Chapter 36
Jay's eyes were locked on what he knew was the ceiling. He laid on his back, hands knitted together, resting them on his abdomen. This, like every other morning, was the worst, it was one of the hardest things he had to do. Waking up was a constant reminder of reality.
The fact that he's blind.
He reached out for Erin, wanting nothing more than to hold her in his arms, allowing her warmth to calm his nerves. But he quickly realised, with the empty space next to him, that she wasn't there. He's alone.
Again.
Like every morning. She's always out of bed before he is.
He was exhausted. He couldn't sleep. Not ever since Erin was rushed to the hospital. Not ever since they came back home almost a week ago.
As much as he tried to be her rock, he was terrified. Much more than her. He was an embarrassment. He have never been so powerless in his entire life. Not in the Rangers. Not in Afghanistan. Not when he was taken over a year ago.
He just doesn't want to let her down anymore. Letting that happen one too many times before. He loves her, almost obsessed with her. He doesn't want her to be sad.
He have been patient, allowing her the chance to talk to him at her on pace but the longer time passes, the longer she pretends she's fine.
It was as if she had a schedule. Almost every night or sometimes even during the day, she would hide in the bathroom and cry. Through the running water, he could clearly hear her muffled cries. But there was nothing he could do. It was a feeling that was no stranger to him. He felt helpless.
She doesn't want his help. At least she was crying. That's better than keeping it all bottled up. All he could do was lay on the bed and listen. He might as well go deaf at this point.
What's left for him to do on this planet anyway?
Though he was very much dependent on his pregnant girlfriend, he wasn't entirely hanging on her. He doesn't want to be. Wanting to do simple tasks on his own, he asked her to help him with those simple things, the second they got home a few days ago.
Now, he could do a few things all by himself like getting to the phone. That was something very important to him. Also, he kind of, sort of could get around the apartment on his own. It was still a work in progress.
Jay had to learn how to be human again. He felt like he had lost himself, like he didn't belong with the human race anymore. He doesn't know who this incompetent person is. This guy's unrecognisable.
He's a cop. A veteran for the Rangers. A sharp shooter.
He shouldn't be blind.
Being blind made him realise how much of a gift sight was. A gift that one might take for granted. He knows he did. He knows he would never be able to see the hue of the sky at sunset or the blue of the ocean or the white blanket that covered the city. Not Erin's forest green eyes or her everlasting dimples. Not his brother's stupid grin or Voight scowling at him. He would never see any of those again. All he had were memories. He could never see their faces again but they're all still here with him. He could still hear their voices. He could still touch them.
He's going to be okay.
That's what he kept telling himself every morning.
You're going to be okay.
He doesn't even believe his own words.
Pulling the covers away, Jay pulled his legs out from under the blankets and swung his feet over to the side. He stood up, turned to his left and reached out for the wall that he knew was there to guide him to the bathroom.
Counting his steps, he walked slowly, "One, two, three, four, five..."
As expected, his toes touched the cool bathroom tiles. He repeated his routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face before heading towards the shower. This alone took weeks to perfect.
It was hard not being able to see. He couldn't drive. He couldn't watch TV or the game. He couldn't play basketball with his brother like he used to. He couldn't go back to work. He couldn't defend himself physically anymore. He felt trapped.
And he was. He was trapped in his own body.
The first few weeks was the hardest. As a young boy who have always been frightened of the dark, being trapped in a hollow world of darkness was deathly.
What was he supposed to do?
How was he supposed to live this way?
He asked himself those questions every day at the beginning, much to anyone's knowing. Not until Will told him what had happened to Erin, that she was pregnant, he was adamant in leaving this world. It ran crystal clear in his head that he didn't want to be a burden on anyone. He didn't want to live anymore. He contemplated taking his own life.
But after much thought, he realised that he couldn't leave Erin. She wouldn't be able to take it. He can't do that to her. He might as well kill her too.
To a degree, he's happier now.
He exited the shower and reached for the rack on his right for a towel that Erin had laid out for him. He was grateful for her and her patience. He hoped that ten years, twenty years down the road, she still would be this helpful and be there for him since Erin and the baby were the only reason why he's still on this planet.
Now, he slowly and carefully walked over to the stand, careful not to slip, and reached for the clothes she picked out for him. He ran his fingers very slowly over the various fabrics. He could tell by the article of clothing that this was his favourite blue and black checkered flannel. And from what he was told he looked dashing wearing it.
After pulling on a pair of jeans, and not stumbling, he was ready for his physical therapy and visual impairment class. He felt like an elementary schoolboy all over again. Over twenty years ago, it was his mother who would help him get ready for school and now, it's Erin.
He's embarrassed. He's a grown man.
The smell of pancakes registered his last four senses, distracting him from his thoughts. The homey smell of butter and batter reached his nostrils. Reminding him of his dear late mother. The onslaught of memories and aroma assaulted his brain with mouthwatering images of fluffy, warm goodness.
His stomach was grumbling.
But he had to make the bed first. That he could try doing on his own. He didn't want more chores for Erin to do.
With a sigh, Jay grabbed his backpack, that he knew was where he had left it from the day before, and his folded cane before twisting the knob of the bedroom door, heading for the kitchen.
"Er?" he called out, practically glued to the wall which was acting as his guidance.
"In the kitchen." she replied.
Though she wanted to assist him, he have insisted multiple times that he needed to do things on his own. He needed to do be independent.
Five more ste-
There was a loud thug as Jay stumbled on a stool that shouldn't have even been there in the first place. Landing on his side, the cane and backpack fell out of his grasp.
Seconds later, he heard the scuffling of her slippers as she hurried to his aid from the kitchen. "Jay, are you ok?"
"I'm fine." he said with a smile, masking his embarrassment. His pride was hurt more than anything. "No. Don't. I can get up myself." he said. He didn't want his pregnant girlfriend to be bending down or having extra pressure when not needed.
"Just a blind man trying to see." he chuckled.
"Well, you look handsome today." she smiled, smoothing out his collar. Taking note of his flannel and slicked back damp auburn curls.
He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug, the baby in between them. She tensed at the closeness of their bodies, reminding herself that this was only Jay. He would never lay a finger on her.
"Morning." he whispered into her ear, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
They stayed in each other's embrace, silent, for a lot longer than they both had anticipated.
"Something's burning..." he scrunched his nose, sniffing the air. With one sense eliminated, all his other four senses seemed to heighten. At least that's what he made himself to believe.
"Oh shit!"
He heard her dash back into the kitchen and turned the stove off.
She grunted in annoyance. She's useless. She can't even make a proper breakfast. What kind of a girlfriend is she?
Jay's going to leave her. She knows he will.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!"
He appreciated that she tried. That meant more to him. "Erin, it's ok."
"No, it's not..." she sighed, and threw the burnt piece in the trash. "I just wanted it to be perfect."
She doesn't just want things to be perfect, she needed them to be perfected. She can't afford to lose him. She needed him. Somehow she had convinced herself that if she does everything right, give him everything that he needed, please him to his heart's content, he won't ever leave her.
He wouldn't have a choice but to stay with a screwup like her since she's providing him with everything a man needs.
But who would want to be with her?
"Baby, don't beat yourself up. It's just one pancake." he took a step and reached a hand out for her.
Affection.
This was what he needed.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she told herself to take his hands, to act normal.
It's just Jay.
"But I just wanted to do something nice for you." she frowned and allowed Jay to pull her into his embrace again. Doubling check the stove to make sure it was off.
He placed a kiss on her forehead before pulling her all the way into his arms. "You being with me is all the nice I need."
She sighed and laid her head against his chest. Letting the beating of his heart calm her nerves.
Jay pulled back and looked at her eyes, or at least he thought it was her eyes. "You're beautiful."
He needed to let her know.
She blushed. Even when she knew he couldn't actually have known, he couldn't see the mess that stood before him. With his words; he still managed to make her feel like she's the only woman in this world.
Smacking him against the chest, "C'mon. Go eat your pancakes." she took him by the hand and lead him over to the kitchen table where he sat on his usual seat and felt for the knife and fork.
"Want more maple syrup?"
"Yes, please." he said with his mouthful. "Aren't you gonna have any?"
"I did but it made me nauseous." she said. She doesn't even want to be thinking about food right now.
It turns out one could still have morning sickness throughout their entire pregnancy. And it just so happened to happen to her. At her second trimester, the morning sickness was still very much present.
"You gotta eat something."
"I will when I feel better."
He can hear the unease in her undertone. He doesn't know whether to push her or not.
"Don't worry, we'll be fine." she said before he heard the water of the kitchen sink running.
She's washing dishes.
This isn't right. It doesn't feel appropriate to be eating when Erin isn't. So he put down his utensils and counted four steps over to the sink.
He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him, pulling her back onto him. He felt her tense around him his hold.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
She can do this.
She's ready.
Shaking her head, Erin continued with the washing, and leaned back onto him. Pressing herself further into him. Telling herself that it was just Jay. "Nothing."
Jay smiled, placing a soft kiss on the back of her neck. "You want me to rub your feet or something?"
She chuckled and took a deep breath when he slid his hands down the side of her bare arms. "No. I'll be fine. You're gonna be late for your class."
"I've been told I give the best massages." he placed a second and third kiss on both her shoulders and ran his hand down the hem of her shirt.
His hands slid under her shirt and up her sides of her body. He smiled against the crock of her neck when he heard her sigh as she laid her head back against his shoulder.
She's can do this.
She's ready.
Erin closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She knew it was Jay who was touching her, making her feel this way, but somehow all she saw was Carlos. She screamed at herself to stop panicking and enjoy being in the arms of the man she loves.
She tried to let herself relax as Jay run his hands up her bare skin and stop just under her breast before moving his hand to caress the top of her small bump. She tensed as she felt his teeth skim down the curve of her neck.
Her heart pounded harshly against her chest as memories began flashing in her head.
Carlos was on top of her.
"Jay..." she said in a shaky breath, bitting her lip to suppress a whimper. She wanted this. She thinks she does. She needed to give herself to him. She can't lose him.
"Hmmm..." he murmured against her shoulder as he brought his other hand to the bottom of her shirt.
Carlos was ripping at her clothes.
She can do this.
She's ready.
"Stop..." she breathed out barely above a whisper as she squirmed beneath unbeknownst to Jay, himself.
He moaned against her ear as his hand travelled down her belly and in between. She felt his body responding to her core behind her.
Her heart pounded so hard she thought it might explode out of her chest. She can still feel him, smell his sweat, his weight crushing her petite body.
She froze.
Fear
She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe through the disgust she was feeling. Waiting for it to end, waiting for him to stop. Carlos' hands were greedily groping at her, shoving his fingers deep inside of her, twisting hard. She bit her lip to fight back the sob that choked her.
"Still fighting it, sweetheart?" he whispered into her ear before inserting more fingers into her, pushing deeper. She turned away, trying to breathe through it all but it was too much, way too much, so she screamed...
That's exactly what she did.
She screamed. The same way she did at that haunted mansion.
"Erin! Erin! Erin!"
Just then she realised, he have long stopped kissing her, keeping his distance, and instead been calling out for her to snap out of whatever trance she was in.
He can hear her trembling like a leaf as she let out pained whimpers.
She thought she could do it.
She thought she was ready.
"Er..." he reached out for her hand but she shoved him harshly by the chest, like he was the one who had violated her, and backed herself further to the kitchen counter.
Stumbling a little, he grabbed onto the edge of the table, steadying himself.
"Erin, I'm so sorry." he looked to where she was and ran a hand through his short auburn hair. "I didn't mean to..."
Erin felt more hot tears well up and burned her eyes as they continued to spill. "It's ok." she wiped her hands on her pants, "It's ok...I'm going to go take a shower."
It has to be ok, she can't let him leave.
Her voice was filled with so much sorrow.
He didn't mean to.
"Erin!"
"I'm fine, Jay." Erin insisted as she walked towards the bathroom. "Just leave me alone, ok?"
She's not fine. She definitely isn't. He can hear it in her voice.
Still standing there, Jay heard the bathroom door close and a few minutes later the shower was running.
How stupid can he be?
Of course she wasn't ready. He just threw this onto her. He caught her off guard and now, she's freaking out.
What was he thinking?
Jay was thinking of himself. He missed her so much and all he wanted was to be close to her, as close as one could be. They haven't had been this intimate with her in months; he just wanted to feel her.
He knows he was at fault here.
.
Erin sat in the shower on the cold tile floor, still in her clothes. Steam filled the shower as the scalding hot water began stinging her skin. Turning her exposed skin bright red.
She failed.
She failed him. All she wanted was to be the perfect girlfriend and give him everything.
He's going to leave her.
She cursed at herself, balling her hands into fists then smacking them into the white porcelain wall. Over and over again until the pain became unbearable.
She deserved this.
She couldn't even please him. She couldn't even make him a proper breakfast. She couldn't do anything right. It's been over five months since they had sex and he needed that. She can feel him. And she can't even give him sex.
The only reason she had sex with Adam that night was because she was drunk and as high as a kite. Hence, making the dumbest decision.
What if she could only have sex when she's drunk or high?
What if that's what all sex is to her now?
Something that she cannot enjoy.
He, Carlos, took intimacy away from her. He took everything from her. She has nothing left anymore. She can't do anything without having flashbacks or without hearing him, seeing him.
She pulled her legs closer to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The baby kicking inside her like there was no tomorrow. As if she knew her mother was hurting; trying to calm for down. But it wasn't working, it just further reminded her of him.
Jay deserved better than an addict.
Erin couldn't fight the tears any longer no matter how much she tried. Placing her head on her knees and started sobbing uncontrollably as she looked at her red and swollen knuckles.
She doesn't want him to leave her.
What if he gets frustrated with her and leaves?
She doesn't want him to leave her.
What if he finds someone else?
Someone with less baggage.
Rituals.
A neurotic compulsion one must perform to feel a sense of stability in one's life, to drown in something constant especially when that variable was to be threatened everyday. It could be as simple as making sure the doors were locked before leaving the house or as complicated as counting each and every lamppost one pass by when walking down the street.
For Antonio Dawson, it was making sure he got to work at exactly ten minutes past eight in the morning. Twenty minutes to spare. Giving him plenty of time to catch up on the news while enjoying his coffee; also something that he truly is passionate about. But before buzzing himself upstairs, he'd hand Platt her caramel macchiato that he picked up for her on his way and say a silent prayer to the Virgin Mary for sanctuary and strength for him and his team, what's left of them at least.
But this morning, his sense of assurance was depleted as an unfamiliar face presented herself in the far right corner of the office space. He knew it. He knew something bad was bound to happen when he didn't see the old man at the newspaper stand who was always kind enough to ask how his morning was. He just knew it. He should've seen it coming. It not only happened once before but twice instead. At both times, his partners in life left him. His wife, Laura, and Tasha, his ex-fiancé.
He can't believe Voight would do such a thing. He can't believe he even have the nerve to did this.
How could he?
Now?
Already?
Eyeing Atwater, one of the still remaining Intelligence originals, he gave him a shrug of sympathy that said he too was bewildered and confused. As he walked into the bullpen this morning, he saw her, blonde hair, blue eyes, thinking she must have gotten into the wrong building.
With a nod, Antonio walked over to the desk that should not have been occupied, he tried to hide his intense expression since she definitely was not at fault here. He hated change and in the past couple of months, there have been way to many changes. Too many, he could barely even count them.
"Who are you?" he scowled. His tone was harsher than he had intended to express.
She rose from the seat, startled, before nervously extending a hand to the senior detective. "Ahh...Hi, Kate Lansing." she greeted and he politely shook her hand. "You must be Antonio Dawson." she gave him a soft smile and chuckled. Trying her best to lighten the tension of her presence in this very room. She knows they would be giving her a hard time. She knows they wouldn't be accepting of her and she knows they might never.
From what she had heard from the police community and gossip, her presence at the Intelligence Unit would be unwelcome. But what else could she do?
She was offered a position at the specialised unit, one that she cannot decline.
"Look, I heard about Detective Halstead and Detective Lindsay...I, ahh, I'm so sorry but I do hope that we could all work together without any animosity and just be professional."
Arching a brow, he crossed his arms, "Uh-huh. Don't get too comfortable..." he spat.
"Wha-" she opened her mouth to protest but he was already marching towards Sergeant Voight's office.
Bursting the fragile door open, "I can't believe you had Jay replaced! What's wrong with you!" he shouted at his superior, never minding the widely opened door or the fact that with his tone, having Jay replaced was the least of his worries.
Voight kept his gaze on Antonio who hadn't moved an inch from where he stood by the door. He doesn't need this. He doesn't need to explain his decisions to anyone. He's the Sergeant. He's the boss, the one who's in-charge.
What's wrong with him?
This happens when you start to get soft with your subordinates. They quickly forget who they're talking to, who's calling the shots.
"Now, if I were you, Dawson, I'd think my next words carefully." his gravelly voice shot out harsh enough to send shivers down his spine.
He needs this job.
Turning around, he closed the door, looking out at the bullpen. Kate Lansing was nowhere to be found. She must have felt so uncomfortable. He shouldn't have been so rude. He was acting as if he was a child.
"Look, Sarge, I'm sorry for blowing up at you but you didn't have to replace Jay." he said as he took a seat opposite from him. Finally relaxed.
He wasn't fighting for Erin because he knew no matter what, her spot in Intelligence, unlike everyone else's, have been practically written in stone. No matter what she does or what happens, her job will always be secured. That's the perks of having your father as your boss.
"Listen to me, Dawson..." Voight leaned forward, tossing his glasses to the side, "We gotta be practical here. Someone has to. We're down three men..."
It was the harsh truth. Ruzek, Halstead and Lindsay. From seven members to a whopping four. They were down to only half the original and to think back, the past five months, how had they even managed to function with just four men. He knew there were plenty of overtime and restless nights and fillers but he hadn't actually realised the pressure they were all in up until now.
"Ok. Yea. We can get Ruzek back and forget about whatever stupid thing he and Lindsay had and Erin could come back after she has the baby. And Jay could still have his spot." he suggested. Adam needed to come back to work or else he would be digging himself to any early grave with the lifestyle he now was living.
Voight let out a huge sigh while shaking his head. He doesn't get it. Antonio doesn't get that Jay can't ever get his job back, at this Unit or anywhere else at the Police Department.
He's blind.
It's as simple as that.
"Jay can't go out in the field anymore. He can't see. As harsh as it might sound...someone has to say it; he can't do anything for this Unit. He can't and that's a fact." Voight nodded as he watched Antonio's face squibbed in realisation.
"What if his sight comes back?"
"Then, the same position will be offered to him. After passing all the psych evals and all the necessary tests, his position will be offered back to him. But I talked to his doctors; they don't seem hopeful."
Having talked to Will and Jay's neurologist a few days ago before Erin had been discharged, he was told that it was virtually impossible for his sight to be restored, that the impairment have been permanent and everlasting.
Voight was saddened by the truth. He really was. Halstead was a damn good detective.
"I'm only doing what best for this Unit."
Antonio nodded. He wanted to be mad but he didn't know who he was supposed to be angry at. No one here were at fault. He was getting mad at the wrong person. It was no one's fault but Carlos. But that was like averting the blame at no one, at the air. He knew he wouldn't get any sort of relief by doing that.
He somewhat felt responsible for Jay, responsible for his blindness and the darkness that he now was in. In fact, he was the one who introduced him to Intelligence. He was the one who helped him set up an interview with Voight. He never should have. In that way, he never would've been blind. Maybe that's why he was so affected by all this?
Voight shook his head, remembering who had he been talking to before the volcano erupted.
"Got a body at Rodgers Park. Take Lansing with you."
Again. He should've known. Today was bound to be a bad day. First the new detective replacing Jay. And now a body, meaning someone have been killed. And to make matters worse, Voight partnered him with her. A cruel joke. He was doing this purposely to let him know who the boss is.
Again. His almost-perfect morning have been disrupted by the flashing red and blue lights as well as police yellow caution tape adoring the open space at Rogers Park.
"What do we have?" Antonio asked, slapping on a pair of gloves as they approached Chicago's newest victim. Ignoring the curious bystanders, he knelt down beside the coroner.
A young woman, nearly thirties, brunette, in a t-shirt and torn jeans. He can't help but think how cold she must be in this icy Chicago weather. But she can't possibly feel anything.
She's dead.
"Female. No ID on or around the body but hopefully we can get a hit off CODIS. TOD was 11:47pm."
"How can you be so sure?" Lansing asked.
The M.E. picked up Jane Doe's lifeless wrist, holding up her watch that had clearly stopped functioning due to the shock it hadn't absorb the second she hit the ground.
"The killer must have caught her by surprise, pushed her onto the ground, grabbed a rock", she pointed towards the catalogued evidence, "and bashed her head with it before raping her. Contusions to her inner thighs and arms suggests that theory."
Antonio felt his stomach churn unpleasantly at that word. That word now hit close to home. Erin. She's family. He hated that someone could violate and do such a thing to another person. It was just inhumane.
Carlos.
This was definitely his doing.
He was sure of it.
"COD?"
"Asphyxiation. Her C3 and C4 were severely severed, seizing any oxygen supply to her lungs. And I know what you must be thinking and let me tell you like I told the FBI, this was not done by Carlos Solis. Different M.O. All his victims died as a result of blood loss. Carlos was meticulous and calculating and clean. This guy's sloppy. An amateur. He definitely left fluids and we also found another set of pubic hair on her body." she replied, scrawling down her points on her notepad. "But of course we'll know more once we get back to the morgue."
Dinner almost felt like it didn't even happen. It was so surreal. It felt like a dream, like he was in a cloud of black haze. He had thought he was dreaming.
But he wasn't.
Tonight, he had caught a glimpse of the old Erin, the felicity that he missed and admired. As she talked, as she laughed, he could hear the apt in her voice. The way she talked, he knew she was smiling. The way her eyes fell onto him, though he cannot see, he knew they were full of love. The way her skin grazed against his, he knew she felt the wave of electricity too.
She's back.
She seemed genuinely happy and he can't help but wonder why. But he wasn't one to complain. This was what he had wanted.
He was glad to finally hear that raspy voice in another manner other than the gloomy intonation that he had grown accustomed to.
She went on to describe the feeling of her kicks. Being tickled with a feather from the inside, she described. Emphasising on how conflicted she was whenever she kicked.
She teased him about the beard he had been growing. It's not like he had a choice; he couldn't see. Will had been the one to help him shave and now that he wasn't living with his brother, he was left with no choice but to grow one. He couldn't ask Erin. It was too embarrassing.
But she liked it that way. Ruggedly handsome as she stated accurately. If she's quite fond of it then he must look pretty decent as the last time he had a beard, she couldn't stop nagging him to shave it off.
She stole a bite or two from his plate to which she thought he didn't notice but he did. She defended herself by saying that she made her do it, that the baby was starving. He knew soup wasn't enough since she was now eating for two. So he shared what was left from his plate with her. She's eating and that was all that really mattered.
Tonight made him happy beyond words but at the same time tonight terrified him, deeply. She's pretending like this morning never even happened.
He loves her with every fibre in him and he wants her to stay this way forever but the irk of that impending doom, that she's going to break soon was consuming.
The anxiety of when was eating him alive.
She's scaring him.
"Hey..." he heard her voice, soft and low. Her warm palms on his cheeks, caressing the growing hair and ever so slightly pulling at the short bristles. "You ok?"
She sounded concerned.
Blinking, he cursed at himself for not allowing her to focus to being jolly like she had been a second ago. He just had to rain on her parade. He didn't mean to.
"Yea, yea, I'm good." he said, grinning at her. He hoped he was facing at her direction. At this point, it didn't really matter anymore. He was so used to it, no one really says anything if he isn't.
With his hand, he slid up the smooth skin on her bare arm, feeling the goosebumps that had erupted against his palm before lacing his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips, "I love you." he said as he kissed her palm.
If it weren't for her and her love, he wouldn't be here.
If it weren't for her and her help, he would've been alone in his own apartment.
If it weren't for her and her dedication, he would've had to figure life out all by himself.
She sighed.
Her breathing hitched at the slightest as she shifted on her seat on the couch. He can feel the change in atmosphere. This was all his fault. He shouldn't have pushed it again.
He felt her other hand on his cheek. Her thumb, just above his brow bone as she ran her thumb over his it. "Just don't leave me, ok?"
Jay turned his head and kissed her wrist. "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Always." he nodded rapidly. He needed her to know that. "I love you." he repeated, wanting nothing more than to hear those words back.
I love you too.
He can't exactly recall the last time he heard those words come out of her lips. He knows for sure that it isn't anytime recent. Not since they got back together.
But he wants to hear those words.
He knows she feels the same.
But he wants to hear those words.
He knows he doesn't need to hear it.
But he needs to hear those words.
He knows she loves him.
So why can she say those simple words?
She loves him, doesn't she?