Julie tries to explain

Julie took a deep breathe and moved to sit on a bench at the end of the pier. She looked out to sea and as Ryan sat down beside her she started to speak. "I guess at first I did want someone 'better' for Marissa. I thought she deserved someone from around here. I… was …worried that you would end up back where you came from. Especially after the Theresa saga. I'd seen that sort of thing happen too many times before." Ryan winced as the memory came back to him of the terrible mistake he had made. "But you have to realize, in your senior year, when Jimmy left me at the altar, I had nothing. Caleb was broke. We were being kicked out of the house. I had to do something. I had never had a real job in my life. And I was used to being looked after. So, Marissa getting the modelling work was a godsend."

"I realise that. And even though it was hard, I knew why Marissa had to move away. But that is no excuse for what happened in New York." Ryan replied.

Julie looked down at her hands clutched together in her lap. She didn't want to make eye contact with him. "Well by then, I had actually realised that what she felt for you was no passing thing. I had thought that once I got her away from Newport that she would forget about you. While you were around I would never get her to even look at someone else; someone 'better' I thought. And maybe by 'better' I mean someone that could keep us in the manner I was used to and I guess, someone I could manipulate." She looked at him and then dropped her head again. "That was never going to happen with you….. I had come to realise that as soon as she could, she would leave me and go running back to you. You only had to ask. And then I would have had no one…. I had never felt so alone as when Jimmy left me after Caleb died. I don't need to tell you that Marissa and I had always had a fairly rocky relationship but once we were together away from here….. well, over that couple of years we were in New York, we had actually learnt to get along. She had become my best friend. Probably my only friend. And yes she was also my meal ticket…. I'm not proud to admit that was also a big factor in my behaviour. We led a glamorous life in New York and it was all because of her. Without her I had nothing. You were getting close to finishing college and I knew that she would happily give up everything to be with you. If you had gotten a job in Timbuktu she would have followed, just to be near you. And where would that have left me? No money, no job, no friends and no family…. When you called to say you were coming to see her, I decided it was my chance to split you up for good." Julie turned to Ryan.

He was looking out to sea taking it all in. He didn't say anything for a while trying to process all that she had said.

"Ryan say something." Julie pushed.

"Why didn't you tell her a few years later, once you realised that I would be able to look after you both? After I'd proven myself 'worthy', if you like? Hell I've amassed enough money; even you couldn't spend it all."

Julie hung her head. "By then Marissa had gone through so much that I didn't know if she would ever forgive me, if she knew what I'd done."

"You mean with the shrinks and the anti-depressants?" he asked.

"She told you about that?" Julie was surprised. Marissa had always been embarrassed that she had needed professional help to cope. Julie didn't think she would have told anyone about that.

"We don't have secrets." Ryan assured her.

Julie just nodded. She looked back at him. She felt she was just starting to realise the strength of the relationship this boy…man shared with her daughter.

"I don't know what to say. I can't believe that anyone could be so selfish, especially when the consequences of what you did affected someone; you purport to love, so badly. Our definitions of love are obviously very different. I would do anything for Marissa. It seems to me the only person you were thinking about was yourself. I don't know if we will ever be able to forgive you for what you have put us through. If you really loved Marissa, then surely you would have wanted to see her happy not doped up on anti-depressants. It was selfish and I'm not sure you realise just how much you hurt us. But what I don't think you understand is the depth of what we felt, sorry… feel for one another. Nothing you have done or could ever do will change the way that we feel about each other." Ryan stressed.

Julie looked at him and for the first time realised that she was jealous. Jealous, of her own daughter. Not only did she have the looks and career that Julie had always wanted but she had the love of a man like Ryan who would stand by her through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. Even Julie couldn't kid herself that any of her husbands had felt anything like the kind of love for her that Ryan obviously had for Marissa. She was ashamed to realise that maybe all along she had just not wanted Marissa to have what Julie knew she could never have. She hung her head. "I'm sorry. I know there is nothing I can do that can give you back the last few years…" She looked up at him. "Do you think she will ever forgive me?"

"I don't know….." Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Part of me wouldn't care if we never spoke to you again. But if living with the Cohen's has taught me anything it's the value of family and you are all Marissa has. So who knows? Maybe… with time? But I do know that you are going to have to try to fix this yourself. I won't be doing it for you."

"But Ryan..." Julie didn't want to have to go through it all again.

"No buts. I have given you a chance to explain and that was all I wanted to do. I still don't understand how you could do that to someone you love. I just need to think about where we go from here. And don't interpret that as meaning anything. Maybe the best thing is for you to just get back on a plane and return to England. I just don't know at this point. I'm prepared to try to get her to talk to you but that's it. But I'm not promising anything. If she chooses not to, then I'll respect her decision. It will be up to Marissa." He stood up and turned to her. "I am glad we had this talk. But let me assure you, if I ever find that you have lied to me again, I promise, you will never see either Marissa or I again. And that goes for any children that we may have in the future."

Julie looked up surprised.

"Don't worry, I'm not talking in the next nine months but yes, we have talked about it. And hopefully we will be better parents to our children than either Marissa or my parents have been to us. Now I have someone waiting for me at home. Do you want to stay here or are you walking back with me?"

"I think I'll just sit awhile." Julie replied.

"Okay. Thanks for being…." Ryan stared at her his blue eyes piercing into her "dare I say honest?"

Julie just nodded.

Ryan turned and walked back to his car and drove away leaving Julie to consider her next move..