Maybe I should have given a heads up before the last chapter or so...oops. Speaking of warnings, this is the second chapter within 24 hrs, so WARNING. And to everyone that sent me not so happy reviews, trust me, I don't want to see them in this shitty place for long either, but sometimes, this stuff is important, and life is not perfect. With that being said, feel free to leave me hate mail if you so see fit, all feedback is welcome. If that is not your thing then I will also accept reviews or bribery in the form of cookie dough or whiskey.
Gail had been staying with her parents for a few weeks, trying to recuperate mentally and physically. Her mother had actually been very understanding and had given her space. Gail had been surprised this morning when she informed her mother she had been cleared for duty, and Elaine had suggested she take additional time off. Gail couldn't bear the thought of being stuck in this house any longer. The silence was going to drive her insane. All she had here was time. Time to think about Oliver and his condition, time to think about the boy she killed, time to think about Holly. She couldn't stand it; she had to get back to work.
Gail spent the day with Steve, who like her mother tried to convince her to take more time off. Upon realization that his efforts were useless he suggested they hit the range to make sure she ready for duty. After an afternoon at the range, they decided on a new Mexican place for dinner. Dinner was good, and it kept her mind from wandering. She was glad that Steve had been there for her. He had really made an effort to be there every step of the way and Gail was grateful. Gail paid for dinner, a thank you to Steve, although she didn't actually say it out loud. The drive back to their parents' house was silent. Gail was dreading the end of the day. Steve had been a great distraction but she knew she would soon be left to her thoughts. They parted ways and Gail made her way upstairs and to her room quietly.
As soon as her bedroom door was closed behind her, she found herself in tears. How had her life come to this? A month ago she was excited at the prospect of having the operation done, eager to return home to Holly. Now she sat on the floor of her childhood bedroom, alone, and in pieces. Everything she had known had fallen apart. She had no idea where to go from here.
The next morning was a bit of a blur. She was running on autopilot, trying not to put too much thought into her first day back. She was strictly on desk duty for the next two weeks, but she was still somewhat apprehensive. Luckily the paperwork kept her busy and she had no spare time to focus on anything else. Unluckily around lunchtime a report showed up on her desk. To be more specific a report from the morgue. What surprised Gail was the lack of Holly's name on it. She usually was the go to pathologist for 15. Something about it left Gail uneasy. She gathered her belongings and made her way out for lunch, determined to track Holly down.
The trip to the morgue was quick and she found herself wishing she had more time to prepare herself. Gail pushed her anxiety back and made her way to the lab. After peeking inside and seeing only a few lab techs, she made her way upstairs to Holly's office. There was a note on the door stating that she was out on sick leave and to contact Dr. Franklin if the need arose. Gail was tempted just to leave it be and go get some food, but she felt something nagging at her. Instead she called the station to say she had decided she may need some time after all and promised to report in tomorrow morning.
Half an hour later Gail sat in front of her and Holly's apartment. She wasn't even sure she could call it theirs anymore, but none the less, there she sat. The sickening feeling in her stomach made her regret stopping for lunch on the way. She couldn't seem to calm her nerves as she got out of the car and made her way up. She knocked softly and waited. There was no sound behind the door. This time she knocked harder, still to be met with only silence in return. Reluctantly Gail pulled her key from her bag and after some struggle was able to put the key in the lock. She pleaded with herself to calm down enough to quiet her shaking hands. After a deep breath, Gail slowly pushed the door open.
Their apartment looked like a stranger's. There was clutter everywhere. Dirty clothes were left by the bathroom door, cartons of takeout sat on top of the kitchen counters, empty bottles of alcohol were strewn about, and a pile of disorganized DVD cases sat next to the T.V. Gail took it all in, her eyes only stopping when they reached the form of Holly's sleeping body. She laid still fully clothed, bottle in hand on a makeshift bed in the living room. The sight simultaneously broke Gail's heart and infuriated her. How dare Holly sit here in self-pity when she was the one that had turned her back on Gail? She looked back over to the other woman and sighed to herself. As mad as she was, she loved Holly with all of her heart, and she couldn't bear to leave her like this.
Gail stepped fully into the apartment and shut the door quietly behind her. She made herself some coffee and set to work.
When Holly awoke, she was sorely confused. This was nothing new as of late however something was more confusing than usual. She had grown accustom to awaking to find it an odd hour, or to the sickening feeling of another hangover, but this was the first time she woke up to find the apartment in this condition. Already feeling queasiness set in, she slowly sat up, trying to do her best to keep anything from spinning. After gathering her bearings Holly let her eyes wander over the room. It was completely spotless. She took in everything in her sight and stopped when she spotted Gail's favorite mug sitting on the breakfast bar, steaming from the apparently still hot coffee it held.
Holly managed to bring herself into a standing position and made her way towards the kitchen. Maybe she had really lost it this time. Maybe she was completely insane, and this was all some delusion. Why would Gail come over here to clean the apartment and then leave? It made no sense to her. But her longing for Gail overcame her sense of surrealism. Instead she pulled one of the breakfast bar stools close and took a seat, holding the coffee mug in her hands. It didn't take long before tears began to fall from her face. She let go completely, sobbing onto the counter, knuckles going white from her ever increasing grip on the mug. She was slowly melting into despair, letting herself come undone, feeling as if she would never be able to stem the flow of regret and sorrow.
Gail had been in their bedroom, straightening it up. There wasn't much to do clean. It appeared Holly had done her best to remain out of the room completely. She had finally finished and pulled the headphones out of her ears only to be met with a sound she recognized immediately. Gail slowly walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. She stood for a moment, taking in the beaten down woman before her. Holly seemed unaware of her presence, and Gail didn't want to frighten her but she couldn't bear to watch Holly like this. Slowly Gail made her way over and placed her hands gently on Holly's face.
Holly jumped, not expecting anyone to be in the apartment with her. She had tensed immediately, ready to attack, but upon looking up and seeing Gail a flood of relief ran through her. She collapsed completely into the other woman. It was all she could do to keep from falling to the floor. All of the anguish, and regret, and guilt overcame her in that instant. No words managed their way out, instead she found herself only uttering loud sobs, unable to control herself even slightly. She wasn't sure how long Gail stood there, holding her silently, never wavering. It may have been a few minutes or a few hours. It made no difference either way. Slowly Holly's cries calmed, and her breathing slowed, and before she had a chance to realize it, she was asleep again.
The second time Holly woke, she was in their bed. It had been ages since she had been in that bed. After she realized that Gail had no intention of returning she had instead slept only in the living room, on a makeshift bed. The thought of sleeping alone in the room that was meant for two was far too unnerving. She only stepped foot in their bedroom when absolutely necessary and usually any trip to it resulted in tears, self-pity, and drinking. It was a reminder of everything she had lost. Holly felt that same pang in her chest as she arose. It hurt to wake up in an empty bed. She could only hope that Gail was still somewhere in the apartment waiting for her.
Realizing she was quite the mess, Holly decided on a quick shower. If Gail really had stayed, she didn't want to give her current unstable state away any more than she already had. The least she could do is try to put herself together. The hot water helped to alleviate some tension and clear her mind. She stepped out of the shower and took something for her headache before getting dressed. By the time she finally emerged from the bedroom it had grown dark out. She half expected to find a dark apartment but was instead greeted by a gentle light coming from the kitchen and the smell of something delicious being prepared.
Holly slowed her pace and turned the corner. Gail had her back turned, apparently unaware that Holly had emerged from the bedroom. There was a large plate of bacon and eggs on the counter that Gail was currently adding pancakes to. Holly realized them for what they were. They were Gail's infamous "Peckcakes". No matter how mad or hurt Gail was, Holly knew that this small gesture proved her undying love. It was simple, and to someone else would mean nothing, but to Holly it represented so much. It was something that Gail would make for Holly when she was feeling down, something to cheer her up, it was her comfort food. It was how Gail told her she would always be there for her. It was something Holly cherished. And the fact that Gail was making them for dinner meant a lot to her. The first time Gail had made it for Holly for dinner had been a terrible day. Both women exhausted, Holly had broken down to Gail, overcome by her emotions on a particular case. The second night was the night that Holly had found out an old friend of hers had been killed in an accident. Tonight marked the third night.
"Gail?"
Holly watched as the blonde turned towards her slowly. She found no more anger in her eyes, just sadness, and possibly still a small amount of disappointment. Holly was unable to control herself and ran to Gail, throwing her arms around her neck.
"Gail, I am such a fool. I never meant for this to get between us. I never thought I would have to face all of this again. I am so sorry for everything. Please forgive me. I don't know what to do without you." Holly's words were barely decipherable through her tears, but she was sure Gail heard them. Gail held Holly in place, rocking her slowly to calm her down. After Holly had gathered herself, Gail put enough distance between them to look in her eyes.
"Holly I love you, and that will never change, but what you did to me, it tore me apart. I didn't think I could ever forgive you. But I knew something wasn't right. That was why I came here. And to find you like this…this was not the Holly I know. This is not my girlfriend, the woman I fell in love with. So I called around. No one could tell me anything at first, but I got off the phone with Greg about an hour ago. He wouldn't tell me much, but only enough to get me to stay. He said I needed to let you tell me. So here I am Holly. But you have to be honest with me."
Holly knew she couldn't back down anymore. She had to pull herself out of this pit. And if Gail needed answers, then she would give them, and deep down Holly knew that she needed to confide in Gail just as much and Gail needed her to do the same. It was going to be rough but it had to be done. She looked up into Gail's eyes and saw only love and patience. It gave her the security she knew she would need.
Gail pulled the woman in front of her into another hug and sat her down. "I have a feeling that this is going to be a long story, and I doubt you will make it through without food. So let's eat first, okay?" Holly just nodded in return and took the plate Gail offered her.