I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I was aiming to update Saturday but after a series of unfortunate events I could only get to my computer to Edit and update today :(

Thanks to: DenisseWinters, dr. meow1234, dazzleglo, totes. Mah. Gotes, ohtobeyoung, Kayla, crazy-chick-4life, DarkArrow62, bearygirl, robsgirl96, steph A15, dowlingnana, Stephanie Dainiak Cullen, ec620, cahtx, jkkhreedy, Yummy Dummy, and Anon.

You all's reviews were super sweet and I couldn't reply due to the same reasons above :( I'm sorry!

Standard Disclaimer Applies.

…BBC…

"You're pregnant?" I asked with wide eyes. She nodded and her face crumbled as the tears flowed faster. "Ali, it's okay, honey." I put my palm up against the glass and Edward tapped my hip.

"I think you can unlock the door now, baby." I nodded and undid all of the locks, pulling Alice into my arms. I took the keys out of her hands and tossed them to Edward before pointing towards her car. He nodded and went out to get Bowie.

"Alice." I sighed, holding her tightly as she buried her face in my shoulder.

"I can barely deal with Bowie! What the hell am I supposed to do with another kid?"

"That's only one pregnancy test." She ripped away from me and went to the table. She glared at Jasper before turning over her large tote bag, dumping the contents on to the table.

"Go find O, Bow." Edward said closing the door. There were small footsteps and I turned to see Bowie speed walking out of the room.

Alice shook her purse making me gasp at the flurry of pregnancy tests flowing from her purse. "Look at them. All of them." She cried, picking up sticks, she tossed one to me and one to Edward, before shoving one in Jasper's face. "Pregnant!"

"Mine's positive." I sighed.

"Mine too. I think." Edward said showing me the one he had. "Wait, don't you pee on these?" I nodded and he threw the stick onto the table, wiping his hands on his pants.

"Remind me to disinfect that table." I nodded and went to Alice, gently pushing her into a chair.

"Alice worse things have happened than you getting pregnant. Babies are great!" She scowled at me.

"You weren't saying that when you were pregnant!" She spat. "You were worse than me."

"There's a difference-"

"Is there?"

"I was worried about them wrecking my vagina. Yeah, I didn't like being pregnant, but I love my kids." I said patting her thigh.

"What are you trying to say? I love Bowie!"

"That's not what I meant- You don't want more kids, right?" She nodded.

"Having more kids didn't really bother me." I lied, just a bit.

"Well aren't you a god damn saint?" She snarled.

"I mean, if you want to look at it that way…" Her eye twitched and I decided that now wouldn't be the best time to fuck with her.

"Everything is going to be alright, honey."

"You don't understand, another kid on top of all the shit I'm going through right now? No. You know what? You pee on a stick and see if you're pregnant. If you are then we'll talk."

Fuck that.

"Thanks, but no thanks." I said shaking my head. I leaned into her ear, speaking so the guys couldn't hear us. "Maybe you should talk to Jazz, I think you're hurting his feelings."

She pulled away from me scowling as her eyes narrowed on the table. She shocked the hell out of me by picking up a pregnancy test, throwing it at Jazz -missing of course- and screaming.

"Fuck you and your feelings!"

"What?" He asked.

I sent him an apologetic look, grasping my friend's shoulders. "I'm sorry, that was my fault. Excuse us." I pulled her crying ass from the chair and took her to my room, slamming the door behind us. Now I've never been all that great with people in general so the way I had approached her might not have been the best.

"Stop being a bitch!" I yelled, making her jump. "Jasper hasn't done shit to you, if you have an issue with him talk to him about it. Fucking hell." She opened her mouth and I shook my head.

"And be the fuck happy! A baby is the best fucking thing you could ask for-"

If it's forced upon you.

"You could be in a worse situation!"

"Are you done?" She asked staring at me like I was the most boring bitch on earth.

"Don't make me punch you." She huffed, slamming her hands down on the bed.

"You were my friend first! You can't take Jasper's side."

"You sound like you're in fourth grade." I said rolling my eyes. "I have known you the longest. That's why it's appropriate when I tell you; you are fucking things up. As far as I know Jasper has stayed away and given you time away from Bowie, just so you could be happy. And all you've done is bitch at him." I went and sat next to her on the bed, wrapping my arms around her as she collapsed into tears.

I held her quietly letting her cry it out. After an hour of her crying she'd finally straightened up enough to talk to me. Of course it was right then when Ellie barreled through the door.

"You're pregnant?" She screamed holding up one of Alice's sticks. Alice cried harder and I focused on my crying friend as Jared and Seth moseyed in behind Ellie.

"Do you know how many that will be? Five! Unless you have twins again." She turned and nudged Seth. "With our luck she'll have triplets."

"Or four. I don't… know what that's called." He said blushing.

"I'm not pregnant." I sighed; my eyes met Jared's for an extremely awkward second before he looked away. When I looked back to Alice she was staring up at me with wide eyes, holding a napkin to her nose. Who the fuck knew where that'd come from.

Ellie walked towards us and laid a hand on Alice's shoulder. "Is it Uncle Jasper's?" Alice sniffed angrily and Ellie continued. "Do you know who's it is? You should really be more careful. The last thing we need is another little crack baby Bowie running around." She shook her head and I reached out slapping her thigh lightly.

"You aren't helping." I said, making a shooing motion with my hand. They all filed out of the room and Jared sent me a longing look which I ignored.

"What the hell, Bella?" Alice screamed, shooting away from me and bouncing in place in front of me. "I'm pregnant with a baby and you're off fucking other babies?"

"Alice, what in the fuck could you possibly be talking about?" She pointed at the door with wide eyes.

"You think I didn't see that look? That's statutory rape, Bella! What happens when Edward finds out? You are an officer! How could you let something like this happen?" She screeched. "You stay away from my Bowie."

"I'm not fucking Ellie's boyfriend Alice. Come here." I patted the bed next to me and she sat across from me. We both turned in so that we faced each other as I spoke. "Earlier Edward and I were…" I made some suggestive gestures and she lifted an eyebrow.

"Were?"

"I was sucking his dick."

She lifted a hand for a high five, "You nasty bitch." She grinned, clawing at the air and meowing at me. She had apparently forgotten that she was pregnant with another Bowie.

Okay…

I rolled my eyes and high fived her. "We were in the laundry room, and you know the window… that leads out to the porch?" She nodded. "Jared and Ellie were sitting on the bench and Jared saw us." She furrowed her eyebrows. "I wasn't wearing a shirt and I was facing the window."

She gasped, "Oh… Well," She said before shrugging. "I mean, who hasn't caught you and Edward in the act? He's a part of the family now; it was a long time coming." I smacked her shoulder.

"You suck." I groaned. "Let's get back to the subject. You're pregnant." Her face crumbled again and I immediately felt like shit for being so hasty.

"Will you adopt he or she?" I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, honey. The last thing I need is a fifth." Alice pulled away from me, frowning through her tears.

"I need to find another friend. One who doesn't have four kids already; you just make me feel bad for bitching." She groaned. "I guess I'll go talk to Rose." She ran and dived at me, pulling me into a hug again as I fell back onto the bed. "But Rosie is a bitch, Bella..." She cried into my chest, I patted her shoulder.

"Let it all out, honey." She sniffed and I felt a light pressure on my shoulder and a much heavier throbbing on my rib. When she pulled away I realized the whore had wiped snot on my shirt. She had also landed really heavily on my rib.

I climbed up the bed and grabbed one of the pain pills I hadn't used in weeks, popping it in. "What do I do first, Bella?"

"Well…. First of all, you can go and talk to Jasper. Work things out, cause if this continues… Well you don't want your baby born into an angry home, right?" There was a knock on the door and we both looked towards it.

"Answer it." She cried, reaching out and pulling a tissue from a box that I didn't know we had.

I stood up and went to the door, pulling it open to reveal our husbands. "What's up?" I looked down to see Edward holding two glasses of juice and Jasper held two bowls of ice cream. "Aw…"

"I know, we're sweet." Edward smirked cockily, leaning forward for a kiss. I rewarded him with one, just because he brought chocolate. I moved to the side and they both put their items on the separate dressers. Jasper sat by Alice, stroking her cheek gently and she leaned into him, throwing her arms over his neck.

"Here," Edward handed me one of the cups. I pulled it to my lips and gagged after I tasted the concoction. I was engulfed in a sour as taste with a hint of juice.

"Good fucking-" I wiped my mouth, staring at the cup with wide eyes.

"I spiked it for you." He winked, his eyes twinkling with happiness. It was obvious he didn't do the alcohol thing too much as the juice/alcohol ratio was fucked up beyond belief. "I thought you might need it, with…" He nodded towards Alice with a grimace.

"Thanks, honey." He was right, I would need it. I took another large gulp, wincing at the strength.

"And you ladies tend to get together and piss each other off when it comes to us." He pointed between himself and Jazz. "So, I wanted to remind you that you still love me." His finger snuck under my chin and he tilted up my head so that he could peck my lips. "I want you to say it now, because it looks like she's already turned you."

I shook my head, chuckling softly. "I love you." I kissed his cheek and he pushed me away gently.

"Watch out, we don't want to rub our amazing marriage in their faces." He said jerking a thumb towards Alice and Jasper.

"Don't be a dick." I slapped his hip.

"I'm sorry, I love you too." He smiled.

"That's not what I was talking about." He shrugged carelessly. "Never mind."

I turned to Alice and Jasper, "Do you two want some privacy?"

"Baby, they're in our room." I elbowed him in the stomach.

"You know what? You're doing such a great job of making me not like you, Alice won't even need to convince me."

"I can always get you back with one of these." He grabbed my ass, molding his lips against mine and slipping his tongue into my mouth, caressing my own smoothly. I can't lie, it left me a little light headed when he pulled away.

I groaned, "You suck." He winked and slapped my ass. I turned to Ali and Jazz, "We'll leave you alone." I wrapped an arm around Edward's waist pulling him downstairs and into the living room. I was originally headed towards the kitchen, but that shit changed when I saw Ellie and Jared sitting together.

"How long are you going to avoid him?" Edward asked, sitting down and pulling me into his lap. I shimmied, until I sat between his legs and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"It's only been like three hours since that shit happened. You haven't even seen the beginning of my avoidance." He chuckled, locking his arms around my waist

"I think you should face your fears, beautiful." He said kissing my jaw, his ankles crossed over mine against the bottom of the couch and I lifted an eyebrow.

"I think you shouldn't do anything that will get you hurt." He leaned down, like the jackass he was, and targeted my weakness.

Sucking on my neck.

"Oh fuck you…" I moaned, feeling tingly from my head to my toes as he sucked, licked and nipped that one amazing spot on my neck.

"I wish you could." He whispered against my neck, his breath washing over the wet skin of my neck. I began to protest and he cupped his hand over my mouth.

"Jared! Could you come here, please?" I reached backwards, grabbing ahold of Edward's neck and squeezing tightly. He looked to check for kids and when he was clear he slid his hand down over my crotch. His hand moved in strong, deliberate motions over me for a minute, making me melt into him, before he tapped my clit making my hands slide from his neck into his hair.

I moaned, "How dare you use sex against me…" He chuckled, removing himself from around me as Ellie and Jared entered the room.

"Okay," He pulled my hand into his lap as he spoke. His hands encircled mine, and to the kids it looked like we were holding hands, but he was really holding in place. "Ellie, honey, why don't you go find Seth and do something with him?"

"Because I want to stay here." She said sticking up her chin defiantly.

"Ellie, go." She groaned and stood, patting Jared's shoulder before she left the room. Jared fidgeted nervously as he sat on the couch and I bit my lip.

"Calm down, Jared." Edward said chuckling. "We're also your uncle and aunt now, not just Ellie's parents. Don't be so nervous."

"I'm sorry." He blurted. "I didn't mean to stare." He squeezed his eyes shut and I buried my face in Edward's shoulder.

"I'm going to kill you." I groaned, as my face heated up.

"It's not really that big of a deal. Mrs. Masen and I just didn't want you to feel weird about what you saw."

"You sound like you're about to make some kind of sex deal. Just… stop." I said to Edward, before turning to Jared.

"I'm sorry; would you like to take over Bella?" Edward asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We just wanted you to know that you wouldn't be the first person who's-" Edward covered my mouth again.

"I don't think that's the right way to go, baby." He said laughing.

"I- I won't tell anyone, Mrs. Masen. Not even Ellie, if you don't want me to." I nodded and looked up at Edward to see him doing the same.

"Uh, yeah, thanks." I said slowly, scratching the back of my neck with my newly freed hand.

"Yeah." It was awkward and quiet for a second and Jared's eyes trailed down to my covered chest.

"You can't keep doing that though. That would get weird, remember, I'm your aunt now." He nodded and his eyes snapped up to mine.

"Sorry, sorry, I can't stop seeing it…." He said rubbing his eyes.

Edward held his hand out for a high five. "Nice right?" Edward smirked, turning to stare; Jared nodded, slapping his hand. I hit the back of Edwards head and he shrugged.

"Edward, what the hell? Jared, you can go." He got up and scurried from the room.

"I'm going to break your face." I growled at Edward as he turned to the side, pushing me back against the couch. He crawled over me, settling between my legs.

"I think we should have another go at that sex thing instead." He murmured, nipping my neck. I sat up, pushing his chest back.

"You just high fived a fucking teenager about how great my rack is." He leaned down and nipped one of my breasts through the fabric.

"They are great."

"Get off of me…" I groaned, moving from underneath him. Our bedroom door was yanked open and Alice and Jasper walked out, looking quite lovey dovey. It was extremely cute and made me wish my husband wasn't such a jackass. I turned to scowl at him as the couple disappeared down the staircase.

"Don't be mad." He said grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles.

I scoffed and he scooted towards me, wrapping his arms around me. "I love you." He sing-songed in my ear. "You're cute when you're mad."

I wrinkled my nose, "Edward." I growled. "This is why I don't talk to you."

"Don't be so angry, cutie-pie." He buried his face in my neck, nuzzling and kissing it sweetly.

"I hate you."

"But you're-" He took on a strained tone and paused before continuing with the strange voice. "my best friend." He breathed into my neck. His hands went to my sides and he tickled me, making me scream with laughter and try and wriggle from his grasp.

"I'm still mad at you," I laughed, laying on my back and trying to fight him off.

"D'awww…" There was the shutter of what sounded like a camera and I looked over Edward's shoulder to see Alice taking a picture of us with her phone.

"Alice…" I groan-laughed. Edwards fingers went double time as they snuck up under my armpits, making me giggle like no Bella has ever giggled before. My legs kicked around him and he avoided them by laying between my thighs.

I tried to get him back by tickling his own sides, but the jackass wasn't ticklish.

"Help me!" I gasped to Alice and Jasper, writhing from beneath his fingers.

Jasper lifted one finger and dragged it up the bottom of Edward's foot. Edward's eyes went wide and he let out a high pitched squeal before falling off of the couch.

He sat up, straightening his shirt and growled, "Fuck you, Jasper." Jazz shrugged it off and I helped Edward get back onto the couch.

"Okay, now that that's all over with, I want you guys to help gather everyone." Alice said holding Jasper's hand in both of hers. "We want to tell them." She held his hand over her still flat stomach. I felt bad for Jasper still. It was only a matter of time before she flipped a shit on him again.

"You haven't been to the doctor yet. Are you sure you want to tell them so soon?" Ali shrugged.

"Well if I'm not pregnant, I'll let you break the news, they're your kids." I nodded and sat up straight.

"Everyone in the family room! Now!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Jasper flinched, plugging his ears as he stared into the empty hallway.

"Jesus, B. How the fuck did you get so loud?"

"Years of practice." I sighed, frowning when no one came.

"Tell them they aren't in trouble." Edward said poking my ass.

"You aren't in trouble!" I yelled, the hallway soon filled and there were children coming out of every door. Bowie was the first one down and he approached his mother warily.

"Are you okay?" He looked at her like the veil had been pulled from his eyes, allowing him to see his mother as the truly crazy person she was.

"I'm fine, you go on and sit down." He said patting his shoulder. O came and hopped into my lap, Tony sat right next to me leaning against my shoulder. Alice jumped up in front of the large group of people grinning.

"I'm pregnant!" She said smiling widely. It was obvious, when you looked into her eyes, that her smile didn't go too deep. But we still made a big deal about the news. I caught Ellie tugging on her Uncle's shirt and whispering "Is it yours?"

Seth turned and rolled his eyes at his sister. Olivia half scaled my body, in order to ask, "What does that mean, Mommy?"

"It means she's having a baby." O had quickly lost interest in my words, instead choosing to grab my cheeks and stretch them out before pushing them in roughly. She giggled up a storm as she distorted my face making me chuckle with her.

"You guys don't seem all that excited." Alice pouted.

"Well the only people that this would impact kind of already know… Except for Bowie." Jazz said, picking up his shell shocked son.

"That's no fun." She said, a tear leaking from her eye. Of course my socially retarded family just sat there and watched her cry.

"Go congratulate Aunt Alice." I whispered to Olivia. She nodded and crawled off of my lap, going up to hug Alice. I passed the message around to Seth and Tony, knowing that Ellie wasn't even an option.

"I'm so glad that phase of our lives is over." Edward whispered in my ear, as we watched Alice cry.

"Me too." It was cute, watching the kids scramble to find ways to satisfy their aunt, for all intents and purposes. Olivia dove at me, pushing me half into Edward's lap as she pulled what I had thought was a pillow from behind my back.

"Hey, be careful with Mommy, O. She's still hurt."

"Dang still?" Tony asked from my feet. Olivia apologized and kissed my cheek before running up to Alice shoving her crazy ass cuddle uppet in her face.

I hated that thing.

Emmett had taken the kids and my car the other day and got a speeding ticket, killed a squirrel and broke the door off of my gas tank. He'd paid off the damages and the ticket, but he wanted it completely erased, so he paid off the kids with toys. A little something to keep the matter hush hush.

Why Olivia chose a stoned looking, pink poodle blanket? I'll never know.

"Just make it go away." He'd said to them, passing out gifts. They nodded and accepted the gifts with a sign of silence.

On my porch.

While I stood by the door.

Apparently Em was so worried about the car that he hadn't realized I was the one that turned on the porch light that he stood under. The only thing that separated him and the kids from me was the screen door, I heard every word. After letting them into the house I asked what the "Make it go away." Stuff was about and he shrugged before shooting the kids extremely pointed looks and darting out of the door.

It wasn't hard to get the truth out of the kids. Just a little threat of taking away their toys, and digital camera on Ellie's part, had them spilling in less than five minutes.

Now the fucking dog was stalking me.

That thing was weirder looking than any toy I'd ever seen. The day after O received the gift I woke up to its half lidded eyes staring at me and dry licking my cheek. That stunt earned Edward, newly self-dubbed puppeteer, a fist to the ribs. Apparently Tony wasn't the only one that wakes up violently.

It was everywhere.

Apparently so was Jared, I shifted awkwardly as Jared's eyes were once again on my chest. I tried to be as nonchalant as possible when I pulled up my t-shirt, but that wasn't working too well.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked as my hand trailed slowly up my chest.

"He's staring."

"I would too, if I were him." I shook my head at him. Jasper came and fell into my lap, making me jump and wince as he hit my rib.

"We're going to leave soon." He wrapped an arm around my neck, holding me to his chest. "I gets to go home, Bellsy!" He said in a high pitched voice.

"Wha-" I turned my head to see those lazy eyes and fluffy pink hair of that cuddle uppet things mouth moving near my head, and lost my shit. I shoved Jazz off of my lap before crawling towards Edward. I winced at the amount of pressure on my ribs.

"It's a stuffed animal." He laughed pulling me further into his lap.

"A stuffed animal that is everywhere."

"A toy and a teenaged boy… you really are afraid of some weird shit." Edward laughed. "How did you make it through your child hood?"

I shrugged, "I spent my childhood with Alice. I didn't need to worry about things like boys and toys."

"Oh god…" Alice laughed, looking at us. "So true."

…BBC…

Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!

Review and make my sleep deprivation worth it :)

Let's aim for twenty five!

Tell me what you'd like to see!

I'm going to attempt to reply and tease, if you don't want either just say so :D I'm generally a pretty nice person, if I do say so myself.

And humble. Always humble.

AND in case you didn't know (or my description was shitty) the cuddle uppets dog that O has is a pink blanket with the head of a puppet dog on the end. You can make the dog talk and everything.

There is a pic tease on my twitter thatsnotsarcasm.

I have to admit if anyone ever brought something like that around me I would try to keep my distance…