[September 7, 1991]

For the first game of Eric's last season, the Baylor Bears played the University of Texas at El Paso on the home field. It was far too warm for Julie to wear the scarf Tami's mother had made from the Baylor's onesie, but the toddler held it like a blanket and chewed intermittently on the tail end. She was harder to control in the stands this season. She wanted to walk up and down the rows.

Grandpa took her for a long walk during half time, and returned just before the third quarter with cotton candy. "This will keep her busy," he said as he slid down in his seat.

"You can't give her cotton candy!" Tami exclaimed. "She's only 14 months. The sugar!"

"This is why children need grandparents." He plucked a little piece off and handed it to Julie, whose eyes lit up.

Julie took it and shoved it in her mouth and said, "Mhmmmmhmmmh!"

Tami shook her head.

Mr. Taylor pointed toward the field. "Watch daddy. He's looking for an opening."

Eric put in a good showing. Mr. Taylor left the moment the game was over to get home to his pregnant wife, while Eric went on to a football party and Tami took Julie back to the apartment. She checked the mail on the way in, and found a postcard from Shelley, with a picture of the Eifel tower on front.

Tam –

Having a blast! Frenchmen are tres romantic! Still trying to ditch the chaperones John sent with me. Maybe I'll succeed in Italy or Spain. Give Julie kisses and hugs from her coolest aunt!

- Shelley

Tami felt a pang of jealousy. She wanted to see Paris. And Rome. And Madrid. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, perhaps she could have toured the world after college. Of course, if Eric made it to the NFL, perhaps they could tour the world on summer vacation.

[*]

Tami was dozing off on the couch when Eric came home. She sat up, and he slid down onto the couch next to her. His eyes were bright and twinkling, and he had a silly smile on his face.

"Did you drive home?"

"Nah. Stumpy dropped me off. We can go back and get my truck tomorrow."

Tami sighed. It would be an inconvenience to have to take him to pick up the truck. He didn't go out often, and she knew he needed to bond with the team, but it felt unfair, her home with Julie, him at a party. "I wish I got to go to a party," she grumbled.

"Come with me after the next home game. We'll get a babysitter."

"We don't have extra money for that."

"We'll get one of our parents to watch her."

"That's too late for our parents. They'd have to stay overnight. Your dad would probably feed Julie a bowl of sugar. And I'm not coming home buzzed with my mother in the apartment."

"Fine. We'll get one of the youth from church to do it cheap," he said.

"I spend too much time away from Julie as is, between work and classes."

"So you don't wish you could go to a party," he said.

"I do. I just can't!"

He gave her a disbelieving look. "I just suggested a way you could. And you shot it down."

"I'm just irritated! You said you'd be home sooner."

"I'm fifty minutes late! I'm sorry. I had to wait for Stumpy to give me a ride home. I was trying to be responsible!"

Tami realized she was picking a fight, and she wasn't doing it because he'd done anything wrong. She was doing it because, sometimes, being a mother was no picnic. Studying psychology had made her more aware of her own thoughts and behaviors, and when this occurred to her, she said, "Sorry." She sighed and leaned against him. "I'm glad you were responsible."

"So what are you actually mad about?"

"I got a postcard from my sister today. She's out gallivanting across Europe. And you got to go to a party. It's not that I wanted to go, because really just wanted to put Julie to bed and curl up on the couch and read. But I think maybe I'm feeling like I have less freedom than other people my age. I just feel like I have so much responsibility."

"Because you do."

"Yeah. And sometimes I wish I didn't. That's all. I don't unwish our little girl, not for a second, I just…"

He kissed her cheek. "You're a good mother, Tami."

She smiled. "Did a lot of girls come onto you at the party?"

He gave her a look that said, Do you really want to go down this road?

"I'm just curious," she insisted. "It doesn't bother me like it used to. Now, it's sort of like when someone admires my dress and says, Oh, I wish I had one like that. Where did you get that? And I have to tell her she can't get it. Because I got the very last one."

He chuckled. "Only four. I talked to them like this." He waved his hand around, flashing his wedding ring.

"Did they take the hint?"

"Three did. I had to start talking to the fourth about how when I feed my daughter too many carrots, her poop changes color."

Tami laughed. She turned sideways against the arm of the couch and draped her legs over his lap. He began massaging one of her bare feet.

"C'mon. We'll get a babysitter," he said, "and you come to the next party with me. Have a few drinks. Have some fun. I'll be the designated driver."

"Okay. Maybe I will."

He massaged her feet for a few minutes and then patted her knee. "Let's go to bed."

Holding his hand, she followed him down the hall. "Did you drink too much to rally for your victory screw?" she asked with a teasing smile.

"I didn't drink that much," he insisted. "Just thought I'd play it safe and not drive."

While Eric closed their bedroom door, Tami stepped out of the sweat shorts and panties she had on under the jersey she was wearing, which fell to mid-thigh. She'd taken off her bra hours ago. She knew Eric thought she was especially sexy when she wore nothing but one of his jerseys. If she were to psychoanalyze it, she would probably conclude that it made him feel like she belonged to him.

She walked to him and gripped his belt buckle. "You looked really good in that uniform today," she said. "I almost wanted to follow you into the locker room after the game."

He grinned. "I had a fantasy about that in high school."

"Me following you into the locker room?"

"Yeah." He put a hand on one of her breasts.

Eric's touch excited her as he caressed her through the silky fabric of the jersey. She was glad she'd stopped picking that fight now. She didn't want to fight. She wanted to play. "Were you alone in the locker room?" Tami asked as she unbuckled his belt.

"Yeah. Everyone had cleared out, but I was still there for some reason …" He fondled her through the jersey. She closed her eyes and listened to the deep, hungry sound of his voice and felt the tingle spread. "I'd be standing by my locker, and you'd come in, and sit on one of the benches…cross your long legs, and look right at me…." He kissed her. Their tongues tangled.

She broke the kiss. "Then what did I do?" she asked. "Tell me your entire fantasy."

He blushed. "Nah."

"Tell me," she whispered as she unbuttoned the top of his jeans. "Please?"

"A'ight." He smiled sheepishly. "You…uh…. weren't wearing any panties under your skirt. And you put your hands flat down on the bench and uncrossed your legs and spread them open so I could see that you weren't."

"Mhmmm…." She tugged his zipper down. "Were you wearing those tight football pants, and no shirt, with your shoulders glistening from sweat, and a small, sexy cut over your eye?" Okay, maybe that was her fantasy.

He smiled. "Yeah," he said. "There'd be just a little bit of blood under my right eye."

"Over your left eye."

"Yeah, exactly," he agreed.

She pushed his jeans down to his knees. "And then what?"

"Then you stood up from the bench and started slowly un-buttoning your blouse."

She spread open the flap of his boxers to draw him out. "What blouse was that?'

"The silky peach one you used to like to wear. Seven buttons." He closed his eyes and swallowed as she began to run a single fingertip along his erection, but he kept talking. "You undid the first four – slowly. You weren't wearing a bra."

She stopped teasing him. He opened his eyes and started to protest but then saw what she was doing. She had gone to the nightstand to get the KY. When she returned and began to apply it to him, he closed his eyes again. "Damn, Tami, that's good."

"Then what?" she asked. He breathed in and out, his eyes closed and his head lolling back. Her hand stilled. He opened his eyes to plead with her. "Tell me, Eric, and I'll start again."

"You pulled your shirt open around your breasts and started touching them, right in front of me." She began stroking him again. "Oh God, Tami…that feels so good."

"Keep going," she urged him.

"You pinched your nipples, like this…" He tweaked hers through the jersey. She could feel the heat spreading down. "Oh God, Tami…"

"And then what did you do in your fantasy?" she whispered.

"I lost my damn mind."

"Did you take me right then and there?"

"Yes. After I pushed you against my locker."

"Show me," she demanded. "Pretend the wall is your locker."

He did, and this time, Julie slept through it all.

Later, as Tami was drifting off to sleep in his arms, a thought occurred to her. "Wait a minute. You didn't start tutoring me until after football season. And that was my favorite blouse in the fall of my senior year. It got a horrible stain on it over Christmas break, and I just ended up throwing it out."

"Uh…" he mumbled. "Okay."

"Did you have that fantasy when I was still with Mo and you were still with Laura?"

"Uh….Umm…"

"Did you?"

"I don't recall when, exactly, I….uh…"

"You had that fantasy when I was still with Mo."

He threw an arm back behind his head. "Aw, c'mon, Tami! Every guy on the team had a fantasy about you. Mo was the envy of every guy in that locker room."

"Did you like me back then?"

"I hardly even knew you back then," he said. "I just thought you were hot. Everyone did. It was a passing fantasy I had."

"But you were still in a serious relationship with Laura," she said, raising her head and peering down at him.

"Tami, it's late. It's after one in the morning. Julie will be up early. We have church tomorrow."

"You can go to sleep as soon as we finish this conversation."

He sighed. "Is this punishment for me coming home later than I thought I would?"

"No, a conversation with me should not be punishment, Eric."

"No. It shouldn't be," he agreed.

"I just…I guess I'm wondering if you ever have sexual fantasies about other women now. Do you?"

"No," he said immediately. "Never."

"That was a little too decisive."

"Tami, I think maybe you need to spend a little more time with your psychology textbooks if you think for a second it was a good idea for you to ask me that question."

She threw herself onto her back. "It was a terrible idea," she agreed.

"Horrible," he said.

"No Good," she added.

"Very bad."

They both laughed. They'd read that book – Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day – a dozen times each to their daughter.

She curled against him. "I think we're getting better at fighting. We fight in much more healthful ways now, and we resolve things more quickly."

"You're just tired," he said. "You're tired, and you don't want to have it out tonight, but you'll bring this up again tomorrow. And Monday. And Tuesday."

"I will not!"

"Want to bet?" he asked.

"Yes, I do want to bet. I'll tell you what, Eric. If I don't bring this up for the next three days, you owe me a thirty minute back rub."

"You won't last three days."

"I will. I'm getting the backrub," she insisted. "Because I will never mention this conversation again."

"Nite," he yawned.

Just as she was drifting off to sleep again, yet another thought occurred to her. Last summer, in one of his history classes, he'd been reading Machiavelli.