Warning: There are mentions of (non-graphic) non con and also mentions of suicide attempts/self-harm.

A/N: My absence has a lot of reasons/excuses, the main one being that real life got pretty complicated. I very suddenly lost the beloved uncle that partially inspired this story and for a long time didn't know what happened. I only found out a few weeks ago what really went on. I also lost my other uncle to the cancer I mentioned in one of my previous posts, so there's been a lot on my plate. I'll put a longer author's note at the end of the chapter to explain some more. I also want to warn you that this is going to be a short chapter, but there will be more coming in time.

So I just want to leave this as a reminder that in this story I ignored seasons 3 & 4 almost completely, so in TYL Burt never ran for Congress.

Chapter 37: Escape the Silence

Kurt smiled shakily at Mrs. Anderson as they waited in the waiting room of Dr. Francis' office. His fingers were fidgeting in his lap as he tried to avoid the urge to drown out the silence with the music on his new iPhone. He didn't want to be rude, especially to Bianca who had always been so kind and loving towards him, but he desperately needed to escape the silence.

"Kurt, are you okay Sweetie?" She asked him, her head tilting ever so slightly as her eyes searched his.

He forced his smile to be a tiny bit bigger. "I'm fine."

She only frowned in response. "I don't believe you for a minute. All I've seen the past week or so is what a boy looks like when he's in pain. Do you really think I can't see it?"

Kurt sank back in his chair heavily and ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. "Maybe you can see it Bianca, but trust me when I tell you that you don't want to hear it. Nobody wants to hear it." He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples slowly. His head was throbbing from the pure effort it took to try to forget the sounds he'd heard what seemed like constantly during his week of captivity.

"Sweetie-"

"You're his mother," Kurt's voice was soft as he cut her off. "Trust me when I say you don't want to hear about the things I saw and heard there. It might destroy you. It almost did that to me."

Bianca just placed a well-manicured hand over Kurt's. "Okay so maybe talking to me isn't the best idea. We're both too close to it, but you need to talk to someone. If you'd be willing I could get you a referral to see Dr. Francis as well?" The words were tentative and careful, as if she instinctively knew the offer might damage his pride.

Kurt just shook his head slowly. "I don't have the money for that-"

"Kurt we love you. We'd be willing-"

He shook his head. "If it means that much to you that I talk to someone Bianca, I'll ask Carole to set me up with one of the hospital social workers covered under our insurance. I can't take your money. I can't."

"Sweetie, now that you're taking a year off you might not be covered under your parents' insurance anymore. Most insurance companies only cover minor and student dependents of their employees." Bianca stated, squeezing his hand a little. "You brought my son back to me and it cost you so much. I see it in your eyes Kurt. I see the same pain only worse in my baby's. My children, they're my life and you brought part of it back to me. It hurts though, knowing what that cost you and the least I can do is see to it that it doesn't cost you any more, emotionally or otherwise. You gave me my life back, or at least a huge part of it. It's the least I can do."

"I didn't do anything special." His face burned red as he ducked his head down. "I didn't do anything."

"You saved hi-"

"Have you read any of the reports?" Kurt asked her abruptly, watching as she almost immediately shook her head.

"I couldn't. I couldn't bear to know the details, not like that. You're right, it might destroy me," she answered him with a soft shake of her head.

"Well if you read the reports you'd know that it was Blaine who saved me-"

"That's not what he says." Bianca gave him a tender, nurturing smile. "He says you're the one who gave him the strength to stand up to that monster. You were there for him when the rest of us couldn't be… you don't think that saved his life?"

The redness in his face was creeping down his neck too, growing a little brighter in embarrassment. Everyone seemed to think that just by him being there that somehow he'd saved Blaine's life. "No, I don't." He sucked in a deep breath. "You need to give Blaine a little more credit than that. I gave him a push, that's it. Blaine saved himself. You have to give him credit for that. He saved us both. He was the one who was strong enough to break free of years of conditioning, the one who stood up to the man who'd been terrorizing and raping him to take back our freedom. I was on my knees waiting for that bastard to kill me. I didn't save anyone Bianca. I was saved."

"Blaine would have never called the police." The words were almost a whisper. "You did that. You got the police there and you reminded my baby that there were people out there who truly loved him. Those two things- they have to be what made my baby stand up to him. You gave him the chance to take back his freedom. Maybe you're right and you didn't save his life, but Kurt you did something so much better. You gave him the chance to save his own."

Kurt shifted his head down, shaking it slightly. "I don't think I believe that."

"Please." It was the shaking quality of her voice that got him to look at her again. "Let me do this for you Kurt. Let me do it for Blaine. Your happiness is a big part of his happiness, we both know that." She paused for a moment when he didn't immediately agree. "It might be hard for him to get better if he's worrying about you Kurt. Please, let me do this. You know you're my son now too?"

The thick lump in his throat went down painfully. "You're really making it hard for me to be stubborn here, you know that?"

A small grin slipped over her face, but her voice was still somewhat hoarse. "Where do you think Joey, Brianna, Blaine and the baby got their puppy dog eyes from? It certainly wasn't my husband."

He smiled weakly in return.

"So you're going to let me make an appointment, right?" She asked hopefully, her eyes peering at his again. "Kurt?"

He let out a long sigh. "I suppose I don't have a choice."

She patted his knee gently. "Not a one."

The sound of a door opening, followed by footsteps had his head craning to look down the little hallway. Blaine stared back at him and gave him a weak smile. It only took a few more steps until he was standing just a couple feet off from them. "Hey."

"Hey," Kurt gave a falsely cheery smile, "How'd it go?"

Blaine shrugged lightly, "Okay, I guess."

His red-rimmed eyes gave him away but Kurt and Bianca both chose not to comment. Instead Blaine's mother gave him an encouraging smile as they stood to get ready to leave.

A few hours later Kurt was bent over a car, grease and oil marring his coveralls as music played from his portable speakers in the background. It was almost therapeutic in itself to be doing some manual labor despite his still aching ribs. He wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone except his father and maybe Blaine, but he'd kind of missed this. There was something about being elbow deep in a car's front hood. Plus his father was paying him well for his time.

"Hey Kid," he started a little at his father's voice. "Sorry Kurt. I didn't mean to startle you." He paused for a moment, "I thought we agreed you'd just be doing paperwork?"

"It's fine. I'm fine," Kurt straightened himself up, wiping his hands on the coveralls to get off some of the grease. Despite that he missed the physical demands of the work, he definitely didn't miss the mess. He gave his father a weak smile as Burt turned the music down to a whisper. "I'm just a little jumpy still, that's all."

"Mrs. Anderson gave me a call," Burt told his son after a second's hesitation. "She wanted me to know she talked you into getting some counselling as well."

"She wouldn't take no for an answer," he tried a weak smile, already missing the distraction of the music's background noise. It was perfect for drowning out the thoughts and phantom noises in his mind.

"She's certainly a persistent woman," Burt agreed, returning the smile that was just a tad more genuine. "I've never liked the idea of accepting charity-"

"I don't think it's like that Dad-"

"Oh I know," he stopped his son softly. "She was sure to tell me. She wants you to consider it a thank you for what she says you did for Blaine."

"I didn't do anything." He let it out with a long sigh. It certainly didn't feel like he'd done anything particularly heroic, even if that's what everyone else seemed to think. In that week he and Blaine had just been struggling for survival, and for Blaine to wake up and see the truth of the situation. He'd just listened to the horror, unable to do much of anything to make it stop.

His father's eyes locked onto his for a long moment. "The Andersons and I all think you're selling yourself a bit short. No one's saying you single-handedly rescued Blaine or anything like that, but you're not seeing the situation clearly either. You're not 'just jumpy' either."

"I told her I'd go," he tried to turn back to the little Focus he was working on. "And I'm kind of working now Dad."

"As your boss I think you'll get away with a little conversation with your old man," Burt reminded him with a small smile. "Especially since you're not doing the work we agreed on."

He sucked in a deep breath and looked at his father wearily. "Do we have to do this now?"

"Depends, are you going to keep dodging me if I let it drop now?" There was a momentary pause. "Since you've been home you've either been in the garage or at the Anderson house. I know you want to help Blaine and be there for him, but it'd be nice if you'd let Carole and I be there for you too."

"I haven't been home that long," he protested softly.

"No, and almost all of that time has been spent at the Andersons." Burt took in a deep breath. "We thought we might lose you Kurt. The thought of it- Can you really blame me for wanting to keep you close for a little bit?"

He took a moment to take in the new lines that had creased his father's face. It seemed that in the few months that had passed between his last visit home and this whole mess that he'd aged considerably. As much as he wanted to stay glued to Blaine's side after so much time apart, it made sense that his father would want to keep him in his sights after his own kidnapping. "I didn't mean to be gone so much. I just-"

"Hey kid, I get it," Burt gave him a weak smile; "you want to make up for lost time. I'd just like you to be home a little more often, and maybe talk to us once in a while too."

Kurt nodded his head slowly. "I was invited over to the Anderson's for supper tonight, but maybe tomorrow we could make plans for some family time?" He paused for a moment, looking between the car and his father, "Unless you want to talk now?"

Burt grinned a little and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Don't think you're getting out of work that easily. Tomorrow sounds fine, Kurt. It'll be nice to hang out with my little boy-"

Kurt gave a little 'ahem', a small smile still forming on his lips.

"I guess that doesn't apply so much anymore, but you'll always be my little boy, whether you like it or not." Burt hugged his son briefly, but squeezed him tight to his chest when he did.

Kurt grimaced slightly, before his father let him go.

"Ribs still bothering you?" His father was studying his face carefully, no longer grinning. "You're supposed to be focusing on the paperwork. You know you don't have to start the rest until you're feeling a hundred percent. Me or one of the guys can finish off the Focus tomorrow."

"It's fine." He shrugged his shoulders.

"It's barely been a week, Kurt," Burt was shaking his head. "I should've known better."

"Dad, it's fine," he insisted softly. "They're not that bad, but if it makes you feel better I'll stop working under the hood. I'll work on the undercarriage, it's less bending."

His father narrowed his eyes a little at him suspiciously, before easing up. "Alright, but don't overwork yourself. The doctor did say you should be taking it easy." He paused for a moment, before adding sternly, "And no heavy lifting either. You're supposed to be on light duty." There was another short moment of silence, "I'd really rather you be working on some of the paperwork."

"I'll take it easy Dad, I promise," Kurt gave a false smile. It seemed like it hadn't been so long ago that he'd been pleading with his father to do the exact same thing. It was hard to believe it was only a few years ago and now their roles had reversed once again.

His father seemed to mull his promise over, determining whether or not to believe him. Finally some of the creases in his skin relaxed as Burt let out a little sigh. "I'll be holding you too that son. Try not to be too late getting home, alright? And sent me a text when you leave the shop."

"Dad…"

"I'm not trying to treat you like a kid. I'd just like to know where you are for a little while." His father swallowed hard before adding, "After everything it'll help me relax, that's all. I almost lost you."

He hugged him again briefly. "Okay Dad. I'll let you know where I'm going and check in, at least until things settle down." Kurt gave his dad a false smile. "But I'll be okay."

"I want you to be more than okay Kurt."

"I know Dad," Kurt murmured. "I know."

He watched his father reluctantly leave him alone in the garage, in the silence once again. He wiped his hands carefully on his coveralls and moved to turn up the music once again. Finally the beautiful distraction was back. Lately it seemed there was nothing more terrifying than silence.

He didn't see Pierre whenever he closed his eyes. Instead the silence would be louder than anything he'd ever heard, his heart would pound in his ears before the faint strains of Blaine's fearful cries would slip into his memory like it had never ended at all.

Kurt turned the music a little louder and turned his focus back to the car once again.

A/N:

This story was kind of inspired by my uncle B. He was a man who despite having suffered pain in his own childhood, always loved his family. It was heartbreaking to lose him and to know he took his own life after falling back into drugs. He'd call me 'me trout' (he's a Newfie) and always tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, that he loved me and would scare away any mean boys with his tattoos (unfortunately he passed before he could scare the meanest of them away).

The other reason I was gone for so long was being in a relationship that slowly stripped everything I really enjoyed doing from me, and that sadly included my writing. If my attention wasn't solely on him there'd be issues and I didn't even notice how bad it had gotten until the end. I don't know how I didn't see it for what it was, maybe because I was too deep in it. In the end I had to uproot my life, and am now staying with my Nan who doesn't have the Internet while I try to sort things out and get back on my feet. I hope you can forgive me for letting this story fall by the wayside. I'm trying to get back the things I love and that includes writing this story. I don't know when the next chapter will be, only that there will be one and so on until the story is completed. Please bear with me while I get my life back in order. I understand though if I lost some of you dear readers. It has been a long time.

I also want to take a brief moment to express my sadness at the loss we all suffered recently with the passing of our beloved Cory Monteith. He was a hero and a role model to us all. It's heartbreaking to know how hard he fought his demons and addiction and did his best to bring awareness to those issues only for us to lose him. I just hope he's up there somewhere knowing he made a difference in the short time he was here.