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Chapter XXXVI – Too Soon

"I need to speak with the king right now!" I demanded, but the guard at the door of the council room refused to let me pass.

"As I already told you, Ma'am, the king is in an important meeting, and insisted he not be disturbed."

"Can you please just tell him it's urgent? I'm sure he will pause his meeting if he knows I'm asking."

"I'm sorry. I have my orders," he maintained.

I sighed. "Okay, can you at least tell him I need to speak to him as soon as possible," I relented. As much as I wanted to speak to him immediately about Victoria's plan, I also knew it wasn't a dire emergency. Our kingdom was in danger, and I needed to remember how important his meetings currently were. It was just difficult knowing that scheming harpy was still attempting to weasel her way into my husband's bed.

"I'm just a guard," the man replied. "Perhaps you can take your message to one of the king's advisors."

"How can I speak to his advisors when they are inside there with him, and you won't let me pass?" I asked frustrated.

"Miss Isabella, is there a problem?" Victoria's slithering voice sounded from behind me.

"Yes. Actually you're the problem!" I said brazenly. I knew it was a risk lashing out in that way, but I just couldn't hold it in.

"Oh, aren't you cute," she replied pompously, before turning to the guard. "Please move aside so I may enter," she requested in her sickly sweet tone.

I was about to tell her she was out of luck, but I was absolutely flabbergasted when the guard bowed his head, and then opened the door for her.

Victoria turned back to me. "Worry not. I will tell our lover you wish to meet with him. Perhaps he can fit you into his schedule sometime next month," she sneered, before disappearing into the room.

I was shocked, and confused, and angry, but I wasn't about to stand there sulking about it. I attempted to follow Victoria in, but once again, I was stopped.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, you are not allowed to enter at this time," the guard reinforced.

I laughed once. "Since when am I not allowed to see my husband, but that wench is?" I nearly spat.

"Since that wench is in charge of the army we need," the guard replied evenly.

My stomach twisted into painful knots, and suddenly the room started spinning. I honestly felt sick, so I decided to stop arguing and return to my quarters at once. I nearly didn't make it. Thankfully, one of my handmaidens found me, and escorted me the rest of the way.

"You look pale," Angela told me as she led me to my bed. "You should rest."

"No, I'm fine. I really need to speak with Edward," I told her feebly.

Even the mere thought of them currently spending time together in a place I wasn't allowed to be, made my entire body cringe in a very physical way. I couldn't think straight as my mind began swirling with unwanted thoughts of the two of them being intimate together. Logically, I knew Edward wouldn't betray me in that way, but I also knew Victoria was relentless, and would hold her army over his head as leverage to get whatever she wanted. Edward was lovingly monogamous, but with the fate of the entire kingdom on the line, how could I fault him if he caved to her demands? His faithfulness wasn't worth thousands of innocent lives. I wouldn't fault him, but I still couldn't stomach the thought.

Despite my protests, I followed Angela's advice and reclined in the bed, but then I was struck with a horrible stabbing backache, and I needed to get up in order to find relief.

"You really should be resting. Your color is off," Angela insisted as she returned to my side.

"No, my back is tight. I need to move around a bit," I explained.

"Its probably the weight of the baby. All this stress isn't good for the pregnancy. I will go fetch the midwife."

"I'm sure everything is fine. You're right, I've just been stressing," I tried convincing both of us.

"Well, just for peace of mind then," Angela insisted, before hurrying on her way.

After pacing the room a few times, I was grateful when the pain seemed to alleviate a bit. A few of my other handmaidens came and went, but a couple minutes later, I was relieved when Edward walked through the door...

I was relieved, but also somewhat bitter – "You're already done with Victoria? That didn't take very long. So you finished early, or you just couldn't get it up?" I asked crudely.

Edward paused as he considered my words, then he shook his head subtly, before closing the distance between us.

"What's going on?" he asked concerned, choosing to ignore my previous comment.

"Victoria…" I started, but Edward just huffed out of frustration.

"Bella, I can't come rushing to your side every time she offends you!"

"She didn't just offend me, she claimed you would be fathering her children!" I said in a rush.

Edward narrowed his eyes, and then clearly made an attempt to deflect my accusation - "Bella, come on. I have to figure out a way to save the entire kingdom, and you want me to pause because our biggest ally's daughter is succeeding at getting a rise out of you? She's just playing mind games; don't let her get to you."

"She said it was part of your deal for her army," I argued. "And she said you agreed. It was all a lie then? She's just a perpetual liar? How can we ever count on her for anything if all she does is lie?"

"We are the ones making promises we don't intend to keep," Edward rebutted evenly.

"So… you did tell her you'd father her children?" I asked incredulously. He certainly wasn't denying it.

"I told her what she needed to hear in order to secure the use of her father's army," he admitted.

I laughed once, but was rendered completely speechless.

"I already told you I've made her promises that I didn't mean," he tried reasoning with his voice softening.

"You told me you promised our son to her nonexistent daughter, not that you agreed to secretly father her children and force Anthony into an incestuous union without his knowledge."

"Bella, it was the only way she would agree to helping us."

"You didn't tell me!" I repeated bitterly.

"Why would I tell you that part when I knew it would just upset you? It doesn't matter anyway, I'm never going to follow through with it."

"This isn't some far off promise, like the marriage of our son to her daughter who doesn't even exist yet. You would have time to think of a way out of that, but this is… She's going to want you to fulfill that promise soon. You won't have an army built up by then. If she doesn't get what she wants, she will take her army back to Ireland, and we will be lost… everyone in our kingdom will be lost."

"I will think of something. She doesn't want her child to be considered a bastard, so she will need to marry a lord before even attempting to get pregnant by anyone. Since we don't have the time to put on a royal wedding with everything going on right now, I will figure a way out of this... I just haven't yet."

"And if there is no way out of it?" I challenged.

"There has to be," he said with as much confidence as he could muster, but I knew him well enough to see the uncertainty he was trying to mask.

"Listen, maybe… maybe if you just keep trying to befriend her, perhaps she will see the error of her desires. I mean, she's not completely heartless…" he tried convincing me.

"She's not completely heartless?" I said with a humorless laugh.

"I can see why you hate her, trust me I do, but she has a softer side."

"A softer side?" I repeated with bewilderment. How the hell could he even say such falsities?

"Look, when I struck that deal with her, she was desperate and still heavily vying for my affection. Since then she has backed off a bit, and has actually been almost pleasant during our last several meetings."

"Pleasant?" I said while shaking my head incredulously. "You've had pleasant meetings with her, while I've been disallowed to even speak to you lately?"

"Bella, those meetings are of the utmost importance right now. Those men don't respect women's intrusions."

"But Victoria is allowed in?" I argued heatedly.

"She controls her father's army," he snapped back.

"Why isn't King James controlling it himself?" I questioned.

"He has fallen ill," he replied unexpectedly. "My healers have been trying to help him, but they don't know what's wrong."

"How convenient," I scoffed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked confused.

"Victoria wants to get closer to you, and now with her father out of the way, she can. Edward, don't you see? She's making him sick on purpose."

"You're suggesting she poisoned her own father?" he said in disbelief.

"Would you really put it past her?" I confirmed. "If daddy doesn't do what she wants, it's time to get rid of him. You said so yourself, monarchs can be ruthless."

"Yes, and I know that better than anyone since I actually did kill my father," he replied darkly. "If Victoria is poisoning her father, I'm sure she has a good reason for doing so, and it could only benefit us in the long run. I can control Victoria and her army, I can't control James."

"You're not in control of Victoria, she's gaining control of you! How can you be so blind to that?" I nearly shouted at him.

"I completely understand your malevolence towards her. She has done many distasteful things to you…"

"To us," I corrected him.

"Women can be malevolent to each other when they feel there is a rival or a threat," he continued as if I hadn't even spoken. "But perhaps if you keep trying to get in her favor…"

"I can't believe you're even saying this to me right now," I said incredulously. "You actually think that if I keep trying to be nice to her, she's going to have pity on me and not try to steal my husband?"

"I think if we both keep trying to make her understand…"

"There is no making her understand, and apparently there's no making you understand either. Perhaps you two are a better match after all."

He looked at me stunned, as if I just slapped him across the face. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Oh, because it's worse than the things you were saying? In one breath you said you knew she wanted you to father her baby, and in the next you're saying she has a softer side and she's pleasant?" I shook my head with anger.

"Bella, it wasn't that long ago that I begged you to leave here and make a life for yourself and for our children, but you insisted we belonged together no matter what. Now, because I'm trying to save the kingdom by taking advantage of Victoria's infatuations towards me, you're ready to just give up on us?"

"Don't belittle Victoria's advancements as nothing more than an infatuation. She's dangerous, Edward, and she won't stop until she gets exactly what she wants."

"I'd never betray you, and yet, you're speaking to me as if its inevitable. Give me a little more credit than that. I will figure a way out of it."

"You're underestimating her. You've let your guard down, and she's taking full advantage!"

"I don't agree."

"Well, it seems we can't agree then, so what are you still doing here? You better run back to her. She'll be missing you by now."

"I'm not going to allow this," he said with his face scrunched in disapproval.

"It looks like that's exactly what you're doing," I retorted. "Victoria has you right where she wants you."

He shook his head. "She can't have me anywhere I won't allow… and neither can you. I won't allow you to push me away over this, and you sure as hell won't dismiss me in a fit of anger," he said intensely, before crashing his lips into mine with the fierceness of a winter storm.

I was so angry at him, but the moment his arms surrounded me, I somehow forgot what we had even been quarreling about. He was everywhere. Completely consuming me. It had been so long since I was graced by his touch that it was impossible to not fall inline with his desires immediately. Not even the pains in my back and the sourness of my stomach could turn me away from him right then.

It had building up for far too long, and the anger and distance radiating between us only strengthened the magnitude of that desire.

Every inch of my body ached from the intensity of his thrusts, but I found myself begging him to go harder. It was pain and relief mixed into one agonizingly beautiful rush. It was a connection we desperately needed again, however it ended far too soon, and we both knew he couldn't stay.

"I love you. No one but you," he reminded me softly, before kissing me one more time, and then getting out of bed to redress. "I will get us through this. Somehow, I will find a way," he said assuredly as he backed towards the door. He forced out a sad smile, and then disappeared out of the room.

I remained where I was in our bed, and just tried to ignore all my body aches and pains as I replayed all our angry words to each other that day. It had been emotionally draining, and I was beyond exhausted, but couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, but I just couldn't get comfortable, and then the pain became too much.

"Your grace?" Angela said as she hurried to my aid.

"I'm fine, I think I just need to…." Suddenly I was screaming. The pain was severe, and if I didn't know any better… "The baby!" I cried out.

"Hurry, the midwife!" Angela demanded of the other handmaidens I hadn't even realized had entered the room.

"No, it's too early!" I shouted in denial. But then the familiar feeling of another contraction hit me hard, and I knew we were in trouble.

The midwife showed up sometime later, with the king's healers in tow, but they weren't the only ones who entered the room.

"You better have an awfully good reason for taking these healers away from my father at this hour. He is in grave condition!" Victoria screeched.

I wanted to yell at her to get out of my room, but the pain became too strong, and I couldn't even speak through it.

"Oh, it's a little early for the baby, isn't it?" I vaguely heard her snarky voice over the sound of my own screams.

"My grace, please sit on the bed so I can examine you," the lead midwife said nervously. It was the same midwife who had delivered Anthony, and I was sure she remembered all of Edward's threats he issued out the last time I was in labor. She was clearly scared, which only worried me even more.

"It's too soon. You need to make it stop," I begged, terrified.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why this is happening," she replied somberly.

The other midwives tried helping, as well as the healers, but no one had any answers.

I tried to hold it in, but I wasn't strong enough, and my body began pushing the baby out against my will.

It was excruciating, and felt like it lasted forever, but eventually the pain was alleviated, and I had a warm, squirming, tiny body lying on my chest.

"It's a girl," someone announced.

The healers immediately tried to make her comfortable, but as I blinked away my tears, and saw her perfect little face calmly looking back at me, I just knew.

"Oh, sweetheart," I cooed. I began humming to my sweet angel, and the tears kept rushing down my face as I helplessly watched her struggle to breathe. She closed and opened her eyes twice, and then she peacefully drifted off. She didn't open her eyes again… and she never would.

I cried, and held her little body, but continued to hum and rock her. I knew she was gone, but I wasn't ready to let go, and I honestly didn't know how I ever would. I couldn't even imagine the moment they'd take her from me and I'd never hold her again. The love I had as her mother was instantaneous and irrevocable, and the pain of losing her would be just as great. I never knew that level of heartache even existed until that very moment.

"Aww, isn't she sweet," Victoria's slithering voice broke through my anguish. "I didn't know babies could survive that small."

I did my best to ignore her intrusion on that devastating moment, but then I heard her mumble something under her breath that nearly made my heart stop.

"I suppose I should have given you those pastries and tea sooner."

I didn't want to break my stare from my little angel, but I couldn't help but look at Victoria as a response to her words.

"Excuse me," I asked as the pain in my chest twisted harder.

"She's cute though. I'm sure she will grow real soon," she added with a fake smile.

"The infant has passed," one of the healers informed her quietly. It wasn't quiet enough, and neither was her suppressed snicker.

If I didn't have my baby in my arms, I would have lunged at her and not let go of her scrawny little neck until she was as still as my daughter, but that was also the moment Edward came rushing into the room.

"I'm so sorry, your majesty," the healer said with a bow. "There was nothing anyone could do."

"Is she okay?" I vaguely heard Edward ask.

"The bleeding has slowed. She should make a full recovery," he replied.

"Thank you. Everyone can leave now," he demanded.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. She would have been so beautiful," Victoria feigned her sympathies.

"Please leave us," he insisted.

The room quickly cleared out, but for whatever reason, I couldn't look at Edward - not even when I felt the bed dip as he sat besides me. I continued to stare at the lifeless baby in my arms, and when I witnessed his hand gently caress our daughter's delicate fingers, I still couldn't acknowledge his presence verbally.

"She's beautiful," he murmured gently.

I didn't respond, I just continued to stare blankly before me. I was stuck in a surrealistic daze of my new reality. Despite all the dangers that surrounded us on a daily basis, I suppose deep down I was always confident we would survive it. Losing our daughter was a blow I didn't know how to overcome.

"We can give her a name, and baptize her, before laying her to rest in the royal mausoleum," Edward offered gently. I understood the words he was saying, but it was like I was incapable of communicating, and I wasn't even willing to try. I just kept staring.

Edward tried talking to me a few more times, but he settled for just lying next to me and stroking my hair as a means of comfort. I was grateful he was there, but I still felt completely alone. The emptiness inside my body was more than just physical, I felt like my heart had been ripped out right along with her.

I had no idea how long we rested there together, but I knew it was too long for such a busy king during that vital time, so I wasn't shocked or offended when Edward eventually kissed my head, and our daughter's, before leaving me there to grieve my loss without him.

The room grew dark, and then light again, and with Edward's return to the room, I knew it was time to say goodbye to my sweet little princess.

She was baptized right there in the room, and then I broke down and screamed as they took her away from me. It was the single most painful experience of my life, and I honestly didn't know how I'd survive it.

There was only one thought that kept my heart beating in those horrifying moments...

"Where is Anthony?"

...