|Tori|

As soon as the final bell rings I am all but sprinting out of the classroom. I don't even bother with manners as I shoulder my way through students and a few teachers, desperate to get to her before she takes off. I was smart to run - Jade is nearly to the doors by the time I reach her, her face cold stone. The pain is evident on her face, carved deep into the cleft between her dark brows, the stiffness to her gait. I falter just barely, something catching in my chest and tearing. I hurt her. I hurt her when I promised I wouldn't, when I was supposed to be better than the other people in her life. I'm her girlfriend. That's my job.

The guilt I feel from hurting her is partially clouded over. Am I not allowed to ever make mistakes? How can she expect me - or anyone, for that matter - to be perfect? That's not fair. It's this thought that drives my feet forward, jogging fast to catch up with Jade in the parking lot. I grab her shoulder, which she immediately twists out of, spinning on her heel to face me with one arm raised defensively. I pull back, wary that she might strike out of instinct. She registers me soon enough, though, arm swinging like deadweight to her side. The sky is clouded over, promising rain, and mixed with Jade's dark clothes and black hair, everything looks sad and washed out. And I feel responsible for it.

"Jade." I spread my hands slowly in a sign of surrender. "Please. Give me two seconds to talk to you. You've been pretending I don't exist since this morning."

"I'm mad at you," she says, her voice low and more like a growl.

Cringing, I nod slowly, lowering my hands. "I know you are. But we have - we have to talk about this. This is what being in a relationship is all about. Communication."

Jade's green eyes narrow to the thinnest of slits. "How would you know? I'm the longest relationship you've ever had. I can see why, since that communication you think is so important is supposed to be between us, not you and Cat and Andre."

That stings. I step back, studying her silently. The harshness of her words dawns on her slowly and I watch as her eyes flick down, brows coming together.

"Look." I step forward again, swallowing over the thickening lump in my throat. "I don't know what you expect me to be. If it's perfection, then you're going to be very disappointed. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I'm not excusing what I did. I know it was wrong. But I apologized, I asked what I could do to make it up to you, and I'm trying to fix it. You keep ignoring me, walking away, and pretty much accusing me of being awful at relationships." Jade opens her mouth but I cut her off by raising a hand, pointing a finger at her chest. "I told you once that I would fight for you. Remember? Back in detention when this all started happening? Well, here I am. Fighting. Trying to fix what I did wrong. And guess what, Jade? I'm going to make mistakes in the future. This -" I gesture between us, "- will not always be peachy. You can't expect that of me. It's not fair."

Her eyes gloss over as they flick toward the sky. She presses her lips in a firm line and takes a slow, shaky inhale. "When I tell you things, things about me and my mom and whatever else I decide to share, I'm trusting you to keep it to yourself." She finally meets my gaze. "Promise me you won't do it again."

I know how hard it is for her to ask me to do that. Promises had been given to her through every stage of her life and almost all of them had turned out to be empty and broken. She's already risked so much for me; I can't damage that trust any more.

"Only if you promise to lower your expectations a little." My words are soft, almost lost in a loud wind that causes Jade's black tendrils of hair to stripe her face. After a long, tense moment, she finally dips her head in a nod and looks away from me. The two of us stand there, unsure what to do next. It's almost awkward, and nothing between us has been awkward since we became friends all those months ago, and it feels wrong and disjointed. I step forward quickly, trying to make the feeling go away, and gently steer Jade's jaw so I can kiss her cheek. Her hand rises slowly to meet mine. Her skin is cool, her grip tight as she takes my hand from her face and lowers it. Our eyes meet. I chew my lip and watch her study me, a thousand thoughts coming to life and dying again in the pools of her emerald eyes.

Finally, she says, "I'll see you later," and turns to walk the rest of the way to her car. I frown at her back, folding my arms slowly over my chest and sighing, rubbing my chilly skin.

"Tori!"

I barely have time to turn around before Cat's body slams into me with the power of a missile. My breath wheezes out of me. "Ca -"

"I'm so sorry!" Cat's voice is so high it's almost past human hearing. I'm certain that if a dog were nearby, it'd be shrinking away. "This is all my fault and I'm so sorry!"

"Cat, will you just -"

"I totally understand if you don't want to be friends or if you want to punch me in the throat I'll totally let you do that oh my goodness Tori I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so -!"

"Cat!" By some miracle, I manage to wiggle out of her grip. She looks up at me like a kicked puppy, brown eyes ballooning to cartoonish standards. "Breathe, woman, will you?" I wait for her to do so, watching her lower lip jump dramatically. "I'm not mad at you. This wasn't your fault."

"But it is! I messed up! I forgot and I thought maybe you told her and -"

"Cat." I hold up a hand, her lips zipping shut. "It's my fault. I talked behind her back and then didn't tell her about it. We just talked ... kind of," I mumble, frowning down at my shoes. "And I think we're okay. Maybe." My lips purse. "I feel like I just forced us to take a giant step back, though." I look up to first see Cat's pouting face before I shift my gaze behind her. A black-haired head bobs over her shoulder until a strongly tanned face is revealed, and before I can stop myself, I'm calling out, "Beck!"

Cat turns. Beck stops. He's in front of his car, keys dangling over his fingertips, mouth immediately fixing into a frown upon seeing me as the source of the beckoning.

I turn briefly back to Cat. "Don't beat yourself up about this, okay? I have to talk to Beck, so I'll see you later." I give her a little wave before walking briskly to where Beck is standing, his thumb hovering over the buttons on his keychain. He's eyeing his car door like it'll somehow open up and suck him into it without his control.

I know he's uncomfortable talking to me. I don't blame him, really, but I do miss him. We used to hang out and talk and even though I'm totally ecstatic to have gotten Jade through all of this, it does upset me that it was at the cost of a good friendship. And not just for me, but for Jade, too - they weren't together for almost three years for nothing. They were best friends. They made each other happy. I want them to still be that to each other. I want the dust to settle, but it seems like every time it seems like it might be, something happens to stir it up again - Jade's mom flips or Beck tells Jade that he still loves her or I betray Jade's trust - and we're all choking all over again.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Beck meets my eyes, frown deepening. I wonder how he sees me - as a traitor or competition, or if he regrets ever making friends with me in the first place. I bite my lip when he doesn't answer right away, preparing to just walk away when he finally sighs and rests his hip against the car door. "Sure," he replies, offering a weak smile as his arms cross his chest. "What's up?"

It's my turn to frown, all but nibbling the inside of my lower lip raw. "When - and this is going to sound personal and probably invasive and please, feel free to totally ignore me - but when things got ... difficult with you and Jade ..." I make some kind of vague indicating motion with my hands before they swing to my sides. "What did you do?"

When I look up at him, he's blinking at me in silence, expression blank. The pause stretches for several long moments, tense and heavy, until he finally blows a heavy sigh through his nose and adjusts against his car. "I broke up with her, ultimately. That's why we're here." He shrugs, looking at his arms.

"Why?" It comes out before I can stop it. I've already asked him this question, a long time ago, but the answer never came out. Now, he's looking at me dead in the face, jaw set tightly, eyes drawn tight.

"Because she wanted me to be perfect and I couldn't be." His chest swells and deflates again. "If I messed up even a little bit, she'd go crazy. You remember how we were when we fought. Screaming at each other. Text message arguments that would last for weeks - weeks, seriously. I mean, the other stuff played a part, too. She was the only long term girlfriend I've ever had. She pushed me away when I tried to get closer to her. We're graduating this year and I don't know what I want. But, you know. I just couldn't ..." He shifts his keys, their cheerful jingle clashing with the smell of the rain. "I just couldn't be what she wanted. I couldn't be a perfect prince for her."

I feel like sinking into the concrete of the parking lot. Looking up at the gray sky, I hold my torso and try to imagine what that kind of pressure must feel like, what Beck felt like. I didn't know it was on me until now, but already I can feel it digging into my shoulders, cramping my lungs. I meet Beck's eyes; he stares back, lips screwed tightly together.

All of this started with him. If he hadn't broken up with her, I would have never seen Jade for who she really is. I would have never listened to love songs and actually understood them, or been inside a human heart, or made love with a beautiful girl. It all comes back to his decision - or was it even a choice at that point? - to free himself from Jade's unrealistic and unfair expectations.

Jade and I are together because they're not anymore.

"But she's great. You obviously know that by now." He flinches a smile. "She's funny. She's sweet, though God forbid you say that to her face. When she does let you in, you feel so special. She's a good person once you find her."

I nod. I think of Jade hugging me in my hallway the days following her and Beck's break-up, her soft hands on my waist at The Human Body, the first time we kissed. My eyes close and I immediately see hers, brilliant green orbs soaking up my vision like overexposed lights. I hear her crying and laughing and asking me to make a promise and I feel her fingers holding me saying don't let go don't go away don't leave and, always, stay stay stay.

I see the sun and the moon breathing in the stars.

And I love her. That's not to say that Beck didn't love her too, or that he doesn't still, but he doesn't know what he wants, and he couldn't get Jade to open up like I can, and that's nothing to blame him for. Some people are meant to fall in and out of love. That doesn't negate their love at all, or make it somehow less - it just was for a time, and now it isn't. Now it's time for ours, because I've had boyfriends in the past, I know what I want, and I love her.

I can't be perfect. She can't help throwing up walls. And I love her anyway.

I don't realize I've said it aloud until Beck's stunned expression registers. I stare at him, mouth slamming shut. His throat barely manages a swallow before he looks at his arms again.

"Well." He coughs. Hits the button on his keychain, the locks on his doors jumping with a loud click. "Good. Because she deserves someone like you."

I blink in surprise. Beck is opening his door and slipping one foot into it, watching me over the edge of his door.

I smile, and he smiles back.

A/N: It's 4:30AM here and I am too sleepy to leave a witty or coherent A/N. I apologize. Hope you enjoyed the update!