Here's another chapter for you guys. This one I had some trouble writing but I liked the final result :) I hope you like it too.

By the way, I stole one line from last episode. It's something Beth said, but it fitted just perfectly in a certain part of this chapter. It'll probably sound familiar when you get there!

You have a nice week; R&R!

S.-

...

36.

The house was completely dark and silent as Carol knocked at the door. Daryl's truck was there, so she figured he had to be somewhere around, but she had been standing in the front yard for nearly 5 minutes and he wasn't answering. Maybe he had gone for a hunt, she thought, took Badass with him. It was strange that the dog hadn't started barking or something already.

She heard heavy foot steps then, and swallowed hard. How could she be such an idiot? She hadn't thought at all that it was pretty late and he had probably been sleeping.

He opened the door wide without even looking who was behind. He jumped a little when he saw her standing there, his expression nevertheless immutable.

'Whatcha doin' here?' he barked, looking at her up and down. Had it been any other situation, she'd just have drooled over at the sight of him in a white tank-top and loose light blue jeans. He spinned around then and headed inside, leaving the door open, not even waiting for her to answer.

Carol sighed. This was definitely worse than she had imagined. She slowly stepped inside, turning the light on as she walked through the hallway, and she stepped back when she saw all the kitchen and apparently the living room were literally upside down. The house was a mess: broken plates on the floor, food cans and cigarrete buns spreaded everywhere. This was bad. She thought about leaving, but she was already in there and she figured she would at least tell him why she had came. She closed the front door and went to Daryl's bedroom, where she thought she had seen him go after barely looking at her. Carol realized he at least hadn't told her to get the fuck away, so she imagined that maybe he wasn't that annoyed by her presence.

Daryl's bedroom was dark as well but she could still picture his frame laying on the bed, his head resting over his hands.

'Is it ok if I turn the light on? I kind of… can't see'.

Daryl didn't answer, but he sat on the bed and turned on the lamp over the night table himself. Then he layed down again.

'Thanks', she mumbled, not sure of what to do. The guy was still not saying a word to her.
She walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed, his bare feet curled up a few inches away from her.

'Daryl, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I just came here because I've…. been told about what happened with Merle, and I just wanted to check on you'. She breathed heavily, hoping Daryl wouldn't ask her who told her that; she couldn't tell him it had been Herman but there just weren't many other possibilities anyway.

'Don' need no one checkin' on me', he said, crossing his arms around his chest.

'I know, I didn't think you'd need it, I… kind of needed to do it myself. I can leave if you want me to'.

Daryl didn't answer, but he moved to lean his upper body against the wall, so that he was sitting now. He stared at her then, taking his time to watch her black dress, which Carol had almost forgot she was still wearing. 'Ya look pretty'.

'Thanks', she smiled slightly. 'I'm taking my sandals off though if you don't mind, they're just impossible to walk in… this is Andrea's dress actually, kind of not my style, I had nothing to wear for tonight though'. She realized she was talking too fast, and a lot.

He just nodded at her and grabbed a bottle of water drinking almost all its content, lighting a cigarrette right after. Carol noticed how fidgety and uneasy he was. She knew the reason wasn't her presence this time though, and she suddenly felt sad and even angry for what he was going through.

'I know you feel like shit, Daryl. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be alright… cause maybe it won't be, for a while… I just wanted to know you don't have to go through this on your own, I'm here, whenever you need me, or even if you don't.'

He remained silent and Carol felt her heart breaking a little with every minute that passed without him saying anything. It surprised her how he looked like a little boy trying to deal with his emotions, behind the appearence of a gorgeous, tempered grown man, and it reminded her of the many times she had found herself in her bed, her arms wrapped around her legs, the hurt just too big to talk or cry or yell or scream. She knew that feeling. She knew it well.

'Come'ere', he comanded then, raising his head to look at her, tapping the side of the bed next to him. She stood up and made her way to awkwardly lay there, trying to avoid any kind of physical contact since she wasn't sure if that's what he'd want right now. She looked up at him, who was still leaning against the wall, and she suddenly felt his fingers tangle in her hair, absently starting to stroke it. That little yet huge gesture encouraged her to lean her head a little more over his thigh.

'He didn' take those drugs', he stated, and Carol frowned because that had actually been what Monica told her it happened, and she doubted that Daryl was the kind of guy who'd fool himself. 'But it ain' fuckin' matter', he added, 'cause when yer someone like Merle they ain' givin' ya tha benefit of tha doubt'.

'He didn't?' she asked, feeling she just had to say something.

'Ain't matter anymore. Was gonna happen, one way or anotha, I jus' failed ta see… he's been fucked up since the beggining'.

'It's not like that, Daryl… you did what any brother would have done, you trusted in him, and I'm sure that means a lot to him, even when he may never tell you that'.

Daryl shook his head. 'I tried ta force him ta pick tha same path I chose maself, thought it was better… hell, everyone would agree wit' me there', he sighed. 'it never occured ta me he may not want tha'.

'What do you think he wants then?'

'nothin'.'

'Nothing?'

'He don' care… I do though, and it may be the only reason he gives a fuck, cuz he knows I do.'

Carol thought it was a good thing that he was actually talking about it without her having had to make him do it. She reached for his hand, squezing it a little, and Daryl grabbed it before she pulled away, wrapping his fingers around her small hand, holding it tight against his own.

He chuckled. 'I lost him years ago, ya know? when I decided I wanted somethin' different outta this fuckin' life… I jus' kept on denyin' it cuz.. I didn' want ta blame maself, didn' wanna feel bad for wantin' ta be bettter than him… for leavin' him behind… I jus' pretended he'd want those things too… a fuckin' job, a house… tha only fuckin' reason he did it, was cuz of me, cuz he knew tha' was wha' I fuckin' wanted. He made sure I got those things, and then jus' fucked up, cuz tha's him... tha's how he wants ta be. . He could accept we were differen', I was tha one who never could'.

'He didn't want you to turn into someone like him, he tried to make sure you wouldn't. You know what? despite all, he acted like one hell of an older brother'.

Daryl crawled down, so that he was laying right next to her. He turned around so that he was facing her now, his eyes wide opened and a little watery, she thought.

'I jus'… I don' wanna give a fuck 'bout anythin' else… it's fuckin' annoying', he mumbled.

'It hurts. That's the word and it's alright if you say it. But when you care about people, hurt is kind of part of the package Daryl'.

'yea, too bad the only package I jus' can't help carin' for happens ta be so fucked up'.

'you just can't avoid getting hurt, Daryl… it's life and you're going to end up feeling it many times, hell… people who don't care about you can hurt you the most as a matter of fact, I'm the vivid example of that'.

'people can't hurt ya if ya stay away from 'em'.

Carol slided his thumb over his cheek, Daryl's upset expression softening a bit under her touch. 'Doesn't it hurt too, sometimes? Staying away from people?'

Daryl shrugged, holding her hand against his cheek. 'jesus, I don' remember havin' ever talked this much,'s jus' fuckin' unlike me'.

'We need to sometimes, in moments like this. It's kind of relieving, don't you think?'

'I think it's yer fuckin' fault', he said as he let go of her hand and started to chew his thumb nail.

Carol raised an eyebrow. 'How is it my fault?'

'cuz ya make me feel like I don' know maself anymore', he raised his eyes towards her own, his thumb still in his mouth.

Carol leaned in, so that their foreheads were almost touching. 'is that a bad thing?' she whispered.

He locked his eyes with hers. 'it's tha fuckin' best of things when yer with me… then ya go away and it jus' scares tha shit outta me'. She froze at the words coming out of his mouth. She couldn't have actually described any better how he made herself feel.

His hand catched her jaw as he closed the distance between them, his lips brushing over hers. He quickly pulled apart and looked at her again before bringing his lips back to hers, the tip of his tongue tracing her bottom lip, her lips parting instantly; and she let her own tongue slid of her mouth and reach for his, their tongues slowly moving against each other as she leaned her head to grant him better access. He wrapped his arm around her waist then, pulling her closer to him and he abruptly broke the kiss, his head sinking in the gap between her head and her shoulder.

'Are ya gonna stay?' he asked, burying his face even deeper in that comfortable spot of hers, inhaling her scent.

Carol's own arms went around his neck. 'It scares me too Daryl… but at the same time, it feels so damn right I just can't walk away'.

He removed his face from her shoulder and put both of his hands on the sides of her face. 'ya feel so good'- he brought her face to his and kissed her lightly but almost desperately- 'all tha fuckin' time, 's jus' insane Carol. Don't ya walk away'.