Chapter update! So here it is, we finally find out why Shannon is so intent on being a bitch to Quinn. I know I promised this way back but I couldn't find a way to fit it into the story naturally, until now. There's a nice little Faberry moment at the end too. Thanks again for all the reviews and I hope you like this update.
"Um Britt, not that Quinn and I don't appreciate all the gifts you and Santana gave Charlie, but, was all this really necessary?" Rachel queried as she gazed around her fathers crowded den that was overflowing with clothes, toys and other presents for Charlotte, a good chunk of which were from the bubbly blonde and her fiancée. Brittany simply giggled as she rifled through all the baby clothes, admiring them and at times pairing items together to mix and match outfits. Rachel simply tried to manoeuvre her way through the minefield with little Charlie resting against her chest in the baby body carrier strapped around the diva.
"I know Santana doesn't show it often cause she doesn't want people to think she's weak or whatever, but she loves family, and you , Quinn and baby Charlie are our family so she wanted to show that she loves her and that she's always got Baby C's back. Sometimes that means she spends a lot of money, it's her way of showing she cares without all the mushy stuff," Brittany explained as she hugged the little duck teddy to her chest, the very teddy Brittany had bought for Charlotte and aptly named 'Ducky'.
Rachel for her part smiled because she knew what the blonde was saying was entirely true, this was Santana's way of showing her goddaughter how much she loved her. Although Rachel had caught the brunette the previous day telling Charlie just how much she cared, though that was probably because she thought she was alone at the time. Santana simply shrugged it off before passing off a hobbit comment at Rachel just to remind her that she was till a bad ass, but the diva just laughed it off, she knew there was no malice in the remark.
"What time do you think that Quinn and Santana will be back?" Brittany asked as she walked over, or more like climbed over all the gifts and stopped in front of the diva, gently taking a hold of one of Charlie's hands that was resting against Rachel's chest. The brunette shrugged her shoulders as she grinned at the blonde who was making funny faces at the baby, trying to evoke a smile from the tiny tot. "I'm not sure Britt, but when they do, do you and San wanna stay for dinner? My dad's would love to see you guys," Rachel said as she moved to take a seat on the faux leather couch, teenage Rachel had flat out refused to allow her father's purchase a real leather couch.
"We'd love to, I've missed the misters Berry," Brittany replied as she softly clapped her hands together and bounced on the spot. Rachel was happily watching from her place on the couch when Charlotte began to stir against her chest, a small sob escaping her. "Looks like someone's hungry," Rachel cooed as she wrapped both arms around her daughter and stood up. "Aw sweetie it's okay," she shushed as she made her way towards the door to take Charlotte up to her room so she could nurse her. "Hey B, you okay to hang by yourself for a bit" she asked before leaving the room.
Brittany just gave her a beaming smile, before nodding her answer and bouncing out of the den and across to the living room where she ungracefully plopped herself down on the couch and turned the tv on to one of the music channels. Rachel knew all too well that once she came back down stairs, she was bound to find the girl dancing and gliding across the living room. With one last glance towards her friend she continued on up the stairs and into her room. "Now let's get you fed so you can play with Mommy when she gets home."
Quinn and Santana gazed out over the football field, watching the latest crop of Cheerio's doing yet another run through of the same routine, complete with fireworks, acrobatics and for some strange reason, seven little people, or dwarfs as Sue liked to call them. Ironically, both former cheerleaders were completely unfazed by the entire display. It was Sue Sylvester right down to the ground. Their former Cheer coach had requested their presence to help scope out her new cheer captain, or co captains, depending on what they saw.
With both girls in town, it only seemed fitting that two of the best captains Sue had ever had give a hand in discovering the next HBIC. Although both girls felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea considering they had both changed so much from the bitchy, repressed teenagers they used to be. Quinn felt especially wrong in doing so now that she was a mom. The girl Quinn used to be when she was a teenager was the very type of girl she hoped her own daughter would never become, or never have to encounter. So the girls attended with an ulterior motive, find the new captain, or captains, and make them understand that being a grade A bitch gets you nowhere in life.
"Well that was a giant waste of time. Twenty plus Cheerio's and not one of them capable of taking the lead, how is that even possible? I mean you'd think at least one of those bleach blonde Hayden Panettiere 'Bring It On' wannabe's would have enough backbone to stand out," Santana whined as she and Quinn walked back towards the bleachers towards the entrance of the Cheerio's locker room. Quinn just hummed her response as she checked her phone for any missed calls or texts. She had been checking it every fifteen minutes but only because she wanted to make sure her wife wasn't trying to contact her for any reason, like an emergency or something. Okay so maybe she was being a little overdramatic, but apparently that's what happens when you become a parent.
"I'm kind of glad, at least that's one less angry, self-centred HBIC in the world," Quinn said as they came to a stop at one of Sue's many trophy cabinets, this one happened to be from their time at McKinley based on the group picture that was proudly displayed on one of the shelves. "Speaking of angry, self-centred bitches, what's the 411 with your lady stalker? Cause seriously Q, it was one thing for her to try and mess with you when it was just you and mini Barbra, but now you got a kid in the mix, that ain't okay in my book," Santana rambled as she leaned against the glass cabinet.
"Believe me I know, and as long as I'm alive, Charlotte will never breathe the same air as that bitch," Quinn replied with a steely undertone, her protective motherly instincts creeping to the surface. "I just, I feel like there's more to Shannon than what we've been seeing. Something has to be driving her to be so, so vindictive," Quinn trailed off. Santana knew that the blonde was speaking from experience. Everyone knew that back in the day, fear was the driving force behind that HBIC gaze that Quinn carried most of her high school career, maybe she on to something.
"Do you happen to be talking about a certain Shannon Carter, formerly Peterson, formerly known as Rebecca Peterson?" came the voice of Sue Sylvester, her hands linked behind her back. Both former Cheerio's turned on their heel to face their coach. Santana frowned and raised her hands in a back-up motion on. "Wait hold up, hold up, Rebecca Peterson?" she replied, clearly confused. Sue nodded, "Rebecca Shannon Peterson, if I'm not mistaken," she trailed off, seeing the confusion on Quinn's face turn to that of realisation.
"No, it can't be," Quinn said as she shook her head. Santana turned to face the blonde wondering what exactly was going on. "Does somebody wanna fill me in on what the fuck is going on?" she asked, getting frustrated at the lack of details she was receiving. Quinn on her end, felt physically sick. Feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on, the blonde moved to lean against the wall as she levelled out her breathing. "Cheer camp, remember? It was two weeks before the start of our sophomore year," Quinn finally said and Santana began trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.
"It was the year I took up the captaincy, Sue had us run initiation trials on all the girls who wanted to try out for the team, so we could faze out all the "no hopers" before school started up." Realisation began to dawn on the Latina as her mind travelled back to that time. It was actually the last time Sue was allowed to hold cheerleader try-outs before the beginning of the school term after the numerous complaints Figgins received about the so called initiation rituals. Girls had actually fled home in floods of tears either out of pure humiliation, or a new found hatred for all things cheery. If you wanted to be a Cheerio, you were expected to be flawless, in performance and in appearance.
"I have to say that Shannon girl, she really didn't appreciate that experience. But look on the bright side, you did the girl a favour. She looks like she stepped right out of the uterus of one Megan Fox and I think that is something to be grateful for," Sue said with a grin. Quinn actually looked disgusted by what Sue had said, if she remembered correctly, Shannon had every right to want to ruin Quinn. After all she and Santana was responsible for who the brunette was today. Brittany not so much, she may have been one third of the Unholy Trinity, but the girl didn't have it in her to be cruel to another human being.
Cheer camp was a simple concept to grasp, train up the people with potential and weed out the people who would only stand to ruin the Cheerio's reputation. That was it, and Quinn had been in the fortunate position of being the youngest Cheerio ever to take the captaincy, the position was usually passed down to a Junior after the original captain graduated. But teenage Quinn was everything Sue looked for in a leader, fierce, fearless and above all, flawless. Quinn looked like the All American girl next door, but with a seductive streak that had boys drooling at the chin. She was the straight A good Christian girl, in short she was everything Sue believed a captain should be.
However anyone that knew Quinn, knew that hadn't always been the case. You see when Quinn became who she was, because she was terrified of what her parents would think if she revealed her true self. Being gay was unacceptable and having to hide her true self, tore away at Quinn's insides. She knew that the only way to keep her parents happy was to be exactly who they wanted her to be. So she ruled with an iron fist, if she was expected to have to live a certain way, then everyone else who wanted to stand in her presence would have to be exactly like her.
Of course living a lie made for an unhappy Quinn, and an unhappy Quinn made life hell for everyone around her. Accept Santana, because the Latina had been in the same boat with regards to struggling with her sexuality, so they both kept one another's secret and guarded it with their lives. If that meant tearing down anyone who got too close to the truth then so be it. It just so happened, that during that time Shannon, or Rebecca as she was known then, got too close to Quinn's true self, and that just wouldn't do for McKinley's most notorious HBIC.
Quinn and Shannon had actually started off on a good note. At the time, Shannon was a little heavier, her hair was auburn and her skin needed a little taking care of, but she had a lot of potential as an actual cheerleader. Quinn had even offered to help her work on getting toned and fixing up her appearance if she made it onto the team. Needless to say Shannon, who had just come out to her parents as being bisexual, developed somewhat of a crush on the blonde, and who could blame her. She had actually received a compliment from her, even if it came with a list of things that needed to change. They were on good terms.
It all came to a head however when, after a night of binge drinking, Shannon got a little too brave and kissed the Cheerio while they had been discussing her new workout regime. Closeted Quinn panicked and bolted out of the room, but not before cursing Shannon for committing a sin against God and proclaiming that homosexuality was wrong. Although it didn't stop the former Cheerio developing seriously conflicting feelings that night after she had ranted to Santana. Feeling the need to redeem her carefully crafted image, Quinn decided that a bit of harmless humiliation would work to drive Shannon's affections elsewhere.
After a swim session down by the lake, which most of the Cheerio's had left early, some of Quinn's minions had hid Shannon's clothes and towel while she had been showering off before dinner, forcing the girl to run across the camp stark naked, and all Quinn had to say for herself was "And that is why girls are not my thing." The words had been spoken with a haughty smile as Santana and Brittany stood next to her, but deep down those words cut Quinn to the core, because once again, she was denying her true self.
"After your little stunt, Rebecca transferred high schools, reinvented herself and returned as Shannon. Though it seems her little crush on you is far from over," Sue said once they had finished their little journey down memory lane. Santana had the decency to bow her head in shame. She was still a BAMF, but that didn't mean she was proud of some of the things she had done as a confused teenager. And Quinn, well Quinn felt downright ashamed, it was like she had just been bitch slapped in the face by the ghost of who she used to be and it made her sick to the stomach.
"I'll leave your girls to your little guilt party. I have some new Cheerio's to train in," Sue said as she walked back out to towards the field. Santana felt a buzzing in her bag and removed her phone to find a message from Brittany. "Britt just text me, apparently we're having dinner at your place tonight with Rachel's dad's," she reiterated. Quinn barely heard what her friend had said, she was too caught up in the turmoil in her head. "Q?" Santana called out as she waved a hand in front of the blondes face. "Hm, what?" Quinn said when she finally came around, but cut Santana off before she could respond. "Let's go home, I don't feel like hanging around here anymore," she said as she made for the exit, Santana trailing behind.
Back at the Berry house, Rachel and Brittany had occupied themselves with baking. The blonde had created a platitude of duck and cat shaped cookies, while Rachel had made a vegan red velvet cake to for dessert that evening. "Hey Rach, when do you plan on going back to work?" Brittany asked as she placed icing on her cookies. Rachel stopped decorating her cake as she thought about the question for a moment. The diva hadn't really thought about work much since Charlotte was born, in fact she hadn't thought about it at all, but she probably should start working out a time frame.
"Um, I'm not sure actually. I figure, I'll wait till Charlie's at least six months old before I start thinking about it. I get back to recording my album," Rachel shrugged as she returned to icing the cake, finishing off the last few empty spaces. Just as she finished, the front door opened and in stepped the girls respective other halves. Santana dumped her bag down on the kitchen island and wrapped her arms around Brittany from behind, resting her chin on the blonde girls shoulder. Quinn walked up to Rachel pecking her on the lips before glancing around for her daughter.
"Charlie asleep?" she asked as she turned back to face her wife. Rachel gazed up at hazel eyes and she could see that they were troubled. Something was weighing on Quinn's mind, but she didn't want to push her. "I put her down for a nap earlier after her feeding, but she should be awake now if you want to get her up," Rachel said as she began putting away all the utensils into the dishwasher. Quinn nodded rather meekly before exiting the kitchen and heading up stairs to her daughter. Rachel sighed as she watched her go. This was not the relaxed evening she had been hoping for.
"You should go after her," Brittany said as she licked the icing off her fingers, offering one to Santana who politely declined. Rachel turned to face the couple before shaking her head. "No, Quinn needs to be alone right now to work through whatever's going on in her head. I'll give her some time and head up in a bit with a bottle so she can feed Charlie," Rachel replied, knowing that this was Quinn's thought processing time, the time where she worked through what was going on in her head and how it made her feel before she discussed it with her wife. Rachel knew that by the time she went upstairs, her wife would be ready to share.
Upon entering her room, Quinn made her way over to the crib and beamed when she saw her daughter was in fact awake. "Hi baby," Quinn cooed as she leaned down to pick up her daughter, cradling the baby's head against the crook of her neck as her other hand rested on the baby's bottom, supporting her weight. "Mommy's missed you," Quinn sighed as she placed a gentle kiss on Charlie's head swaying her back and forth as held her close, needing to feel something in that moment other than self-hatred. Walking over to the rocking chair, she sat down and settled herself comfortably, humming the words to a lullaby for her daughter, as she silently worked through the mess in her head.
A half an hour passed before Quinn knew it, a gentle knocking on the door bringing her out of her trance like state. She glanced up and smiled when she caught sight of her wife peeking around the door frame. "Hey, I thought you might want to give feed Charlotte?" Rachel said in a quiet tone as she held up the bottle of milk she had expressed earlier in the day. "Yeah," Quinn replied as she carefully shifted her daughter into a cradle position in her arms, before accepting the bottle from her wife. Rachel perched herself on the foot of her bed as she watch her wife and daughter, smiling at the way Charlotte was gazing so intently up at Quinn.
"Santana filled me in on what happened at the school today," Rachel said, hoping Quinn would take the bait and open up on her own accord. When the blonde looked up momentarily and nodded her head, the diva knew she was ready to talk. "It's just, when I remember that time, it feels like I'm remembering a different person, like it was someone else who did those things and not me," Quinn said with a shake of her head, "and then it hits me like a punch in the gut, I did those things, I purposely set out to hurt someone else to make myself feel better," she trailed off, her voice cracking as a tear spilled from her eye.
"Baby, all that stuff, it was a long time ago. You were a scared sixteen year old girl who wanted nothing more than to feel accepted by her family, anyone can see that," Rachel reasoned as she leaned forward and placed her hand on her wife's knee. But Quinn just shook her head. "It doesn't matter. You know I think of those times now and I picture Charlotte in my head, you like what if she was in Shannon's position, what if someone did that to her. If anyone hurt Charlotte the way I hurt people back then, I would literally want to tear them apart with my bear hands," Quinn muttered through gritted teeth.
Rachel watched the anguish on Quinn's face as the blonde gazed down at their daughter and she could see it. She could see Quinn losing it if something like that happened to their baby girl and she knew that the blonde would do everything in her power to right the wrong that had been done. Because she knew for a fact that the Quinn sitting in front of her, holding their child in such a protective embrace, who wore their wedding ring with the intention of being honest and faithful for the rest of their lives, was a different person to the girl she was a decade ago.
"I know you would baby and that is exactly why you need to let go of the past. You are NOT that girl anymore. You are my wife, you're Charlie's mother, the person who protects us, keeps us safe and makes us feel more loved than anyone ever could," Rachel sighed as she moved to kneel next to Quinn who was watching her with tears in her eyes. "Everyone has moments in their past that they're not proud of, but it's who they become that matters most and Quinn, you are the strongest, most kind hearted person I know and I love you more than anything and I am proud that you re my daughters mother, regardless of what you did in the past."
Those words hit Quinn like a tidal wave of emotion, she wasn't sure how to respond. Rachel had just been told of an incident from the blondes past that would make most people turn their heads in disgust. But here the diva was, proclaiming her love and understanding, reminding her that she had in fact changed and that who she was, had no bearing on the person that sat in that rocking chair holding a beautiful little girl in her arms and who had a wife that represented the good in the world. Quinn had changed, it was time she accepted that.
"It was you, you know," Quinn said as she wiped away a fallen tear with the back of her hand that was still holding the bottle. Rachel looked up at her confused, "You're the reason I changed, you made me who I am today. When I'm with you and Charlie, I'm the best version of myself and I never want to let you guys down," Quinn explained as she placed the now empty bottle down on the ground at her feet. "I can't change my past, and, one day, Charlie's gonna know about that part of my life. But I want to show her that anyone can change, that good people like you," Quinn trailed off as she linked her free hand with Rachel's, "good people like you can find the best even in the worst of people," she finished as she kissed the back of her wife's hand.
"You're more than good Quinn, you're amazing and if you ever forget that, I'll be right here to remind you," Rachel said before leaning up and connecting their lips in a loving kiss. When they broke apart, Charlotte began to kick her legs to get their attention making both women laugh. "And Miss Charlotte here, will be there to give you as many hugs and kisses it takes to make you feel better, isn't that right baby," Rachel said as she placed a hand on her daughters tummy giving it a gentle squeeze. Charlotte looked up at Quinn and let out a contented gurgle, as if informing her mother that 'yes' she would be there.
Quinn chuckled before raising Charlotte up and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek as she held her tight, hugging her against her body. Rachel beamed at her girls, until she saw Quinn's face turn to a grimace. "What's the matter?" she asked as she stood up to stretch her legs. "I think Charlie just left me a gift down my back," Quinn groaned as her wife glanced over her shoulder and laughed at the baby sick that was in fact leaving a trail down Quinn's cardigan. Rachel reached down and took Charlotte up into her arms, "You should know better than to hug a baby after they're been fed, isn't that right baby?" Rachel said in a baby voice as she made her way out of the room. "Thanks for the help," Quinn called out as she stood up and whimpered as she tried to remove the offending item of clothing. "Welcome to parenthood," she mumbled under her breath.
Teenagers can be so cruel. But as Quinn has proved, fear can make us do crazy things in a moment of weakness, but at least she's learned from her mistakes.
In response to whether or not there will be happy tears or sad tears, all I will say is that I have two endings planned out for this story, and that it the overall outcome of these endings, will be how I intended this story to end from the moment I sat down to right it.
Before I go, just want to give a special shout out to all my loyal reviewers who have been following and commenting on this story over the course of the year, you know who you are, you review every chapter and I appreciate it so much from the bottom of my heart.
And special thanks to Phoenix 2013 for all those PM convos, and for helping me to make the tough decisions that we writers sometimes feel when developing our stories. Thank you so much.