minding your own business," Hange announced over the murmurs that had erupted in light of the revelation. "We'll be working out how to handle the king and Erwin's release tomorrow."
There was a lot on Ymir's mind, but the thing she wanted the most right now was getting Historia away from everyone else. It didn't matter that Hange had immediately rejected to take Historia as a hostage, the proposal still seemed to hang in the air and she wanted to cleanse herself and History from it.
Taking hold of Historia's hand, Ymir dragged her through the narrow pathways between the tables. By the door she spotted Eren leaning against the wall. He must've come in shortly after Historia, but kept in the background. The way he avoided her angry glare was telling. She would definitely have a word with him later.
For now however Ymir guided Historia up the stairs and to the chamber beneath the roof which they slept in. She wanted some privacy when talking to Historia about what just transpired in the dining room and hoped Sasha or Mikasa wouldn't decide to retire anytime soon. After Historia's revelation she felt like everyone's gaze had been glued onto them.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Ymir burst out the moment she let go of Historia's hand and turned around.
"Are you...mad at me?" The way Historia eyed her with uncertainty gave Ymir pause.
"No, I'm not mad with you." Ymir sighed at her own folly of letting herself have such an outbreak. She pushed back her hair and took a few calming breaths. "You scared me down there — offering yourself up as a hostage — that's why I got so upset."
Historia lowered her eyes, but balled her fists at her sides. "I just wanted to help, do what I can."
There could be an argument made here that surely there were other ways for her to help, but Ymir just watched her with curiosity. She still had something timid about herself like back when Ymir first met her, but by now Ymir also knew how stubborn she was. It had allowed her to become a survivor even if she hadn't realised it herself. So the biggest and probably most fatal irony was that she kept putting others before herself.
"Eren said that if the king and his people found out the truth about you they would never let you be," Historia continued. With determined eyes she faced Ymir. "I'd rather die than lose you ever again!"
The words hit Ymir hard. She should know by now how much Historia cared for her and still a part of her refused to believe it, insisted that it couldn't be true. Before she had lost herself to her titan power no one ever cared about her. But even worse was the idea of Historia sacrificing herself for Ymir of all people. It was a confirmation of how much Historia cared, yet it terrified her.
"You fool," Ymir muttered as she walked over and took Historia in her arms. "Do you think I could live with myself if I knew you'd given yourself up for me?" She was fighting back the tears now, something she'd rarely had to do since her childhood. "If we're speaking in such terms, I'd rather die than lose you again either."
For a moment Historia was stiff in Ymir's embrace before she lifted her arms and wrapped them around Ymir's back. She leaned her head against Ymir's chest and whispered: "Then we have to find some other way to make it through together."
"Damn right, we will!" Ymir confirmed with a shaky voice. "That means no sacrificing yourself for you. And I'm going to kick Eren's ass for scaring you like that."
"I think he was right though," Historia noted softly.
"I don't give a damn!"
"Ymir." Something about the way Historia said that name as if she was smiling calmed Ymir down.
"Fine, I'll just tell him to never do something like that again," Ymir relented.
They remained entangled like that in silence.
Ymir went from debating how to best pay back Eren to wondering what he was trying to accomplish in the first place when making Historia fear for her safety. What was he up to? What about the other three that had returned with him? She had expected Eren to show up again because he had told her he wanted to help his friends here. Considering the circumstances she also wasn't surprised that aside from Annie who was involved with Eren, Reiner and Berthold had also joined him.
Still, something bothered her about their arrival. Rumour had spread fast that Eren had negotiated the terms of their stay with Hange. Over dinner Jean and Connie had discussed how much of an integral part the four returnees would be in any future plans and Sasha had noted that she overheard Eren telling Mikasa he was going to join the strategic meeting with Armin the next day. Even if Reiner and Berthold had denied it, something definitely was up, Ymir just couldn't put her finger on what it was. Maybe she should try to find that out when she went to chew out Eren...
"By the way," Historia suddenly spoke up, ripping Ymir out of her thoughts. "The whole point of the blackmail would've been for me to not be killed and our demands being met instead."
"I know," Ymir let her fingers glide through strands of Historia's hair. "But you made it sound like you were willing to let them chop off a finger and have it sent along with the demands."
Historia laughed faintly at the suggestion. "I'm sorry to have worried you."
"It's okay…Historia." Ymir let the taste of the name unfold on her tongue. It was definitely something she wasn't used to. Had anyone else worn it, she'd probably called it pretentious, but like this the worst thing she could think of was a pun about Historia making history.
"Though I think as compensation I should get to tease you for your name," Ymir added in good humour.
Historia playfully nudged her knee against Ymir's leg. "You have until the jokes become stale. It's annoying when people don't realise that something stopped being funny."
"Don't underestimate my creativity."
That had Historia laugh and it almost sounded carefree. When she calmed down again, she pulled out of the hug and took hold of Ymir's hands. "Are you feeling better now?"
It troubled Ymir that still her concern was with someone else instead of herself. "Why are you worrying about me? Will you ever remember to think of yourself again?"
"I had no one but myself to think about for five years." Historia's face grew serious and her gaze seemed to be lost somewhere on Ymir's collarbone. "Even when we met I was just caring for myself, I even thought about how to silence you before you could rat me out."
The confession didn't come as shocking to Ymir. She would've done whatever she could to survive as well. Had Historia been older and less desolate looking, she'd probably attacked the girl on the spot. Such was her instinct of self-preservation — she'd done it before, to the man who'd tried to assault her in the village she once called her home, to the kid she devoured as a mindless titan.
"Yet you were being kind," Historia recalled. "You shared your hiding spot with me, you got me food and water. I didn't feel like I deserved it."
Ymir remembered the shallow breath of the girl that day, the empty eyes which had seemed to look through her, how reminiscent it had been of how she had felt inside. Nightmares had been haunting her for weeks on end and the guilt had still been fresh on her mind. Maybe she had been trying to make amends for whatever horrible things she had done in the mindless trance she'd been in for years. Maybe she just had wanted to convinceh erself that someone as forsaken as her, as the girl in front of her could still receive kindness.
"So I thought I had to earn it, to become worthy I had to be kind to everyone and for such a long time I couldn't understand why you kept telling me to not sacrifice myself for others." With a weak laugh Historia admitted: "I even considered that you were just testing me and resolved myself to never stop it. I didn't want to lose people's approval."
Ymir began to grasp the misunderstanding they'd had for the past four years, just because she hadn't felt like she could've opened up. It was ironic somehow, the way they had assumed each other to be selfless when they both had been acting out of selfishness this whole time.
"I gave up after Reiner and Berthold took you away and even once you returned I had trouble keeping up my old facade though everyone else seemed to ascribe it to my breakdown." Historia squeezed Ymir's hands absentmindedly. "I thought I had failed you, yet you remained by my side."
"Of course I did," Ymir interjected, fighting her own impatience, because it seemed obvious to her. "You would've been lost without me."
"I still don't understand why you care about me, but—" looking up, Historia finally met Ymir's gaze with earnest eyes "—while in truth I may not care much for others, I do care about you. For the past four years you've been like family to me."
Ymir made a dismissive sound, but she smiled. "Of course we are family. After all I adopted you back then."
The remark came off like a joke, but in a way it was true. Ymir had looked out for Historia for months before they both joined the military. Before she had known it she had started to think of the girl as a little sister — at least she imagined that that was what it was like to care about a younger sibling, as an only child she didn't really know for sure. But one thing she had no doubt about was that Historia was more of a family to her than any of her blood relatives had ever been. She wished she could say it, but the words got stuck in her throat.
"So will you let me do this?" Historia asked. "Will you let me use my name and lineage to ensure a future for us where we won't have to fear being separated from each other?"
Looking at those determined eyes, that stubborn expression, Ymir knew it would be a lost cause to refuse.
"You don't need my permission, do whatever you want," she declared. "But I won't stand by idle either. I'll keep doing whatever I can to make sure you survive this rebellion."
Historia smiled and it seemed genuine. "I don't think I have anything to fear with you by my side."
"Let's hope you're right." Ymir played it off as one of her pessimistic remarks that shouldn't be taken too seriously, but she really couldn't share Historia's confidence. It had become too clear to her by now that she couldn't do much by herself. Just holding Historia's hand wouldn't be enough, she'd need people to rely on. And the one currently holding the most promise when it came to gaining or holding power and turning around the miserable predicament this rebellion was in was Eren.
.: :.
Hange stood back against the wall by the entrance to the kitchen as she watched one after the other file out of the room. Finally the number of people in the room was down to her, Mike and Levi who had arrived last for his ration. The man had become even harder to approach and more irritable since Erwin's arrest. He'd been avoiding people as much as he could, taking on only scouting jobs with Nanaba whom he got along with best. Hange worried about him.
It wasn't that Levi was the only one affected by what happened to Erwin, but the change in him was the most notable. Somehow they all thought Erwin would be leading them forever and now that he wasn't she felt like they were all kids stumbling in the dark. Mike was her only comfort. Though he wasn't a man of many words, he was there by her side, giving her strength.
The bonds they formed as veterans who faced the titans many times, the trust they all shared was deep. They all felt strongly about Erwin who had been at their center while they were growing accepting of each other's quirks and eccentricities. But now that Hange was the one who had to fill the hole Erwin left, it was Mike who gave her the most strength. It was in these past weeks while she was trying to keep her footing that he grounded her in the quiet moments they had together.
Mike held Hange and endured her doubts with her, he kissed her on the forehead after giving her reassuring words. It had come to the point when a simple "I have faith in you" was more than enough, when his fingers entwining with hers gave her the strength to stand upright again. At the end of a long day he was there to hold her in his arms as they fell asleep. Now he joined her side quietly, sensing the exhaustion which was creeping up her body towards her head, and took hold of her hand.
"Get a room," Levi commented as he took notice of the gesture. "I'm trying to finish my tea in peace her."
"Are you that repulsed by affection that you can't bear to watch it being displayed?" Hange inquired, hardly offended by her friend's complaint.
"No, I just don't get the point."
Hange was tempted to raise her eyebrows, but she wasn't going to argue about this. Beside her, Mike smiled, showing no sign of discontent or mockery. He released her hand, but made sure to look at her as he touched her shoulder briefly. She smiled at him in appreciation before she crossed her arms in front of her chest, ready to release all the tension inside her from the events of the day.
"What an eventful evening," Hange sighed to let out some of it.
"Back for a couple of hours and that brat is already stirring up trouble," Levi noted and she wasn't sure if he was annoyed or not. He easily sounded bothered by things, though that wasn't necessarily how he really felt.
"You mean Eren?" she asked. "What does Christa's — I mean Historia's announcement have to do with him?"
"He was talking to the girl just before she made that overly dramatic scene," Levi noted. "I saw them standing outside by the well."
"Hmm…" Hange gave him a thoughtful look, trying to figure out what was going through his head.
With Eren's return she had hoped on Levi's assessment, because she still wasn't quite sure how to handle it. How much trust was too much? Could too little trust affect their cooperation and endanger their goals? Mike had given his okay and she trusted his judgment, but just because Mike's nose found no complains with Eren's smell, didn't mean he couldn't end up doing something earnestly foolish which might endanger their plans. It had happened before after all.
It seemed to be a matter of finding the right balance and she wasn't sure where to draw the line. She wanted to trust Eren — she liked him enough and before it was easy to be open towards him when she was still just a squad leader. But now she was in charge and had a lot riding on her shoulders. From Erwin she had learnt that sometimes it was better not to share all information or knowledge with everyone, even though she had little worries of there being an enemy spy among them at this point.
"You were willing to trust Eren when you let him go, weren't you?" Hange wanted to know.
Levi leaned back in his chair. "So what if I was? It seemed the best decision at the time — but times change."
"Is this because of Erwin?"
Admittedly, Hange had felt herself waver a little since Erwin had been taken away. It had made her realise how much they had relied on him. Continuing without him hadn't been easy, but she kept pushing on for her comrades.
"This has nothing to do with Erwin," Levi clarified. "Eren was gone for six months. A few days with Annie Leonhardt and he was willing to leave the Scouting Legion behind even though he swore his loyalty to us. We have no way of telling who he became while he was away from the walls."
Hange considered his words. He wasn't wrong about it, Eren had undergone a change of heart which had been hard to miss. She had ascribed it to his age and that was probably a big part of it. Still, it made her worry about how reliable he was. Levi might think the same — or it was something else on Levi's part. She looked over to Mike who had his eyes closed. If he didn't join the conversation it meant he had no new input to offer, so she returned her attention to Levi.
"Do you think Eren abandoned us?"
The question hung heavily in the air between them. For a moment Hange thought Levi wasn't going to answer. It would be just like him to be tight-lipped about this sort of thing, especially if the answer was yes.
"No," Levi finally responded. "You know me, Hange, I'm not that petty."
Hange decided to let it stand as such. "If you say so."
If Levi picked up on her doubts he didn't bother to try and quell them.
"You want to trust him, don't you?" Levi remarked. "That's why you agreed to his conditions so quickly."
Hange didn't argue with that. A voice in her head told her she should've been more skeptical during the negotiations with Eren. That's why she was questioning her own decision, that's why she still felt some kind of unease at the current state of things.
"I want to trust him, too," Levi admitted unexpectedly. "But he's keeping things from us and he reserved the right to not share everything with us — no matter how you look at it, that's suspicious."
"The price of gaining the aid of four titan shifters." Hange couldn't argue with Levi's point and she didn't mean to. It was a simple conclusion she had come to.
"They might just be looking out for themselves," Mike offered. "They need us to need them, so Eren wouldn't want to give all his cards out of his hands."
"Are you saying the brat learnt that from Erwin?" Levi remarked with a snort which showed how laughable he found the idea.
"Or Armin," Hange chimed in, well aware of Armin's strategic prowess.
"It could've been the idea of any of the others, too," Mike pointed out and she concluded that speculating about this wasn't going to take them anywhere.
"I guess it depends on the strategy meeting tomorrow," Hange remarked. "We'll have to see how much Eren will be willing to share with us then."
Levi didn't respond and it was more than just silent agreement. Hange knew what was weighing on his mind, the guilt they all had shared for the past month. They were so close now to finally redeeming themselves.
This time Hange didn't find herself in the need of solace, but felt that she could offer it. She left Mike's side at the wall of the dining room and stepped over to Levi. Standing behind him, she put her hands on his shoulders and bowed her head.
"We'll definitely bring Erwin back, Levi," she assured him. "And together we'll fight for our freedom."
Levi inhaled deeply before answering: "I know."
.: :.
There were gentler ways to open a door than already pushing it away from the frame when pressing down the handle. Sneaking out for the occasional meeting with Reiner and Berthold or just to spend some time on her own during training days had resulted in Annie learning to never push or pull the door open until the handle was pressed all the way down. Now that process was so ingrained in her that she rarely forgot doing it accordingly even if it wasn't necessary. Someone making a ruckus when entering or leaving the room by failing to apply this simple trick annoyed her — especially when she was lying in bed, enjoying the silence of the small chamber she would be sharing with Eren, Berthold and Reiner from now on.
So when someone barged into the room, Annie clicked her tongue in displeasure and set up to tell off whoever dared disturbing her. Realising it was Eren however, most of her annoyance gave way to concern. He had a sour expression when shutting the door and without acknowledging her on the upper bunk sat on the edge of the bed below. With a groan he let himself fall backwards like a heavy bag of flour.
Annie peaked down onto his legs with concerned curiosity, then slid off the top bunk with precise movements and come to stand in front of Eren. He had covered his face with his hands as if he didn't want to look at his surroundings. At least that's what she assumed because it would be a pointless hiding tactic.
"What's the matter with you?" Annie questioned.
Without looking at her or even uncovering his mouth, Eren mumbled: "I think I did something really stupid."
"Ha?!" She couldn't help but be amused at the prospect of that. "And here I thought you were headed for a new record of not doing stupid things."
"Not funny," he moaned and kicked out blindly.
His foot was easy to avoid, Annie only had to sidestep it. But she assumed he hadn't really wanted to hit her anyway. It was a response to her teasing which he clearly wasn't in the mood for. She took the hint and decided not to push him.
"Well, what did you do?" she asked instead.
Eren's first response was another groan which wasn't explaining anything. But knowing him, Annie let it slide and waited. He always needed a bit to get to the point, at least when it was something that troubled him. Judging by his behaviour he was probably beating himself up about it in his mind.
"I kinda told Christa that if she wanted to keep Ymir save, she'd have to do what she can to help us."
"And?"
Annie didn't see the big issue with it. To her it was perfectly reasonable, though she figured there were better and worse ways to make that point. Going by how Eren was acting, he may have fucked up his tone and wording a bit and made Christa cry as a result. That's at least what she pictured in her head.
Letting his hands flop onto the mattress, Eren summed up: "And it resulted in Christa revealing in front of everyone that she's the king's daughter and offered herself up as a hostage so we could blackmail the king."
The words came out so fast, Annie was glad he at least wasn't covering his mouth anymore or she wouldn't have understood a single thing. Though she could comprehend what he said, she didn't follow what about this result was so bad and why he was cursing himself for it.
"It could come in handy to have leverage like that against the king," she pointed out.
"Ymir's going to kill me," Eren groaned and Annie concluded that had to be the main reason for him being so upset about the whole situation.
She didn't know how to ease his mind with regard to that, because she only could see it from a practical point of view. So she decided not to bother trying. Sometimes words were just wasted, sometimes bad feelings couldn't be made better or resolved by just talking them over with someone. If Eren wanted closure on this he'd probably have to talk with Ymir and Christa about it, there wasn't much council Annie could offer.
So instead she picked up one of the only two chairs in the room and dragged it over to the door. She had no key to lock it so she made due by sticking the backrest of the chair under the door handle to block it from being pushed down. She didn't want anyone barging in on them for this.
Annie returned to the bunk bed and crawled on top of Eren, her hands gliding up his shirt before she took hold of his head and started kissing him. He responded instinctively, his lip movements trying to match hers as he put his hands on her hips. Still, he wasn't quite ready to just go along with the sudden change of mood.
"What are you doing?" he questioned between kisses, unwilling to break away completely.
"Distracting you from worrying so much," Annie breathed against his mouth.
"Oh," was all Eren managed before growing more demanding.
He pushed her down from him and rolled her onto her back while shoving up her sweater. Eagerly, he kissed trails across her belly and up towards her breasts. Annie was a little amused by how easy that distraction plan was coming to fruition. Where all boys that predictable? Though she didn't mind something nice to unwind herself, so they were both benefiting from her spur of the moment decision.
The door and chair rattled as someone tried to push down the handle from outside. It was followed by a muffled voice cursing: "What the hell?"
Of course, Annie had known it was only a matter of time until their roommates would arrive. Though she was a little annoyed by the rattling of the door, she felt pleased with herself to have taken precautions. Thanks to that Eren could ignore Reiner who seemed to be the one standing outside, while continuing to caress her skin. Then the banging on the door started however, which had him pause after all.
"Who's in there?" Reiner demanded to know. "Eren? Annie? Is it both of you? Just open up!"
Annie could feel Eren shaking has he pressed his forehead against her torso and tried his hardest to suppress a snicker which came out anyway. It was contagious and as the hammering on the door continued she couldn't hold back a chuckle. That was probably loud enough to be heard outside.
"Are you two getting it on in there?" Reiner asked in a suspicious tone. "You better put on any potentially missing clothes, because I swear I will break down this fucking door."
At this point both Annie and Eren were so giddy, they forgot about making out and were just trying to stifle their vehement giggles — with little success. Eren was shaking so hard from laughing, his arms gave in beneath his weight and he collapsed right on top of Annie. Her shoved up sweater felt like a tangled up mess under the pressure of his head, but it didn't bother her at all. She wrapped one arm around his neck and leaned in to kiss his forehead.
"Let's just come back later," Berthold's voice could be heard from outside.
"Yeah, come back later!" Eren called out before leaning in and kissing Annie's chin.
"Eren!" Reiner wasn't amused by this at all. "I will kick your sorry ass!"
"Is Eren in there?" another voice chimed in and Eren froze up, the grin fading from his face. It took Annie a moment to realise that it was Ymir who had spoken which would explain the sudden drop in Eren's mood.
"Oi Eren," Ymir said, really close to the door now. "Open up, I need a word with you."
"Shit," Eren muttered and pulled away. He collapsed onto his back beside Annie on the mattress and noted: "She's come to kill me, more like it."
So much for distraction.
Annie reached for Eren's hand and squeezed it in encouragement. Their eyes met and she could tell from how he pressed his lips together that he was steeling himself.
"Just a moment," he called out and got off the bed.
While he walked over to the door, Annie sat up and pulled down her sweater. Then she untied her hair to redo the bun on the back of her head. Halfway through combing through strands with her fingers and pulling them back however, she decided against tying her hair up again.
Eren got the chair out of the way and opened the door, letting in Reiner followed by Ymir and finally Berthold. While their roommates headed right for the other bunk bed, Ymir stopped in the middle of the room with crossed arms. Annie watched her with mild interest.
"Actually, lock up that door again, I'd prefer if no one came barging in on us," the woman told Eren in her usual drawl.
Letting her gaze wander over to Eren, Annie caught the questioning look he gave Ymir. While he did what he was told, he noted: "If you're here to chop my head off, there are still three witnesses in the room."
"Don't be so dramatic." Ymir waved and walked over to the window where she leaned against the sill. "I should kick your ass though for making Historia worry for my safety. What the hell were you thinking?"
While Eren's face got distorted by guilt and displeasure, Annie blinked in confusion. "Historia?"
"Oh right, you weren't there," Reiner remarked. "Historia is Christa's real name, apparently. She claimed to be the king's daughter who got kidnapped a few years ago."
Annie nodded without clarifying that Eren had told her about that without bringing up the part with the name. It wasn't worth the mention and would only detract the conversation.
"I know I fucked up," Eren told Ymir while leaning back his head in exasperation. "I just wanted her to put aside her grudge against Reiner and Berthold and focus on the rebellion."
"Wait, Historia has a grudge against us?" Reiner asked in surprise. "What the hell did we do to piss a nice girl like her off?"
"You kidnapped her girlfriend," Eren pointed out as he walked over to the bed and sat down next to Annie.
"I'm not her girlfriend," Ymir objected. "As far as I'm concerned you're all not much more than kids — don't make it weird, Eren."
"Ahh well…" Eren seemed short of words and scratched his head. "I just thought…"
Annie grew annoyed with the exchange. "Do we really all have to be present for this or did you just forget to throw us out before telling Eren to block the door?"
"Actually, I was hoping to catch all four of you for something else," Ymir declared.
Across the room, Reiner leaned against the bedpost and folded his arms in front of his chest. Meanwhile, Berthold was sitting on the bottom bed against the wall and had pulled his legs against his chest with his arms wrapped around his knees. They both exchanged glances with Eren and Annie, but none of them said anything. Annie for her part didn't know what to expect but she had an uneasy feeling.
"You guys are up to something, aren't you?" Ymir concluded without any prompt. "You've got a plan."
"A plan?" Eren echoed her words.
"You don't have to play clueless, I'm not here to cause you trouble," she assured them. "You came back to the walls prepared and I want in — to protect Historia."
The four of them exchanged another round of looks. It was less a matter of deciding how much they were going to share with Ymir and more a question of who was going to tell her. She seemed to be putting some high expectations on them, that was for sure. Though Annie felt no particular sympathy to the woman, she felt a bit bad about the prospect of disappointing Ymir.
"Actually…," Eren spoke up, "we don't really have a plan. We're kinda...just winging it."
Ymir didn't seem particularly bothered by that revelation. "Winging it or not, you've got to have something up your sleeve." Her eyes strayed towards Annie and seized her up as if Ymir had decided that she was the strategic mastermind among them or something. "You wouldn't be so naïve to come back here empty handed."
"We didn't," Annie clarified. "But why should we share any of that with you?"
For a moment, the two of them held each other's gaze. When Annie didn't relent, Ymir sighed.
"Don't be so harsh, aren't we all kinda in the same boat here?"
Though Annie figured she got Ymir's point, she didn't feel like putting her trust in the woman. She looked over to Eren who had gone quiet beside her. He appeared to be considering the proposal but offered no insight in his thoughts on it.
"Maybe we are in the same boat," Berthold admitted quietly.
"Or at least we have something in common," Reiner corrected.
Despite their remarks though, neither of them seemed willing to offer their hand to Ymir and accept her proposal. Like Annie, they came to rest their eyes on Eren and waited for him to say something. Even Ymir had returned her attention to him and waited for him to make a decision.
Becoming aware of this, Eren looked around the room. "What? Since when am I the one calling the shots?"
"Haven't you been calling the shots since Shiganshina?" Ymir questioned with amusement ringing in her voice.
Eren seemed to disagree, because he denied it like it was a terrible accusation. "I forced no one to do anything. I left you all with the choice to do whatever you want."
It sounded like it didn't occur to him that they weren't suggesting he had imposed his will on them. But before Annie could clarify that, Berthold spoke up.
"You were the one driving us on to move forward," he reminded Eren. "We might not even be here without you."
"You've become really reliable," Reiner added. "We trust your judgement."
"There you have it," Ymir offered with a shrug.
"Seriously…," Eren muttered as if in disbelief.
Then he turned to Annie, the only one who hadn't said anything and maybe the one whose opinion he valued the most. At least that's what she felt when he searched her face for answers, a glint of insecurity in his gaze. Sometimes she forgot that he was still as much struggling on the stage of adolescence, no matter how much the world had forced them to rush towards adulthood. But he had grown so much and Annie couldn't recall anyone except for him and her father whom she trusted this much — and her father had started to lose the spotlight of an adoring young daughter while reality was painting him in a much harsher light.
Annie got up and placed her hand on Eren's shoulder. "You know I'm here because of you. And if you decide to let Ymir in on what we've been keeping between us, then I'm with you on that."
Something passed through his eyes — a shimmer of affection and courage overcoming fear — and Annie couldn't help falling a little in love again. It always came back to the looks he gave her which pierced right through the walls she built around herself and touched her heart. That was how it all started for her and it might just very well be how it would end.
Eren took a deep breath and broke away, returning his attention to Ymir. Becoming aware that everyone's gaze in the room had been on the two of them, Annie let her hand slide from his shoulder again. She didn't like anyone witnessing their intimacy.
When Eren spoke, it wasn't an immediate agreement to Ymir's request, yet Annie knew that was exactly where it was going to lead.
"What do you want me to do exactly?"
.
.
.