When Gin roused him Kira was afraid he had failed. After he had been reassured that Kira was fine, Gin held the blond close for a while before he pulled away to look into his eyes. The older man studied him closely, peering into Kira's blue eyes, and the young shinigami did not really know what Gin was looking for.

As if satisfied with what he saw, Gin helped Kira to stand and then asked nonchalantly, "Izuru, if you're up to it, maybe you can pay a visit to your friends. They've missed you."

That prospect suddenly made Kira very nervous. He had not forgotten how he had treated Renji when his friend tried to speak with him. He looked at his feet, fingers twining with apprehension, and muttered, "Do I have to?"

"It'd be decent," admonished the captain lightly. Then, as if sensing Kira's nervousness, Gin stroked the pale blond head and tucked Kira under his chin. "Izuru, they do care for you. You know that."

"But I can't face them," replied Kira, his voice almost a whine. "Not after how I've turned them away."

"They are your friends, Izuru; I'm sure they understand why you did what you did." Gin's wide smile was a little more reassuring than it had been a moment earlier. "They won't reject you."

Kira understood that he would have to face his friends tonight, whether he wanted to or not. When Gin insisted, Kira knew he had no choice but to obey. He sighed and lowered his head in acquiescence.

"That's my boy."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

If Kira had not checked the date he would not have remembered, but as he had glanced at the calendar before coming out he noted that tomorrow Abarai Renji and Hinamori Momo would be full shinigami. That was why he took extra cash and, after some hesitation, Wabisuke as well.

The green kimono he had pulled on in place of his uniform was slightly too yellow in tone and made him look washed out under the moonlight, but Kira was not out to attract or impress. Perhaps it was a paranoid reaction to what he had just been through, but his pace did not slow until he had entered the Hollow's Cero. The bar was packed with graduating students and Kira smiled and nodded at some faces he recognized. A fair number of them saw him and turned away, murmuring among themselves, and a group of five that used to hang out with Asou deliberately bumped against him as they exited the bar.

"We better find a safer place to drink," announced one of them, a short female with wild green streaks in her hair. Then she added with a sneer, "Oh, look out. He's brought his sword."

The other four chuckled nastily but left without another comment. Kira seethed but tamped down his temper. He wanted to find his friends and make amends, not get in a pointless clash with some stupid gang. Thankfully Renji was a very obvious presence. Kira navigated through the students, keeping his gaze averted; he did not want to see accusations or pity.

The group about the gregarious redhead did not notice Kira at first, but suddenly Hinamori caught sight of the slim blond and her eyes widened.

"Kira?" she whispered, as if disbelieving her own eyes. Silence curled outwards surprisingly fast as a drop of ink in still water. Every single one was staring at him or had shifted to crane their heads to get a good look at him. Renji, right in the center of things, was openly gawping.

Kira tried to smile and felt his lips move; he nodded fractionally. "I noticed that... that you're all graduating tomorrow and thought I'd like to... um." The numerous stares were unsettling him. He cleared his throat. "But if-if this is not a good time I can, uh, I..." His words trailed off. Then he glanced down. "I should go. This is not a good – not a good time."

"No wait." Renij had jumped up from his seat and grasped Kira by the arm. Surprised, Kira whirled about and was even more astonished by the bear hug the taller boy gave him. "Izuru, I wasn't expecting ta see ya but if you think I'll let you go now, you're completely crazy. Come on, join in!"

Gratified by the warm welcome, Kira allowed himself to be towed into the circle and, with Renji's solid approval a shelter and a rock, did not let some dubious exchange of glances around the tables upset him. However, Kira was acutely aware that it was his presence that caused the drinking party to disperse a little sooner than would have been the case.

"Don't worry about it, Izuru," Renji murmured under the guise of pouring Kira another shot. "They're scared of Ichimaru-taichou, that's all. It's nothing against you."

Hinamori sipped her cup daintily. "How are you doing, Kira?"

"I'm fine," said Kira. "I'm waiting to take the final test for the lieutenant position next week."

"That sounds good." Hinamori's gaze darted around the table. The rest had excused themselves as soon as they could and now it was just the three of them.

"And what about you two?" asked Kira. "Which divisions are you going to?"

Renji shrugged. "I put in an application to the fifth. Aizen-taichou said he doesn't mind having me there but tells me to be ready for a move after a couple months. I think he said something about the eleventh needing seated officers who were more than brawlers."

"You're a smart guy," Kira agreed. Then he frowned. "The seated officers aren't just brawlers anyway."

"You know them?"

"I know of them, to be more precise." Kira set down his cup. Suddenly his stomach felt very queasy. "Madarame-san and Ayasegawa-san may not have passed through the Academy, but they certainly deserve the seats they have and hold. And Zaraki-taichou isn't stupid. I've seen him – from afar – and he... well, the awesome reiatsu aside, he seems more observant than most people give him credit for. And Taichou likes him and the lieutenant as well. He visits them often."

Renji raised a tattooed brow; he had added a few more along his neck, and they looked good. "I think Ichimaru-taichou really has a strong influence on you, Izuru."

The blond blushed and stared at his thin, clasped hands. Because he was so busy staring, he did not see the new person who had just walked in and over to their table.

"Hey. Heard there was a celebration. Can I join in?"

Kira's head snapped up. "Shuuhei – I mean, Hisagi-sempai?"

"You know, maybe we can skip the honorifics when we're among friends, Izuru," said Shuuhei with a faint smile. There was a ragged, angry edge to his reiatsu that Kira could feel, but the older shinigami was all smiles as he settled next to Hinamori. "If we're outside, then by all means, call me Hisagi, but here... I think we can drop the formalities."

Renji glanced at the mute Kira and cleared his throat. He had also sensed the tense edge of Shuuhei's reiatsu. "Will you be there at the ceremony tomorrow, Hisagi-sempai?"

"I'd like to be there, but Tousen-taichou has set me to copy-editing work." The dark-haired male sighed. "What are your plans after graduation?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji and Hinamori were heading back to the Academy dormitories, while Shuuhei and Kira were going back to their respective division barracks. After brief hugs all round, Kira waved Renji and Hinamori goodbye, feeling lighter and better than he had in weeks. Gin was right; he had needed to see his friends again and know that they were on his side.

Suddenly Shuuhei touched Kira's hand. The blond looked over and saw that Shuuhei was smiling, somewhat sadly. "I didn't mention it earlier, but I'm glad to see you out and about," said Shuuhei. "How are you doing?"

"I'm all right," Kira answered truthfully. He swung his arms by his sides, trying to work off the faint buzz in his system. "I've been busy, I guess. Once I take the lieutenant test and clear it, the rest of the seated officers will just have to accept that I am their superior."

"You know I don't mean that."

Kira could not meet Shuuhei's eyes. His voice was very small. "I've been worse."

"But you are better now?"

"Yes." The younger male's lips curved tenderly. "Ichimaru-taichou has been watching over me."

There was a silence that stretched on just a tad too long. Then Shuuhei murmured, "Of course he has. He loves you."

"He doesn't," Kira corrected sadly. Their footsteps had brought them to the third division first. Kira paused and sighed, before he said, "He likes me. Like... like a pet. But he doesn't love me."

"Then why do you stay by his side?" Shuuhei demanded harshly though his voice remained quiet. Shadows hid his true expression.

"I don't know." Kira shrugged. "It's just a place I believe is mine. He loves Aizen-taichou – that is his freedom. I am similarly free to love him."

"I don't understand – I don't..." Kira heard Shuuhei's sharp intake of breath. "Izuru, Ichimaru-taichou isn't... I know we've been through this, but if you think that the Asou incident is the worst thing you're ever going to face, I think you'll find that it was a breeze compared to loving Ichimaru Gin."

Kira felt ire rising and he tamped it down. He maintained a calm if cold tone when he spoke. "Is that all you have to say, Hisagi-sempai?"

"... Yes. No." Shuuhei ran his fingers through his hair. "I... I hope you do well for your test, Izuru. And... and I'll always be here to listen. If you need me."

He walked past Kira and down the corridor. Just as Kira was about to enter the third division premises, he heard Shuuhei add, "And I still love you. If you care about that at all."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shuuhei hated himself. He hated the taste lingering in his mouth despite the drinks he had downed earlier. He hated that he had so easily been manipulated, and all for a man who no longer loved him. He hated that son of a bitch who made use of him, of them all, without even an ounce of guilt or regret.

What he hated most was himself. He had so easily given in, so easily bent his knees and opened his mouth and let himself be used in that filthy way.

And he had liked it.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" he whispered fiercely, his fist punching a convenient wall. "What is wrong with me?"

"You are supposed to be in bed," intoned a familiar voice.

Shuuhei whirled around and bowed deeply. "Taichou."

Tousen's expression was, as always, unfathomable. "You seem perturbed. Should I know about the details?"

"It's just personal matters, taichou. I'll head in now." Shuuhei knew how little his captain's patience for non-work related stuff was and did not plan to test it. Still he did wonder very briefly how Tousen Kaname might have reacted if he knew Shuuhei had knelt in front of Ichimaru Gin for something as trivial – to Tousen – as a lost love.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira couldn't shake the feeling that Shuuhei had had a bad encounter, but he wasn't certain he wanted to find out more.

"Someone's home late," a shadow taunted. It detached itself from the tree bordering the path to Gin's quarters. The stocky frame identified itself to Kira as Kinjo. "And guess what? Captain's not home."

"We aren't gonna hurt you – unless we have to." Yamanaka had to be the other one behind him. "All we want is for you to not pass the lieutenant test. You can still stay as taichou's bitch."

Kinjo circled to Kira's left, opposite Yamanaka who had paced to Kira's right. "It's just a little thing, y'know? For what you did to disgrace the Asou family name. They have another kid graduating from the Academy in two, three years; it would be a feather in their hat to have an Asou-fukutaichou."

Kira felt himself grow cold. He lifted his jaw slightly and asked, "What's in it for me?"

"Plenty. The Asou family will pay you a generous monthly stipend on top of your wages, and you'll still get to be with Ichimaru-taichou. I think you can't find a better deal than anyone else."

What are you playing at? Being a victim? Being a shell of a loser who hides behind his God?

Unexpectedly, Kira felt a calm wash over him. Silently lowering his head, allowing his fringe to fall forward, the blond murmured something too softly to be heard by either men.

"What's that you say?"

"Sai." The simple kido spell shot out and bound both Yamanaka and Kinjo. Before they could utter the counter spell, Kira had grabbed two fistfuls of gravel and mud and stuffed it into their mouths. They tried to spit out the dirt, but as they spluttered they did not realize that Kira was striding back to the captain's quarters.

Finally Yamanaka struggled free of the bonds and freed Kinjo. "Bastard," he spat out and swiped at his mouth. "I'm gonna make you p-"

"Byakurai."

A blast of white light shot past Yamanaka at dazzling speed, brushing by his left ear, neatly bisecting the tree where Kinjo had lain in wait earlier. Yamanaka froze. Kinjo, still getting to his feet, did not dare to move another inch.

In the weak light of the moon, Kira glared at the two seated officers. "I will be your lieutenant very soon. Give me one more reason. Just one more." The blond's gaze hardened. "I trust we will have a great working relationship from now on."

"Y-yes sir!" Both of them actually saluted.

"Leave."

"Yes sir!"

Kira watched them go, a strange pride suffusing his being. As he turned round he saw that there was yet another silhouette – a familiar one – and it was applauding very slowly.

Gin stood up and walked into the light. "I liked that. Very... classy."

"Thank you, taichou," replied Kira with a bow.

"I shall reward you accordingly for your renewal, of course," said Gin with a wicked curl to his lips. "Shall we now?"

Kira raised his mournful blue eyes and met the slitted gaze with no fear, only anticipation. "We shall."