What happens when it fades?
Hi again! Sorry for the long wait. I managed to catch this nasty virus, so I've been busy fighting it and trying to keep up in my classes. And discovering that I don't cope well with cats when I'm sick. . Which sucks cause my boyfriend's cat seems to love me. Well, enough about me, here's the next chapter!
Chapter 36: A Week After
Hitomi woke slowly. Her mouth was dry and sticky feeling. She sighed miserably, it had already been a week since she'd come home from Gaea, since she'd left Van for good, and she was still crying herself to sleep. She knew she was worrying Dilandau. After she'd emerged from her room the first day he'd made her a cup of tea and asked her what was wrong. Upon reflection, chucking the contents of the mug he'd handed her at him probably hadn't been a very grown up way of dealing with her feelings. Since then he'd been tiptoeing around her room, afraid to set her off again.
Hitomi turned over under her covers, wondering if maybe the world would disappear if she stayed here long enough. Of course, she wanted to start her training backup again today. Maybe channeling her anger into movement would be more constructive. On the other hand, it sat like a chill cloud on her chest, seemingly trapping her in her bed. She wasn't exactly handling this well, considering she'd been the one to leave him.
But there were so many memories, so many moments to pick apart and dissect and wonder if perhaps that moment was where things had gone wrong. Or maybe there were just so many moments that had g0one wrong it was the grand total of them that had destroyed them…
Hitomi wrenched herself out of bed; the only way to get over this was to act. The longer she dwelled on things… well… the longer she'd be stuck dwelling. Maybe if she had some chocolate things would be better. She looked around her room distractedly, observing not just one, but several chocolate wrappers strewn around the room. O yes, she'd tried that already.
She scooped up her towel and wandered through the empty apartment to the washroom. The best thing about Dilandau being some up-and-coming-big shot in his company was that he was at work early, and home late – at least he was at the moment, knowing that the only welcome he would get from Hitomi was hot tea in his face. Hitomi paused at the door to the washroom. He'd looked so surprised, and so funny, with the warm greeny-brown liquid soaking into his crisp white dress shirt. She smirked. Served him right for looking so fancy at eight in the morning. She tried not to think then, that this was the closest she'd come to a smile in what had been a very long week.
Celena stood outside the door, a little scared to open it. Nothing had really happened since Hitomi had left. Well, there had been the impromptu celebration of several of Van's older advisors she'd had to shut down before he heard them. It seemed they were more than pleased that Hitomi was out of the picture – now their king could finally get down to the business of picking a "real" queen. She shook her head, the arrogance of those men made her want to hurt something sometimes. She was astounded that Van had no female advisors, how on earth could he think he was getting a balanced perspective on anything?
She refocused on the task at hand. Truthfully, she cared about Van. She didn't like seeing him in the state he was in now – falling apart around the edges. He kept any questions at bay with that hard look in his eyes, but anyone could see he was taking this hard. She had no qualms about protecting him, even laying down her life, as her knight's vows would ask of her. But this? She was a knight, not a babysitter!
Finally she pounded on the door. "Wake up!" She hollered, glaring at the grain of the wood. "Your advisors are starting their meeting without you and you know that if you aren't there the first thing on their agenda will be picking you a wife!" She glared at the door. This was stupid. For the sixth day in a row they had given her this detail: wake up the king and drag him out of bed. This was sexism was what it was. Just cause she was the female they made her do the crappy jobs.
Growing increasingly impatient, she practically threw the door open, just as she had for the past five days (the first day she'd merely tried yelling and pleading through the door, eventually giving up). Stomping over to the bed, she ripped the covers off the huddled form of the king of Fanelia. "Get up." She glowered. The first day she'd been hesitant to do this, afraid that catching Van in any state of undress may be embarrassing and interpreted wrongly. She'd soon found that she'd been left with no other options, however. After five days of this pathetic charade, she found she was just too irritated for anyone to interpret it wrongly. She was a knight, and her mission was to get the king to his meetings on time. She gritted her teeth. She was damn well going to get her mission right.
An hour later Celena was calmly standing in the palace grounds, saddling up her horse for a much needed ride. "Hey, Celena," one of the other knights-in-training ran up to her from across the lawn. "How on earth do you do it?"
Celena stared at the young man with disinterest. "Do what?"
"Get the king out of his room. You know no one else has managed yet don't you? That why they always order you in."
Celena blinked. "You mean other people try before I get there?"
The young man nodded impatiently. "So how do you do it?"
Celena laughed, a warm laugh that filled the courtyard. She turned her gaze back to the young man, "I guess I'm just that scary." She said with a wink.
Dilandau took a deep breathe, poised to open the door to the apartment. Rationally, he wasn't afraid of Hitomi. Irrationally, he remembered exactly how good she had become with a sword, how hot that tea had been splattering across his chest, and how ruined that shirt had been. He could always just leave her alone, the same way he had for the past week. But at this point curiousity was killing him. Celena wouldn't tell him why Hitomi had come home early, and while he had his guesses, he needed to know the truth.
Which was why he was carrying several bags of groceries in one hand, while mentally preparing himself to feel Hitomi's wrath when he starting questioning her again. If nothing else, she needed to talk to someone. He'd looked in on her this morning before leaving for work, and she'd looked a mere ghost of herself, even asleep. Whatever had happened was eating her up inside.
He opened the door softly, moving straight for the kitchen where he started preparing dinner. This would be a grand affair, with steak and mashed potatoes and fresh baby greens. He shook his head, a year or two ago he would have simply walked in on Hitomi, grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her until she told him everything and snapped out of it. Now he was cooking a lovely supper, with something deliciously chocolately for dessert, and a nice red wine to wash it all down, so he could tease the answers from her. For a moment he wished he could go back to his old self, it'd be so much easier.
When dinner was nearly ready he went to pop his head into Hitomi's room. Instead he found himself pausing outside of the living room. Hitomi was laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. She still wore her running shoes, and was dressed in running shorts and her favourite running top. She raised her head a little. Dilandau felt a small shiver of relief run down his spine when she smiled weakly at him. "Something smells really yummy." She said softly. The first thing she'd said to him all week. Possibly the first thing she'd said to anyone.
"How far did you run?" he heard himself ask.
"I don't know." She murmured. "I started running and it all started to float away, so I kept running until I could barely move my legs. And then I ran home again."
"And you haven't moved since." He supplied, a slight smirk on his face.
"I'm starving." She whispered softly.
"I made steak." He said, a slight feeling of vindication rising in him. So this new way of doing things certainly seemed like it might work.
Hitomi stretched slowly as she rose from the couch. Her body screamed in agony. She felt sticky with dried sweat and tears, but was really too hungry to care how she looked. It was just Dilandau anyway. There wasn't really any need to look pretty in front of him when she felt rotten. He'll probably understand, she found herself thinking softly. She realized with a start that she'd decided during her run to tell him everything. She needed to tell someone. She needed to get all this off her chest before it smothered her.
She walked into the dining room, plunking herself into her chair. She raised her eyebrow at the large glass of red wine that sat before her. She smiled softly, lifting the glass and taking a grateful sip. The strong, heavy flavour sat on her tongue pleasantly. It seemed oddly honest to her, after the deceptive wines of Gaea's royal courts – sweet and quick to intoxicate, unlike this kind Merlot. Yes, it contained alcohol, but the flavour kept one from downing it quickly, which also kept you more sober, she thought with a faint smile.
"Something funny?" She heard Dilandau's voice before she lifted her eyes to see him walk in with two heaping plates of food.
"Well, a little." She said, firm in her resolve to tell him everything. "I was comparing the taste to the wine they serve in Fanelia." She made a face. "It's too sweet. And the servants have a tendency to fill up your glass whenever you aren't looking."
She noted the slight twitch upon the corner of Dilandau's lips. "And you drink far too much, far too quickly right?"
She nodded with a smile. "And the worst part," She began, taking a deep breathe. "Was that the jerk wouldn't even hold my hand while I threw up after."
Dilandau lay stretched out across his bed, his head resting on his arms folded behind his head. He stared up at the ceiling, a smile twitching on his lips. He didn't think he'd ever had such a wonderful night in his life. It was… he wondered if the words existed… a dream come true to hear Hitomi berate Van. All the little things she hated about him, all the little things that drove her crazy, all the ridiculously stupid mistakes he'd made when it came to her. And she'd told them, she'd laughed, and she'd nearly cried. And he could feel the walls she'd built up around herself falling down.
And she was staying here. She had no intentions of ever going back to Gaea. She was done with Van – had told him so herself. A strange sense of disbelief filled him. All those days of nearly moping around the apartment feeling miserable and thinking she was happy, and she'd been just as miserable there. And the funny thing was, it struck him that Van's actions had been compared against his own, and somehow he'd come out the better man - not Van. Dilandau smirked up at the ceiling. Well then. It seemed the only thing left to do now was treat Hitomi a thousand times better than anyone had before. Doesn't seem so hard, he thought softly.
Allen stared at his sister in disbelief. "Hitomi… left?" He felt rather like the earth had given out beneath him. He'd ridden all this way, to say hi to the happy couple before Hitomi went back to earth, only to find that there was no happy couple. In fact there was no couple at all.
"Yes," Celena replied patiently. "Hitomi left Van. For good." It was the third time she'd said it. "So please don't bring her up in front of Van. We've finally got him semi-functioning again. So long as no one mentions her, or the Mystic Moon, or finding a wife, he's more or less fine."
Allen stared at his sister. "This is for real then?" He asked her softly. "She's not coming back?"
Celena shook her head. "I saw her when she left. She had this hard look in her eyes. She was sad, but she was determined as anything. I know that look," she said softly. "It's the look that says you've decided not to love someone anymore."
Allen looked sharply at his sister. "What do you mean you know that look?" He asked; a second question half-formed in his mind. One which had a certain memory of his sister and a letter, a book, and a dark room at its focal point.
Celena shook her head softly, "I just do."
Allen turned his head, seemingly to dismiss the topic, but really he was taking note of the sad tones in her voice, and the far away look in her eyes. "How do you know she won't come back?" He asked instead.
"Dilly won't let her." She said softly. "He knows she deserves better than feeling bad all the time, and he'll remind her of that."
That definitely caused Allen to jerk his gaze back to his sister. "Wha-what?"
"Dilandau, I think, wants a chance at trying to protect her." Allen stared at his sister, wrinkling his face slightly at her cryptic words.
"You mean he's in love with her?" He asked before he'd had a chance to consider his sister's feelings in all this.
"Hitomi seems to have that effect on Gaean men." She said, though Allen noted a slightly bitter undertone to her voice. He was rather surprised when she smiled, "After all, she got you and Van. Dilly really isn't smart enough to keep himself out of the same traps."
Allen looked at his sister, a little speechless. He watched her smile curve into a slightly familiar smirk. "I would know." She said lightly, "I've been in his head after all."
Van paused on the stairs. He'd been intending to go say hi to Allen, but it seemed his resident female knight-in-training had reached him first. Now the voices of the brother and sister floated softly up to him. He ground his teeth slightly; yes, he was upset about Hitomi leaving. Yes, it was effecting him greatly. But semi-functional? He didn't need people to baby him. If they wanted to bring up Hitomi they could.
He remained frozen on the stairs however, swamped in memories of this disasterous summer. There was one in particular he didn't like now. He'd been stuck late in a meeting. He'd intended to go straight back to the room he and Hitomi shared soon as the meeting was over, but he'd been so frustrated after the meeting he'd pulled out his sword and practiced in the courtyard instead.
By the time he'd finally returned to the room, the sky was already growing light again. He'd opened the door softly, expecting to see Hitomi asleep. Instead she'd been sitting up on the bed, a blanket pulled around her. She'd glared at him with sharp eyes. "Don't start." She'd said softly. "That meeting ended several hours ago."
He'd stared at her. "I was stressed," he'd said calmly, "I needed to blow off some steam."
"For three hours?" She asked him then.
"I didn't ask you to stay up."
"You knew I would." Had he known that? Maybe some small voice in his head had known, but most of him hadn't believed it – had he? Maybe he just hadn't cared at that moment. "You could've at least dropped by the room." She finished; a regretful tone to her voice.
He's shuffled awkwardly. He could've done that. He just hadn't wanted to. There were times when having Hitomi there complicated things. She cared too much, wanted to be with him too much, said too much. He'd sighed. "Maybe it would be best if we slept in different rooms for a while. Until the mess with the trade agreement is over."
He jolted out of his reverie on the stairs. How on earth had he thought that suggestion was any good at that time? Was that the moment he'd started to lose her? He shook his head, it didn't really matter now did it? He finished coming down the stairs, catching a slight element of surprise on the two siblings' faces.
"What?" He asked them, oblivious to anything that had been said last.
"Nothing." They had replied in unison. Van raised an eyebrow. Celena could lie, he noted, Allen really could not.