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Chapter 36

Clara was pacing the small changing room in the backstage area and a part of her was still considering to leave. Coming to the concert had been a bad idea, she kept telling herself that. Yet when John had spotted her in the crowd and kissed her in front of everyone else Clara had thought that her heart might explode from sheer joy. She was in love with him even though she shouldn't be, even though she had told herself not to fall for him, but there was no denying it any longer.

But what would happen now? He would come back, they would rekindle their affair, but what then? What did John have in mind? Clara didn't want to fall deeper just to have John discard her for the next fling. Maybe it would really be better to just leave and forget about everything that had happened tonight.

Her train of thoughts was interrupted when suddenly the door swung open and Clara spun around on her heels to see John enter the room. He looked exhausted, but nevertheless he wore a bright smile on his face when he saw her. His hair seemed even wilder now than it had earlier and from up close she noticed just how much the waistcoat and velvet jacket suited him. Clara had to resist the urge to just run up to him and pretend that the past two months had never happened.

John beamed at her and for the longest moment he didn't say a word. Clara smiled at him in return, unable to hide the fact that she was insanely happy to see him. All the resentment, all the anger, it had vanished into thin air as if she had never felt any of it.

Clara was the first to regain her speech. "You were amazing out there," she chuckled. And he had been, oh, he had stunned the whole audience.

John didn't reply, instead he stepped forward and before Clara knew what was happening he had wrapped his arms around her and twirled her around the room in a spinning hug. She squealed in surprise while her fingers clung to the velvet of his jacket and he pressed her so tightly against him that for a moment Clara couldn't breathe. Then, after a long moment, John set her down and smiled at her. There was something about his face right now, this expression of pure joy mixed with sheer exhaustion.

"Hello," John breathed.

Clara giggled. "Hi."

He bent down and kissed her again, more passionately, more desperately than he had before the concert, their lips locked tightly and it robbed her of her breath.

He panted when he eventually pulled away, but his arms were still holding her in place, pressing her against his chest. "I'm so glad you came," he uttered and it seemed as if he would never stop smiling tonight. He was really happy. "I didn't know how else to find you. I didn't know your name or where you lived. I was hoping you'd hear the song."

"Wait," Clara frowned at him in response and finally pulled out of the embrace. "This wasn't for me, was it?"

John reached for her hand. It was like he didn't want to stop touching her even for a second. "I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to see you again," he said with a laugh. "It worked."

Clara was speechless. She had suspected that there had to be a reason for this concert, a reason he had promoted it the way he had, but she never would have guessed that she was the reason. That it had been a mission to find her. Clara really didn't know what to think about it.

"Please, will you come home with me?" John asked her and she felt him squeeze her hand. "I want to talk to you. I-"

He broke off and hesitated for a while. "I'm exhausted. I. . . I'm so glad to see you again, I don't want you to leave."

Clara had known that it would be a bad idea to come here, but despite her better judgement she found herself nodding in reply. She had missed him, too. Right now a broken heart seemed like a fair price to pay just to have him back for a night.

John led her out of the back of the building, past several security guards and eventually into the back of a spacious car that proceeded to drive them out of the city centre. Clara could tell that he was dead tired by the way his movements and speech were slowing down more and more during the ride home, but still he told her about the house he would take her to that he shared with the rest of the band. Amy, his best friend, who had eventually forgiven him for accidentally faking his death and who played the keyboard in their band. Rory, her husband, the bass player. And Jack, his oldest friend and long time drummer of the band. Clara didn't recognize their names and she hadn't actually paid any attention to them at all while they had been on stage, not when she had been so focused on John and still so shaken by the kiss he had given her.

The house was still empty when they arrived and John reasoned that they had probably gone out to celebrate the gig afterwards while he led her upstairs to his bedroom and Clara watched him sink back against the door with a sigh when they were finally inside. With a nervous laugh she sat down on his bed while he was still watching her intently.

"So, uhm, what do you wanna do?" she asked him. "Sit down? Relax? Have a drink?"

John inhaled sharply as he pushed himself away from the door and it seemed to take up all of his strength. "Uhm, I'm actually trying to cut down on that," he replied.

"Good choice," Clara remarked and she watched as he took off his velvet coat and placed it neatly on the nearest chair. "That outfit was also a good choice. I like it."

John smiled and started to approach the bed. "That was Amy's idea," he replied and sat down next to her. "The whole thing actually. The concert and all of that."

"She's smart," Clara said with a shrug. It had worked. Clara had fallen for the trick and now here she was.

"A lot smarter than me," John agreed and he turned his head to look at her. The lines on his face seemed to have deepened in the past two months. Then he sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. You're finally here and I'm so exhausted that I can hardly talk."

"It's alright," she reassured him with a smile and reached out to hold his hand. She was glad to be here no matter what, even if she was going to regret it later.

"Would you like to stay over night?" he asked hopefully and Clara didn't know how she could possibly say no to the look he was giving her.

She smiled at him in response. "Well, I'm here now. Would be silly to leave when I only just got here."

John laughed and she thought that the relief was visible on his face when he did. "You look gorgeous tonight, do you know that?"

Clara chuckled. "Let's just go to sleep, okay?"

When John nodded Clara rose from the bed and unzipped her dress before she discarded it on the floor. He looked surprised at first, but there was no way she would go to sleep in that tight thing and after a moment John seemed to have understood and raised his hands to his waistcoat.

"Let me," Clara interrupted him softly and reached out to help him out of the waistcoat.

John uttered a laugh in reply. "You know, I said I was tired, but I can still undress without help."

"Shush," she hissed and then looked up at him and smiled.

"You know, I've missed being bossed around. I've missed that quite a lot."

Once Clara had helped him get rid of his clothes John sank down on the bed and held up the duvet as a sign for her to join him. She complied instantly and even though she wasn't nearly as exhausted as John after the concert, the events of the day had started to take a toll on her as well and she lay down next to him. John wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as tightly against his body as possible and while he fell asleep in a matter of minutes, Clara was awake for a while longer, enjoying the feeling of just being here with him for now.